First Kiss (Heavy Influence)

by Frohoff, Ann Marie

  Mike never dared to spar with Dump, he just sneered at him. Dump took his seat behind his drum kit and I slug my guitar strap over my head. I turned looking out over the crowd and the click of Dump’s sticks took over my consciousness.

  I closed my eyes.

  As soon as I started to play my foul mood died out. I was impassioned as soon as my fingers felt my guitar strings and Dump’s galloping beats filled the air. I spotted Aly as she made her way to the front and I don’t think I’d ever been more stoked in my life. Bobby’s dense base kicks retreated and the wall of guitar riffs Mike and I built up crumbled down on everyone. I began to sing our newest radio song – Ever After. As the lyrics parted my lips and my voice carried over to Aly, I stared at her in the eyes as I sang. The lyrics began to have new meaning – “I see you watching, how does it feel. The little drops take you away to something real…”

  Bobby seemed extra pumped, bouncing around as we ended our set and I wondered if his chick was around.

  “Bobby, man, sick energy,” I said grinning and slapping his back. “What gives, your chick here?”

  A strange look fell across his face, though he remained smiling looking out at the crowd. There was a shift in his eyes that caught my attention. Following his gaze out over the crowd, I searched for someone, anyone that looked like she could be the reason. I only spotted Aly and Marshall. I waived for them to come over.

  “So?” I asked, wanting to know what she thought.

  “I’m speechless,” she said demurely.

  “Thanks.” It meant more to me to have her approval than anyone else’s.

  “I thought you guys rocked,” Marshall complimented. “I never really paid attention to this kind of music.” He bounced on his heels. “But I’m all over it now.”

  “Thanks Bro,” I said. Feeling like a dick for thinking asshole things about Marshall.

  I felt hands grasp my shoulders and I turned. “Oh, hey,” I said, surprised to see Rachel behind me. I backed away, putting some distance between us.

  Her eyes widened. “Don’t run.” She laughed playfully.

  “You’re unpredictable, Rachel,” I said grinning cautiously.

  The smile faded from her face. “Why do you say that?” she said, folding her arms loosely at her waist.

  “You scare me sometimes.” I smiled and laughed, hoping she would find humor in my remark.

  I was relieved when she laughed. She threw her head back, almost losing her balance. Rachel grabbed a hold of my arm to steady her self. I used to find her attractive, but seeing her high and drunk, and looking used made me feel sorry for her. Her hands were cold and clammy as I took them in mine.

  “Hey, look,” I said. “Not sure what your deal is, you know, like how you’re feeling with all this. But I just wanted to thank you for, like, not freaking out or anything.”

  I was floating in an ocean of emotional girl feelings, and I wasn’t sure how to navigate the highs and lows of Rachel’s tides. She seemed fine at that moment.

  “Aw, come on Jakey,” she purred and her eyes drooped nearly shut. She moved in closer to me and grabbed a hold of my shirt collar. “I’ll always be here for you. When all this,” she said, waving in Aly’s direction. “Whatever this is that you’re going through is over. I’ll be here.” Rachel’s eyes burned into mine as she kissed her fingertips and placed them on my lips. “Oh look.” She backed away, pointing behind me. “Mike is breaking in your little girlfriend and her freaks and geeks.” She laughed out loud. “I think I’ll join them.”

  She stumbled off in their direction. I squinted my eyes, trying to see clearly through the dim light, wondering what she was talking about. Like a bomb, my insides exploded when I saw Aly bring a shot glass to her lips as she tipped her head backwards, clearly knocking back a shot of who knows what. I bolted to her side, trying to keep my cool. Rachel grabbed the bottle and shot glass out of Mike’s hand, pouring one for her self.

  “Cheers everyone!” Rachel shouted in good spirits, holding the shot glass up over her head. Drops of the Jagermeister’s black liquid dripped down her arm.

  Shouts of enthusiasm rang out over the pumping music.

  “What are you doing? You’re gonna get sick,” I warned grimly in Aly’s ear. “Let’s get outta here.”

  Aly swayed into me. She was drunk. “Aw, no, no, let’s stay!” she said joyfully. “I’m fine.”

  I was fuming. “I’m gonna get my shit together and we’re leaving.”

  Aly gave me a sad, pouty expression. I turned to Bobby to tell him, but he was engrossed in a conversation with Marshall, and Kyle was hanging all over some girl I’d never seen before. As the night wore on I felt more and more like I was in a parallel universe. Here I was, tagged as the ultimate partier and I was dead sober, watching all these fucks and the girl I was falling for get hammered. I gathered my stuff and kept glancing in Aly’s direction. Mike was too close to her, whispering something in her ear, as she nodded her head in agreement. Mike looked directly at me. Obviously they were talking about me. I seethed inwardly. What the hell could he saying be saying to her?

  I walked over to them. “Let’s go,” I said to Aly, ignoring Mike.

  “Jake, I’m fine,” Aly slurred, hanging on my arm. “We don’t have to leave.”

  I dragged her away toward the exit.

  “Yes, we do,” I said tensely, stopping. “This,” I continued, waving my hands up and down at her. “This isn’t gonna work for me. Sorry to say.”

  As soon as the words came out I regretted the way they sounded. Her face went pale.

  “Jake, I’m sorry, I – “

  I sighed. “I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Let’s just go.”

  As the night grew later, the ocean air finally cooled everything so much that waves of fog floated by us as we walked toward my truck. Aly sulked walking next to me.

  “Aly, I’m sorry, I just feel responsible for you. You know, when you’re with me,” I said, trying to explain. “Hey, Marshall, sorry to kill the fun, man, I’m just not into watching her get fucked up.”

  “Aw, that’s so sweet.” Marshall cooed.

  Just what I suspected would happen, did. Aly started to feel sick to her stomach. She began to complain as she clung onto Marshall’s arm.

  “Oh my God,” she gasped, leaning forward. “I feel sick, like really sick. I need to lie down.”

  “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Marshall buzzed, spazzing out and dragged her to the curb. “Come on, I’ve got you.”

  Aly collapsed on the patch of grass next to my truck. She laid on her side, panting in an effort to thwart her urge to hurl.

  “Ugh, every time I close my eyes my head spins.” She winced. “I can’t believe I did this to myself.”

  With those words she bolted upright, leaning over puking into the gutter. Marshall held her hair back. I hurried to load my guitar and gear into the back of my truck.

  “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, honey,” Marshall consoled. “You should have only done one.”

  “What?” I cried, aghast.

  “Uh, yeah,” He said, his eyes wide as saucers. “That guy, Mike, poured all of us one and then dared her to do another one with him.”

  I saw red.

  34

  Alyssa

  I hated myself.

  We sat in his driveway for a long time. He rolled down the windows and turned the radio on really low. The Foo Fighter’s ‘Never Wanna Die’ was playing. I couldn’t help but think that one day Jake would be as big as them. He would be like Dave Grohl. I wondered what it would be like, if we really stayed together. I knew it was probably impossible, we were too young, I thought somberly.

  “Hey,” he said, putting a halt to my churning mind. “Wha’cha thinking’ about?”

  “You,” I said honestly.

  “And?” he asked, squeezing my hand.

  “About last night.”

  “Yeah, go on. Stop torturing me,” he said laughing, pulling on my arm for me to come closer
to him.

  “Just that how it’s all happened so fast, and now you’re gonna be gone, like it never happened at all.”

  “Aly, that’s not true,” he said, burying his face in my hair.

  “Eww, don’t do that,” I said pulling away. “I really want to brush my teeth.”

  ***

  I entered Jake’s bathroom and took the mouthwash out from under the sink and rinsed the rancid taste from mouth. Opening the vanity drawer, I remembered the toothbrush he’d given me a while back, and there it was sitting right next to his. Moving into the shower I heard my phone vibrating on the bathroom counter. I worried it was my mother and hoped it was my brother or the girls. I quickly rinsed off and hurried to dry myself. I reached over to check my phone and my stomach sank. The text was from Mike. I’d forgotten we’d exchanged numbers earlier.

  - HEY , SORRY ABOUT TONIGHT. HOPE IT DIDN’T CAUSE TOO MUCH TROUBLE W JAKE. P.S. DON’T TELL HIM I TXT U. HE’LL BLOW IT OUT OF PROP.M.

  My heart raced. I looked behind me like Jake would be standing there looking over my shoulder, as if, only the towels hanging from a hook on the door stared back at me. Stupid Mike. You know he’d be upset. So why are you texting me? I thought, wishing I could say it to his face. Jake was right about that shit you made me drink.

  At least Mike was sorry for putting me in an awkward situation. I thought about Jake’s deal with Mike and didn’t agree with Jake’s assessment of it all. Jake was being a hypocrite, but I wasn’t going to point that out, at least not yet. Mike joined the band thinking he was getting a party buddy as part of the package. Whatever, it wasn’t my problem. I just needed to be careful, like I was told.

  I stood still for a long moment and closed my eyes. The spins were finally gone. Thank goodness for a shower and water. I made a promise to myself that I’d never drink like that again.

  Jake was already lying in his bed looking super comfy under the covers. The back door was open and I worried that his mother or Notting would come out to the back yard and see us. I walked over shutting it.

  “No, leave it open,” he said startling me.

  I jumped. “Jake,” I whispered. “I thought you were asleep. I won’t be able to relax let alone sleep if this is open and your parent’s home.”

  “Alright, turn the fan on then?” he asked, pointing at a switch at the far wall.

  No matter how many times we’ve kissed, the thought of doing it again with him made me weak at the knees. He looked perfectly rumpled as I rushed over, crawling up next to him.

  “Nothing’s ever gonna match this, ever in my life,” I purred. I didn’t give a shit if I sounded like a lovesick teen. I was, so whatever.

  He inched over closer, lying on his side, caressing my leg. I didn’t care if I got grounded for the rest of the summer. I didn’t care if my parents found out in the morning. I was too tired to cover my tracks, too tired to text Nicole, Nadine or my brother. This was the last night of my life as far as I was concerned.

  Jake moved, his forearm grazing my boobs and my heart stopped. Was he gonna try to have sex with me tonight? My hands began to sweat. His hand cupped around my face. Our lips touched sending a surge through every inch of my body. All the ill feelings evaporated. We made out for I don’t know how long. I worried every time he moved his hands or shifted around that he would try to remove my clothes or touch me, down there. I would just die, because things were going on down there, and I was embarrassed. Every time he felt my thigh and lifted my leg, wrapping it around his hips, I moved it back.

  “Aly.” His voice was husky. “I’m not gonna try going any further than this.” He reassured, kissing me more firmly. “I just wanna be as close to you as I can.”

  A knock at the door sent my heart running across the floor. I gasped so loud Jake grabbed my head stuffing it into his chest.

  “Fuck, you gotta be kidding me,” he said in a low voice.

  I lay unmoving with my ear pressed against his heaving chest. His heart was racing.

  The muffled voice of Notting wedged through the door. “Jake, you awake?”

  “Uh, kinda.”

  “Can we talk?”

  I looked up at Jake shaking my head no, frantically. He got up quickly, pushing me, motioning for me to get in his closet. I still shook my head no. I held my hands out, gesturing at his obvious arousal and he grabbed his junk in response. I slapped my hands to my mouth, smiling, trying not to laugh.

  “Yeah, hold on, the doors locked,” he said, moving toward the door, still holding himself waving for me to disappear.

  I shut the door holding my breath and listened to their conversation. I was silently dying inside, hysterical with laughter and embarrassment for him, and me.

  “Hey,” Jake said.

  “Hello, I didn’t wake you did I?”

  “I was almost out,” Jake said matter of fact. His tone irritated.

  “Sorry mate. Just dropping Kate off. We went to a late dinner and met up with a promoter at the Viper Room.”

  I could hear Notting had moved all the way into the room. My heart started to beat louder and faster. I was barely breathing, exhaling as quietly as I could. I prayed I wouldn’t feel sick again when the wooziness returned. Then he spoke.

  “Really quick,” he paused. “Your mum is really concerned about this friend of yours and I, uh, just want to see where your head is at.”

  I wanted to pass out when I heard his words. Kate didn’t like me. I was instantaneously crushed. How was this supposed to work between Jake and I if she didn’t approve of me? My mind spun out of control.

  “Nott, look man, she’s pissing me off. She’s making this a bigger deal than it is. I’m sure Aly wouldn’t be too happy to know she was feeling this way.”

  “No big deal, eh, you’re writing love songs about her, and it’s no big deal?”

  There was silence. I was for sure about to shit a basketball. I couldn’t believe it, he really was writing about me. Oh my God, Jake was probably dying, knowing I could hear their conversation.

  Jake laughed nervously. “Yeah, well, she inspires me like that,” he said flatly.

  “I’m not going to pry. I’m not going to lecture. I’ll be here if you want to tall,” Notting said, speaking in his refined English accent.

  God, I loved his accent. He sounded like Jude Law. I wish Jake sounded like that, I thought. I sat quietly with my knees pulled to my chest.

  Finally, Jake spoke. “Nott, ok, here it is. What’s going on with Aly is unexpected. She’s not all fucked up like the other girls who follow us around, you know.”

  “I see.”

  “I mean, I don’t know what the big deal is.”

  I could hear Notting sigh deeply. “The bid deal, son, is she’s too young for you.”

  Now, I really could have shit a basketball, strike four. Now that’s four people who didn’t want me in Jake’s life: Rachel, Cara (whoever she was), Kate and Notting. Not to mention my sister, who would have a fucking field day if she could hear this. I was sick and defeated.

  “I thought you weren’t going to lecture,” he said, cynically. “Don’t you think that’s my choice?”

  “You’re right, I’m sorry.” He paused. “Yes, ultimately, it is your choice.”

  “Notting, haven’t you ever liked anyone younger than you, when you were my age? Seriously man, I don’t get it. I know plenty of guys that have younger girlfriends.”

  “Yes, I have gone out with younger women.” He admitted. “However, my situation was quite different than yours.”

  “No, no it wasn’t.” Jake’s voice grew louder. “You were in a band, just like me at my age, so you’re telling me you never liked or hooked up with girls younger than you? Tell me the truth, Notting. Geez, I’m not even eighteen yet.”

  “Jake, that’s beside the point. These are different times. Please tell me that this is still an innocent diversion.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “So, you have no intention of taking this girl’s virg
inity assuming she still is one.”

  I almost choked on my spit. No he didn’t just ask that! Oh, my God! Wait until I tell the girls. They’re gonna die.

  “No.”

  “The longer this relationship continues, the harder it will be for me to believe that,” Notting replied.

  “Why does it matter?” Jake asked defiantly. “I mean come on, Notting. Since we’re being what you’d call ‘frank’ everyone loses their virginity at some point as a teen.”

  “That is very clear to the both of us. Your mum is mental about what the deal is with you.”

  “Come on…”

  Notting interrupted Jake. “We’re old enough to read between the lines.” Notting chuckled. “We both know you’ve had relations with girls. Of course your mother refuses to think about it, but here we are.”

  “Ok, I get it. I’m not shagging her. I have no intention either.” Jake responded.

  “Ah, well, I hope that’s the case.”

  “Are we done?” Jakes voice was faint.

  “Sure. I’m heading home now too. Good night.”

  I sat waiting. I heard the door shut and it seemed like forever before I heard anything else. I wondered if Jake walked out with him, but I didn’t dare move. I couldn’t believe what I’d just overheard. I peaked out and Jake stood near the door, looking at me sheepishly.

  35

  Jake

  If Aly didn’t realize what she meant to me, she did now. I was both euphoric and terrified all at once. She crept out with her shirt pulled tight and wadded at her chest, nervous, and looked at the door. I turned, locking it. I couldn’t formulate my next words, what else could I say? She stood next to my guitar looking ever more demure and I wondered what she must be thinking. I was too afraid to ask. How ironic, at that moment both she and my guitar were staring at me. I’d always expressed myself through my music, now my words were raw. I was completely exposed.

  “You know that song I’d mentioned to you earlier?” I said as I walked over next to her and grabbed my guitar. I lingered a bit, taking in her eyes, trying to mind read her.