Catching Fireflies

by Terri E. Laine

  “To all my Snapchat viewers, this is what I have to put up with,” her roommate said.

  Brie scowled. I laughed and worked at straightening her clothes when she turned her scowl on me. Brie offered to drive, but I wanted more alone time with her, because technically we wouldn’t be alone with all the guys at the house. It was about a ten-minute walk. I thought about that morning and our plans for the evening.

  “And don’t think we’re doing anything tonight, firefly.”

  A small smile appeared on her face, which was good. Somehow we would get through this shit, but I didn’t want her stressing over it. So I tried teasing her.

  “Stop checking me out,” I said smugly. “Our clothes are staying on tonight.”

  “Oh, really?” She grinned then. My teasing worked. “I guess losing my virginity and finding out I might get kicked out of school are memories that shouldn’t share the same space. But seriously, have you been body snatched? Is there an alien occupying your body? I mean, what guy turns down a girl who’s all but thrown herself at him?”

  I stopped. It was late, and we had the area to ourselves.

  “You don’t get it, do you?” I used the finger on my free hand to force her to face me. I waited until our eyes connected before speaking again. “I love you. And that won’t change whether we have sex or not.”

  “How can you know that?”

  “Because you’re the girl. And not just any girl. I know how I felt when I was with you and how it was when you were gone. No other girl has ever made me want to fight for her, like I want to fight for you.”

  I stopped her from speaking. Cupping the back of her head, I took liberties with her mouth until we finally parted.

  “Don’t say it because you think you have to. Say it when you mean it.”

  “Are you even real?” she questioned.

  Reaching out, I tucked hair behind her right ear. “I’m a guy who had a mother who used that word like hello or good morning. But she never meant it. She walked away from me, from my father without a second thought. I want you to say it when you’re sure. When you don’t have any doubts about us…”

  Because if you say it and walk away from me, it will destroy me.

  When he said those words to me, my heart fluttered. How could it not? It was heartbreaking the way he spoke about his mother, so I didn’t say I love you. Last thing I wanted was for him to associate that with her selfishness. Thinking about what she did to him reminded me that my parents weren’t all that bad.

  Everyone was in the living room when we arrived at his place. They were watching some reality game show on MTV. We joined them and when the guys, rather Sawyer, started making stupid comments about how the girls were acting, it turned into a discussion about what boys really thought about girls. Kelley and Chance said very little, leaving Sawyer to his sinking ship alone.

  After it ended, they flipped through channels, trying to find something to watch. Conveniently, they found SportsCenter on. When highlights of their game played, Lenora and I left them alone. I fell asleep and woke up in Chance’s bed when his alarm went off.

  Kelley left his truck with Lenora so we could get to school. I teased her remorselessly about how Kelley doted on her when we met Shelly for breakfast. When I filled Shelly in, she did the same.

  “Where have you been?” I asked.

  Shelly shrugged. “Around.”

  “Not around us,” Lenora half-accused. “You don’t come to the house anymore.”

  “That’s because Sawyer’s there.”

  “And? What do you know?” I gawked at her.

  “Nothing I can say. And not much at all.”

  “Can you at least tell us if you and Ash are dating?”

  Her head barely moved, but I caught the no. “He doesn’t need a girlfriend as much as he needs a friend. He’s the sweetest guy you’d ever meet. I just wish…”

  I finished off her sentence with a guess. “You just wished you didn’t have a thing for Sawyer.”

  Her jaw dropped, but she didn’t deny it.

  “I should warn you that apparently a girl tried to use Ash before to get to Sawyer.”

  “I would never do that.”

  “I’m not saying you would. But if it’s Sawyer you really want, then don’t act like you’re into Ash to make him jealous.”

  She glanced away, and Lenora and I looked at each other.

  “You guys suck, you know that. I have to go. See you later,” Shell said.

  “I knew she liked him. They fought too much for no reason.” I shared my suspicions with Lenora.

  Before we left the café, she got a text.

  “What’s up?” I asked.

  “Class is cancelled.” She mocked a crowd cheering and did the rah rah thing with her arms in the air.

  “Oh, that’s right. You’re the former cheerleader,” I joked.

  She flipped her middle finger at me. “I’m going to ignore that comment and walk you to class. How are you feeling, by the way?”

  “I don’t know. Technically, I violated the rules. I dated the undateable. But my reasons for doing it weren’t for the same reasons why the rules were put into place. And is it fair that I be kicked out of school for that?”

  “Like I said before, stick to the plan. It’s not lying. Believe me, you can choose your words to your advantage without ever telling an untruth.”

  I could, but only if I was never asked what my intentions were when he and I went out.

  “How are things with Chance?” she asked, changing the subject. “I’m sure I heard some things the last few nights.”

  I flipped her off that time. “How could you have possibly heard us? You and Kelley act like if you don’t populate the world now, man would go extinct.”

  “Nice,” she said, bobbing her head up and down. “Points for that.”

  “I know, right? I have to write that one down.”

  “You do. But know this, Kelley and I are under strict population control to one as of now at least.”

  We rounded the path from the quad to the building where the psychology department was. A girl stopped in front of us. If she hadn’t worn a mean girl sneer on her face, I might have applauded her cute outfit. She looked ready for anything, a date, the runway, and even class. Whereas I wore shorts and one of Chance’s T-shirts I had to tie in the back so it wouldn’t be so baggy. And then I’d roughly knotted my hair at the top of my head because it was still hot out even this late in the year.

  “Are you Brie?”

  “Yes.”

  I waited in vain for a response. She looked me over and then strode back toward her pack of Barbies.

  “What was that all about?” Lenora asked.

  “I’m not sure, though I think I have an idea.”

  Lenora probably would have walked off. But I loved that girl. She had my back and stayed with me as I passed the wolves, who glared at me like I was a doe with a broken leg.

  “That’s her,” the girl said to her friends while pointing at me.

  It felt like high school all over again. I stopped and decided I wasn’t going to back down. With a step in their direction, I asked, “Is there a problem?”

  “You’re the problem,” a tall blonde said before separating herself from the group. “I don’t even know what he saw in you.”

  “Who?” But I had a sneaking suspicion whom she referred to.

  “Dave. You were supposed to be a project, but then he became obsessed with you and you with him according to his journals. He says you’re smart. If that were true, you would have known he wasn’t truly interested in you.”

  She was everything I wasn’t: tall, gorgeous, and rail thin. That didn’t mean I would let her know I felt like a pale reflection of her.

  “Maybe he was tired of dating someone who needed a paperweight in her pocket so she wouldn’t blow away in a strong breeze.”

  “Burn,” Lenora said, holding up a fist.

  I bumped it, opening my hand wide and wiggling my f
ingers after. Then I held my head high as I walked away.

  “Davenport’s girlfriend, I assume,” Lenora said.

  “Me thinks so.” I rolled my eyes for emphasis.

  After all my classes were over, I headed to Chance’s. Lenora and I decided to cook for the boys. She was better at it than me, but neither of us would be invited to a reality show cooking competition any time soon.

  “Is he here?” I asked when Lenora invited me in.

  “No.” She sighed. “Kelley texted me that practice ran late. He’s going to the library before he comes home. I asked if Chance was with him, trying not to tip him off as to what we were up to. He said Chance was going to a study group, so I’m pretty sure we have time.”

  She’d bought steak and put me in charge of baking the potatoes, which took hardly any preparation time. And it was pretty much foolproof that I wouldn’t mess it up.

  I had my ass in the air and head in the oven when Chance walked in.

  “Damn, I’m really hungry now,” he said.

  My glare was teasing as I took the tray of foil-wrapped potatoes out. Kelley came in behind him and headed straight for his girl.

  “I’m hungry too, Lenny.” Cue in the make-out session.

  Chance moved in to hug me. He smelled sweet, a little too sweet.

  “You smell like perfume.” My accusation was said with as much lightheartedness that I could muster.

  “Oh.” He sniffed his shirt. “This girl gave me a hug at the study session. She smelled like this. I guess it got on my clothing.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Kelley and Lenora watching us.

  “You trust me, right?” His expression was a mix of confusion and hurt.

  “Of course I do,” I said, giving him all my teeth in a wide smile.

  Chance didn’t leave me hanging. He bent and kissed me so tenderly I could have floated off the floor. And I was. He’d gathered me in his arms and lifted me up.

  “You guys should have told me it was orgy night. I would have brought a friend.”

  We all turned to see Sawyer. Interestingly enough, Ashton was behind him. He glared at Sawyer like he wanted to scratch his eyes out.

  Sawyer pointed at the four of us. “I’m serious. If you guys are going to go at it down here, you’re going to have to share. And I’ve been seriously dreaming about Brie and Lenny in my bed.”

  Chance put me back on my feet and faced his friend. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

  “Me, too,” Kelley added.

  Ashton marched for the stairs.

  “Ash, wait,” I called out. “We made dinner for all of us.”

  His eyes softened on me. “Sorry, Brie. I’ve got a lot of packing to do.”

  He started to turn, and I caught up with him and placed my hand on his arm. “That’s more reason you should stay. When will we get to do this again?”

  There was no response other than a brusque nod. He did hold up a finger and disappeared upstairs.

  Mason came from the back and announced, “I made a poo,” which sounded more like I may a poo.

  Kelley looked to Lenora for help. She shrugged and held out cooking utensils, reminding him she was making dinner. Still, she said, “That’s great, Mason.”

  Crouching down, Kelley said, “That’s awesome, Champ. But let’s go get you cleaned up.”

  Mason, with a look of triumph, said, “Uncle Chance, do you want to see my poo poo?”

  Chance’s eyes darted around the room, but then he reluctantly said, “Sure.”

  Mason added, “It’s man-sized poo,” as the three of them left the kitchen.

  After they left, Lenora and I silently laughed as we heard Kelley and Chance in the bathroom trying to sound positive about what they found there. Kelley then moved to the lecture part of that activity. We heard him preaching about the importance of handwashing, something he’d learned from his mother.

  Ashton did eventually return with perfect timing once we had the spread laid out. There was a bit of char around the edges of the steak, but the guys pretended it was the best thing they’d eaten.

  Ashton didn’t waste time leaving us once he finished. The rest of us arranged ourselves in the living room to watch TV.

  Sometime later, Chance leaned over to kiss me. “I have to go study for a test I have tomorrow.”

  About an hour later, I followed everyone upstairs. I was last to open a door. When I did, Chance was chuckling with someone on the phone.

  I debated for a second if I should give him privacy, only for him to wave me over.

  “Okay, yeah. Thanks,” he said, ending the call.

  I’d never been in love before, so this was all new territory. I took a cleansing breath before I spoke.

  “Who was that?” My tone was light, like it was no big deal.

  “That was Melanie. She’s from the study group.”

  I stopped myself from asking if she was the perfume girl. I didn’t want to know. Jealousy was an all-consuming thing. No way did I really want to know the answer.

  Brie walked in like a dream, a fucking wet one. She had no idea how much I wanted to toss her onto my bed and bang her like there was no tomorrow.

  When her lips parted to speak, I was certain I’d come in my pants imagining her going down on me.

  “Are you still studying?”

  I had to blink away my dirty thoughts. “There’s this test. Since I was out last week, I’m far behind.”

  Lazily, she walked over to me with hooded eyes and a naughty expression. She cupped my face and briefly pressed her lips to mine.

  “That’s too bad. I have ideas.”

  Sliding my hand from her hip over her ass, I eventually gripped her thigh in order to stop myself from touching her to see if she was ready for me. There was a barrier that still stood waiting for me to breach.

  “You’re a delicious distraction, a tempting proposition,” I began.

  “I love it when you use big words.”

  Chuckling, I shook my head and continued, “But if you ever want me to become the man that deserves you, I’ve got to pass this class with aces.”

  She sighed. “You say all the right things. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you.”

  On my way up to stand, I kissed her. “This isn’t up for debate. You should get some sleep. I’m going downstairs to study for a little longer.”

  I had to force myself out the door or I would have turned around and forgot that my scholarship came with conditions. The GPA I needed to maintain in order to play and stay in school would suffer if I failed.

  An hour hadn’t passed when I got stuck on some of Melanie’s notes. I twirled the pen I was holding in my hand. The lecture in my analytics class had proved that I was too far behind to pass the test the next day. So when Melanie asked me to go to the study group after class, I’d agreed. I wasn’t blind that she had a thing for me. I’d told her upfront that I had a girlfriend. She seemed cool with it. Still, she was the only connection I had to that class. Whether it was a good idea or not, I made the call.

  Twenty minutes later, she sat in my living room. That hadn’t been my idea. We’d gone back and forth over the phone until she got frustrated and offered to come over. I’d tried to talk her out of it, but she said she was studying, too. And why not study together.

  We were in plain sight. I purposefully placed my book between us, maintaining a barrier from accidental touching.

  We were wrapping up, when she said, “Sorry. Sometimes I make cryptic notes to myself. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I don’t normally share my notes, so I didn’t think about it when I offered them to you.”

  “No problem. Everything makes sense now.”

  “Good. Well, we’ve been at it a while and I should probably go get some sleep.” She glanced around the room as if checking for something or someone.

  “Yeah, I should, too. I have practice first thing in the morning.”

  When I picked up the book, she scooted
over, filling in that spot way too fast. Surprise had me open my mouth, and she didn’t hesitate to cover mine with hers. I yanked back, and the book went clattering to the floor. The noise seemed to reverberate all the way up the stairs.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I wanted to say you’re full of sorrys tonight.

  “I’ve wanted to do that for a while. And I did it.”

  She rubbed her hands over her legs like she had sweaty palms.

  “Melanie, I thought I made it clear I had a girlfriend.”

  Her smile faltered. “You did, but when you let me come over…”

  Clearly, I’d fucked up. “To study. That’s it.”

  “She means that much to you?”

  Her puzzlement was a testament that even if Brie hadn’t meant anything to me, Melanie never could.

  “She does. And it’s bad enough I invited you over with her upstairs. But you kissing me isn’t cool.”

  Paling, she stood. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Most guys…”

  “I’m not most guys.”

  “I realize that now. You’re one of the good ones.” Exhaling, she added, “Tell her she’s a lucky girl.”

  “That’s the thing, Melanie. I’m the lucky one. And I hope I haven’t fucked things up by having you over here tonight.”

  “Sorry, Chance. I’m leaving. I hope things work out.”

  I packed things up and headed upstairs. Only Brie wasn’t asleep.

  “Where are you going?” I asked, which was a dumbass question. It popped out anyway.

  She was furious, and I could guess she’d seen or heard Melanie downstairs.

  “Who’s the girl you had here?”

  There had been a point when I’d thought I heard someone on the stairs. But when I’d looked back no one had been there.

  “Melanie came over to help me study. She got the wrong idea and kissed me, but I set her straight.”

  Her eyes grew, and I’d said too much. “You kissed her?”

  Apparently, she hadn’t seen that. Still, I wasn’t going to lie to her. “She kissed me, but I didn’t want it. I already told her at the study session that I was in a relationship.”

  “Study session. Is she the girl with the perfume?”