Catch Me If I Fall

by Daniele Lanzarotta

  And he was right. We have a blast. For the first time in months, I enjoy singing again, although this makes me miss singing with Kyle.

  After, he drives me home. He shuts off the car, hands me the key, and then, walks me to the door.

  I’m nervous all over again, and I know he notices it. He is cute, funny, charming, but he is not Alec, and I know I’m not ready to date anyone. “I had fun,” I say.

  “But?”

  I sigh. “I’m not ready, Lucas.”

  He nods. “Skylar, I really like you. How about this? Carly and I are going on tour for a few months. We’ll be back for the holidays. Let me be your date to your uncle’s wedding. If you are still not ready, I will leave you alone.”

  “I don’t know if that is a good idea,” I say.

  “Your ex is going to be there, isn’t he? Someone mentioned he is Amanda’s brother.”

  I nod.

  “Well, let me come with you either way. If he shows up with a date, you have me to show off.” Just the thought of that drives me insane. He continues. “And if he shows up alone, and you want me to disappear, I will.”

  “Okay,” I finally give in.

  He leans in and I freeze for a split second, before he kisses my cheek. “Goodnight, Skylar.”

  I feel myself relax. “Goodnight, Lucas.”

  CHAPTER FORTY

  SKYLAR

  Weeks go by. I talk to Lucas almost daily and he shares the details about their tour. They have toured the US and now they are travelling overseas. During the day, I focus on school and work, and at nights, I’m always writing new songs.

  Uncle J goes out of the country this Thanksgiving weekend so I end up going back home for the first time since I moved.

  Dad and mom greet me at the door. I don’t even get to go in before Sebastian is pushing me toward the car. “Come on,” he says. “In the car. I’ve waited on you long enough to go pick out our dog.”

  I laugh and get in the car. He is so excited; he practically rushes everyone out and in the car.

  We go to the breeder and we have all these Golden Retrievers jumping all over us, and then, there is this one, hiding behind a chair. Sebastian approaches him slowly. The poor puppy is so scared. Sebastian slowly picks him up. “This is the one,” he says, and I knew he would be as soon as Sebastian spotted him.

  “Do you want to name him, Skylar?” he asks and I smile at him, “Nah. You should get to.”

  He looks at the puppy’s face and looks like he is deep in thought. “He looks like a Jack.”

  “Sounds perfect,” says mom.

  We drive back home with our new family member, who seems much more comfortable and hyper than he was before. He makes Sebastian smile, a lot! I love it.

  We pull up in the driveway and Jack is jumping all over me, trying to get out of the car. I see a new car pull up in the driveway next door. I look over and see Kyle in the driver’s seat and Alec next to him. It is one of those moments when it feels like everything is moving slower than normal. Our eyes get locked for a while, and my heart races, until I force myself to look away. Mom and dad are both tense watching how I’m going to react. I smile at them and they seem to relax. “Let’s go in,” I say. I’m smiling on the outside, but inside, I just want to disappear before he gets out of the car. All of this time has passed, and no matter what happened, he still has the same effect on me.

  I manage to get in the house without looking back, and without crying or looking like I’m about to fall apart.

  “How is the studio?” dad asks.

  “It is amazing, Dad. You have no idea how many talented people I get to work with.”

  He smiles. “And you still want to take a break before you start college?” I finished my high school classes this past week, but this has been an ongoing discussion for a while now.

  “I’m sure. I’m ahead anyway. And the experience I’m getting… I still can’t believe Uncle J hooked me up with such an awesome job.”

  Dad smiles. “I’m glad you are happy, sweetheart.”

  “I’m going to unpack. Come on, Jack,” I say as I take the puppy from Sebastian’s arms.

  Sebastian has a tough time letting go. “Come on,” I say. “You live here. You will get to see him every day!”

  I go up to my room, sit on my bed, and find myself staring at his window.

  “Can I come in?” asks mom.

  I quickly turn around and start petting Jack. “Sure,” I say and mom comes in and sits next to me.

  “You know, sweetheart, there are always two sides to a story; and then, there is the truth.”

  I give her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

  She smiles sadly at me. “You should let Alec tell you his side of the story.”

  “Mom. I didn’t know he had one, and it doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “Doesn’t it?” she asks.

  I tilt my head to the side. “What do you know?”

  She hesitates then sighs. “I know that Lizzie was kicked out of school for harassing him. And she got in trouble with the law. She is in prison now, for a year, because of what happened that night. Alec’s mom said she manipulated things to look a certain way and that is not how things happened.”

  “Why are you telling me this now? Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “I didn’t find out all of the details until recently. And you are in a different place now, sweetheart. You both are. Things were just so intense before and we didn’t know what to do or if we should get involved at all. When we found out what happened, you were already in Atlanta and getting into music again. You seemed happy. And J said you even went out on a date.”

  I look back toward the window.

  She gets up and kisses my forehead. She looks like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders. She leaves the room and Jack jumps on my lap. I lie down and start singing one of the songs I wrote for this new artist at the studio.

  ALEC

  I lay on my bed and next thing I know, I can hear her sing. I melt. Just like every single time I have ever heard her sing.

  She only sings one song before she stops. That is also when mom calls me downstairs.

  Tonight, after dinner, there is an event downtown. Someone suggested another vigil for the students who died that day, because so many of the students who graduated last year would be back for the holidays. It is a small way to help the families of everyone who was impacted that day, which everyone in town was. The ones we lost were someone’s children, sibling, or friends. We all grew up with them.

  This time around, a lot of people show up, including everyone on the baseball team who left for college after that summer. I spot Sky next to Sebastian, and she has tears running down her face. I go toward her knowing that I could possibly upset her even more.

  We stand, side by side. I missed her… her smell… everything about her.

  She looks over at me and I get lost in her blue eyes. Her hair is different, she looks older, and I don’t know how this is possible, but she looks even more beautiful.

  “Do you want me to leave?” I ask.

  She shakes her head, and goes back to looking straight ahead.

  We stand here for a while, side by side. I feel her tense and I follow her gaze. It’s Mike’s mom and brothers. I reach for her hand and she squeezes mine in return, and I know she is okay with this. When people start to give Mike’s mom dirty looks for being here, Sky tries to let go of my hand and walk toward her, but instead, I hold her hand even tighter and walk with her. She let’s go just long enough to give his mom a hug. When she pulls away, his mom is crying. She looks up at Skylar and says thank you. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for this woman to still live here after what happened. When she starts crying even more, her sons come to her side and lead her away. Sky hangs on to me until people start to leave. That is when she lets go of my hand, gives me a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

  Kyle comes up behind me.

  “You’re a fool,” he says
.

  I laugh. “Well, thank you.” I pause. “Why do you say that?”

  “Just how many times are you going to stand there and watch the love of your life walk away?”

  He is right. He is so right, but I heard she is doing really well and I have already done enough damage.

  “See… I can see those stupid wheels turning in your head, and they are turning in the wrong direction.” He shakes his head. “How long have you known me?” he asks.

  “Forever.”

  “And how many times have I been wrong about relationship stuff?”

  I stop to think about it and I can’t recall him ever being wrong. And I don’t even have to answer his question.

  “Exactly,” he says. “Talk to her, man. You’ve been given so many chances in life. Quit throwing them all away.”

  “I wouldn’t even know where to start,” I say.

  He tilts his head to the side. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I just stood here and watched you being there for one another after all this time. You don’t have to know where to start. Things are already on the move. Now go!”

  I go to my parent’s car and sit for a while, until I get an idea.

  Climbing up the ladder, I feel my hands tremble and it reminds me of the first time I got the nerves to talk to her; the first time we kissed; all of our moments on this roof.

  I get to the top, climb over, and sit down before I feel like I’m going to pass out. It’s been a while since I’ve done this and my fear of heights is very aware of that.

  I grab my phone and text her, hoping her number hasn’t changed.

  ‘Meet me on the roof?’ I ask.

  ‘Please?’ I send another message.

  I sit here and wait… and wait…

  There is no reply, but after a while, I hear her climb up the ladder.

  She looks nervous. I can tell because she is biting her bottom lip. She sits down next to me.

  “Hi,” I say awkwardly.

  “Hi,” she says back and she looks down like she is avoiding looking at me.

  “Can you do something for me?” I ask.

  She gives me a puzzled look.

  “Can you listen to this song?”

  I grab my phone and headphones. I slowly move toward her, putting the headphones on her ears. I can feel her shiver when I do that and I realize just how much I missed being this close to her.

  She lies down and listens to this song about second chances.

  She smiles as she listens to it. When it is over, she sits back up and takes the headphones off.

  “This song makes me think about us a lot,” I say.

  She laughs. I smile. I missed that laugh so much.

  “Stupid right? Considering everything. I blew so many chances.”

  “That is not it, Alec,” she says.

  “What is it?”

  “I wrote that song.”

  “You—you wrote this?”

  She nods.

  “I guess I missed a lot,” I say.

  Her smile turns into a frown and she stares out at the stars.

  “Alec, what happened?” she asks. “That night.”

  I tell her the truth. I tell her that I was upset and had too much to drink. I passed out and woke up with Lizzie in my room.

  “Did anything happen?” she asks.

  I shake my head. “No.” And I tell her everything that was in Lizzie’s confession, and at some point, she moves her arm up, and wipes her tears on the back of her sleeve.

  “Mom told me she is in prison.” She pauses. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth? You never even tried.”

  “Would you have listened?” I ask.

  She stops to think about it. “Probably not, but still, you didn’t even try, Alec.”

  I can hear the pain in her tone.

  “I knew how hurt you were even before the pictures, Sky. I should’ve listened to you. I just didn’t think—never mind...”

  I try to take her mind off it.

  “So, Atlanta, huh? How is it? Do you like the school?”

  She tilts her head to the side. “Has your mom not told you anything?”

  “No. I haven’t been home in a while.”

  She gives me a sad smile and sighs. “I’m done with school. I was being homeschooled since I moved and I finished early.”

  “Oh.” Memories rush to mind of the times we talked about the possibility of her finishing early and coming to college to stay with me.

  “Are you going to college now?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “I’ve been working at a music studio for a while.”

  I smile. “Writing songs? Because you know, you should be the one singing that song.”

  “I can’t sing that song, Alec. It’s too personal,” she says and it breaks me that I’m the reason she isn’t signing her own songs. “I do a bit of everything, really.” She goes on, and talks about the talented people she helps and how it feels to watch their dreams come true.

  “That is amazing, Sky. It really is.”

  I notice she closes her eyes when I call her Sky and that makes me smile. It gives me hope that maybe I’m not all out of chances just yet.

  “Sky,” I say it again, and when she closes her eyes, I move in and kiss her. I rest my hand on her neckline, and kiss her slowly, appreciating every second of being this close to her. When I pull away, her eyes are still closed.

  “About second chances?” I ask.

  She slowly opens her eyes. “I can’t, Alec.”

  “Shit. Are you seeing someone? I didn’t even—”

  “No. I’m not seeing anyone right now.”

  Right now? Those words stand out and I know I have no right to even ask her this, but I can’t help myself. “Did you?” I ask. “See someone else?”

  “Since you?” She laughs. “No. Not since you or before you. You are the only one,” she looks away. “I did go on a date, but it was more like friends hanging out.”

  “Oh,” I say. Of course she did. She doesn’t owe me anything. She is beautiful and talented. She should be dating other people. Ugh. I hate this. “Would you even consider letting me take you out on a date again?” I blurt out and I’m so nervous that I hold my breath in while waiting for her answer.

  She looks into my eyes and I know she is trying not to cry. “I’m not ready, Alec. I’m not doing the long distance relationship thing. It’s too hard. And I know the truth now, but I need time to process everything. And I really like the place where I am right now… my job…”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to give that up, Sky.”

  She bites her bottom lip and I know she feels like I’m putting her on the spot, and I don’t want to do that. “How about a second chance as a friend?” I ask.

  She nods. “I’m okay with that.”

  I smile, but I know I’m not okay with that at all. I want more. I always did, but I know it is not fair to ask her for that.

  “What about you?” she asks. “How is school?”

  “It is okay.”

  She looks away. “Did you—date anyone?”

  The dog comes running in the backyard and starts barking at the roof.

  She laughs. “I guess that is my warning.”

  I nod. “Sky?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Is it okay if I come see you in Atlanta every once in a while?”

  She stops to think for a minute. “Yes. I think so.”

  That is a start.

  It’s hard saying goodnight without being able to kiss her, but just having her back in my life is more than I could’ve ever hoped for.

  Back in my room, I grab my phone a thousand times to text her, but I keep stopping myself.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  ALEC

  The next morning, I go over to ask if she wants to go to the baseball field with the guys and me. She steps outside and closes the door behind her.

  “I don’t think that is a good idea, Alec.”

  “Why? Second guessing being friends?” I j
oke, hoping like hell that isn’t it.

  “It’s more like second guessing my ability to say no to you,” she says.

  And I get that because she has that same effect on me. Giving her space will be harder than I thought it would be. Being near her and not being able to kiss her, and wondering about the guy she went on a date with. Ugh!

  “Maybe we can just stick to talking on the phone for a while,” she suggests. “I’m actually about to leave in a bit to go back to Atlanta.”

  “Oh. Well, you're not leaving because of me, are you?”

  “No,” she says, but I have the feeling she is not telling me the truth. “I have to get back to work tomorrow. There is a new band coming in, and I’m also working on a new song.” She can’t stop smiling when she talks about those things.

  “Hey, Skylar,” Sebastian yells from inside. “Lucas is on the phone!”

  She opens the door and says, “Tell him I will call back.”

  There is a short pause then Sebastian says, “He says to remind you that he is calling from overseas and you are killing his phone bill.”

  She laughs, “Tell him he can afford it.”

  I can hear Sebastian relay the message, as I watch her curiously.

  “He said you better keep writing them more songs. He will need the extra money.”

  “On it,” she says and closes the door again.

  I have a million things running through my head. I remember that name. He is the guy who sings the song I had her listen to last night, and now, I start to wonder if he is the guy she went out with, but I can’t bring myself to ask her that.

  When she looks back at me, I kind of hope that she just volunteers information, but she doesn’t, and it drives me crazy.

  “I should go pack,” she says.

  “Okay.” Out of old habit, I step closer to her, and once I notice the look on her face; the look that asks, ‘What are you doing?’ I pull her into a hug, and hold on to her longer than usual. Her arms go around me. “It’s good to have you back in my life, Alec. I really missed you.”

  “I missed you too.”

  Just friends… What the hell was I thinking?

  She pulls away. “Tell Kyle I said hi, okay?”

  I nod. She gives me a kiss on my cheek, and all I want to do is turn enough to where I can really kiss her, but I don’t.