“Will Master show me how to be good?”
“I’ll show you, and I’m sure Nanna will show you, too.”
I lean back against the couch and stretch my legs out in front of me. She cuddles closer into my side. This woman must be starved for any kind of affection.
“You need to remember to call me Adam. You’re not a slave anymore. No more sex unless it’s something you really want with a person you really like. No more kneeling.” I pause to make my point. “I mean it, Sophia. You don’t bow down to another human being.”
She frowns and I can see whatever’s bothering her is not gone yet.
“You can ask me anything,” I encourage her.
“I don’t understand. Is fucking bad?”
I rub tiredly over my face, and try to think of the best way to explain it to her.
“Sophia, the world you’ve know all your life is a lie. It’s a sick lie they made you believe. The world is so much bigger than you can ever imagine. It’s not normal for people to not wear clothes.”
I watch her face closely as she starts to frown. I don’t want to push too hard.
“It’s not normal for people to use others for sex. We have laws and it’s against the law to use someone as a sex slave.”
She moves away from me as my words start to register.
“What’s normal then?”
I brush some hair from her cheek. “It’s normal for a little girl to play with dolls. It’s normal to go to school with other kids. It’s normal to have butterflies in your stomach when you’re about to kiss for the first time. Sex is not a commodity, Sophia. Sex is something you share with the person you love. You share it with the person who means the world to you.”
She shakes her head and it looks like I’m not getting through to her, when she says, “My whole life has been bad? Pleasing a master is bad?”
I’m not going to lie to her. She’s been lied to her whole life.
“What you’ve been forced to do your entire life, is cruel and horrific. Forcing you to be a sex slave is fucked up. I have no other way to explain it.”
She twists her fingers together and says, “I was never forced. I was happy to please a master.”
I clench my jaw, digging deep so I won’t lose my shit.
“What would’ve happened if you had said no, or tried to leave?”
She’s quiet for a few minutes but I can see how busy her mind is.
Finally, she whispers, “I would’ve been replaced.”
I lean a little closer to her. “Think about it, Sophia. If you disobeyed them in any way, you would’ve been killed. Because they held that threat over your head, you did whatever they wanted.”
She just sits and stares at her hands as the realization hits.
I keep quiet and lean my head back against the couch, closing my eyes.
She now needs time to come to grips with everything I told her.
I don’t know how much time passes in silence, each of us busy with our own thoughts.
She moves closer to me, and wraps her arm around my waist. “Will you teach me how to be normal?”
“I will. There’s a whole new life waiting for you and you’re going to love it. No more pain. No beatings. No fearing that you’ll be killed if you’re not done as you’re told. You’ll learn to make your own choices and to be the master of your own life.”
“Thank you, Adam.”
I turn my face into her hair and whisper, “Anything for you, Sophia.”
***
We both fell asleep on the couch. I wake up with Sophia pressed to my side. She’s still asleep and I don’t have the heart to wake her. I sit with her for a good thirty minutes before she wakes up.
“Hey, sleepy head.” I smile when she lifts her head from my chest. She sits up, kneeling on the couch and rubs her eyes. She’s clearly still half asleep. “I’ll get us some coffee.”
I leave her sitting on the couch and make us some coffee. I notice her getting up, then she walks down the hallway. Minutes later, I hear the toilet flush. I place the coffee on the counter.
When Sophia doesn’t come back, I go check on her. She’s standing in front of a bedroom, just staring at it.
I walk up to her and look into the bedroom. “It’s not big, but you can use it. Or you can stay up at the main house. It’s your choice.”
Her hands grab hold of the sides of her dress, and she scrunches the material as she makes fists.
“I can really choose? I can stay here with you if I want to?”
I pull her hand away from the death grip she has on her dress, and I bring it to my mouth. I place a kiss over the one welt that’s fading.
“You can stay here for as long as you want.” I pull her towards the kitchen. “Come, we both could use that coffee.”
We walk back to the main house. When we walk into the kitchen, Jack’s just finishing up his food.
“Morning,” I say, keeping my voice neutral. Jack and Sophia are so very different from each other. I’ve never had a case like Jack, so I’m not sure what to do to make him feel at ease.
I glance down at my watch and notice that it’s already past eleven. “It’s more afternoon than morning. You two enjoying your brunch?”
“You know I love a snack here and there. At my age, there’s no such thing as watching my figure. Who knows what kind of foods they have in paradise. I want to get my fill while I still can.”
I laugh at Nanna and tease her, “Excuses, excuses. Nanna, do you have two more plates?”
She prepares two plates and I make sure to sit down in front of Jack so he can see me at all times. I don’t want him to feel threatened.
When he gets up, I quickly say, “Stay a while, Jack.”
His body tenses as he watches me from across the table.
“I’ve noticed you’ve started on the garden. I’m glad you’re feeling better. There’s a chapel close to the river. I’d like to go show you. I think you’ll be able to do something with it.” I’m trying to make small talk. I want to see how he reacts to it.
“Okay.” He almost bites the words out as he steps away from the table. This man has a lot of anger in him. I don’t blame him at all.
“Why did you call yourselves Master and Mistress Ryland if you claim to be different?”
I’m surprised by his question. He’s not as broken as Sophia. He doesn’t trust us and I can’t blame him.
“That was all a show to fool the fuckers who had you, Jack,” I almost spit the words out. The anger for what was done to them is always simmering in the background, ready to erupt.
“No one has the right to keep another human being as a slave. It’s wrong.”
I shake my head and get up fast. The chair falls back and I see Nanna reach a hand out to me. I need to get away from Sophia and Nanna. I’m just going to upset them. I walk to the door but stop and glance back at Sophia. She has a panicked look on her face and it makes me feel terrible for not controlling my emotions better.
“Stay with Miss Ella.” I look at Jack. “Come, Jack.”
The walk down to the river gives me time to rein in my temper.
When we reach the clearing, I stop a few steps away from the chapel. “This is the chapel, at least that’s what we call it.”
I let Jack take a closer look. His eyes are vibrant and intelligent. I can see him already planning what he’d like to do here. Seeing Jack out in nature is like watching a wild beast finally get set free. It’s a beautiful thing to witness. It’s the little moments like these that makes it all worth it.
“If you need to get some of your supplies here, just let me know and I’ll help you drive it down. It’s too far to walk up and down with everything.”
Jack makes direct eye contact with me. I see anger, confusion, and a strong will staring back at me.
“You’re safe here, Jack. River and I will make sure nothing happens to you.”
I leave Jack in the clearing so my words can sink in. It’s going to take a very lon
g time to win his trust, but it’s something I’m prepared to work for. Jack needs a friend.
Chapter Eighteen
Sophia~
I get to spend the whole day with Miss Ella. She taught me how to make lemonade and apple pie. I’ve never seen so much fruit in my life.
I’m busy stirring tomato sauce for the meatballs when Mistress River comes in.
“Sophia, how are you?” she asks, sounding very friendly.
“I’m good,” I answer, making sure to smile.
Miss Ella comes to stand by me. “Now ask River how she is.”
I frown not understanding, but I do it anyway. “How are you, River?”
“I’m very well. Thank you for asking,” she says with a huge smile.
“Now that’s the proper way of greeting someone, my girl. And you listen when they answer. People don’t listen nowadays. If you care about someone, then you listen when they talk.”
“Yes, Miss Ella,” I say quickly.
Mistress River pours a glass of lemonade. I watch her closely as she takes a sip. When she licks her lips, a warm feeling settles in my chest. She likes it.
I smile to myself as I focus on the sauce again. Miss Ella said it burns quickly.
Jack comes into the kitchen and sits down at the table. I don’t pay attention to Jack and Mistress River as they talk.
I pour the sauce over the meatballs, making sure it spreads evenly over them all.
“Ten minutes to dinner time,” Miss Ella says as she comes to check if I’m finished.
“What’s your last name?”
“Hawkins,” Jack answers angrily.
“But that’s Cameron’s last name,” Mistress River says and I glance over my shoulder. She looks shocked.
Jack tenses and he has a dark look on his face.
“He married my mother,” he bites the words out.
“Is he your step father?” She asks carefully.
Jack jumps up, and storms out of the kitchen. I hope he doesn’t get in trouble again. I’d hate for us to have to leave here. Maybe I can fix things.
“Jack’s mom died when he was young. One of the Masters killed her,” I quickly explain, hoping I’m not talking out of turn.
“Cameron married her when Jack was still a baby. She was so beautiful. Jack takes after her.”
I feel a sudden burst of anger I wasn’t expecting. After everything Adam said last night, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. I remember all the lies David told me about him being my god, and how much that scared me. I hate him for what he did to me, for the fear he made me live in.
My heart starts to pound faster in my chest and I feel a sudden surge of rebellion. I’ll never say the word master or mistress again. Adam said that I’m in control of my own life.
I gasp and look out the door when I realize why Jack was always angry. I feel that same anger now. The anger because we were lied to. The anger because we believed in something that never existed.
“He did it all for David,” I say, as the bitter reality sinks in. “He promised his mom that he would look after David.”
Jack had a reason for everything he did. He was fighting for David. I, on the other hand, did it because I was a coward. I always thought the girls who cried and fought back was stupid. They weren’t. They were brave. They fought back, because like Jack they wouldn’t give up.
I gave up without even trying.
I’m the stupid one. I’m the weak one.
“David?” River whispers, pulling my attention back to her.
“David is Jack’s brother,” I whisper, feeling a million years old. It feels like I’ve just been beaten all over again, only this time all the blows are to my heart.
“Jack has a brother?” River gasps, and a look of panic flashes over her face. “Are you telling me we left Jack’s brother back there?”
River looks upset at the news. Jack will be angry when he finds out that I told her everything.
As I have the thought, I realize something else. I don’t care if anyone is angry anymore. All my life people have been angry at me, and I let that control me.
I’ve only been here a week, but it feels like a lifetime has come and gone.
Grief starts to grow in my chest, until it feels like it might squeeze the air from my lungs. I always thought you can’t mourn the loss of something you never had. I was so very wrong.
My heart is breaking because I never knew anything but the house.
My soul feels crushed because I did everything they demanded of me.
I feel filthy because I just let them do to me what they wanted.
How can I live with it all?
Fear starts to burn in my stomach. Fear that after all is said and done, I did those things because deep down I’m bad.
A good person would’ve fought back.
“No.” The word creeps over my lips.
What am I saying no to?
No.
No.
No.
No, I never enjoyed any of those things I did. I didn’t want to kill Tiffany. I didn’t want to have sex. Most of the times it hurt. I didn’t want to be beaten.
No, I didn’t do all those things because I’m bad. I did them because I was scared.
I’m still scared.
River reaches for me, and she brushes some hair behind my ear.
“It’s okay. You’re safe now but I need to know more,” River says, as if she can sense the fear I feel.
No one ever cared before if I was scared.
I clasp my hands together as I tell her the truth. “David was my master. Jack got angry when he saw us together.”
“I don’t understand. Is David Jack’s younger brother?”
“Yes.” I feel a weird sense of sadness for Jack. Now that I’m beginning to understand everything, it makes me feel sorry for Jack. I only had to worry about myself. Jack was tricked into worrying about David.
“He’ll kill me if he finds out that I knew David was like Cameron all along. Jack held out for David. They made him believe that he was protecting his brother so they could manipulate him to do anything they wanted him to.” I glance at River, scared that she might judge me, too. “I had to do what my masters told me. I couldn’t warn Jack.”
The words taste bitter in my mouth.
I could’ve warned Jack. I made a choice not to.
I’m free.
I’m no longer a slave.
But at what cost?
The overwhelming emotions bubble up my throat and it comes out sounding strangled.
“Oh no, my sweet girl,” Miss Ella cries.
She comes to me and wraps her arms tightly around me. I stare at nothing as I realize just how much I’ve lost.
I now understand why Jack was different from the rest of us.
“I’m free from being a sex slave,” I whisper.
“You are. You’re free and safe with Miss Ella,” she says.
I shake my head because she doesn’t understand. I pull away from her embrace and get up.
“No, Miss Ella. I’m only free from being a sex slave. I’m not free from the things I did while I was one.”
It feels like everything around me is spinning. Inside of me it’s spinning out of control.
“Child, you’re not to blame,” Miss Ella starts to argue.
I shake my head again. “I am. Jack lived in the same house as me. Jack lived the same life as me. The only difference is that Jack did it because he loved his brother. I had no reason for the things I did.”
Miss Ella gasps and tears well in her eyes. “No, child. Nothing about your life was easy.”
“But I had choices, Miss Ella. I still had choices, only I made all the wrong ones.”
As I walk out of the house, it feels as if my past is shackled at my feet. Every step is weighed down by every bad choice I made.
I could’ve said no instead of killing Tiffany.
I could’ve said no instead of letting them have their way with me.
Yes, I would’ve been beaten. I might have been killed. But it would’ve been the right choices.
I might be free from sex slavery, but now I’m a prisoner to my sins.
Chapter Nineteen
Sophia~
I keep walking until I reach a building on the far side of the property. It’s dark, so I can’t see what it is. I walk inside, and it’s only when I’ve taken a couple of steps, that I notice the horses.
Their eyes shine in the meager light. I move quietly so I don’t scare them. The last couple of stalls are empty. I go into the last one, and sit down in the corner. I wrap my arms around my knees and turn my face to the wood.
I stare at the wall as the sounds of the night fill my ears. Each new emotion I feel is like a sharp piece of glass. It cuts into me as I try to make sense of it.
Adam said that sometimes we make choices to protect those we care about. That’s what Jack did.
He also said that we have a right to protect ourselves. But at what cost?
I envy Jack’s anger. He’s allowed to feel it. Because he always fought, he’s allowed to mourn everything he’s lost.
It feels as if a hole has been ripped open in my chest. Tears sneak from my eyes.
A sob forces its way up my throat. When the raw sound escapes from my lips, I can’t keep the tears back any longer.
I’m angry at myself, and it only makes me cry harder.
I hate myself.
I hate them for what they did to me.
But I hate myself most for letting them think that it was okay.
I hear wood creak and as I glance up, I see Adam. I didn’t hear him come in.
I feel uncomfortable that he’s seeing me cry. For the first time, I don’t feel fear that I’ll be punished for crying. I feel ashamed because he just saw how much I hate myself.
Keeping my back pressed to the wall, I rise to my feet. Without him having to tell me, I lift my eyes to his.
As ashamed as I am of myself, I allow him to see just how vile I am.
He keeps his eyes locked on mine as he closes the distance between us. Minutes tick by in which we just look at each other.
Filthy: A Dark Romance (A Damaged Romance Duet Book 2) Page 8