Choices

by Michelle MacQueen

  “How’s Ethan?” Meghan asked. “I was looking for him earlier.” There was something in her voice that Michaela didn’t trust.

  “He’s fine.” Michaela scrutinized the girl standing in front of her. Even though they were friends, Michaela had never liked Meghan. In high school, Meghan was the “it” girl and most people only knew Michaela’s name because of who her parents were or because she was Ethan Walker’s girlfriend.

  “I’ll bet he is...” Meghan said. “Fine, that is.” She walked off without a second glance.

  Michaela learned a long time ago just to ignore what most of these people said. She thought she’d get away from this life when she moved out and went to college, but there were people like that everywhere. She went to Brown because that’s where her mother went. It was expected. She joined her mom’s sorority. She even applied to her dad’s law school, Columbia. She didn’t have a say in any of it. Her brother went down the same path, but then he did get out. He created a home in New York. She was looking forward to doing the same. Once she finished Law School, she was hoping she could make her own life. With Ethan? She thought so, but she didn’t know how she could escape the world she’d grown up in if he was still by her side. He’d never want to leave it all.

  The sad truth was that she didn’t know if she even wanted to be a lawyer. She didn’t know what she wanted to do, but she didn’t think she’d ever get the chance to find out for herself.

  Michaela spent hours playing the hostess that night. She talked to so many people that her head started to hurt. Luckily, Chris showed up with a drink just when she needed it.

  “Want a break?” He led her away from the crowd.

  “God yes.” She rubbed her face. “My feet are killing me in these shoes, and if I have to talk to one more air-headed socialite or boring client of Dad’s that can’t keep their eyes off my boobs, I’m going to explode.”

  Chris chuckled as she downed half the wine he brought. “I’ve been here less than a day and I’m already ready to get back to the city.”

  “And I’m so ready to go with you.” She emptied her glass and set it on a passing waiter’s tray. They walked past the present table without a second glance and headed straight for the desserts. There was a birthday cake, but she knew there would be no singing or candles. “Too childish,” or “too pedestrian,” her mom would say.

  “Michaela, dear, you might want to lay off the desserts.” Her mom appeared at her side as if the mere thought of her had brought her forth. “You’ve gotten a little pudgy this summer.” She patted her daughter’s back and walked away before Michaela could even make herself speak.

  “Don’t listen to her.” Chris plopped an extra piece of cake on her plate.

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  The pool house was off limits for the party so that’s where they went. She sat on one of the lounge chairs and focused on her food.

  “Is it just me,” Michaela said between mouthfuls, “or does this birthday have an extra helping of suck?”

  “What else happened?” Chris asked.

  “I know the only reason Dad came home early is because he has to meet an important client for golf tomorrow.”

  “Yeah.” Chris focused on the ground. “Did you know he’s been in the city a lot lately? He only called me as he was leaving last time.” Michaela reached over and grabbed her brother’s hand in understanding. They’d known nannies better than they knew their own parents.

  The silence was suddenly broken by footsteps coming towards them from the other side of the pool house. Someone was about to interrupt their escape. Michaela just hoped it wasn’t their mom.

  It wasn’t. A big blond head poked around the corner and she jumped out of her seat, squealing.

  “Josh,” she yelled, flinging herself into his open arms. He laughed as he spun her around.

  “Hey, sis,” he said, putting her down next to him. Michaela wasn’t really his sister, but he’d always called her that. Josh was Ethan’s little brother and, by extension, family. “Hey, Chris.”

  “Hey, man,” Chris responded. “We didn’t know you’d be here.”

  “I had a break in my training schedule, so I figured I’d come home for a few days.”

  Josh was a hockey player. A good one. He was drafted last year by Columbus so that made them Michaela’s new favorite team. She grew up watching the Rangers on TV, but that didn’t stop her from switching her allegiance.

  “You’re huge!” She grinned. “You were a lot scrawnier last time I saw you.”

  “That was two years ago.” He shrugged. “It was bound to happen.”

  “We watched the draft on TV last year. I was so proud of you.” He blushed at that, and she couldn’t help the laugh that came bubbling up. “I can’t believe you might play in the NHL this year.”

  “I’ll mostly be in the minors, but Coach said I’ll probably get a call up at some point. If I do well in camp, I could start the season with them before they send me down.”

  “That so cool, man,” Chris said.

  “Yeah.” Josh paused. “They’re looking for you guys back at the party.”

  “You mean my mom is, right?” Michaela sighed.

  “And Ethan.” Josh winked.

  “You guys go ahead and look for them.” Chris waved them on. “I’m going to get another drink.”

  “Ooooh, going to see bartender boy?”

  “Michaela.” Chris shot her a warning glance.

  “What? Josh knows.”

  “I totally know, dude,” Josh said and the two of them were laughing as they walked away.

  “So, Columbia next month eh?” Josh asked after they’d been walking for a bit.

  “Yeah,” Michaela grumbled.

  “You don’t sound too excited.”

  “I can’t wait to live in the city, but I hate the thought of being in class again.”

  “I hear you,” he said.

  “Yeah, because being a nineteen-year-old hockey player who will probably be making millions before I graduate is totally the same thing.”

  “Touché.” He smirked, but then his face grew serious. “I’ve missed you, Mic.” He stopped walking and rubbed the back of his head nervously. “This is where I leave you.”

  “What?” she asked. “What’s going on?”

  Josh kept backing away, and it was only then that Michaela saw Ethan coming towards her. Her face lit up, and he mirrored the expression.

  When he reached her, Ethan kissed her long and hard before taking her arm and leading her towards the main party. People were milling about, many sitting at tables, talking and eating.

  “Can I have everyone’s attention?” Ethan called over the noise. Michaela caught Josh’s eye, and he winked before she turned her attention back to Ethan. The band had stopped playing, and the party grew quiet, so Ethan started talking again.

  “We are here today to celebrate the birthday of Michaela Ann Matthews. Some of you know that I have been her better half for going on seven years.” The crowd laughed at his joke, but Michaela just glanced at Ethan nervously. He wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were glued to the crowd who were eating up his every word. He was a Walker, they’d laugh at whatever he said.

  “I think seven years is long enough, don’t you?” he continued. “I think it’s about time we get married.” Ethan flashed the ring towards the partygoers before finally turning to Michaela. “What do you say?”

  Michaela swore that her heart stopped, but not because it burst with love or anything romantic like that. Fear gripped her as she looked from Ethan to the crowd and then to her mother. Her mom nodded as if she could control her daughter’s answer from where she stood.

  “Ethan ...” Michaela croaked. She felt like she should’ve known the answer as soon as he asked. Should terror have been the emotion to strike her?

  “Just say yes, babe,” he cut her off.

  As she stared at the people around her, Michaela realized what her answer needed to be. She knew Ethan. Sh
e knew what he’d expect the moment they were engaged. She’d have to give up New York. She’d have to give up her chance to break free from this world. She wasn’t ready for that.

  “Ethan ...” she said again as tears pooled in her eyes. She thought she could feel the cracks forming in her heart. Why did he have to ask now? Why couldn’t he wait? “Ethan, I love you, but I can’t. I’m so sorry.” She started to walk away, but she could hear him behind her.

  “You don’t get to run from me.” He lowered his voice so only she could hear. “Don’t be such a bitch. This is happening.”

  Michaela felt the heat from the crowd’s stares burning into her back as the tears let loose. “No, it’s not.” She sprinted towards the beach, needing to hide from the eyes watching her every move. Judging. Evaluating.

  Ethan reached the beach moments after she did. Anger radiated off him in waves.

  “I thought that was what you wanted,” he yelled.

  “Ethan, I do, just not now.”

  “Well, now is the only time I’m offering it,” he growled.

  “I can’t. I don’t want all of that.” She gestured towards the party and thought he knew what she meant. “At least not yet.”

  “Dammit, I wish you would’ve told me that seven years ago and I never would’ve gotten involved with a bitch like you.” He stepped close to her and narrowed his eyes. “If you think you can just embarrass me in front of everyone in town and waltz out, then...”

  “Then what?” Another voice broke in. Michaela looked up to find Chris and Josh, the latter with a hand on his brother’s arm, trying to pull him away from her.

  “Chris,” Michaela said, as he pulled her to him and her chest heaved with sobs.

  “Don’t threaten my sister.” Chris’ voice held a warning.

  “Your sister isn’t worth it anyways,” Ethan shot back. “Stuck-up little whore.”

  Michaela barely saw it happen. Chris stepped away from her and in the same movement, punched Ethan, flattening him to the sand.

  “Come on, sis, let’s get out of here, tonight.”

  Michaela hugged Josh and glanced down at Ethan once more before Chris led her away. Before she knew it, they were in the car driving away from her old life and headed for New York City.

  Chapter Two

  Every morning was the same. Michaela woke up feeling like everything was okay, and then it hit her like a fist to the gut. She’d lost the man she thought she was going to marry. She still did want to marry him, one day. Why did he have to ask me now? She couldn’t say yes, not yet. Michaela knew the moment she was engaged to Ethan Walker, she’d be sucked back into that world. His family would have expected her to give up Columbia. She didn’t care about law school so much, but she couldn’t give up New York City. She couldn’t give up her chance to create her own life, away from her parents’ expectations and judgments. She was pretty sure she would’ve suffocated in Connecticut.

  Michaela always assumed she’d end up back there some day. Ethan would join his father’s medical practice, and she’d attend all the social functions with a pained smile pasted to her face. Just the thought of it sent her head reeling.

  What Michaela wanted for her life had always been at odds with her love for Ethan, but she knew she’d eventually choose him. She knew he hadn’t meant the awful things he said. That had been the alcohol and the hurt. They’d been together for so long that she didn’t know who she was without him.

  Ethan hadn’t called since she left, and Michaela was staring at his name in her phone, again. She’d barely been out of bed all week, instead living on cereal and Netflix. She knew she had to get it together. School started in a few days and she was not looking forward to it. If there was one thing Michaela did know, it was that she did not want to be the corporate lawyer that her dad expected her to be.

  Making a snap decision, Michaela scrolled past Ethan’s name in her contacts and found the number she was looking for. She cleared her throat of the phlegm the crying had created and waited for someone to answer.

  “Columbia Admissions,” the voice came over the receiver.

  “Uh, hi. My name is Michaela Matthews. I’m supposed to be starting law school in a few days, but I need to defer.”

  “I can get the paperwork put through. Are you sure this is what you’d like to do?”

  “Positive.” Michaela gave the rest of the information that was needed and hung up. “What did I just do?” she whispered, falling back onto her pillows.

  That was when the panic started. What am I doing? Michaela thought. Here she was, in New York City, no boyfriend and no school. She felt like everything that kept her tethered to the earth was suddenly gone.

  Her hands shook as she set her phone aside. She closed her eyes and a wave a nausea hit her. Had she eaten today? Michaela dragged herself out of bed. As she passed by the mirror, she caught her reflection and saw her tangled hair and the red splotches that always appeared on her face when she cried. She was not an attractive crier. She considered putting a robe on over her short-shorts and tank, but then remembered her brother wasn’t home. Sighing, she made her way to the kitchen in search of some Lucky Charms.

  The box was sitting on the kitchen counter, but when she lifted it, it was empty. “Come on!” She stomped towards the trash can to throw it away and stopped when she heard the TV on in the living room.

  “Chris,” she called, walking towards the couch. “If the box is empty...” She stopped, realizing it wasn’t her brother sitting on the couch eating her Lucky Charms.

  “Hey,” the man said, lifting one corner of his mouth.

  “Where’s my brother?” If Michaela was going to live there, they needed ground rules. Chris couldn’t just bring strange men home.

  “He had to go meet a client,” he said.

  “Who are you?”

  “Jason. I’m a friend of Chris’s.”

  “I gathered that. What are you doing here?” Suddenly realizing how underdressed she was, she crossed her arms over her bra-less front.

  “Eating.” He held up his spoon as proof.

  “Why are you here eating my cereal rather than back wherever you crawled out of?” Michaela didn’t know where the anger was coming from, but she couldn’t seem to stop it. She felt awful and needed someone to take it out on. This stranger was just here. He didn’t take offense though; he just laughed, making her feel even worse.

  “Your brother asked me to check on you.”

  “I’m fine,” she said, completely aware of what a mess she must look like… not like this guy would care, since he just spent the night with her brother. She had to admit, her brother had good taste. Thinking about Jason’s blond hair made her eyes start to water again. That was the only similarity between him and Ethan, but it was enough.

  Unable to hold the tears back any longer, she turned and fled back into her room before her chest heaved with sobs. She slid down the wall and pulled her knees in, hugging them close.

  “Are you okay?”

  Michaela didn’t answer as she looked up to where Jason was standing in the open doorway. She wiped her eyes and glanced away. She wanted to tell him to go away, but the words wouldn’t come past her heavy sobs.

  He hesitated, still watching her, before he sat next to her. His presence barely registered as she detached herself further from her own life. This was happening to someone else. The tears were not her own. They couldn’t be. She clutched her stomach, focusing on the pain.

  “Hey.” His voice was a lifeline, soft and sure; a tether to her life. Unfamiliar, but sincere. His hand on her back nearly broke her, and she turned, burying her face in the stranger’s chest. The solidness of Jason’s arms around her held her together when everything around her was falling apart.

  She’d said no. To Ethan. To the life they’d planned. To law school and her parents dreams.

  Her head bobbed. “What do I do now?”

  “What?”

  The question hadn’t been for Jason so she didn’
t answer him. She had nothing. She was nothing. A college graduate, yes, but with no real dreams of her own.

  “I don’t know how to do this.” She clutched his shirt as if the strange comfort from her brother’s unknown friend would disappear if she let it.

  “I don’t know what happened,” Jason whispered. “I don’t know you, but we’re all stronger that we think we are.”

  She’d be eternally grateful he didn’t tell her it was going to be okay.

  “I don’t feel strong.”

  His hand brushed her cheek as he tucked her hair behind her ear. “Trust me on this one.”

  Another sob shook her.

  “You should try to get some more sleep,” Jason finally said. She nodded, and he helped her to her bed. He turned to leave, but she grabbed his hand.

  “Please... I...” She sighed, “I don’t want to be alone.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and let out a breath. After a few tense moments, he sat with his back against the headboard. He was stiff at first, but then she felt his arms come around her again when she curled into his side.

  It should have been weird, but it was... comfortable. She’d have to thank her brother for sharing his boyfriend later.

  Jason’s shirt was damp with tears underneath her cheek, but he didn’t seem to mind. He rubbed small circles on her back until her breathing evened out, her eyes dried, and she fell asleep.

  “I see you two have met.” Chris’s voice came from the doorway, waking them. Jason had fallen asleep as well, but he jumped at the sound of her brother’s voice.

  “Sorry, bro,” Michaela said, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly, “I borrowed your friend and his wonderful arms to keep from dying of self-pity.”

  “Is that a smile?” Chris crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the door frame. “Who are you and what have you done with my sister?”

  He was right, for the first time in a week, Michaela didn’t feel like bursting into tears.

  Jason detached himself and Michaela sat up. “Food?”