Shouldn't Want You (Cataclysm Book 2)

by Jerica MacMillan

  Taking a deep breath, I turn back to Eli, who’s banging the zebra puzzle piece over the giraffe spot, clearly enjoying the opportunity to make lots of noise more than he cares about the fact that the puzzle piece isn’t going in.

  At least my feelings about this little guy are clear and simple. He’s cute, and while he can be just as demanding as his dad apparently is, his demands are simple and easily fulfilled. Plus, I can gently educate him to say please.

  “Ava, puzzle?” He holds out the zebra.

  With a smile, I refocus on the puzzle, placing the zebra in the right spot.

  Eli claps. “Yay, Ava!”

  And this is why I love working with kids. Their needs are simple, and they’re easy to please. No complications. No subtext. Their feelings all out in the open as soon as they feel them. If only everything in life could be so simple.

  Chapter Seven

  Danny

  “Danny.”

  At the sound of Marcus saying my name, I perk up, having zoned out at some point as he and Blaire, our assistant, droned on about the travel plans for all of us going back to LA in a few days. I’m not sure why they need to talk about it so much. Blaire passed out an itinerary that literally says everything they just rehashed.

  I sit up straighter, dropping my hand from my mouth. “Yes, Marcus?”

  His eyes narrow as he stares at me for a beat. “Would you like to introduce the newest member of the Cataclysm family?”

  “Right. Of course.” I stand from my place on the end of the couch and turn to find the new nanny pretending to be invisible at the kitchen table. Her brown eyes are wide at suddenly being the center of attention, and she’s frozen like a deer mesmerized by passing headlights.

  I motion for her to stand and join the rest of us in the living room. There was room for her to sit on the couch between Aaron and me, but I guess she felt safer at the table with only Mason nearby lounging against the breakfast bar. Blaire’s sitting in the armchair, and Marcus is standing and facing everyone, our self-appointed leader.

  Ava gives a tiny shake of her head, her shoulders hunching and her eyes getting even wider. “I’m just the nanny,” she squeaks out. “Not part of …” Her hands flap in the direction of the rest of us as she trails off.

  Suppressing a surge of irritation at her behavior, I force a smile and gesture at her. “Everyone, this is Ava, Eli’s nanny. She’ll be joining us on the tour.”

  “Welcome, Ava,” Marcus’s smooth voice sounds behind me. “We consider everyone who travels with us to be part of the family. My girlfriend, Kendra, will be coming with us too, so you won’t be the only one along with us that’s not directly involved with the concerts. And she told me to tell you that she’s looking forward to meeting you when we leave in a few days.”

  Ava gives a little nod, her wide eyes shifting between Marcus and Blaire and me like she’s not sure who to focus on when Blaire stands and moves to the kitchen table. “Anything you need while we’re traveling, let me know. If I can’t get it for you, then it doesn’t exist.”

  “Thanks,” Ava manages to say, her voice just louder than a whisper. If not even Blaire can make her feel more comfortable, then this might be a long tour. Although, it’s not like she’ll be able to go out partying or anything. She’ll be watching Eli. Maybe it’s a good thing if she keeps to herself on tour as much as she has the last week at my parents’ house.

  Especially when Aaron sidles up to me after introducing himself to her and nudges me with an elbow. “So what’s her story?”

  “She’s Eli’s nanny. Studied early childhood education in college. Needs a job, doesn’t have a strong attachment to the area, and she’s willing to travel. What else are you looking to know?”

  “No boyfriend?”

  That has me turning to him, arms crossed and glaring. “Why do you care?”

  He swigs some water, his eyes glittering with amusement. “Just wondering how receptive she might be to hooking up on the road.”

  That has my teeth clenching and a growl threatening to rumble in my chest, protectiveness for my shy little nanny rearing up as strong as it would for Eli. But I force myself to raise an eyebrow. “Tired of sharing Blaire with Mason?”

  He just laughs, like I made a joke, and shrugs. “Not necessarily. But you know that’s not serious for any of us, which is why no one minds the sharing.” Glancing at me, he raises an eyebrow in return. “None of us want to end up with a groupie with a leaky condom like you did, you know? Eli was an object lesson for all of us.”

  “Fuck you, man. Eli’s an awesome kid.”

  Aaron holds up his hands, palms out, his shoulders shaking with silent laughter. “Not arguing that point. He is. Doesn’t mean I want my own kid, though.”

  I hold his stare before looking away and grumbling, “Fine. I get it.”

  “I’m just sayin’, variety’s nice sometimes.”

  Grunting in response, I don’t know what he wants me to say. Give him my blessing to fuck my nanny? Not fucking likely.

  Aaron either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care about my reticence. Most likely the latter. He looks over at where Blaire seems to have helped Ava relax. No real surprise there. Blaire can charm anyone when she wants to.

  “She seems buttoned up tight. Chicks like that tend to be the freakiest, though. Makes me want to find out what she’s keeping locked down under that, y’know?”

  I grunt again, not wanting to dignify his comments with an answer. Finally, I tell him what’s been bursting to get out. “She’s my nanny, asshole. Hands off.”

  Chapter Eight

  Ava

  The announcement that we’re leaving for LA in a matter of days is a relief. It gives me more to do—getting Eli and myself packed and ready to go. My own packing doesn’t take long, but Eli’s takes substantially more time and effort. Cynthia helps, though Danny seems to think she’s taking it too far.

  “Ma,” he says, lurking in the doorway of Eli’s room as Cynthia and I sort through his books and toys, “we’ll be on the road. Yeah, we have roadies, but they’re for moving the stage set and our instruments, not a house’s worth of luggage for one tiny kid.”

  Cynthia purses her lips, her expression mirroring her son’s as she sets down the canister of blocks in her hands. “He’s a toddler. He’ll need enrichment and toys to play with to keep him busy. Especially while you’re on the road. Have you ever traveled with a small child before?”

  I stay very still, trying to blend into the background of the room. I don’t want to get into the middle of this fight.

  “You know I haven’t.”

  Cynthia’s chin tilts up a fraction of an inch. “Exactly. I, on the other hand, have. Trust me. As long as you’ll be gone, he’ll need toys. Besides, I know you don’t have much for him at your place in California.”

  Lifting one hand to rub his jaw, Danny’s voice is deadpan as he says, “You know, they have these amazing things in LA.” He lifts both hands, fingers spread and wiggling. “They’re called stores. They sell things. Even things for little kids. If we’re missing anything, we can always get it for him. Pack the essentials. We’ll fill in whatever gaps when we find them.” His blue eyes slide over me, down my body and back up, and then he turns and leaves the room.

  Cynthia huffs, shaking her head and picking up the blocks. When her eyes, which are almost the exact shade as her son’s but warmer and with laugh lines around them, find mine, she wrinkles her nose. “I know he’s right. But packing up Eli to leave indefinitely is as hard as packing up my own child. I want him to be happy and have everything he could want. I don’t want him to ask for something only to be told it got left behind.”

  Reaching over, I squeeze her hand. “We’ll pack the toys he loves the most. Those blocks, for sure. I’ve never met a little kid who didn’t like blocks. His puzzles. I have an ereader that I’ve downloaded a bunch of picture books on. We’ll use that, but we’ll also bring his favorite board books. I haven’t been on a tour like this b
efore, so I can’t predict exactly what it’ll be like, but I promise that I’ll make sure Eli has fun and is happy. And we’ll video chat with you as often as you want.”

  Cynthia offers me a wobbly smile, her eyes a little bright with unshed tears. “Thank you. You’re right. And Danny says that they’re going to take more time off on this tour, with a long break every few months. So I’m sure you’ll all be back to visit sooner than later.”

  I simply return her smile, having no opinion to give on the likelihood of me or us returning for a visit. If Danny comes back here with Eli during the breaks, would he even bring me? It’s not like he’d need a nanny here. The only reason I’m here now is simply to give us all a chance to get to know each other before leaving and let me get used to Eli’s schedule. Not that it’ll stay the same once we’re traveling, but at least I can incorporate the broad strokes of his bedtime and naptime routines as much as possible.

  Despite meeting everyone in advance, I’m still nervous when it’s time to board the plane a few days later. And the experience is vastly different than what I’m used to.

  No crowded rows of people jammed in side by side, small rolling suitcases and backpacks and purses crammed into overhead bins.

  Instead, when I follow Danny on board, there are plush leather chairs and couches, conversation groupings around tables, and a flight attendant who takes the extra luggage I’m dragging out of my hands.

  “I’ll keep this,” I tell her when she reaches for my backpack. “I have toys and books for the little guy.” I nod my head at Eli, who’s snuggled into his dad’s shoulder.

  She smiles and takes everything else away, and I trail after Danny, who’s greeting his bandmates, unsure what to do with myself.

  A slim blonde woman stands and moves past the guys, her eyes trained on me. She’s gorgeous and expensive-looking, dressed in clothes that look tailored for her body, making me feel frumpy and unkempt in my discount store plain T-shirt and capris. The pendant on the delicate gold chain at her throat winks in the low light, the clear stone obviously a diamond. Not a cubic zirconia, but the real deal.

  With a nervous smile in return, I take her offered hand and give it a gentle shake.

  “You must be Ava,” she says. “I’m Kendra, Marcus’s girlfriend.” She leans in close. “I’m so glad you’re coming too. But I think Blaire’s the most excited to have female company along this time around. Could you imagine being stuck on a tour bus with four guys for two years?” She lets out a delicate shudder, and I can’t help smiling, looking past her to the guys in question.

  “It can’t have been too bad,” I muse. “She didn’t quit, after all.”

  Kendra lets out a tinkling laugh, which fits perfectly with her Disney princess-perfect looks. “Good point.” Her eyes still twinkling, she looks me over more closely. “I think you and I are going to get along great.” She leans closer. “And between you and me, I think Blaire enjoys bossing the boys around. With the three of us on the tour this time, we’ll get to have girls’ nights. It’ll be a blast.” She grins widely and practically vibrates with excitement. “This is going to be so much fun.”

  “Uh, yeah.” While I’m grateful for her enthusiasm, I’m worried it’s a little misplaced. “I’m here to take care of Eli, though. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have for girls’ nights.” I’m not even sure what that means exactly. My only reference is middle school slumber parties, and I didn’t get to go to those very often. My parents only let me sleep over with friends whose parents they knew well, which is code for church friends. So our sleepovers were pretty tame—pizza, movies, and schoolgirl gossip.

  I know girls went out in college, but I spent my freshman year trying to figure out where I fit, my sophomore year studying, and then I got involved with Grayson at the beginning of my junior year. As our relationship developed, I spent less and less time with the friends I’d made, prioritizing him in all my free time, even studying in his office or eventually the apartment he rented for us to see each other—which started as a way for him to “mentor and guide me” but was actually just a way to get into my pants—until at the end I was left with pretty much no one. The few people who believed me when I said I’d had a miscarriage and not a botched abortion still didn’t want anything to do with me. I was tainted. Used goods. A sinner.

  As though they were all righteous and pure as the freshly driven snow.

  Forcing my mouth not to twist in bitterness, I refocus on Kendra, who’s brushing aside my protest. “Please. Danny’s not going to make you work twenty-four seven. You’ll get time off. Right, Danny?”

  Danny glances back over his shoulder, brows lowered in his customary scowl. “What?”

  Kendra gives him a sunny smile. “I was just saying that Ava here isn’t slave labor. She’ll get time off to hang with Blaire and me, right?”

  Danny’s scowl deepens as his gaze moves to me. “Uh, right. Of course. We’ll have to work out your time off schedule weekly since my schedule varies a lot. But you’re entitled to time off.”

  “See?” Kendra says to me, hooking her arm in mine and tugging me to the couch where she was sitting. “Come sit and tell me all about you.”

  I sink down next to her, letting my backpack slip to the floor, keeping an eye on Danny and Eli. “Um, what do you want to know?”

  Kendra pushes her hair over her shoulder, turning to face me with one knee bent on the couch in front of her, her face open and curious. “Where are you from? How’d you end up working for Danny? What’s it like so far?”

  Blinking at the rapid-fire questions, I consider how to answer and decide to go with easy and obvious. “I’m from Iowa originally. I responded to a job posting on Craigslist, I think I got the job more because of my availability and lack of crazy behavior when I found out Danny’s famous than my actual credentials, and so far it’s been a little strange since I haven’t really been needed much, but I’m excited to actually get to do more soon.”

  “Eli’s the sweetest little thing, isn’t he?”

  Smiling, I warm to this subject. “He is. We hit it off right away, and when I showed up my first day, he ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. I know I’m not supposed to have favorites, but he’s my favorite of all the kids I’ve watched.”

  Kendra props her arm on the back of the couch and rests her chin on her hand. “How long have you been a nanny?”

  “Oh, uh.” Glancing away, I swallow. “This is actually my first nanny job. But I’ve been babysitting since I was a teenager, and I babysat for a family several days a week for the last year.”

  “Sounds like you were a part-time nanny for them, even if that wasn’t your official title.”

  That comment stops me in my tracks. “That’s a good point.”

  She smiles. “Give yourself a little credit. Your non-fangirl status might have helped you get considered, but Danny wouldn’t have hired you if he didn’t think you’d do a good job. That guy is protective with a capital P, especially where his son is concerned.” She leans in close again, lowering her voice. “You’re the first person who’s not a blood relative to have watched Eli. Ever. So think about that the next time you’re trying to convince yourself you don’t really deserve this job. Plus,” her voice returns to its normal register, and she sits back again, “playing with a little kid all day sounds like a pretty fun gig.”

  “Yeah. Kids are awesome. Except when they’re little terrors.”

  Her laugh tinkles out of her again, and I’d hate her for being so perfect if she weren’t so nice. I want to know what her story is, but I’m a little afraid to ask. Is her perfection bought and paid for by her rockstar boyfriend? I mean, it must be nice to be able to just up and leave on a two-year vacation, basically. But if it’s not his money paying for it, then she must come from money.

  Just as I’ve worked up my courage to ask her to tell me about herself, she gives me another beaming smile. “What brought you to Massachusetts from Iowa?”

  “School. College,
I mean. And the desire to see more of the world than a small farming community in middle America.”

  “This gig sounds perfect, then. You’ll get to see way more of the world traveling like this. Did you get to do any other traveling while you were in college? A study abroad program or a spring break trip with your friends?”

  “Ha. No. Nothing like that. I was a scholarship and work-study student. No extra money for spring break trips or even plane tickets for a semester abroad, not to mention the extra spending money I’d need on a trip like that.”

  “Right.” Kendra nods sagely, her brows coming together, which makes me wonder if I’m right that Marcus is the source of her money now. “That does make it more difficult.” Then she brightens. “But there’s talk of a European leg for this tour, which will be so much fun if it happens. And you and I can make time to go sightseeing. The guys, not so much, and Blaire has to be at all their stuff. But you and I can take Eli and go do fun things. You’ll want to anyway. I don’t spend much time with kids, but even I know you don’t want to keep a two-year-old cooped up in a hotel room nonstop. That’s a recipe for insanity.”

  I laugh, a real laugh for the first time since I’ve met all these new people. For the first time in even longer than that, really. Kendra has just become an unexpected ally. “Exactly. Two-year-olds live to move. I’ve already mapped out the parks and children’s museums closest to Danny’s place in LA.”

  Kendra claps and bounces a little. “Perfect. You’re a planner. We’ll get along great.” She reaches behind her, pulls her phone out of her pocket, taps on the screen, then hands it to me. “Put your number in and then I’ll text you with mine. Let me know when you’re going to go out, and I’ll tag along and help out. Sound good?”