by C. C. Brown
SSgt. Rapert walked me to the Comm cage and there she sat—dark brown hair pulled back into a perfectly neat bun, green t-shirt tucked into her desert cammie pants showing off her ample assets and deeply engaged in conversation with another Marine.
“Ahem,” SSgt. Rapert called, instantly gaining the attention of everyone in the cage. Angelica’s eyes lifted, landing on me, and it looked as if a frown spread across her lips. “This is Pfc. Bennett, another radio operator. Welcome her in, and get her up to speed on what we have going on here.”
I swallowed, looking around at the eyes staring back at me. The only person who I could fixate on was Angelica. She didn’t have the same evil glare that I had been on the receiving end of so many times before, but there was nothing friendly in her eyes.
The male she was talking to walked over and reached out his hand. “I’m Lance Corporal Serrateli,” he said. His bright green eyes matched mine and contrasted beautifully against his olive skin. I gave him my hand, shaking gently, then stepped back to take in the manual that he had placed in front of me.
“This radio is new, and will soon be out in the warzone, so we’re trying to get some practice on it before we see it in the middle of an Iraqi sandstorm,” he joked, smiling wide and showcasing a set of perfectly white teeth. There was something about him that put me at ease.
“This is Lance Corporal Jennings, and Pfc. Ruiz,” Serrateli introduced. Jennings shook my hand and Angelica came walking over slowly, a slight hint of a smile finally caressing her lips. She looked to me, to Serrateli, then back to me again.
“I already know Pfc. Bennett. We were roommates in Comm School.”
Serrateli’s eyes brightened. He and Angelica exchanged a smile that held a million secrets, but no one else was privy to the unspoken conversation. It made me uneasy, shifting as I stood there feeling like the joke was on me before Serrateli broke the awkwardness.
“Welcome to the squadron, Bennett. I look forward to working with you.”
“Same to you, Lance Corporal Serrateli.”
I started to walk away when Angelica walked behind me, calling out my name and tapping me on the shoulder. “Welcome to the squadron, Bennett,” she said, giving a smile that didn’t meet her eyes, but was still better than her earlier expression.
“Thanks. I’m not following you if that’s what you’re thinking.”
She laughed, finally making me feel at ease. “I don’t think anything. This is the Marine Corps. You go where they send you, point blank.”
“True.”
“Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I really meant everything I said at the hospital that day. I’m sorry for what I said and did to you. I really hope you forgive me, especially now that we’ll be working every day together.”
“I told you then that all is forgiven, Angelica. I’m just ready to move on from all of it.” She had no idea what all of it entailed, and I damn sure wasn’t about to tell her. We could be amicable, but she still wasn’t someone who I could trust.
“Good. Well, I’ll see you around. I have some stuff I need to take care of.”
“Yeah, see ya.” She turned and walked away.
Her words were sincere, but her little look and secretive glance with Serrateli was different. I would be lying if I said that I was looking forward to working so closely with her, but I had no choice. I had the next thirty-six months in this unit, and some of it, or maybe even all of it would be spent without Alex. I had no choice but to look forward and start paving my way. At least I had Dalton. At the end of all of this, I still had him, and that was better than nothing.
++++
The following night, Dalton asked me to go with him to his basketball tournament. I wasn’t in the mood, and really just wanted to lay around and watch TV, but he refused to allow me to be such a bum. He always had a way with words.
Alex had texted a couple of times, asking me how my check-in went and if Angelica had reared her ugly head yet. He never told me about his deployment, and I didn’t prod. I was waiting for him to tell me himself.
As I worked a straightener through my hair, I wondered how Alex and I had risen and fallen so quickly. As hot as he was, there was something about him that told me he was trouble, and it may have been that which hooked me. I knew from the second I saw him in formation that we would have something. It had been quite humorous watching him squirm while trying to stay away from me. I’d given him his space, and he’d come crawling back.
That was what I was hoping for this time. By giving him the space he needed to heal his broken ego, maybe he’d see the light and come back. I wouldn’t take him easily. What he’d done to us was hurtful, callous, and childish, but I loved him. I loved him with every part of me, and I wanted him back in my life more than anything.
Dalton was already at the gym when I set off. The pinkish-purple sky mixed with a warm desert air set the scene for a romantic evening, only there was no romance in my life at the moment. Alex was constantly on my mind, even though I knew it wasn’t exactly healthy. I had these strange moments where I loved him, then I hated him, but at the end of everything I always went back to loving him and hoping that somehow, he’d come to his senses. My life was tied to him, and I hated that he so easily severed that tie. My hope was that tonight’s game would distract me, giving me something else to agonize over because at the rate that I was going, I was sure to drive myself crazy.
Thick, musty air filled the gym with the bodies of ample men sweating as they ran the length of the gym floor. Dalton was sitting on the sidelines and waved enthusiastically at me when I walked in. His team was next on the court. I waved back, then looked around for an open seat. When I sat down, I noticed Angelica a few seats over, laughing outrageously with a group of people that I didn’t recognize. Was this the normal Angelica? Was she always this carefree and easy going? I guess stiff competition and green envy would change anyone. This Angelica looked like fun. She looked like someone you could enjoy a few drinks with, then laugh the night away with at one another’s expense. But alas, she was Angelica, and her friendliness was not directed towards me.
The final buzzer sounded and the crowded seats emptied, leaving space for more spectators. I sat alone, playing on my phone and trying hard not to look like a loner in this still crowded gym. I was in the middle of making a Bitstrips comic about what a loner I was when I felt a tap on the shoulder. I looked up to find Angelica looking down on me, a half smile on her face.
“You here alone? Where’s Alex?”
There was no way in hell I was about to fill her in on the status of our relationship, or lack thereof. She was much more amicable than before, but I couldn’t and didn’t trust her, so I gave her a generic answer, hoping it would placate her, and she’d leave it alone.
“He’s busy, so I came alone to support Dalton.”
“I see. Well, you don’t need to sit by yourself. You’re welcome to move over here with us.”
I contemplated the idea for a minute. She was being cordial, and I didn’t want to come off as a bitch since we had supposedly buried the hatchet. The group looked friendly enough, so I stood, and followed Angelica over and took a seat. She introduced me, and I didn’t remember anyone’s name, but it was just as well. I didn’t see myself hanging with such a large group all of the time as it had never been a sense of comfort of me.
“You here for Dalton?” I asked, feeling strange since they weren’t exactly friends either.
“Um, not really, but I’ll cheer for him. I’m actually here for Joey.”
“Joey?”
She laughed, throwing her lustrous café brown hair over her shoulders. “Serrateli. He’s on the team with Dalton.”
“Oh.”
I nodded my head, then scanned the court where the players were stretching. Sure enough, I found the dark olive skinned Serrateli. In shorts, he was even more impressive—tall and leanly muscular, with his jersey showcasing toned arms full of tattoos. Serrateli was easy on the eyes, but Alex was heav
y on my heart. I met eyes with him, and he smiled, which I quickly reciprocated, then turned my gaze away and pulled out my phone, sending a text to Alex.
Me: What are you up to? I’m at a basketball game. If you’re not busy, you should join me.
I waited for his response, but it didn’t come. Eagerly hoping for a response, I glanced down at the screen every minute or so, but nothing popped up. Finally, I gave up, stuffed the phone back in my pocket, and sat up to watch the game. I took notice of the fact that Angelica had been watching me, probably drawing her own conclusions. I still wasn’t going to confirm anything for her, whether she asked or not.
By halftime, Dalton’s team was up by three points. The other team had some very physical guys, and both Dalton and Serrateli had been fouled pretty hard, drawing loud gasps from the crowd. I took my phone out of my pocket, glancing down and smiling at the notification of a response from Alex.
Alex: Have fun! Drunk off my ass celebrating my freedom.
My mind immediately jumped to the negative. Alex could have meant his freedom from legal woes, from me, or both, but I assumed he meant away from me. I was a firm believer in alcohol being a truth serum, and if my beliefs were true, he was glad to be away from me.
My next thought was to call him and stop with the cruel, self-inflicted mind games, but before I could, the buzzer sounded, and the players were walking back out onto the court. As much as I wanted to walk out of the gym and get Alex on the phone and demand an explanation from him, I was here for Dalton, and he had been unwavering of me. It would have been shitty of me to leave him in the middle of his game, so I stayed firmly planted in my seat and cheered loudly for him when he did well, but my mind never remained on Alex and his cryptic text.
When the final buzzer sounded, Dalton’s team had held on and won by a point. Dalton had what looked to be developing bruises on his arms, and he had been elbowed in the ribs a couple of times, but the sweet taste of victory over such dirty players seemed to overrule the pain.
“You see those shitheads?” Dalton asked, grabbing me into a musty, sweaty embrace.
I squirmed to get away but was too late. He had me, and to my dismay, I was covered in his disgusting perspiration. “I saw. You played great though. Congrats.”
“Hey good game, man,” Serrateli said, clapping Dalton on the shoulder. Dalton released me, turning to Serrateli and indulging in a guy hug. “Hey, Bennett, what brings you here? You know Dalton?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “Dalton and I are good friends.”
“The best,” Dalton affirmed.
Serrateli looked between us, then smiled at me. “Well, did you enjoy the game?”
“I did. You guys played well.”
“Well, you should definitely come back out Friday night. We have these guys again.”
I cleared my throat then smiled. Angelica had meandered over to where we were standing, and I didn’t want to give her any inkling that things between Alex and me were on the outs.
“Yeah, if I’m free, I’ll come out.”
“Yeah, Alex won’t like her hanging with all of these hot, sweaty men all night long,” she replied, smiling devilishly.
The mere mention of his name and his possessiveness sent a shiver down my back and made my nipples stand at attention. It was one of the things that I liked best about him. The way he hovered, blatantly and sensually demanding, it had always been a turn on for me. He was a protector, and now I was essentially left alone.
My heart stopped for a second at the thought of where I now stood with him. I was hurting, and I couldn’t deny it. I wanted a way out of this feeling, and I knew that only Alex coming back to me or time would heal this pain. The more I thought about it, the more I realized the latter was probably the route I would have to take.
The heat from the gym felt as if it had rocketed a few degrees higher while the air began to get thicker, making it hard to breathe and nearly impossible to swallow. I needed to get away before all of the eyes around me took notice of my state started asking questions.
“I’m just going to step out and make a call. Dalton, I’ll wait for you outside?” My cheeks were on fire, flashing red as I smiled at the group, hoping they’d go along with my overheated excuse.
Dalton, being the observant one that he was, took notice of my flustered state. “You okay, Cassie?”
“I’m fine. It’s just hot, and I haven’t had much to eat. I need some air, so I’ll meet you out there.”
Angelica watched me questioningly. Her eyes searched me for answers that I wouldn’t give, but then she finally smiled and whispered, “I hope you feel better, Cassie.”
With a tight smile and a head nod, I hurried out of the gym. The air, even warm as it was, hit my face and finally settled me a bit. I coughed the withheld breath that had holed up inside of me, then wiped the thin layer of sweat from my brow and pulled out my phone. As best as I tried, it wasn’t good enough to keep me from cowering and calling Alex. He was drunk, and when Alex drank, he was volatile. I knew that now was probably not the best time to call him demanding answers, but when wounded, I wanted to fight back.
“Hello,” he slurred.
I could tell this drunk fest had been going for a while—there was loud music and yelling in the background. I’d initially thought he was drinking alone, or maybe with Riley, but by the sounds of things, there was a party going on, and Alex’s parties were anything but innocent. This further incensed me.
“Are you having a fucking party?”
“There is a party going on here. It’s not mine.”
“You expect me to believe that Riley is throwing a party on a Tuesday night, Alex?”
“You can believe what you want, Blondie. But if you have to know, no. Smith is.” Smith? He didn’t even live there. “Anyway, what’s up? Don’t you have a game to cheer on?”
“No,” I sighed. “Game is over. I was wondering about your text.”
“What about it?”
“You said you’re free. Free from what?” I waited with bated breath.
“Cassie, are you really calling me to ask about that? I’m free. There are no subliminal meanings in there.”
I exhaled, thankful yet still irritated at the same time. “You’ve been distant. You broke up with me on a fucking whim, and now you’re celebrating your freedom. Yes, I’m asking.”
“Cassie, right now is not the best time for me to get into this. You know why we aren’t fucking together, so don’t try and pin this shit on me. You had second thoughts, you don’t hold our relationship as highly as I do, and if we aren’t on the same path, then there really is no fucking point in dragging shit out.”
A long silence followed. Finally, I broke the torture.
“You’re a fucking prick, Alex. You’re so fucking full of yourself that your stupid fucking ego is clouding your judgment. I love you more now than I did when I said yes to you. I just want to be smart about making such a lifelong commitment, which you obviously know nothing about. Let your ego ruin everything for you. I hope it fucks you as well as I did because you’re never going to find anything better. When you sober up and want to talk, call me. Until then, go fuck yourself.”
“I already have, Blondie. It’s getting me by just fine.”
I hung up the call. I couldn’t believe we had come to this point. I wanted to scream into the night air, punch the fucking walls, or better yet, punch him in the face. But none of that would make me feel better or solve my problems, so before any murderous thoughts could spring to mind, I shoved my phone into my back pocket and turned to find Dalton perched against the wall. He held a somber look as he walked over and took me in his arms, kissing the top of my head as I held my face to his chest.
“You okay, Cassie?”
“I’m just fine,” I said, holding the tears back.
He rubbed my head and squeezed me tighter. “No, you aren’t, but it’s okay to play tough.”
I pulled back, looking into the sadness of his crystal blue eye
s. “I’m fine, Dalton.”
“Okay, doll. You’re fine.”
“What’s your deal?” I asked, violently jerking my body away from his embrace. “I told you I’m fucking fine.”
He pulled me closer, then used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a stray tear that I hadn’t realized had fallen from my eye. He held his wet thumb in front of me.
“I may not be fucking you, Cassie, but I know you better than anyone. You are not fine, and it’s okay not to be.”
His words struck a chord and unleashed the floodgates. I burst into a fit of tears, trying hard to stifle them but failing miserably. “He’s done with me, Dalton. He’s deploying, and he won’t even fucking tell me. How had I not seen this side of him? How did I become just another anybody to him?”
“Shhh,” Dalton soothed, pulling me even closer and rubbing his hands down the back of my head once again. “You are not just another anybody to him. You’ve always seen this side of Alex, but you are in love with him, and sometimes love is fucking blind. Give him some time, he’ll come around.”
“I don’t even know how much time I have.”
“Then you find out. And in the meantime, you stay tough. You’ve been through some rough shit, and you will not allow this to break you.”
I tried to smile, but it hurt. The pain manifesting itself in my heart was now permeating throughout my body. “Love hurts, Dalton. It takes you over, whirls you around, and allows you to freefall. I’m free falling, and the pain of it all is destroying me.”
“Then don’t let it. Be that tough as nails Cassie that I know and love. And if you need my help in the meantime, I’m right here for you, but you will not fall apart for a man. You are not Emmalyn Bennett.”