by Sarah Bailey
I had to stop staring at her. It would only lead to trouble. We were already knee-deep in it if I was being honest. Sleeping with her when I knew it would only end in tears was the worst possible idea I’d ever had. No one could call me rational around Aurora. No one at all.
I slid out of bed, pulling my boxers and shorts on before tidying up our clothes, which I set in a neat pile on top of my chest of drawers. It was evening now, and I should be thinking about dinner. Trudging out into my open plan living area, I slumped down on the sofa and rubbed my hand over my face.
You have fucked up, you know that right?
Why didn’t I care?
Why had I thrown all rational sense and caution to the wind to have that girl in my bed?
I’d left my phone on the sofa. I dropped my hand and tugged it towards me, pulling up a delivery app. Took me a few minutes to order a takeaway before I threw my phone down and flicked through the TV channels. I couldn’t concentrate no matter what I put on. All my thoughts were consumed by the fact I had Aurora naked in my bed. I stayed where I was because going back and staring at her sleeping form would only make me a fucking creep.
My phone went off. I checked it.
Ant: Did you or Leo pull last night?
I snorted. Ant had decided to live vicariously through me. I didn’t live up to his perfect image of a single guy who could sleep with whoever he wanted. Didn’t stop him asking me this every time he knew I’d been out.
Logan: No.
Leo had become quite smitten with Aurora’s friend even though they’d barely shared a few words. He’d gone on about her whilst we were on the tube after leaving Cabana. I didn’t want to ask Aurora what her friend thought of him for fear she might bite my head off. She had dragged her friend away. I didn’t think she’d want the girl dating my cousin. Leo wasn’t like me though. He was sweet, kind and would only ever treat girls with respect.
Ant: Seriously?
Logan: Leo liked some blonde girl, but she disappeared on him.
Ant: What’s your excuse?
Logan: I was there for him, not me.
And the fact I had no interest in sleeping with anyone but the girl whose smart mouth made me want to strangle her.
Ant: Maia says you need to find a girlfriend.
Logan: Tell her to mind her own fucking business.
Ant didn’t keep secrets from his wife. Apparently, my non-existent love life was far more important to them than it was me.
Ant: No, but seriously, are you ever going to settle down?
Logan: Jesus, you two are almost as bad as my parents.
Ant: Now, come on, Liora doesn’t hassle you that much.
Logan: You have no idea, man. No idea at all.
They had started up with talk of the future six months ago and I was tired of it already. It made me all the more aware I was going to have to fess up to the fact I didn’t want to take over Bensons from them.
I heard a noise and looked up. Aurora stood in the doorway of my bedroom with her dark hair cascading down her back. She’d pulled on my t-shirt, which came down to the tops of her thighs. It should piss me off, but it didn’t. No, I liked the sight of her in it. Made me want to throw her over my shoulder, carry her back to bed and spread her legs all over again.
“Hey,” she murmured, taking a step into the room.
“Hello, sleepyhead.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I should probably…”
She sounded a little shy which wasn’t like her. Perhaps it was because she didn’t know how to act around me now. Hell, I barely knew how to act around her. My feelings towards her were all tangled up inside me.
“Come here.”
Her feet carried her over to me. When she was close, I reached out and snagged her around the waist, pulling her down and making her straddle my lap. Her hands landed on my shoulders to keep herself steady.
“You don’t have to go.”
I didn’t know why the fuck those words came out of my mouth. My hands went to her bare thighs, running up them as I couldn’t help myself.
“No?”
“I’m not kicking you out if you don’t want to go home yet.”
It was the way she’d sounded so defeated when she talked about her dad earlier. It did something to me.
I almost let out a groan when my fingers reached the apex of her thighs. She hadn’t put any knickers on. Knowing she was only wearing something of mine had my cock sparking into life.
“Did you leave your pussy bare on purpose?” I murmured.
She looked down at where my hands were, her face flushing.
“No… I mean, I didn’t think…”
My hand left her thigh and slid up to her breast instead, my thumb running over the nub.
“I think you did, my little masochist. Have you not had enough yet?”
She let out a moan. I continued stroking her nipple. We’d fucked twice already. The second time I’d had her on her side with her back to me. It only made her tighter when I slid into her. Fuck. I wanted her again.
I leant forward and wrapped my lips around her nipple through my t-shirt. I bit down, making her cry out as her fingers dug into my shoulders.
“Ah, Logan!”
I dragged her closer, my fingers sliding between her legs. I wanted to make her wet again.
“Wait,” she panted, “Stop.”
I released her nipple and stared up at her unfocused eyes. She blinked, shaking herself as if clearing the haze from her mind. Before I could ask her why she’d stopped me, her hands left my shoulders and travelled down my bare chest. She pushed me back against the sofa, her eyes catching mine as if to assess my reaction.
“Why are you letting me stay longer?”
How to answer that without giving my feelings away?
“Thought perhaps you weren’t ready to face your parents yet.”
She narrowed her eyes.
“Why are you being nice all of a sudden?”
“I’m pretty sure it started when I agreed not to treat you badly outside of sex.”
Her hands drifted lower towards my stomach, distracting me with their softness. The path of her fingers had left scorched skin in their wake. Did she have any idea what her touch did to me?
“Then I have a question.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Were you holding back when we had sex?”
I raised an eyebrow. If she was referring to how I wanted to pin her wrists down on the bed and make her do everything I said? Well, yes, but it’d been her first time. I didn’t want her getting the wrong idea about sex. Not all men liked what I did.
Why the fuck are you thinking about other men with her?
It made my chest tighten. No one else should see her like this. They didn’t fucking deserve it. Not like I did either, but Aurora had given herself to me. I didn’t have it in me to turn her down. I wanted a girl who was bad for me. And I was bad for her too.
“In what way?”
“You keep saying you want me to be your toy. I want you to show me what that means.”
I released her only to wrap my hands around her bare behind and tug her closer.
“I fully intend to… but not tonight.”
I waited for her to object, but she didn’t. Aurora merely leant forward and kissed me. I stroked her skin, loving how soft she was. How she moulded to me so fucking perfectly. The fact she wasn’t in a combative mood had me wanting to take full advantage.
“You think you can handle another round?” I asked when she kissed her way down my jaw.
“I’ll handle anything you throw at me, Logan.”
I shuddered as her lips met my neck. It wasn’t often I allowed a girl to touch me in the way she was. Her fingers traced lines over my chest and stomach as if she wanted to memorise every inch of my skin.
“Including you showing me how to suck your cock.”
The bluntness of
her words had me digging my fingers into her soft behind to stop myself from shoving her on the floor.
“Oh? You want my dick in your mouth, do you?”
“Does that surprise you?”
Her tongue replaced her lips on my neck and I groaned.
“You being on your knees for a man doesn’t sound like a thing Aurora Knox would do.”
I felt her smile against my skin.
“I have a feeling you’d like to see me on my knees for you.”
I bit back another groan as her hand ran over my hard cock, straining against my shorts. It was at that moment the buzzer for my door went.
“Fuck.”
Aurora pulled away from me, her brows turning down.
“You expecting someone?”
“I ordered in, so yeah.”
I lifted her off me and set her down on the sofa before hauling myself up to go let the guy up. After that, I went into the bedroom and pulled on a t-shirt, snagging Aurora’s underwear as well. I threw it at her head when I walked back out into the living area. She raised her eyebrows after it missed her and landed on the sofa.
“Put them on or I’ll get distracted knowing your pussy is right there for me to play with.”
I watched the flush spread up her neck. For a girl who’d declared she wanted me to teach her to suck cock, she could be adorably shy. Perhaps it had more to do with the fact I didn’t want to kick her out of my flat, rather feed her and fuck her. To be honest, at this point, I was debating whether to make her go home at all.
You are wading into dangerous territory here.
Let’s be honest, I was already in a fucking minefield with little way out when it came to Aurora Knox. This whole thing had disaster and dire consequences written all over it. I might as well go down with the sinking ship.
“I ordered for both of us, not that I even know what you eat. You can stay as long as you like… even the night. I won’t kick you out, Aurora. It’s your choice.”
She eyed me for a long moment as if contemplating her options. Aurora could continue to think I was heartless if she wanted. I had one somewhere inside me. If I treated her like shit, she’d stop wanting to see me. I decided against continuing to treat her with disdain. She might be a mouthy girl, but I liked it.
“You mean that?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know, Logan, let’s start with the whole we don’t like each other thing.”
Her eyes dared me to tell her otherwise.
“You want me to be a dick about it and tell you I’m letting you stay so I can fuck you again? Huh? Or maybe… just maybe, I want you here. Did you ever think of that?”
What the hell are you saying? Jesus, Logan. You have lost your damn mind.
She blinked as if my words had struck her. I didn’t take it back. What would be the point? Aurora was the only person in this world who’d made me feel alive in years. I don’t remember when it started. This feeling of numbness. My life had become monotonous and uninspiring. It was as if I no longer cared about what happened to me.
Then she came along. This whirlwind of emotion. She made me feel something. Anything. My heart pumped harder in her presence. She filled my lungs with new air. And even when I thought I hated her, I still wanted her presence. I needed it.
“I’ll stay,” she all but whispered right before the doorbell went.
I knew right then, Aurora and I didn’t really hate each other. We saw something in each other. A want to have a life away from our responsibilities and demanding parents. I could see it in her eyes. And that want would prove to be our undoing.
Chapter Twenty
Logan letting me stay with him had me reeling. I thought perhaps after sex, he’d want me gone. Turns out, I was very wrong about everything. And I didn’t know what to make of it or him.
Logan put a TV show on whilst we ate. He’d pulled me into his arms after we’d finished to watch the rest of it. I sat between his legs, leaning against his chest with his hand under the t-shirt I was wearing, brushing along my skin. His other was clasping my bare thigh. Logan’s touch had a possessive undertone to it, like he didn’t want me going anywhere.
“Do you want me to stay the night?” I whispered, afraid of breaking the silence between us.
I’d never been afraid of anything when it came to Logan. I’d known where I stood with him. He didn’t like me. Now, I had no fucking clue what was going through his head. It made me uncomfortable. I’d come to the realisation, I was ambivalent towards him. Whilst he drove me insane with his taunting, his kisses ignited a fire in me. It burnt hot. It burnt for him. My body wanted him. And this closeness we were sharing had me questioning everything.
This didn’t feel like a sex thing. It felt like we were dancing around the reality we meant more to each other than either of us wanted to admit.
“Maybe,” he murmured, dropping his chin on top of my head, “Will you get in trouble if you do?”
I shook my head. As long as I told one of my parents I wasn’t coming home, I should be okay. My mum would be the best bet. She already knew about Logan.
I don’t want to go.
It’d been a long time since I’d been at peace with another person. And never with a man. It wasn’t something I ever thought I would feel with Logan of all people either.
“This doesn’t feel like we’re just a sex thing.”
My words hung in the air between us. I had to say it. Logan was aware I didn’t hold back. Besides, I’d been raised to understand the importance of honesty. After what happened today with my dad, I had to remember keeping things to yourself when you wanted something to work didn’t do you any favours. It made everything worse. For some fucked up reason, I wanted whatever it was Logan and I were doing to work.
“We’re not in a relationship, Aurora.”
I inwardly flinched at the warning note in his voice.
“So, you hold all your sexual conquests like this after you’ve fucked them then, do you?”
I was starting to sound like a bitch, but Logan’s behaviour confused the hell out of me.
“No.”
“Then why me?”
His fingers trailed higher until they brushed my breast.
“You’re a challenge. I need one in my life.”
The way his voice rang with melancholy made my chest tighten.
“Your life that boring?”
“No. Just… full of nothingness.”
I wanted to turn around and look at him. To see what was going on behind his eyes.
“And I make the nothing go away?”
“In a sense.”
This conversation had got way too deep. Not least because I could understand what he meant. Life having lost its meaning because even though you had everything you could ever possibly want, it didn’t fill the void inside you. It didn’t make you feel anything.
“Are you happy?”
“What makes you ask that?”
I didn’t have an answer for him. “He didn’t seem happy” felt like a stupid thing to say.
“You sound… defeated.”
He was silent for a beat before chuckling, but it sounded hollow.
“Maybe I am. Maybe I’m playing with fire to feel something. Maybe you’re the fire. And maybe I want you to burn me.”
His cryptic words had me needing to understand why he was skirting around what was really wrong with him. I was damn sure something was up.
“You can tell me what’s going on, you know. I won’t give you a hard time.”
“I’d rather you be giving me shit than talking about this.”
I turned my head up towards him, dislodging his chin from it.
“You afraid I might understand?”
His ice-blue eyes looked haunted.
“No. I’m afraid because I know you will. I’m not supposed to like you, Aurora. We’re not supposed to be friends.”
My hear
t went haywire in my chest. Did it mean he did like me? Why did it give me hope? Fuck, I was messed up about him.
“Who said anything about being friends? I could be the girl you fuck and tell your secret thoughts to. That kind of makes me sound like an escort or something, so maybe not.”
He smiled then.
“You’re my toy in case you’d forgotten.” To reiterate his point, his hand curled around my breast. “Besides, why would I give you something to use against me?”
Were we still at war? Maybe I was tired of fighting him. Maybe I wanted to give in.
“Does everything have to be a battle between us? I’m not in the mood to fight with you.”
His eyes narrowed slightly.
“It doesn’t.”
“Then stop trying to make me hate you.”
“I thought you already did.”
I don’t hate you. I only hate you’re the person I need.
Those thoughts stripped me of all my defences. I barely knew a thing about Logan, but a part of me recognised something in him. A longing for something more.
“Why did you tell me you understand how I feel about my dad?”
He blinked at my sudden change of subject.
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Answer the question, Logan.”
He stroked a thumb over my nipple. I stiffened, refusing to be distracted by his touch. He let out a sigh and dropped his head back against the sofa.
“I understand parental expectations and living up to them. How the pressure can be suffocating and the thought of disappointing them leaves you paralysed. It stops you from doing the things you want. From being the person you want to be. It makes you so fucking crazy inside when you have no one to confide in.”
My chest constricted.
“Do you not want to take over Bensons?”
I’d read between the lines and come to my own conclusion. Logan didn’t want the life his parents were giving him.
He closed his eyes, his hand tightening on my breast.
“No… but it doesn’t matter what I want. It’s going to happen anyway.” His voice shook on the words. “I understand you more than you realise, Aurora. You and I are from the same world. We can’t afford to fuck up. And what we’re doing right now with each other is fucking up. But I don’t care. I can’t seem to bring myself to care when it comes to you.”