First Kiss (Heavy Influence)

by Frohoff, Ann Marie

  “Maybe he’s watching you?” I evaded. I couldn’t believe that came outta my mouth and my attitude toward her.

  “Oh, yeah right, I saw him staring at you,” she insisted under her breath. “Are you going over there? Let’s go over there.”

  “Are you crazy? Matt’s here, and those girls are there and the band…and we’ve never gone over there like that before.” I blurted out all the reasons I could think of, “I don’t wanna embarrass myself, one of those girls’ probably Rachel.”

  “What are you talking about?” Nadine snapped loudly. I about died. She said it so loud that Nicole and Grant looked over at us. I immediately glanced in Jake’s garage and thankfully no one looked our way.

  “Shush, you spaz,” I pleaded. “Calm down already. You’re like freaking out for nothing. I’m talking about Jake’s girlfriend. I just told you about her at your house. I just don’t know which one she is yet.”

  Nadine slumped, “Oh, that’s right.” She pouted, and I didn’t blame her. I felt the same way. “Yeah, I’ve seen them together at school. She’s the one with the blond hair. I thought she was just a friend.”

  “You’re killing me.” I shook my head, agitated. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Calm down. What’s going on with you, you’re acting like…like not you,” Nadine said, glowering.

  I huffed, pulling my arms to my chest. “Nothing, never mind.”

  Nadine just stared at me like I had two heads. It was pointless complaining. I looked back in Jake’s direction and that Rachel girl was near him and all I witnessed for the next half hour was her all up in his face. It made my insides churn.

  “All right you idiots, what are we gonna do?” Grant asked as Matt skated up to me, placing his arm around my shoulder. I froze and the butterflies swarmed.

  “We could go to my house,” Matt offered. “My parents aren’t home.”

  Now my stomach really flipped around. I quickly turned to face him so his arm would fall. I casually glanced in Jake’s direction, but he wasn’t there any longer. Only Mike and Dump remained. To my surprise, Mike acknowledged us and waved. I smiled and returned the gesture.

  “Who’s that?” Matt asked.

  “That’s Mike, Jake’s guitarist, I guess. I met him yesterday,” I explained.

  “Ah,” he said softly, looking in Grant’s direction. “That’s the guy that Jake picked instead of Grant.”

  I was reminded how defeated Grant was the night he found out Jake hadn’t chosen him as his new guitarist — how I’d seen him wipe tears from his eyes, even though he tried to hide it. He’d wanted it so badly.

  I sat back on the wall taking in the scene and turned to face Matt, but my eyes kept bouncing back to the garage. Mike played with his guitar and a loud trill bounced around, echoing off the neighborhood facades like a pinball machine. He glanced over at us now and then. He was a good-looking guy, with his short spikey bleached blonde hair & lightly decorated tattooed arms. He always seemed to have a cigarette hanging from his lips, lit or not. I wasn’t sure what color his eyes were, but he had good form. Tall, a little thinner than Jake, but I suppose just as good looking. There was no reason Nadine shouldn’t be interested in him.

  Finally, Jake and The Envies came back outside. Rachel was hanging on Jake until one of her friends, a gorgeous raven-haired chick with bright red lipstick, prying her away. She had a punky vibe for sure. I really liked her look. I was completely and utterly captivated by the whole spectacle. Finally they boisterously walked to their car. They looked like they were drunk or on something. Maybe they were.

  “Hey, Nadine, check out that girl with the black hair,” I pointed out quietly, “What do you think? I think she’s cool looking.”

  Nadine nodded slowly, deciding. “Yeah, she’s got a great look.”

  “And what do you think of Mike? I think he’s Abercrombie status,” I said, hopping off the wall nonchalantly. I planted the seed and now she was staring at him. “I think he’s hot, more edgy, you know with his tats and all. I can’t believe his parent’s allow him to get tattoo’s.”

  “I think it’s hot. I can’t wait to get one as soon as I move out.” Nadine informed.

  That surprised me.

  ***

  Matt was attentive and it made me feel worse about leading him on. Watching the videos of him competing in skateboarding events blew me away. After all these years I had no idea he was so avid about it, let alone that good. No wonder he had such roughed up knees and elbows. He was sponsored by some pretty popular skate brands and had already won several contests. He proved his insane capabilities video after video he shared with us. I was impressed with how high he went in the air on ramps and half pipes and all the tricks he was capable of.

  My phone kept making that pinging sound telling me I had new text messages. I’d ignored it long enough. I knew it was my mom since I was with everyone else who would be texting me. I grabbed my phone to see what she wanted. When I viewed the name on the screen it lit up ‘JAKE’. I almost passed out. My head immediately began to spin from the blood rushing to my brain. How could this be? I excused myself, trying not to run into the bathroom. Shutting the toilet lid, I sat there with a stupid grin on my face. I was worried it was someone playing a joke on me. I replied back:

  - IF IT’S JAKE, TELL ME SOMETHING THAT NO ONE KNOWS, LIKE WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT?

  I hit send and stood up pacing the tiny bathroom. I waited what seemed like five minutes, then the ping:

  - SLEPT NEXT TO U

  My heart raced. Oh my God. I didn’t know how to reply. In those few seconds of thought, another text came:

  - SMELLING UR STAWBERRY SCENTED HAIR

  My hands trembled and my mouth went dry. I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. Looking into the bathroom mirror the person looking back at me was flushed. I took a deep breath:

  - HOW’D U GET MY #?

  Jake replied:

  - WHILE U WERE ASLEEP THIS MORN I PRGRMD UR PHN. U SHLD RLY HV A CODE.

  The texting continued:

  - WHERE R U?

  - MATT’S

  - IS MATT THE GUY W/THE SKATE?

  - YES

  - IS HE SITTING NXT 2U WHILE U TXT?

  - NO

  - MISSIN’ U. WHEN R U COMIN HOME?

  I stood there with my heart in my throat and my blood pounding against the back of my eyeballs.

  - SOON, BUT I’M SUPPOSED 2GO2 THE MOVIES W/HIM

  - OH, OK

  I sat on the bathroom counter waiting for a reply and I didn’t get one. My heart sank. I shouldn’t have admitted anything about Matt. I bet he thinks I’m a fake. I had to go. I had to go home. I opened the door and floated into the living room. I was numb, which added realism for my fake sickness I was going to continue to lie about.

  “Guys, I’m still not feeling right, I’m gonna go home,” I said weakly, for better effect.

  Matt immediately got up coming over to me. “Ok, do you want me to walk you home?” he offered, concerned.

  “No, I’ll be ok,” I assured him. “I’ve felt weird all day. Yesterday too. I’ll be ok.”

  The next thing I knew I was knocking on Jake’s door like a maniac talking to myself. Jake finally opened the door, noshing on an apple. Astonishment sparked in his eyes. I guess he hadn’t been expecting me.

  11

  Alyssa

  Jake’s eyes danced and a smile peaked at the edges of his mouth as he stood holding the door open for me. I wondered what he was thinking. I was definitely, officially losing my mind. I should be admitted to a psych ward. Every inch of me wanted to hug him but I refrained. I moved to walk past him and he draped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. My reaction was instantaneous. I returned the gesture, wrapping my arms around his waist, not saying a word. Unexpectedly his mother came in the house through the garage door, catching us mid-hug. We awkwardly released each other, putting some room between us. Her expression was warm and her eyes crinkled at the sides when she smil
ed.

  “Alyssa, my goodness, it’s good to see you,” she said, throwing us a sly grin. “Come in here and talk to me. Tell me what you’ve been up to.”

  Jake and I shrugged simultaneously. As his mom turned away, I shook my head no, silently pleading with him.

  He looked at me sideways, shoving me forward. I sighed deeply, reluctantly walking ahead of him into the kitchen. I sat down on a stool perched next to the counter and nervously swung my legs back and forth. I looked at Jake wide-eyed. I was tongue-tied.

  Jake cleared his throat.

  “Um, Aly came over the other day with one of her friends and helped wash my truck,” he explained, happily. “Then we got to talking…”

  I chimed in. “Yeah, my friend Nadine wanted to meet Jake, so I introduced them.” I gulped wondering what else to say, then the words came flying outta my mouth before I realized it. “Mrs. Masters, I had no idea how awesome Jake’s music was. I mean, I knew he liked to play, but the sound coming from your garage was always muffled, you know.”

  I stopped blathering. I was out of breath. I sat there ready to explode. Jake moved out of my view. Even though he wasn’t touching me, I could feel his energy behind me.

  “Aly, you don’t have to call me Mrs. Masters. I’m no longer a Mrs. and I’ve known you far too long. Kate will do.”

  Kate Masters was a stunningly beautiful woman with long honey-colored hair. I marveled at her eyes. She had the same intense topaz blue eyes as Jake. Her face showed hardly any signs of her true age, no deep lines and barely any wrinkles. I wondered how old she was. If you didn’t look too hard, you’d think she was Jake’s older sister.

  “Are you kids hungry?” She flipped her hair off her shoulder as she turned toward the fridge.

  “Yeah, actually, I am.” Jake said. He looked over at me and I shook my head in agreement. “Aly is too.”

  “Ok, I’ll make a pizza. Do you like pepperoni?” she asked me.

  I nodded. “Yeah! That sounds yummy.”

  Jake walked over to a small TV mounted underneath one of the kitchen cabinets and turned it on. Kate stacked the counter with what appeared to be ingredients for the pizza. I was waiting for a box to come out of the freezer. She quickly explained how bad frozen food was for you.

  She schooled us about sodium and the amount used to keep frozen food edible, which was way more than anyone needed for an entire day. She went on – “if you just take some time for preparation, your health is much better in the long run.” She preached lightly about organic food, acupuncture and natural remedies for modern day ailments. I sat there, listening – fascinated by this new information.

  Jake was trying not to look bored – he’d probably heard it all a thousand. But I asked a plethora of questions and each time I glanced in Jake’s direction, he nodded at me approvingly. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

  It was cool making pizza dough. I attempted to toss mine in the air like those pro Italian pizza guys.

  “Oh, you think you’re fancy like that, do you?” Jake teased.

  With one toss, Jake’s dough launched across the counter and landed on the floor.

  “I’m obviously fancier than you.” I snickered.

  Jake cursed under his breath laughing and leered good-humored at me. I was proud of my lop-sided dough canvas. We finished our pizzas and put them in the oven and Kate disappeared into the other room.

  “You can relax now, Chatter Box,” he chided, moving in closer to me, “I’m not gonna lie. I’m glad you ditched skateboard boy.”

  I threw him a crossed look for his smart remark.

  “Don’t forget I told Matt I might go to the movies with him tonight.”

  There was silence. Jake held a bag of pepperonis and tossed them, one-by-one, into his mouth. The anxiety grew inside me with each silent second. He walked to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water and took a long swig. Finally, he looked at me.

  “Yeah, well,” he said, standing there leaning against the counter staring at me with a blank expression. I was dying inside. I didn’t want to always be the one pouring my guts out. “I guess the one thing I can always count on is that you’ll tell me the truth, right?”

  I sat there frozen, thinking about all the lies I’ve told to everyone but him. At the moment his statement was true. I didn’t know what to say to his remark and he continued speaking quietly. “So, what’s up?”

  I could feel the heat rising in my face. I rose quickly without a word and walked out of the kitchen to find solace alone in the bathroom. In the midst of my brain hemorrhage I didn’t hear Jake walking behind me and when I turned to close the bathroom door his arm extended above my head and pressed the door firmly in place. I’m sure he could read my face like a bright red stoplight.

  Looking up at him, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to grab his face and kiss him, like I’d seen done in the movies a million times. His face was so close to mine and I could smell his most perfect scent. Closing my eyes I took in a deep breath and felt both of his hands cup my cheeks and my heart stopped. He rested his forehead on mine and I felt his breath warm on my lips.

  “Don’t be embarrassed,” he insisted, his voice low and velvety. His hands left my face, prompting me to open my eyes. I brought my clinched fists up under my chin and considered my next words. Before I could speak he pulled me close, hugging me and led me toward his room. “Come on, let’s talk. I’ll go first, but you have to promise me you’ll be honest too. I’m probably just as nervous as you are.”

  I sat there on his bed, petrified. My breathing was shallow. I needed to find relief or I’d pass out.

  Jake continued. “Ok. So…I’ve been thinking about you all day, ever since I saw you with… Matt. I thought about you all morning too.” He paused, getting up to pace back and forth in front of me. “I was stoked to know that we’d be hanging out, you know, getting to know each other again. I thought you felt the same way, especially after last night. Then I saw you and Matt hangin’ on each other and I found myself getting… jealous, which isn’t normal for me. I’m not that guy and it made me …uncomfortable.”

  I was tripping out on how open and honest he was being. Were all boys like this?

  “Jake….” I reached out and touched his hand. He held it in return. He remained standing, playing with my fingers and continued to speak.

  “No, wait, let me finish,” he said firmly, taking a seat beside me. “I wanted to know if you were still with him, if you were alone with him. I wanted to know what you were doing. That’s why I sent the text. When you told me you were going to the movies with hin…I felt stupid or whatever. Like, did I misread you? I thought we were on the same page.”

  I interrupted, “Jake, there’s no confusion….”

  He squeezed my hand. “Look, I know better than anyone that someone can be attracted to another person even when they’re attached to someone else. That’s why people break up most of the time, because they meet someone else they like better. Kinda like what happened with Rachel the other day. If I didn’t like being with you, I would have walked you home and hung out with her.”

  His confession made my heart swell with excitement. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. No one in the history of my life would ever compare to him. I sat there in complete delight. He finally looked over at me resuming his thoughts on the matter.

  “So, you know, when you admitted you’ve liked Matt for a long time, it just brought to mind that maybe, while you felt attracted to me…our time these last couple of nights might just be fleeting, because of your stronger connection to Matt.”

  I couldn’t comprehend his words quick enough to reply. His speech was a complete masterpiece.

  In my stunned state I barely eeked out my next words. “You know all too well, huh?”

  Jake looked at me oddly. “What? This is for you more than me, Aly. You’re the one that’s having this thing with Matt.”

  “I just feel bad, you know. Don’t you, about Rachel?”

  “No. I
don’t. Rachel has her own issues. She’s a big girl. She’ll get over it, eventually.”

  I gulped. “Ok. What else. What else makes you know all too well?”

  Jake sniffed and a reluctant grin peaked at the sides of his mouth.

  “Sometimes people stay in something even when they know it’s not gonna end well and…and some people don’t ever get into anything because they’re waiting on someone else with the hopes that that someone will eventually come around.”

  “Wow. That’s deep.” I chuckled uncomfortably.

  “Yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to go all Dr. Phil or whoever.” He paused, sucking in a deep breath, “So then I threw my phone down after you said you may go to the movies with him. I was bummed.”

  Jake looked sheepish and shrugged his shoulders.

  “I guess there’s your answer,” I said leaning into him. I was embarrassed to look at his face any longer than a few seconds.

  “I trip out on how fast this has all come on, you know, but realizing I’ve known you my whole life, I guess it’s not so strange,” he confessed.

  Before I could respond Kate shouted out that our pizzas were done and we both stood up a bit uneasy. He put his arm around my shoulder, nuzzling me warmly as he led me out.

  We ate quietly and I chose my next words as I admired his long lashes. “The difference between you and I is,” I said, decisive. “You’ve already been where I’m at now. You understand what you’re feeling.” I knew he’d probably been there and done that, and every other thing in between.

  Jake considered my statement and finished chewing. “Yeah, but…I can talk to you. I’ve never had that with anyone before. No matter how much I liked someone...” He trailed off. “I’m always boxed in. I don’t know...sometimes I feel like there’s this image thing I have to uphold.”

  Jake’s voice grew quiet and he stared at the pizza crust in his hand.

  “What image?”

  “You know, like nothing bothers me. I don’t know…it’s stupid. Put it this way, sometimes I don’t always do what I want to do because of what people might think. I shouldn’t give a shit, but it just happens. Like this voice telling me - that’s not cool, everyone will think you’re a pussy if you do or don’t do this or that – So I don’t always do the right thing.”