First Kiss (Heavy Influence)

by Frohoff, Ann Marie

  “Yeah,” she said softly.

  I brushed past her and the energy coursed.

  I reached into my bag, grabbing out my leather bound notebook and sat on the bed. I thumbed through the pages, finding what I was looking for. “Here, these are the lyrics.” I handed her the notebook and getting up I grabbed a highlighter pen out of my desk drawer.

  I glanced over my shoulder to check her reaction. I could see her eyes move over the words and her slender fingers came up, covering her mouth.

  “Oh, Jake…”

  I cleared my throat. “See, these words here.” I said, taking back the notebook and sat back down on the bed. “These are the ones that you’d sing.”

  The black script lit up under the transparent bright yellow ink and my heart raced with each stroke.

  “Jake, is this how you feel?” she whispered, taken with emotion.

  “Yeah. It is.” I smiled and shrugged. “I’m kinda assuming a lot here.”

  I tapped down hard on the highlighted lyrics, the ones that spoke of love.

  “Those are mine, huh?” Aly leaned into me and put her head on my shoulder, dreamily. “Yeah, I think I’m there. I feel like I’m there, but I don’t know. When do you really know?”

  I rested my head against hers. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just how you feel inside. This is how I feel inside.” I reached over for my guitar. “Whad’ya say that we give this a spin?”

  Aly giggled and motioned for me to go for it. I began to play the tune.

  “I’ll sing it through first, and then we’ll sing the whole thing together and then we’ll do separate parts.”

  I SWEAR

  Open your eyes

  I won’t see them for a while

  With all that space left in between

  Now close your eyes

  Let me hold you for a while

  And feel me sweetly as I sing

  I swear, I swear

  That I won’t let you go

  If you’re fallin’, I’m fallin’ too

  You know, I swear

  When I close my eyes

  And I hold you into me

  All I feel is everything

  And all want, is all I got

  all I need is your love

  So baby won’t you sing

  sing with me

  I swear, I swear

  That I won’t let you go

  If you’re fallin’, I’m fallin’ to

  I swear

  This is my heart

  Can you feel it beating

  It has it scars, but it isn’t bleeding

  I know you’re leaving

  There’s one last thing

  I wanna say before you go

  Cause I need you to know

  I swear, I swear

  I swear, I swear

  That I won’t let you go

  If you’re falling, I’m falling too

  You know, I swear

  We never did sleep. We played and sang that song over and over again until Aly was satisfied she sounded good enough and had it memorized. Once her voice was warmed up and the more she felt confident, she sounded as sweet as could be. I couldn’t wait to have her voice recorded. At 6 a.m. I went out to see if my mom was home. She’d already left for the gym. Perfect.

  “So what do you wanna do?” I said, coming back through my bedroom door quietly. Aly was snuggled under the covers. “Kate’s not home. I’d like to record this. You up for it?”

  “You’re too used to being up all night. I’m so tired. Listen to how horse my voice is.”

  She was right. Her voice sounded way tired and her eyes were glossed over, hanging half open.

  “Ok. We just have to do it before noon. That’s when everyone will be here to pack to leave.”

  My stomach dropped thinking that I’d soon be away from Aly for more weeks than I wanted to be. Damn, I was really gonna miss her.

  I climbed in bed with her and brushed the hair out of her face. She was nearly asleep. I don’t think she realized I was next to her. I lied there staring at her, taking in every nuance of her features. I wanted to remember every curve and every bend. I thought about taking pictures of her. I hadn’t taken any pictures since my photography class had ended. It’d been more than six months. I wondered if Aly would be into it. We could shoot and record.

  At 7 a.m. I groggily went out into my studio and tracked my acoustic guitar and my vocals for our song. I’d set the alarm for 9 a.m. to remind me to wake Aly, and it was tough getting her up. Her eyes were even redder than before and her voice sounded worse.

  “Hey,” she said and her hand quickly came up rubbing at her throat. “Oh no. I don’t think I’ll be able to sing.”

  “Sure you will. It used to happen to me all the time when I first started singing. I’ll make you some tea. Get up. We only have a couple of hours and I wanna do something else too before Notting and my mom get back.”

  She rustled up. “What? What else?” She asked curiously and rubbed her eyes. She looked as cute as I think she’d ever looked, natural and beautiful.

  “Stay just like that. Don’t move one inch.” I rushed to my closet. “I wanna take some pictures of you just like that.”

  “Oh no you are not!” She protested. “Are you kidding? I look like shit!”

  “No, no you don’t. I promise,” I begged, as I threw shoes out of my way looking for my camera bag, finally finding it.

  “Jake, you can’t be serious.”

  “I’m very serious. These will be black and white. I promise they’ll look good, if they don’t we’ll delete them, together.” I held up my camera. “It’s digital.”

  She slumped, resigned.

  “Oh come on, Alycat. Give me a smile?” I said taking off the lens cap and pointing the camera at her. I began clicking away.

  She smiled warily and threw a pillow at me, but I just kept clicking away.

  “Ok, ok calm down. Sit there, please. Please do this for me?”

  She sighed. “Ok. If you promise to show me every single one.”

  “I’ll just take a few. Get back in bed and pull the covers up around you, like peak out over the covers, playful like.” I directed. “There you, go.”

  Aly got into it and I we took more than just a few. Now I wanted her to take her shirt off, to get her bare back.

  “Ok, now don’t freak out when I ask you this, but I want you to take your shirt off.”

  She froze. My stomach sank and we just stared at each other. I watched her gulp.

  “Um.”

  “Aly, I don’t wanna see your tits. I mean I’d like to see your tits, but I don’t need to see ‘em now. I mean you know what I mean.” I stammered and I felt myself get hot. “Fuck.” I laughed.

  She laughed too.

  “Turn around,” she said softly and pointed at me.

  “Wait, get up outta the bed and stand with your back toward me and wait until I tell you to pull the shirt over your head.”

  Catching a glimpse here and there of her side boob, she was the most innocent yet sensual thing I’d ever seen. I cleared my throat. “You can put your shirt back on,” I said turning around, clicking through the images on my tiny camera screen. “These are gonna be so good. You look great.”

  “Really, you swear?”

  “I swear,” I said, winking at her. “Take a look and I promise I’ll delete every single one that I don’t use. I’ll have something put together soon.”

  Aly turned and grabbed her shirt. I looked at the camera screen and back at her as she was pulling my white Hanes V-neck over her head. She caught me staring at her bare breasts as the shirt draped down, covering them. The heat flashed through me.

  “You’re beautiful.”

  She smiled softly. “You make me feel beautiful,” she said and walked up hanging on my arm, hugging it. “Let me see.”

  These last few days were the best days ever, I thought. I never felt more close to anyone in my life than I did at that moment.

&
nbsp; “Come on. Let’s get to it. I really wanna finish it before I leave. I packed all my gear and I’m ready to go too, so all I’ll need to do is mix the song while the guys are packing the trailer.”

  “You’re so business like,” she said, in mocking me. “Ok, lead the way.”

  Aly sat on the stool as I handed her the headphones. “Ok, you know the lyrics, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ok, the music’s gonna start playing, you’ll hear my voice and you’ll know where to fall in. Just sing into the mic and we’ll go back and fix the parts that aren’t right during playback.”

  “You mean you can pick up right in the middle?”

  “Yep, even if it’s just a blip.”

  “Cool.” She beamed, excited.

  The hoarseness in her voice was gone and she sounded amazing.

  36

  Alyssa

  I sat on Nicole’s bed with a smile a mile wide. Nadine and Nicole were in rapture with my story, but I didn’t include our recording session. It was just too much. It was enough that I was sharing everything else.

  “I just can’t believe I sat there listening in on Jake and Notting talk about me. It was like, surreal, to say the least.” I swooned onto the bed. “Jake admitted to writing love songs about me and I had to hold my breath. You could have probably heard a pin drop it was so quiet when they weren’t speaking.”

  “No freaking way!” Nicole gasped. “I woulda passed out for sure.”

  “I woulda shit myself.” Nadine laughed.

  I looked at Nadine, wondering what it was like for her and Chris. She just had to be doing it with him by now.

  “Nadine. What’s it like.” I asked flat out.

  “What?”

  “Don’t act stupid. You’ve gotta be doin’ it with him. He’s all over you.”

  “We only make out. You know, heavily, over and under the clothes touching.” She admitted. “But don’t get me wrong, if I wasn’t so scared of getting pregnant, I would. He’s to die for.”

  “La la la la la!” Nicole sang out. “I really don’t wanna hear how you’d like to do the dirty with my brother.”

  We all laughed out loud.

  “I full on touched his junk. It’s crazy how big it gets.” I admitted and stuffed my head in a pillow.

  The girls squealed.

  I sat there thinking if I should share every other little detail.

  “Oh look at her. She’s day dreaming about Jake and his snake.” Nicole teased.

  I gasped, grabbing the pillow and hit her with it. I felt the heat rise in my face. I shouldn’t have shared that bit of info with them.

  “Aw, come on, we’re just teasing you.” Nadine jabbed.

  “Whatever,” I said, staring defiantly at Nicole. “So, what’s your story? Nadine and I always spill the beans about our encounters. You never share about Grant.”

  “It’s the same,” She said simply and shrugged, trying to avoid sharing too much. “Obviously he’s not as advanced in the sex arena as Jake and Chris. I mean come on he is only 15, and I like it that way.”

  I actually agreed with her remark. It must be nice and way less intimidating to be on the same playing field.

  “What’s Matt been up to?” I asked. I couldn’t help it. Every time Grant’s name was mentioned, I thought of Matt, they went hand in hand.

  Nicole shrugged. “He’s been hangin’ with Greg, you know, since we’ve all kinda have boyfriends. He hates to hear about it,” she said looking straight at me. “You know you really crushed him.”

  My mouth hung open. “What, it’s not like I wanted to hurt him.” I replied. “I mean, I didn’t have a choice. I can’t help how I feel inside.”

  “He doesn’t see it that way. He thinks it’s cause you wanna be popular.”

  I was shocked and hurt. What was I suppose to say to that? Of course Matt thought that, and I’m sure lots of other jerk offs did too.

  “So, what did you say to him when he said that?” I was curious.

  Nicole gave a worried look. “Well, I don’t really say anything at all. Don’t be mad at me, please. I just don’t wanna argue with him because it makes Grant edgy and then we’ll fight.”

  “Oh, ok. Real nice,” I huffed, folding my arms to my chest. “So basically you not saying anything just make’s him think you’re on his side.”

  I was pissed and hurt. Of all people I thought Nicole would have my back. Nadine sat with her mouth clamped tight glancing back and forth at us.

  “It’s not like he’s so far off base…”

  “What!” I screamed. “I can’t believe you just said that! What’s going through your head? I mean really, Nicole.”

  “Well, you did say in the beginning how cool it would be for us to walk on campus the first day of school….”

  I stood up, staring down at her. I was so shocked at the bullshit that was spilling from her mouth. “You told him, didn’t you?” I said interrupting her.

  “I, I didn’t mean to make it sound like that. We were just talking about relationships and I mentioned how cool it was that you…how popular you think you’ll be…” she stammered on.

  I started shaking. “Those are the words you used? How popular I think I’ll be? You’re a freaking idiot, Nicole!”

  “You know what, Aly, screw you!” Nicole spat. “I’ve always supported you, giving you a new look, helping you with your clothes, letting you borrow stuff that helped you get Jake! How dare you!”

  I was more than livid. My mind raced looking at her, with her long blond hair and stupid preppy-girl outfit. She was the epitome of a dumb blond. No wonder she didn’t get it.

  “It doesn’t surprise me. You’re probably jealous or something…or just too dim.” I fumed. “Some friend you are.”

  I grabbed my bag and stormed off toward the door.

  “You know, they’re right about you. You do think your shit doesn’t stink, now.” Nicole yelled. “Matt’s too good for you anyway, he deserves someone better than you. You’re nothing but a user.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. Nicole must have been beside herself listening to my stories about Jake. She just had to find a way to burn me, because she was jealous. I bet they sat around talking shit about me while I wasn’t there. I just knew it. I felt it in my bones. I couldn’t believe Nadine just sat there staring at me like an idiot. She obviously felt the same way. She was probably the most jealous, since she had her eye on him first. Now it all became clear. No wonder Nicole and Grant disappeared last night.

  I felt totally and utterly betrayed. I didn’t know if I should scream or cry. Jake was leaving me for what felt like forever and my two best friends were choosing Matt over me.

  Approaching my house, I spotted Mike in front of Jake’s house. A big huge trailer was hitched to the back of a big white van. Notting was there too. They were loading gear into it. My heart started to race thinking of the text message he sent me last night. I never replied. I hurried up my driveway, but I wasn’t quick enough, he spotted me.

  “Hey Aly,” Mike called out, waving.

  He was actually smiling a real smile, not that I think I’m the shit grin he always wore.

  I waved back at Mike. He looked over toward the garage and waved for me to come over. My heart sped. I walked over slowly and worried Notting would come back out.

  “Hey,” I said with a crooked smile.

  “You mad at me?” he asked, with a somber look in his eyes.

  “Where’s Jake?” I said looking around uncomfortably.

  “What, you don’t know where you’re boys at?”

  I gave him a tight stare and ignored him. What game was he trying to play with me? Our eyes danced with each other for a long moment and it made me uneasy. I looked away.

  “Just wanted to say sorry again,” he said thoughtfully. “Jake seems to think I’ve got some hidden agenda.”

  Uh, yeah he does. My curiosity got the best of me. “About what?”

  Mike hung is head, laughing
softly. I got the impression he was embarrassed and it made me smile.

  “He thinks I want to corrupt you or something.”

  “And he said that to you?” I asked. I was stunned by his honesty.

  “Not in those words, but pretty much that’s what he said.” He nodded. “So, really, I’m sorry, if that’s the idea I gave you.”

  I most definitely looked at him in a new light now. I didn’t like to judge people based on other people’s ideas. Sure he was a party boy, but who wasn’t, really. My brother locked in the drunk zone last night and didn’t even come home. It couldn’t be all that bad.

  “Thanks, I think Jake’s just trying to protect me from myself.” I sniffed.

  “Yeah, but we’re all young. Being serious will come soon enough when we graduate.” He smiled. “You need to live your life how you want to. I’m gonna have a good time as long as I can.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Don’t let him control you, Aly. If you wanna have a good time and experience life, do it.” He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “We’re only young once.”

  Notting came out through the garage door calling out Mike’s name. Mike became ridged, standing taller. I backed away saying good-bye and waved at Notting in hopes of a kind response. His demeanor was cool, but he waved.

  I walked back to my house and sent Marshall a text, begging for him to get back to me.

  - MARSH, WHERE R U! I NEED U, U’LL JUST DIE! I’M GONNA GO2 THE BEACH AND FEEL SORRY 4 MYSELF.

  ***

  I threw myself onto my bed. I wanted to sink into the fibers and never feel anything again. I wanted to be an inanimate object so the hurt wouldn’t hurt so badly. I felt a void I’d never felt before ever in my life. My best friend turned into a jealous back stabber and my boyfriend was gone, hanging out with skeezies all over half the country.

  My brain ran in high gear and my stomach sank when I thought of the last two volleyball practices I’d missed. I’m surprised neither of my parents said anything, surprised the coach hasn’t called yet. I would miss practice again next weekend too if I was going to attend the shows. I schemed to figure out a way. The ping of my phone brought me to the present; I grabbed it praying it was Marshall – it was Mike.