Who He Is

by S. Q. Williams

  He then swung his gaze up and I stilled as our eyes locked. It was magnetic, powerful. I tried to blink and dared myself to look down, but I was stuck. Gage’s face remained firm. His jaw ticked as he scanned me from head to toe and then looked at Montana who was only an inch away from me. He finally tore his gaze away, sighing and whispering something in Penelope’s ear. She nodded and she and I both watched Gage walk away from the party with a beer in his hand.

  I looked at Montana who was staring up at the stars, his palms still planted on the concrete behind him. “What if I actually start to… like him?”

  He shrugged. “Try not to. Look, if you never take the risks, you’ll never live. That’s how I go about my life. We only have one to live, so why not make the most we can out of it? I’m sure since Gage is so ‘hot’ and ‘charming,’”—he dramatically batted his eyelashes and I giggled—“then you might fall just a little, but you’re a strong girl. I think you’re smart enough to play it safe but still have some fun until it’s time for you to go.”

  I nodded because he was right. Montana grunted as he pushed on his hands to stand. “I’m gonna get back with the people over there, but seriously,” he said, eyeing me, “think about it. I’ll catch you later, Miss Eliza.”

  He stumbled off and I watched him meet a blonde in a yellow and grey bikini. He kissed her and she melted in his arms, and I refused to watch his fingers slide into the bottoms of her bikini so I stared at the water.

  I felt a pair of heavy eyes on me and I looked up, directly at Penelope glaring at me. Her lips were pinched tight and her dark eyes looked me over, as if she were trying to point out my flaws. Perhaps she’d caught sight of the magazines as well. At the thought of it, I gave her a smug smile and she snobbishly turned to meet with a brunette nearby.

  I stumbled onto my feet and my head swayed. I’d obviously had too many beers. Montana kept bringing them back-to-back, but I had to admit they were easing my mind of the night before with Gage. I looked over at Cal who was still talking to Deed and decided not to interrupt. He was most likely interviewing him… again.

  I figured taking a walk around the park was best. I would take a short trip alone to actually think about what Montana told me. Perhaps he was right. Gage and I could be a casual thing. A quick fling. I wasn’t usually up for stuff like that, but it seemed like it would be fun with someone like Gage, especially after last night during the party.

  Maybe it won’t be so bad, I thought. The only thing bad about it was losing my virginity, but I was tired of holding it, and as bad as it seemed, I sort of wanted Gage to take it. My virginity had almost been taken one time. Back when I was eleven… by a man my mom was dating. Good thing she actually rescued me from that one. Thinking of it made me cringe inside, though. I hated reliving my past. It sucked so much and it wasn’t easy to let most of it go.

  The breeze picked up and I inhaled, allowing the air to fill my lungs. Happy thoughts, I told myself.

  Breathe. Think happy thoughts. Breathe.

  My eyes darted over to the trees and I spotted a bench… but it was occupied. With his elbows on his thighs and his gaze on the ground, Gage was sitting there looking nearly drained. He was hunched over, as if he’d drunk too much and was trying to sober himself up. “Gage?” I called cautiously.

  At the sound of my voice, he looked up quickly, his eyes glazed over completely. Realizing it was only me, he scowled and looked down again. I stepped to his side and he tensed. He tensed even more as I sat beside him but not too closely. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Fine,” he muttered. “Just go back to Cal… or Montana… or whatever.”

  I couldn’t ignore the slur in his tone. It was obvious he was drunk. I wanted to walk a bit more but knew he wasn’t suited for walking, and if he were to pass out, I wouldn’t have been able to support his weight. I remained seated, taking a deep sigh through my nostrils. It was silent between us. Crickets chirped and a few fireflies glowed around us.

  The sun had set even more and the moon was hovering right above us. I could still make out the pink, red, orange, and yellow beneath the midnight purple of the sky, and it humbled me a bit.

  “What do you see in them anyway?” Gage asked, catching me completely off guard.

  My head whipped to look at him quickly and he was bent over even more, his forehead pressed on his folded arms.

  “They’re just friends.”

  “Oh, like I’m just a friend?” he slurred, aiming to be sarcastic. Unfortunately it didn’t work to his advantage. His tone came off as harsh, insulting. “You really confuse me.”

  Shit, I confused myself. He wasn’t the only one. “I’ve thought about it,” I whispered.

  He gave me a side-glance. “About what?”

  “The ‘more than friends’ thing?”

  “And?”

  I bit my bottom lip, hesitant to answer. Was I sure about it? No. I didn’t know how the hell I was only going to remain friends with Gage without feeling anything in return. It just wasn’t me. I wasn’t like the girls he slept with that could wake up the next morning and act like nothing ever happened. I was far from it. Plus, I was going to see him every day. What if something went wrong? What would happen if I wanted to continue our fun nights, but he got bored of them? Bored of me? I was an amateur at a lot of things, after all. It would make it that much easier for him to forget about me.

  Before I could respond, Gage sat himself up and pulled me in by the waist. “I’m not forcing you to do anything with me, Eliza.”

  “I know you’re not,” I said, my eyebrows stitching.

  “So why are you so hesitant? It’s not like I’m asking you to… fall in love with me or anything.”

  I pressed my lips because he was right. I was just afraid of it possibly sneaking up on me.

  When I didn’t say anything, he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. The ink on his arms was bolder beneath the moonlight as his muscles locked. He swallowed noisily and I sighed, unsure of what to say to him. “How about we take a swim?”

  I looked into his low, hazel eyes and he revealed a crooked, dazzling smile. With that, I was up for it. Gage wasn’t as much of the stumbling, drunk idiot I thought he would be. He actually seemed to carry himself pretty well as we searched for another pool with no one around. We finally found one a bit smaller than the other.

  Sighing, I stepped away from Gage and went for the steps to check the temperature. It was cooler than the other pool, but I didn’t care. I slid out of my flip-flops, shorts, and tank top, stepping into the water and shivering with each step.

  But then I realized Gage had been watching me attentively, even while I was undressing. I was embarrassed, but it was already over with so I lowered myself into the water. The light from the pool reflected onto him as he stood in his blue-and-black swimming trunks.

  “Are you coming in?” I asked, smiling.

  With haste, Gage stepped toward the edge of the pool and jumped in. As he surfaced, the water ran over his gorgeous face and my breath hitched as he brought a hand up to clear it all away. Noticing I was staring, he revealed a small smile and swam toward me.

  As he neared me, he reeled me in, but I remained still, although I had the urge to hook my arms around his neck. My feet were kicking in the water to keep me afloat.

  “I wanna kiss you again,” he said, his breath warm as it tickled my cheek. He sluggishly licked his lips and I stared at them, slightly aching for those lips to touch mine.

  “Weren’t you just kissing Penelope?” I asked instead. I couldn’t seem easy.

  He laughed deeply, huskily. The sexy laugh that always made me melt. “It feels a whole lot better to kiss you.”

  “How?” I whispered. I don’t know why I’d gotten so quiet. Perhaps it was because no one was around and I knew he was the only person who could hear me. Or maybe it was because I wanted to just shut the hell up already and kiss him. I couldn’t figure it out.

  “I can show you.” His eyebrows ro
se and he pulled me in even closer. The water was still running from his hair to his plush, pink lips and he licked away each droplet. At the sight of his tongue, the pit of my belly heated. “I can show you a lot of things, if only you’d let me.”

  It wasn’t worth it to stall anymore, especially as Gage inched closer. His hands moved up the small of my back to pull me in even tighter and first he kissed my cheek and then my neck. He kissed my neck in different areas, all sweet to the touch, and beneath the water my legs effortlessly circled around his waist. He moved forward so my back could press against the nearest wall, but his lips didn’t stop teasing my skin. I was biting and nibbling on my bottom lip, heat bombarding my stomach and moisture building between my legs.

  Lifting his hands, Gage gripped the edge of the pool and pressed his cock against me. When he was done tasting my neck, he devoured my lips, and I couldn’t help it; I wrapped my arms around his neck. My legs squeezed tighter around him, wanting to feel the rock in his pants. It was turning me on in more ways than one. His silky tongue, although laced with alcohol, tasted sweet as it ran over mine.

  He thrust against me and I moaned, running my fingers through his slick hair. His hard chest was pressed firmly against mine, no space between us. The little nibbles and bites he took of my lower lip were driving me insane. His fingers that snuck beneath my bathing suit to slide inside me caused my moans to grow louder and his lips to fall so he could grunt against my neck.

  I was spiraling, bucking against him. “You like that?” he whispered gruffly in my ear. His other hand reached behind me and unhooked the top of my bathing suit. I could’ve stopped him, but I didn’t. A growl came from the heart of his throat as he stared at my full, bare chest.

  I nodded my head at his question, my body begging him to continue. Who knew his fingers could be so magical? He was pushing in and out of me, circling his thumb across my clit. I was so close. My fingernails bit into his skin and he went faster, faster, faster, sending me higher and higher… but then he just stopped. Right when I was about to reach the point of it all. Right when I’d just gotten wet and swollen.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I breathed raggedly, aggravated.

  He smirked, looking into my eyes and pulling his fingers out of my bottoms. I wanted to beg for his fingers not to leave, but I didn’t. It would have been too embarrassing and shallow. “Since we’re only ‘friends,’ I can’t give you the full effect.”

  I scowled at him. “You’re kidding.” He raised an eyebrow. “Right?

  “No, Ellie. This right here isn’t what friends do to one another. Let’s just do this shit. I swear it’ll be fun. I’ll make it worth it. You have my word.”

  “Gage, I—” Damn, what do I say?

  “Nothing between us has to change,” he assured me. “It doesn’t have to be serious and I think if we try to continue this little battle going on between us, someone’s gonna get hurt. I want you; you want me. Let’s do it.” He gave a lazy smirk, kissed my neck, and I snickered.

  I thought it over, replaying the conversation Montana and I had just moments ago, knowing he was right. I wanted to do more things with Gage than I thought, and with him giving me an orgasm the night before, I was desperate and in need of more. Gage’s touch was addicting, and I constantly craved more.

  It was bad, but it felt good to be satisfied—to reach the point of bliss and not come down for hours. Gage was the closest I’d ever gotten to a guy and he was also my best bet, so I shrugged and thought to myself, Fuck it. Montana was right. I had to take risks and I was going to be taking a huge one with Gage Grendel.

  “Okay,” I said right before kissing him and allowing him to finish what he started.

  Although the boys had a small gig the following day for a few high school students, they performed better than usual, and I never thought it was possible. Okay… maybe Gage performed better than usual. He was so energetic, so full of life, and his voice was so powerful that I actually thought he was singing to me. His deep voice was alluring and I couldn’t help but cheer and bounce on my toes when he would break down with a slower rhythm and his voice filled the stadium. The crowd (the girls especially) would go crazy, reaching their hands above for a feel of him. A blush crept up on me when I realized how bad I actually wanted to touch him myself.

  The boys hooted and hollered as they stepped backstage, Gage coming back last and stealing a kiss from me. “You did great.” I grinned at him.

  He lit up, his hazel eyes wide with astonishment. “You think so?”

  I nodded and he stole another kiss. I melted.

  “Did it for you.” Winking, he stepped around me and followed the boys, each of them going to separate dressing rooms. I couldn’t help but notice the familiar man with the peppery hair and business suit following Deed into his. Once again, his face was stern and Deed took glances over his shoulder, as if the man was going to do something to him. It weirded me out a little, but then my mind circled back to Gage again. For a moment, I thought his statement about singing so well for me was true. Was he really glad I’d agreed to this fling thing with him?

  I sighed, spinning around and heading for the exit door. There were a few things I had to grow accustomed to. For instance, the girls who would rush to the back, eagerly waiting to have their thigh, ass, or tit signed. I didn’t want to be a witness to Gage signing boobs, so I stepped out and took in the steamy Orlando breeze. It was our last night, but we weren’t going to be leaving until the next day, which meant another night for the boys to go out and get wild.

  I needed to skip out on the fun this time. I missed painting and drawing and wanted to get back at it. My ideas were running wildly, all a mix of Gage, waterpark slides, and spark-filled kisses in the pool.

  I knew it was going to take the boys a while, so instead of waiting up to try and tell Gage I was skipping out, I found the truck and told Marco to take me back to the bus. The sun was still sitting high in the sky, and I cracked the window, indulging in the warm, fresh breeze.

  Marco pulled up to the front of the bus and I told him to wait while I gathered my supplies. As soon as I was packed, I told him to take me to the nearest beach, gave Ben a call to tell him where I was headed so he wouldn’t panic, and then sat back to relax.

  I arrived at the beach within an hour and found a good spot beside the pier with a perfect view of the setting sun. The wind was picking up, but it wasn’t too much to blow away my papers. It was best to go with drawing. When my hand started, it wouldn’t stop. It’d been a while and I felt rejuvenated.

  After I was worn from drawing, I stood and snapped a few pictures of some of the seagulls at shore. Some were sitting perfectly in front of the rippling water and the setting sun, and I knew once I developed the pictures, it would be a beautiful sight to revisit. It would definitely be something to add to the collage of pictures I’d already taken.

  The sun sank behind the horizon, making it harder for me to see. I packed my things, tucking them beneath my arm and walking along the shore. A few couples were walking by, hand-in-hand, and at the sight of them, I couldn’t help but think of Gage.

  I’d shocked myself last night when I told him we could try more. I swore up and down I would never do it, but I just couldn’t say no. I was tired of lying to myself and tired of holding off. Plus, knowing no feelings had to be involved and that I could still do whatever I wanted was the best part. The worst part about it was Gage could still do what he wanted, and even though I knew it was going to upset me, I wasn’t going to be able to do or say much about it. It was his life and I was just a minor part of it. I had to keep looking at it that way—just as he was a minor part of my life.

  We said we wouldn’t take it further than a casual fling, which involved kissing, hugging, maybe some cuddling, partying, and probably soon… sex. My cheeks sparked at the idea of having sex with Gage. Of course I knew it was going to be mind-blowing. What he could do with his mouth and hands was mind-blowing. I couldn’t imagine how great it was goi
ng to be with the muscle he carried in his boxers.

  Soon, the moon had risen and the sun was nowhere to be found. I turned slowly to look at the body of water in front of me. The gentle ripples of the ocean reflected the glow of the moon like dark, exotic jewels. It was a soothing sight—one I could appreciate.

  I enjoyed the times I could be calm and not panic. I enjoyed smiling, even though at first it felt odd to do so. When I moved in with Ben, it was the hardest thing to adjust to. His warmness, his funkiness, his hugs, and the way he smiled at me as if I were actually a human being.

  Ben was the first person I opened up to about a lot of things. It was tough the first couple of months, and at some points I wanted him to just stop trying to make small talk with me and leave me alone. I was bitter… sad… alone. I was so used to spending time alone that whenever someone actually tried to be nice to me, I thought they were making a mockery of me.

  Around the fifth or sixth month of living with Ben, I finally opened up to him—not completely, but enough to see if I could trust him. I had no choice but to put my faith in him. Since then, I knew I could trust him with my life. With my happiness. He wanted to give me the universe and, even though some thought he was unfit to be a role model, he’s the best damn father in the world to me. He gave me my space when I needed it—something my mom never gave me. He’d even given me my own room, and for that I was forever grateful.

  I’d never had my own bedroom before, even though I was an only child. My mom rented a one-bedroom apartment and selfishly kept it all to herself. I had the rock-hard, lumpy sofa in the living room. The little bit of clothes I did have were folded neatly in the corners or hung in the living room closet.

  Thinking about how low I started in life brought tears to the rims of my eyes, and the passageway between my lungs and mouth closed in, making it harder for me to breathe. It burned, but I blinked quickly, inhaling to get rid of the memories. I couldn’t cry again. I hated crying because I was stronger now. It wasn’t worth it to look back. As I’d told myself over and over again, it was the past and it was never going to happen again. She never again had to be a part of my life for as long as I lived. I knew with Ben by my side I would never have to look back. He promised me, and ever since, he was true to his word.