First Kiss (Heavy Influence)

by Frohoff, Ann Marie

  “I see.”

  I certainly did see…every perfect contour of his face that stared back at me. I repeated his words in my head and wondered what it must be like for him. I felt like I could tell him anything.

  My phone pinged with a new text message.

  Jake glanced in its direction. “I wonder who that’ll be,” he said sarcastically, bobbing his head. “I’ll bet it’ll be Matt.”

  “Shut up. It’s probably my mom,” I picked up my phone and low and behold it was Matt. My stomach sank. I didn’t want to admit it was him, but I couldn’t lie to Jake, not ever. Not even about the smallest thing. “Ding, ding, ding, you were right. He wants to know if I’m feeling better, and if we’re still going to the movies.”

  “What, you weren’t feeling well?” Jake swooned, mocking me.

  “No, I wasn’t. I was sick. This whole thing with us has completely thrown my whole universe into a black hole. The last 24 hours? I feel totally rattled.” I paused when I saw the confusion on his face. “Ok. I mean, how do I tell my friends? - Oh, I don’t like Matt anymore, I’m into Jake now; and by the way Nadine, I’m sorry, I know you wanted him to like you, but he likes me now,” - Really, how do I do this?”

  “Wow, I didn’t realize all that,” he said. “So, Nadine’s the reason you came over?”

  “Yes and don’t look at me like that,” I huffed, gathering my thoughts. My next words came out slowly. “You know, I’m totally blameless in all of this. I didn’t know I would react the way I did, and feel the way I’m feeling. It’s like I’ve been living in black and white and you’re the color, the vibrant bright outline to everything grey.”

  I was embarrassed about my honesty, but I couldn’t help myself. I stared down at my pizza crust, feeling my face get hot again.

  “So, where do we go from here?” Jake said, smiling softly at me and taking another slice of pizza. “I mean, I have to ask, right?”

  “Like you said last night, not to read into anything? Besides, my family would die if they knew I was hanging out with you like this. You’re the only one who knows.”

  “What were you gonna do about going to the movies with Matt if they won’t let you date?” he said changing the subject.

  My stomach tumbled.

  “What do you think? I was gonna tell my parents we were going as a group.”

  “Of course you were.” He said dryly, rolling his eyes, not surprised.

  I sighed deeply. “What am I gonna do about Nadine?”

  “Why don’t you just tell Nadine how it is. She’ll get over it,” he said, a bit annoyed.

  His solution sounded simple enough, but there was no way I was gonna tell her.

  “Jake, it’s a girl thing – and she’s my best friend and even though she likes to flirt with everyone, she rarely quote unquote makes dibs – meaning she told me straight out that she likes you,” I explained, pausing. “It just has to run its course I guess.”

  “What are you gonna do about Matt?” Jake asked again, more firmly this time. A surge shot through me.

  “I’m thinking about it, and in all honesty, I really care about Matt. We’ve been friends since Kindergarten. He’s always been there for me, like all the time there for me. Jake shook his head in understanding. “I don’t wanna hurt his feelings.”

  “Ahhh, I guess I’ll just have to get over it.”

  Jake reached over grabbing my empty plate and placed it under his. I noticed a tiny little tattoo on the side of his left ring finger, an R. My stomach sank. Was that for Rachel? Was he lying to me about everything?

  I cleared my throat.

  “You know, when I saw Rachel hanging all over you, I didn’t like it either.” I admitted, agitated. “What’s that on your finger?”

  I pointed at his finger, but only stared at his face. I watched for any indication that he was calculating a lie, something I’d learned from dealing with my sister. I recalled how easily he’d lied to Rachel about me not being at his house, when I was. He looked down, staring at it and then rubbed it. He shrugged and half laughed.

  “A stupid drunk night, that’s what this is. It’s the initial of my first real girlfriend, Renee. That night was actually the first night I ever drank, see, and look what happens.”

  I could only hope he was telling the truth, for truth’s sake. Not that it mattered whose name it stood for. I didn’t want him to lie to me to save me from bad feelings like he’d done with Rachel.

  I stared at him blankly.

  He tilted his head, reading me.

  “Aly, I’m not lying. I’ll call her and hand you the phone if you don’t believe me.”

  Now I felt stupid.

  “No. Geez. I was just wondering. I mean it is an R, after all.” I said fiddling with the placemat. “What do you think Rachel will do when she realizes we’re actually hanging out?”

  “It’s gonna be hard getting rid of her. Her best friend is Dump’s girlfriend, Sienna Barnes, the girl with the black hair. They’re inseparable, her and Rachel that is.”

  I finally sent Matt a text apologizing and told him I still didn’t feel well and Jake and I continued talking for hours.

  12

  Alyssa

  Getting my wits about me was nearly impossible.

  “By the way, you have to really teach me how to play the guitar. That’s the only way I’ll be able to come over here so often without them wondering. Just my luck, my bitchy ass sister will ask me to show off my new skills.” I told him.

  Sitting in Jake’s living room, he picked up a guitar and handed it to me. Too close and feeling the warmth of him, I didn’t know how I would focus on learning anything. He began playing a familiar tune that I couldn’t place. I marveled at how easily his fingers navigated and plucked away at the guitar strings. He strummed the melody as I searched my memory, trying to place the song. He told me about what my first lesson would entail without ever looking down at his playing. He made it look too easy. He explained in a gentle voice that we would focus on basic cords and add in very simple strumming.

  After the first few hand contacts and body brushes, I finally calmed enough to pay attention. I didn’t have to admit I was nervous – Jake could tell, he reminded me more than once to breathe. “Aly, don’t hold your breath, breathe slowly.” His voice remained smooth and even, stroking my nerves until they were completely gone.

  “There you go, see, it’s not bad.” He was encouraging and released his hold on the guitar. “I think you’re gonna be picking this up pretty quickly. You’re a natural.”

  “Ya’ think?” I chirped with excitement. “I was so nervous my fingers wouldn’t get it.”

  A knock came at the front door and my mood plummeted. It seemed we were always being disturbed. I hoped it was a sales person or one of those Jehovah’s dudes. I heard the familiar voice and my heart stopped. I was instantly pissed. I had to contain myself. I took in a deep breath and stood up, pacing a bit. Then I sat back down waving my hands in front of face as if they would help cool me off. Soon enough the voice grew louder and there she was. Nadine. WTF?!

  “Hey, it’s Nadine,” Jake announced, cheerful. I imagined myself bopping him upside the head. Didn’t he get it? Didn’t he hear what I said about Nadine liking him? We were supposed to keep our hanging out under wraps. What an idiot. What the hell was she doing here anyway? I wondered, silently fuming. My stomach acids were raging. I composed myself, making like I was out of it, since I was supposed to be sick. I hoped Jake didn’t forget about that too.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I said weakly.

  “I just went to your house and your mom said you were over here having a guitar lesson, so I thought I’d come over and check it out,” she said, looking around curiously.

  “Yeah, well, since I’d blocked this time with him I didn’t wanna cancel, since it was only for an hour,” I attempted to convince her.

  Jake chimed in, eliminating the negativity. Nadine’s eyes lit up when he began to speak to her. I wanted to sla
p her upside the head too with the guitar I held in my hands. I reminded myself that she didn’t know how I felt about him. She should be the one slapping me around. That guilty feeling crept in again. Ugh, I hated myself. What was I gonna do?

  “So, Nadine, do you know how to play any instruments?” he asked.

  “I use to take piano lessons ages ago,” she answered, smiling. “I know how to read music and I think it would be easy for me to learn.”

  “Yeah, well that’ll make it much easier for you since you have an ear for the notes,” Jake nodded his head. He looked over at me and winked. I was afraid to look at Nadine in case she caught that. “So, you interested in lessons?”

  I almost passed out when I heard the words hurl out of his mouth. I immediately excused myself and went into the bathroom without looking at him. I didn’t shut the door all the way because I wanted to eavesdrop. I could hear him back peddling. He was stammering. Good, I thought, that’ll teach him. I laughed silently, triumphant.

  Nadine was prying:

  “So, how long has Aly been here? I mean, how long ago did her lesson start, are you almost done?”

  “We actually just started, my mom was here, and hadn’t seen Aly in a long time.”

  It was killing me! He was sharing too much information! I could only imagine what she looked like, with her tits hangin’, spilling out of her tank top. I had to keep reminding myself that this wasn’t her fault. She was just being herself. I was the one that was the back stabber. I berated myself for the mean thoughts going through my head like a roadrunner on crack.

  “Why don’t you come back in an hour, we should be done.” Jake suggested.

  I couldn’t believe my ears! Did my ears hear correctly? What the hell was he thinking? I leaned against the door in disbelief and strained to hear more:

  “I can call Mike over and I’m sure he would be glad to make a schedule for lessons, besides he owes me. I would offer, but Aly is enough for me right now. I shouldn’t even be spending the time with her.”

  “Oh, sure, yeah, I understand. If Mike could do that, it would be awesome.”

  I could hear the disappointment in Nadine’s voice.

  “I’m sure it’ll be no prob. I just have too much to prepare for with the upcoming tour and all.”

  “Oh, ok, I’m sorry.”

  She sounded sincere. Now I really felt bad.

  “Hey, don’t be sorry. Come back in an hour and I’ll have more info. Ok? Let me go check on Aly.”

  Oh shit! I gently shut the bathroom door and locked it. I ran the water and wet my face. My heart raced. Even though I anticipated his knock at the door, my heart still lurched into my throat.

  “Aly, you ok?” he asked gently.

  “Yeah,” I said opening the door, peeved. I wanted him to know I was upset. I dried my face with a hand towel, my words muffled, “Did she leave?”

  He shook his head no and I gave him a tight, evil eye. He grabbed my arm tossing me into the hallway. He practically shoved me along the way. I put on a pathetic sick face as we rounded the corner back into the living room. I walked slowly, moving my hair from my face, which I matted wet against my forehead.

  I sat on the sofa, giving a frail smile. “Hey, sorry I didn’t call. I’m feeling a lot better than I did yesterday, but still not quite right.” I offered this explanation even though I knew she didn’t care. She was probably pissed as shit at me that I crept in on her territory.

  “It’s ok, I hope you feel better,” she said sympathetically. “Jake’s gonna have Mike come over to teach me to play the guitar too.”

  She glittered with excitement. By all appearances she didn’t seem to be mad at me. I was cautiously relieved. I’d certainly know the truth when she had me alone.

  We sat there quiet for a moment and Jake pulled a metallic blue and black pack of gum out of his pocket, offering up a piece as he popped one into his mouth. He prompted Nadine to leave by standing up and touching her shoulder. Nadine bounced out of her seat and practically danced out of the room.

  “Alright, I’ll see you in a little bit! Aly, I hope you’re still here when I come back.” She disappeared out the door. I reminded myself to tread lightly with my assumption that she’d be ok with this arrangement and considered my options while I chewed my gum.

  Jake sat and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. I melted into him as he leaned back, sinking into the cushions. My head bounced around on his chest when he began to chuckle.

  “Why are you laughing,” I asked, miffed. He was making fun of me.

  “I’m laughing at you. You have to trust that I know how to play the game, Aly.”

  “Oh, do you?” I said sarcastically, “Please share with me what you know about game playing, with girls.”

  He smiled thoughtfully and his eyes roamed my face. My insides bubbled. I instinctively tried to pull away but he held me firmly in place.

  “Relax Aly, the Nadine thing will work out, I have a plan.”

  I closed my eyes relaxing, slightly. I suddenly felt his lips brush lightly against my temple and a bit of breath escaped me. As much as I wanted him to really kiss me. I was scared. My mind reeled – what if I kissed like shit? What if I drooled all over him? What if I couldn’t control myself?

  “Jake?” Our faces nearly touched. He leaned down and softly kissed the side of my mouth. My breathing instantly became shallow and erratic. The energy was pulsing between us. “Jake, I don’t think -” As I began to speak, he gently kissed me full on the lips and it took my breath away.

  His voice was a low and silky. His warm minty breath washed over my face. His lips brushed against my cheek and pressed softly onto mine. My heart thumped a million miles per hour and I pulled back. Sensing my hesitation, he released me. My chin dropped to my chest, my eyes averting his. I was embarrassed. He lifted my chin to bring us face to face and placed his forehead against mine.

  “I’m sorry, I should have asked,” he whispered, pulling me close once more. I buried my face into his neck.

  “Jake, I’m the one who’s sorry, I’m not –” I had trouble spitting it out. I didn’t want to sound like a baby.

  “Why are you sorry? Don’t be sorry, that’s ridiculous.” He rubbed my back tenderly and moved, making room between us.

  I sighed deeply, and words came out like a dam burst, “Maybe I am too young for you. I’m not what you’re used to. I know about guys like you…”

  He put his finger to my mouth stopping the avalanche of dialog, “Wait, what? Guys like me?” he repeated, sounding offended. “Guys like me, what?”

  “I know you’re used to being with girls, and you know I wanna be there too, but…” I giggled nervously, “Wait that came out wrong.”

  He laughed, throwing his head back.

  “So, you wanna be what?” He teased and his eyes glimmered.

  “You know what I’m trying to say, Jake, don’t make this harder for me than it already is.” I begged, shoving at his knee.

  “Please continue. I wanna know more about guys like me.” He grinned and enjoyed watching me squirm.

  “You know what, never mind. I’m not gonna continue humiliating myself.” I pouted.

  He hugged me, sniggering. “Alright, I’m sorry. I get it, but check this out. You don’t know guys like me, Aly.”

  Wait, what was that suppose to mean? Is he agreeing with me?

  “What?”

  “This thing with you isn’t the same as it would be with someone I just met at a party, or someone at school, or some fan girl.” He released my shoulders and placed his elbows on his knees. His head hung low and his lush hair waved over his forehead. After a long moment he continued, looking at me. “I’m in no rush with this. I don’t wanna be anywhere else other than being on tour. I totally dig hangin’ with you. It’s comfortable.”

  “I still feel lame. I’m sorry I keep bringing it up.”

  “Don’t be. I’m perfectly fine kissing you like we’re still in 6th grade.” His smirk
grew more pronounced.

  I could have been insulted or embarrassed, but I wasn’t. I was relieved. The thought of French kissing him made me nervous beyond belief. Even though I’d dreamt about doing it more than a million times. Actually doing it with him was another story.

  13

  Alyssa

  I continued with the lies, kind of, texting my mom explaining I was with Nadine, which would be true soon enough. I tried to keep things on the up and up – for the most part.

  Jake finished his call with Mike and was all smiles.

  “What? You wanted a solution, now we have one.”

  God he was beautiful. I was enthralled. Words couldn’t describe how much I was taken by his entire…everything.

  I gave him a sideways grin.

  Jake reached over and took my hand. His skin was so much warmer than mine. He played with my fingers, tracing my nail beds, giving me the chills.

  “You have nice hands, and nails, real nails – not those fake lame ones,” he remarked, pausing. His eyes roamed my face. “So you don’t wanna continue your lesson?”

  I groaned. “No, I don’t. I don’t feel like it now. When is Nadine coming back? Is Mike coming over now too?”

  “Yeah, in about forty-five minutes.”

  I was resigned. The plan was set in motion and I couldn’t change it.

  “So, what’s this thing you’d promised to do to get Mike to commit?”

  “We’re gonna play at a house party.”

  I had heard about these house party drunk-fests. “Keggers,” my father called them. They were off limits to my brother and sister – supposedly. I knew they still went when they stayed over at their friend’s. I would overhear my sister crafting her plan. Nicole and I would sit with our ears pressed up against the wall, listening to the gossip of high school life. Finally we were going to be a part of it.