Choices

by Michelle MacQueen

  “Let’s just do this quickly, and then I can get back to sleep.” He lifted two cases and started walking. “I haven’t even been home to shower yet this morning.”

  “Congrats dude. Who was she?” Aaron wiggled his eyebrows.

  “I stayed at Maggie’s.” He grunted as he set his load down and went for another. “I drank with Elijah yesterday.”

  “Jason, man, I thought you were smarter than that.”

  “Not lately. These days I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.”

  “Dude.” Aaron held out an arm to stop Jason. “Are we about to have a heart-to-heart? I mean, I’m flattered. I didn’t know you considered me one of your close girlfriends.”

  “Yeah, well,” Jason said. “You’re as close to a girl as I see in this bar right now.”

  “Yeah,” Aaron scoffed, “because I’m the one who’s been mooning over Michaela for months now.” Jason gave him a surprised look and he laughed. “Talk about obvious, man.” He stopped and turned towards Jason. “Alright, lay it on me, dude. I’m a girlfriend for the moment. Just call me Britney or some shit.”

  “Really?” Jason laughed.

  “No, dumb ass. Not really. Just talk to me.”

  “She’s with her boyfriend in Connecticut. I talked to Chris yesterday morning and he told me Ethan was going to propose.”

  “Did she say yes?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Does she know how you feel about her?” Aaron disappeared into the store room with a case, returning a moment later.

  “No.”

  “Shit, man.” Aaron slapped Jason on the back of the head. “You really are brain-dead, aren’t you?” Jason rubbed the spot on his head where Aaron hit him, and looked at the floor. He knew his friend was right.

  “I need to go to Connecticut, don’t I?”

  “Of course you do.”

  Jason breathed deeply and made a decision. “Tomorrow. Elijah is busy tonight, but he can help you cover the bar tomorrow. I’ll leave in the morning. I need to call Mags. She’ll give me her car.”

  “I’ll finish here and then load up the cooler.”

  “Thanks, Aaron. You make a pretty damn good girlfriend.” Jason turned away and laughed.

  “I’m going to pretend you never said that.”

  It was just after eight in the morning when Jason pulled up outside Michaela’s house. After closing the bar late the night before, he hadn’t been able to sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Michaela and decided to get an early start. He had a strange feeling that he couldn’t explain. This was where he needed to be.

  Normally, Jason would’ve waited until a better hour to go to the house. He didn’t want to wake anyone up. But something was urging him up the long drive.

  Chris had described his parents’ house to him before, but it was much more impressive in person. He’d never been to a house so large. It was hard to imagine the Michaela and Chris he knew growing up behind the ornate double doors or playing in the perfectly manicured yard.

  Jason was so close now. If Michaela rejected him, fine, but at least he would’ve given it a shot. He got out of the car and looked around. If this was the kind of life she wanted, there was nothing he could do about that. If she chose Ethan, he’d have to live with it. Ethan could give her so much more than Jason could. But did she really love him? The Michaela he knew was more than all of this.

  Jason didn’t have family connections. Hell, he didn’t have family except for Maggie. He did well with the bar, but he’d never be rich. His life was in the city, not in the country clubs near the beach.

  Jason reached the doors but, before he could ring the bell, they swung open. A maid stood in the doorway of a large entryway.

  “Hello, sir,” she said. “Can I help you?”

  “Uh,” Jason started. “I’m here to see Michaela.” The maid’s polite smile dropped, and she looked like she was about to cry.

  “Are you...” she stammered. “Are you a friend of Miss Matthews’?”

  “Yeah.” Jason blew out a breath that looked like steam in the cold morning air. This seemed to snap the maid out of her own thinking.

  “Forgive me, sir,” she said, moving aside. “You must be freezing. Come in. Mr. Matthews is in the kitchen. Follow me.”

  “But I’m here to see Michaela.” Jason didn’t like the prospect of seeing Michaela’s father again, especially when she wasn’t standing next to him. He wondered what his reaction would be if Michaela did choose Jason. He wouldn’t be happy.

  “Sir, please just follow me.”

  Jason barely saw the rooms they passed as dread settled in his stomach. What was he supposed to say to the man?

  Before they entered the kitchen, Jason could hear the sounds of cooking taking place. From what Michaela told him of her mother he doubted it was her. Damn, did they have cooks too?

  The maid pushed through the door and motioned him inside.

  “Mr. Matthews,” she said. “There’s a visitor here for Miss Michaela.” She hurried away, and Jason looked around the busy kitchen until his eyes landed on his best friend, hunched over a cup of coffee on the counter.

  Chris looked up, and Jason rushed to his side. His friend’s eyes were red with large dark circles beneath them. His hair was still messed from sleep. He wore a simple pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that were creased and wrinkled. He raised his mug to his lips and took a long drink before setting it down and finally meeting Jason’s eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” Jason asked.

  “Everything.” Chris broke eye contact.

  “Christopher,” one of the cooks said. “You need to eat something. Nothing is going to be made better by you starving yourself.”

  “I’m not hungry, Travis.”

  “I’ve been cooking your food since you were an annoying little snot. You will eat whatever I put in front of you.” Travis set down a plate piled with eggs, bacon, and hash browns. “Eat. Now. You haven’t eaten a full meal since it happened.”

  “Fine,” Chris gave in. “Jason will have some too. He’s going to need something in his stomach when I tell him.”

  “Tell me what?” Jason cut in.

  “Yes, he will.” Travis set another plate down and gave Jason a sympathetic look before turning back to his work.

  “Chris, tell me what’s going on.”

  “For a split-second, when I saw you walk in that door, I thought you knew. I thought that was why you were here. I was relieved I wouldn’t have to tell you. But then I noticed your eyes. You came here to finally tell my sister you love her, didn’t you?”

  Jason nodded, and Chris broke down. He pushed his plate away and rested his elbows on the table with his head in his hands. When his body began to shake, Jason put a hand on his shoulder.

  “Tell me,” he pleaded. Chris continued to sob and Jason felt tears coming to his eyes although he didn’t quite know why. “Chris, please.”

  “There was an accident.”

  “Is she okay?”

  Chris looking up then and started shaking his head. He looked so broken.

  “You mean ...” Jason started but Chris interrupted him.

  “She’s still alive,” he said, wiping his eyes. Jason relaxed back into his chair and sighed.

  “That’s good then, right?”

  “She hasn’t woken up yet. Neither has my dad.”

  “Your dad?”

  “Yeah, they were together. They left the Walker’s house before we even ate Thanksgiving dinner. All I know is that Ethan had a black eye, and they were gone. It’s all Ethan’s fault.” It wasn’t anger that filled Chris’s voice, it was desperation.

  Jason didn’t say anything to that. All he could think about was the possibility that Michaela would never wake up. He’d never see her smile again or listen to her argue about hockey, knowing she was always right. If she died, he felt like he would too.

  “I need to see her.” He stood suddenly and Chris followed suit.

  “Le
t me take a quick shower and we’ll go. I was with her most of the night and was sent home with the directive to come back cleaner and fed.”

  “Okay, but hurry.”

  “Will do.”

  The hospital was busy by the time Jason and Chris walked through the doors. Nurses in dark blue scrubs manned the desks and went to and from patient rooms. Doctors hurried in and out of those same rooms, their long white lab coats billowing out behind them. There was noise. Constant noise. Jason had managed to avoid hospitals since his parents died when he was a kid, but he remembered the smell. It was the distinct reek of the cleaning chemicals that had been overused to mask the underlying odor of unwashed bodies.

  On a normal day, being in a hospital would bring back memories. It was, after all, where he became an orphan before being shuffled off to foster care. But today, he didn’t think about that. He barely saw the faces he passed or heard the voices of those around him. He only had one thing on his mind. He had to see Michaela.

  “Which way?” he asked Chris when they stepped off the elevator. Chris just pointed down the hall to their right and started walking. He’d barely said anything on the way over. Jason knew he was just trying not to fall apart completely. He understood because he was trying to avoid doing the same.

  Chris stopped when they were almost to the end of the hall, and someone was walking out of the second to last room. It wasn’t until he turned that Jason recognized him. Ethan. Chris tensed up beside him and Jason saw his hands curl into fists at his side. Jason knew why he hated the guy, but what had happened to make Chris react this way?

  Ethan frowned when he saw them and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Hey Chris, man. Look, I’m sorry about Mic.” He barely finished what he was saying before Chris lunged. He was bigger than Ethan, so Ethan didn’t stand a chance. Chris’s fist connected with the side of Ethan’s face, and he staggered but didn’t fall. Jason knew he should stop it, but he thought Chris needed this and he didn’t give a damn about Ethan. Nurses came running, but they didn’t try to break up the fight. They only gawked.

  Chris pinned Ethan up against the wall and kneed him in the groin. Ethan would have doubled over had Chris not still been holding him upright. Chris lifted him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him back into the concrete wall.

  “You...” He slammed him again. “It’s all your fault.”

  “Chris,” Ethan wheezed. “I don’t-”

  “They left because of you. I don’t know what you did, but I will find out.”

  At that moment, Jason stepped forward and put a hand on Chris’s shoulder.

  “When Michaela wakes up, she’s going to be pretty pissed if you’ve beaten her boyfriend to a bloody pulp.”

  Chris gripped Ethan tighter and looked him in the eye. “Michaela broke up with you, didn’t she?” Ethan nodded furiously. “And you did something to make her leave, but my dad caught you.” Ethan kept nodding, more slowly this time. Chris pulled him from the wall and released him. He shoved him and Ethan went stumbling before finally falling to the ground. “Don’t come back here.” With that, Chris turned into the room.

  Jason stood for a moment longer, watching Ethan hurry away. He’d never seen Chris like that.

  Jason couldn’t help but hope he had something to do with Michaela finally breaking it off with Ethan. He shook off that thought immediately. All that mattered in that moment was that she was okay.

  He stopped abruptly as soon as he entered the room. Michaela looked like she was sleeping. Her beautiful face was bruised and swollen with little cuts, but she wore the most peaceful expression. He hesitated before moving any closer.

  “You can talk to her,” a small woman said from the chair next to her bed. She stood and walked over to give Chris a hug. Her eyes were rimmed in red and the tears still clung to her eyelashes. She looked fragile. Much different from the first time he’d met her. Tragedy has a way of making even the strongest people vulnerable.

  “Mom, you remember Jason,” Chris said.

  “Oh, the bar owner.” She gave him the tiniest of smiles. “Yes.”

  “How is she?” Jason asked.

  “The doctors think she’ll wake up soon.” She turned to her son and took his hand in her own. “Chris, your father woke about two hours ago. He’s been in an out of sleep since then. Come with me to see him.” She wasn’t ordering her son; it was more like a plea.

  Before he left, Chris pointed to the now vacant chair. “Sit and talk to her. She’ll want to hear your voice.”

  Jason swallowed hard and nodded. Chris shut the door behind him, and Jason was left alone with Michaela. He sat and reached out to hold her hand but then pulled his own back sharply. He was scared to touch her. She looked so frail. He let out a choked sob.

  “Michaela,” he cried. “Mic. I don’t know if you can hear any of this, but I have so much to tell you. I’ve been so stupid. I should have told you a long time ago how in love with you I am. That’s what I came to Connecticut for. I expected to find you in a turkey coma, not an actual one.” He took her hand, without hesitation this time, and squeezed it. He’d half-expected to feel the pressure of her hand holding on but it was limp. There was no movement. He rested his forehead on the bed next to her leg and cried. He’d have given anything to feel her stroke his hair and tell him it was going to be okay. But it wasn’t okay.

  Jason’s next words were strangled coming out, but he knew that if she could hear him, she’d understand.

  “Come back to me.”

  Michaela sat on her blanket, looking out at the ocean. It was a calm day. The water was dark and glassy and it shone where the sun permeated its surface. For some reason, she couldn’t tell if the air was warm or cold. That’s weird, she thought. She shrugged it off and leaned back.

  This was her beach. The only place she felt at peace. It was perfect - a perfect place, a perfect day. She reached down to smooth her favorite white skirt and didn’t look up until she saw her brother walking by the shore line. He met her gaze and smiled, lighting up his handsome face. Chris was her best friend. They’d been close since they were little. He protected her from the harsher realities of their family.

  “Love you, little sister.” His words came as a whisper on the breeze that blew the hair from her face. He didn’t stop walking until he finally disappeared from view.

  “Chris.” Michaela tried to call him back, but her voice wouldn’t come. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, her parents were standing nearby, arguing. She couldn’t help but think her father didn’t look so good. He was pale and wobbled on unstable legs. Michaela’s mother frowned when she looked at her. Her father grimaced and then mouthed the words ‘I’m Sorry’.

  He was gone, but her mother still stood staring her way. Her arms were crossed and her feet planted, but her face softened. She relaxed her shoulders and reached her arms towards her daughter. “It’s going to be okay,” she said before she, too, was gone.

  Michaela didn’t know what was going on as the people in her life were paraded in front of her. She didn’t know what had happened. Every time she tried to ask, the words stuck in her throat.

  Ethan was next. Michaela wanted to pull her knees up to her chest and wrap her arms around them to protect herself, but she couldn’t. Ethan came closer and she tried to shrink back. She knew who he was now. She used to think he was better than Jason because he didn’t keep anything from her. Now, she wondered how she could’ve been so stupid.

  Ethan was close enough to touch now, but Michaela shut her eyes and refused to look at him. “You were never worth it,” he growled. He spat and Michaela expected to feel the wet grossness hit her, but she didn’t.

  When she opened her eyes, it was Katie that stood in front of her. Tears rolled down Michaela’s face, but she couldn’t feel them on her cheeks.

  Katie didn’t say anything. She smirked and then just walked away.

  Michaela sat, breathing heavily, waiting for the next person to come. Am
I dead? She wondered. Is this my parade of failures?

  All Michaela could do was stare into the depths of the water. She thought about wading in and disappearing, but she sat motionless. None of her limbs would work. She tried to reach up to touch her tears to see if they were real but she couldn’t get her arm to move. She felt paralyzed as a panic built in her chest.

  Michaela heard someone walk up behind her, but she couldn’t turn her head to see who it was. After a few excruciatingly long moments, Jason stood in front of her. He reached out to touch her, but then dropped his hand. Her heart froze.

  The left side of Jason’s mouth turned up into a cockeyed smile. “I’ve known since the day that I met you,” he said.

  Known what? She wanted to yell. What do you mean? Still, her voice betrayed her. She looked down in surprise when she felt a pressure on her hand.

  “Come back to me.” He turned without waiting for the response that wouldn’t come and walked the length of the beach. His image grew dimmer and dimmer until Michaela could no longer see anything at all.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Anything?” Chris asked, handing Jason a coffee.

  “No.” Jason took a sip and sucked in a harsh breath when he burned the roof of his mouth in the process. He didn’t care though. He was just happy he could feel anything at all.

  They’d been at the hospital for a few hours, and Jason hadn’t left Michaela’s side. Her mother had been in and out, but was mostly giving them space.

  “My dad’s awake.” The relief in Chris’ voice was unmistakable.

  “How is he?”

  “They’re running tests.”

  “Oh... good.” Jason knew he should be happy that Michaela still had a father, but all he could think about was her. He watched as Chris walked around to the other side of the bed and stroked his sister’s hair. Jason winced as he drained the rest of his hot coffee and stood. “I’m going to need more caffeine than this.”

  Chris laughed, and the sound was unsettling in Michaela’s quiet hospital room. “You drink too much coffee, dude.”