Choices

by Michelle MacQueen

  “You mean you’re done living on cereal?” he asked mockingly. “Take a shower and we’ll go out. You need to get out of this apartment.” He turned but stopped before walking away. “Jason, that’s not an excuse for you to take a shower with my sister.” He laughed as he walked away and Michaela felt her face heating up as she looked at the man beside her. She hadn’t noticed how cute he was before. The gay ones always were. His curly, blond hair was flattened from sleep, but his blue eyes were striking and his smile was warm.

  “Um,” she started, “thanks for... you know.”

  “Any time.” He smiled.

  “Do you think we could start over right now and forget about all of this?”

  “In bed?” he smirked.

  “Look...”

  “I’m just kidding.” He held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Jason Marks.”

  “Michaela Matthews.” She took his hand, and he smiled before releasing her and standing.

  “Whoever it was you were crying about is an idiot.” He stopped before reaching the door. “I think we’re going to be friends, Michaela Matthews.” He was gone before she could respond.

  Michaela jumped in the shower and had to stop herself from sitting down and letting the hot water scorch away her tears. I am done crying. She told herself that over and over. If she repeated it enough, maybe it would be true. He wouldn’t wait for me, so I will not cry over Ethan Walker anymore. He does not deserve my tears, she thought to herself. Did the seven years she spent with him deserve tears? What about the plans she made with him? No. She scrubbed vigorously until her skin felt raw. She wanted to hit something.

  Chris was waiting for her when she was finally dressed and they headed for a cafe around the corner.

  “I just want to say this,” Michaela started after the waitress took their drink orders. “I’ve come to the conclusion that I just can’t cry anymore, so don’t ask me how I’m doing. It’s that breaking point where you either go into some deep depression or you move on with your life. I don’t do depression, so I’m going to try to move on.”

  “Does Jason have anything to do with this new outlook?”

  “Why would he?” she asked. “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m his type.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s gay.”

  Chris almost spat water at her as he started laughing. “By the way he was holding you, I think he’d be pretty upset you thought so.”

  Michaela‘s face heated at his words.

  “He doesn’t have a problem with my preferences,” Chris continued, “but he definitely likes women.” The previous few hours flashed through her mind. She was such a wreck. His chest, his arms were the only things that kept her from floating away in her misery. “Stop!”

  “What?” she asked.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Chris commanded. “Jason is a good guy. He is not your rebound. In fact, don’t rebound with any of my friends.”

  “I’m not going to rebound.” She lowered her voice. “We just broke up.”

  “Exactly. Trust me, sis. You will need a rebound sooner than you think. It’ll get that ass out of your system.”

  “I can’t even hear this right now.”

  “Well, that’s not all I have to say. You’ve been wallowing in your room for too long now. It’s time to get back to your life. Law school orientation is in a few days. Are you ready?”

  “I’m not going.”

  “Don’t make a decision you’ll regret.”

  “I’m not,” Michaela said but was then interrupted by the waitress coming to take their order. “I’ll have a cheeseburger, medium well, and fries. Mom hasn’t let me have fries all summer.”

  Chris ordered a turkey club and then turned back to her. “Mic...”

  “No. While I was wallowing in that room’, I did a lot of thinking. I don’t want to be a lawyer. At least not right now. So I won’t.”

  “Mom...”

  “Mom can deal.”

  “Can you stop interrupting me?” Chris was annoyed but there was something else in his voice. “I was going to say that Mom will be pissed, but I’m proud of you.”

  “Oh.” She smiled. “Thanks.”

  Their food came, and they focused on eating for a bit before Chris put down his sandwich and looked at her intently. “Okay, here’s what you’ll do. I assume you’ve already deferred Columbia. We can tell Mom and Dad you want some experience in a law firm first. My firm has an opening for a receptionist. I can get you the job and you can work there while figuring out your next step.”

  Michaela could’ve jumped across the table and given her big brother a hug. He had everything figured out. She could stay in the city and work to put everything else behind her. Instead, she just nodded. “That works.”

  “Cool, well, you up for going out tonight?” Chris rarely stayed in during the week, let alone the weekends. Michaela found herself agreeing because he was right. She needed some fun.

  Don’t go there, Jason told himself for the millionth time that day.

  Michaela. Man, that girl was a wreck. Jason balled a bar towel in his hands, gripping it as hard as he could. What he really wanted to do was wring the neck of whoever it was that made those tears fall down that beautiful face. He didn’t understand why he was feeling so protective of a girl he barely knew. Jason was not a violent man. In fact, he abhorred it. He’d had his bouncer kick more people out of his bar than he could count for even hinting at problems.

  Jason threw the towel onto the bar and headed towards the back to help unload a beer delivery. His muscles strained as he carried a case inside.

  “Hey, boss.” Aaron, the bar’s assistant manager, came in behind him.

  “Happy you finally decided to grace us with your presence.” Jason dropped his load with a grunt and went out for another.

  “Sorry, dude, I had a thing.”

  “We open in an hour.” Jason’s voice was flat.

  “It was important.” Aaron put another case down and looked at his boss nervously.

  “Yeah yeah.” Jason waved him away to continue working. “I’m just going to make you close tonight so I can get some beauty rest.”

  “You need it, man.” Aaron grinned.

  “What? With this face? If anything, I should have to stay up all the time just to make it fair for you lot.” They both laughed, and all was forgiven.

  Jason was a good boss, in part because he trusted his employees. He knew Aaron. If he had a situation, Jason believed it was important enough to be late to work. He wasn’t too hard on anyone who worked for him. He realized that the bar might be his life, but it wasn’t theirs. For them, it was only a job, and that was how it should be.

  The place was named Jason’s. Jason caught flak from his friends for naming the place after himself, but it wasn’t an ego thing. The bar was the only true home Jason had ever had. Growing up in the foster system, it was the only big thing he’d ever owned. So he put his name on it as a claim. As proof to himself that he had something in this world.

  Before she died, Jason’s mom had liked to say that the only thing in this life you can own is the heart beating in your chest. He believed that until he fell in love. That’s when you no longer own your own heart. You give someone else the power to keep it safe or break it altogether. Briahna had chosen the latter.

  He shook his head to rid it of those memories as his mind wandered back to the girl with the long, tangled mess of auburn hair. She was beautiful despite the streaks of black mascara and the constant trembling. He thought he might have imagined it, but she seemed to light up when he finally got her to talk long enough to introduce herself.

  Jason and Aaron opened the bar, and it filled up quickly. It was a popular spot in that part of the city. Jason liked to help out behind the bar on crazy weekend nights, so he started pouring a row of shots for a group of girls who looked like they were on a mission to party. A pretty brunette smiled at him, and he returned the gesture. He thought he was just being nice,
but she seemed to take it as an invitation. Her eyes didn’t leave him as she threw back her shot and tried to pull him out from behind the bar to hit the dance floor.

  Jason finally managed to extricate himself from the girl’s grip and ducked back behind the bar.

  “Sorry, doll,” he said. “I’m a little too busy for dancing tonight.” She pushed her bottom lip out in a pout and then followed her friends away.

  “Shoulda taken her up on her offer.” Aaron nudged Jason and went back to pouring a beer for a waiting customer.

  “I don’t dance,” Jason responded.

  “Not the offer I was referring to, dude. You woulda had her up in your apartment in no time.”

  “Not interested.”

  “Live a little.” Aaron grinned, but Jason knew what was hiding underneath. They’d known each other for years, and Aaron was always saying Jason needed to get out more.

  “That’s not how I want to live.” Jason’s voice had a hint of finality to it, and Aaron threw his arms up in defeat. He’d been goading him. Jason thought one-night-stands were pointless because they couldn’t lead to anything. He wasn’t made for anything short-term, yet he wasn’t ready for long-term. Not again.

  Jason was clearing a number of empty glasses from the bar when he heard Chris’s voice. He glanced towards the door and, sure enough, Chris had walked in with his sister in tow. A glass slipped from his hand, but he caught it before it could hit the ground and shatter. He straightened and turned his back on the bar to get control of himself. What was happening to him?

  The bar they went to was only a few blocks from the apartment, so they walked. Michaela had on her favorite yellow dress that she used to wear out sometimes in college. It always made her feel good because it hugged her sides but was slightly loose across the stomach.

  The place was crowded, but Chris pushed a path through the throng towards the bar where a few of his friends were waiting.

  “Guys, this is my sister.” He then pointed to the expectant faces in turn. “This is Maggie and Elijah.”

  “You need a drink,” Elijah shouted above the music. “Barkeep!”

  “Hold your horses, asshole.” The bartender hollered back. Elijah winked at her.

  “That’s no way to talk with ladies present,” Elijah kept going. The bartender finally turned around, and Michaela sucked in a breath when Jason’s face smiled back at them. “Douche bag thinks that just because he owns the place that he can keep his customers waiting.” Elijah was laughing now and so was Jason.

  “What can I get the lovely Michaela?” Jason asked.

  “Oh, you two already know each other?” Elijah just didn’t know when to shut up.

  “We’ve met.” Michaela cocked her head. “In bed, was it?”

  Elijah choked at that.

  “I believe it was.” Jason gave her a slight bow, his eyes shining. “We’re great friends.”

  “That we are.”

  “I’ll bet you need a drink.”

  “You would be right,” she said. “Can I get a Stella and a shot of Jameson?”

  “Coming right up.” Jason set her drinks on the bar and she threw back the shot immediately. He didn’t say anything but only looked at her, a crease between his eyebrows.

  “Do not ask me how I am.” She gripped her beer.

  “Wasn’t going to.” He threw his hands up in surrender.

  “Come dance.” Michaela looked around to see Chris’s friend Maggie pulling on her arm. Maggie was older than her, but she was one of those people that you couldn’t help but like the instant you saw her. Michaela sipped her beer and let herself be dragged away.

  She lost track of how much she drank but didn’t want to stop dancing as Chris and his friends brought her beer after beer. She could focus on the music and the buzzing of the alcohol through her veins. It felt good for her to escape and to forget even if just for a night.

  Strong hands grabbed her hips, pulling her back into a hard body. It was the same guy she’d been dancing with for the past hour. Michaela’s fuzzy mind couldn’t recall what he looked like or when they’d started dancing. She didn’t know where her brother was, but he’d had a lot to drink as well.

  Waves of dizziness pulsed through her and she tried to walk over to the tables, but her dance partner wouldn’t let her go. He spun her to face him. She pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge. Instead, he used one hand to tilt her chin up and the other to hold her against him as he kissed her. She squirmed, but didn’t have the strength to break free.

  “No,” she slurred. He didn’t stop. He smelled of whiskey, or that might have been her, but at the moment it made her want to puke.

  “Hey, asshole,” someone said, pulling the man away from her before punching him. “Get out of my bar.” The sudden removal of the person who was holding Michaela up caused her to stumble, but a different set of strong arms caught her before she hit the ground.

  “You alright?” Jason asked. She nodded as she felt the tears come to her eyes. “Chris,” he called, “I’m taking her home.” He picked Michaela up and, once again, she found herself crying into his shirt.

  “Put me down,” she said weakly as soon as they were outside. He obliged, and she bent over as the contents of her stomach emptied onto the street.

  When she was finished, she wiped her mouth and Jason helped her stumble the couple of blocks to the apartment. He carried her up the stairs and didn’t put her down until they were in her room. Disappearing for a minute, he returned with a glass of water.

  “You going to be okay?” he asked. Michaela nodded and buried her face in her pillow to stop the spinning. Within minutes, she was fast asleep.

  Jason stared down at the sleeping form of his best friend’s little sister. Chris would have his balls if he knew the thoughts that were running through his friend’s head.

  Michaela was passed out, drunk. Jason didn’t know what it was she’d been trying to forget, but he was pretty sure she’d succeeded in doing it. At least in that moment, she wasn’t thinking about anything at all. Chris said there’d been a guy and Michaela was trying to get over him. As he looked down at her, Jason couldn’t imagine anyone letting her go. There was something special about her. He wasn’t sure what, but he felt it the moment he met her. He could still see her tear-stained face and feel the way she’d so easily folded into his arms.

  Jason reached down and brushed a wisp of hair from Michaela’s cheek. She made a small groaning sound in her sleep and shifted lightly. Get a grip, man.

  With one more long look, Jason hightailed it out of the apartment. He had to get home and sleep it off. Hopefully, in the morning, he’d be able to think more clearly.

  He walked quickly and was within a block of the bar when a large hand grabbed at him from behind.

  “Who’s the asshole now?” his assailant yelled. Jason recognized the man he’d punched in the bar as he ducked away from the oncoming fist. The man was drunk and unsteady and went lurching forward. That was when Jason saw he wasn’t alone. He socked the first attacker, and the man went sprawling out face down on the sidewalk. The other two men grabbed him from behind and held him while the first got to his feet.

  “Come on, man,” Jason yelled, hoping that on some off chance, his voice would carry to the bouncer at his bar. “Argh!” He thrashed wildly, trying to break free.

  The man’s fist crashed into Jason’s ribs, and the pain reverberated through his body. The next few punches were to his stomach, and they didn’t stop coming. Jason’s attacker staggered backwards drunkenly, only to stumble forwards again and wail on him with an increasing intensity. Jason’s body eventually went limp in the two men’s arms as the third delivered one final blow to the side of his face that left him struggling to remain conscious. They dropped him to the ground and took off.

  Chapter Three

  Michaela stood in the kitchen the next morning when a guy came stumbling out of her brother’s room. He didn’t acknowledge her as he grabbed his shoes and rus
hed out the door.

  Chris came out not long after.

  “Oh, the morning after.” Michaela laughed, wincing slightly as it made her headache worse.

  “Don’t talk so loud,” Chris grumbled. She tossed him the aspirin and walked past him, bowl of cereal in hand.

  “Want to watch a movie?” Michaela asked.

  “As long as you keep the lights off.” Chris plunked down next to her on the couch. “My head is killing me.”

  “Who was that guy that practically ran by me this morning?”

  “I don’t remember his name.” Chris groaned. “We drank too much last night.”

  “Yeah, I don’t even remember how I got home.”

  “Jason.”

  “What?”

  “Jason brought you home.” Chris looked sideways at her. “Now, start the movie.”

  Neither Chris nor Michaela had any desire to go anywhere or do anything. They spent their hangovers eating pizza and watching movies. Michaela was too mortified to face Jason as the images of the night before came back to her.

  “He deals with drunk people for a living,” Chris said. “Although, I’ve never seen him hit anyone before.”

  “He punched someone?” Michaela scrunched her face, trying to remember.

  “Yeah, some guy that was trying to take advantage of you.”

  “Oh God.” She covered her face with her hands. “Now he’s only going to think of me as some crying, drunken mess who can’t take care of herself.”

  “He won’t once he gets to know you better,” he assured her. “Jason’s a good friend to have. Just be careful. Girls tend to fall for him and end up hurt.”

  “What does he do to them?”

  “Nothing. That’s the problem.” Chris heaved a sigh. “Jason doesn’t really date. Ever.”

  “Oh.” They turned on another movie but Michaela wasn’t paying attention. She had too much on her mind. That was the first day she could think about Ethan without breaking down. It wasn’t their first break up. They ended it for a few months sophomore year of college. She went a little nuts with partying and with boys - anything to take her mind off of him. This time was different though. This time was forever.