Finding My Reason

by Claudia Burgoa

  “Jade,” I growl out at the feel her pussy gripping me tightly. “So tight.”

  Go slow. Make her feel good. I repeat as I start moving inside her.

  “Don’t hold back,” Jade presses releasing my lips.

  “I won’t last long,” I warn her. She serves me with a knowing smile. “Yes, baby. It’s been long. Let me make it good for you.”

  “Fast is good,” she suggests. “I don’t want slow. I want us.”

  Us. A foreign concept. It’s been long since we’ve been together. But our bodies remember, and I pick up the speed. She wraps her legs around my back, tilting her hips. Letting me go deeper. And deeper. Kissing her harder. Claiming all of her. It doesn't take for the fire we create to intensify and burn brighter. The muscles of my abdomen strain as I feel her pussy spasm around my cock.

  “Hudson,” she breaths out. I plunge inside her two more times before I reach my peak, exploding just the same way as Jade. Hot waves pulsating through my entire body as I pant, trying to recover my breathing. I wrap my arms around her body, burying my face inside the crook of her neck I whisper. “I love you. Forever.”

  “I love you, Hudson Drago,” she whispers holding me tight. It only takes a few minutes before her breathing slows. I kiss her one last time before I relax and sleep with her in my arms.

  Chapter 18

  Jade

  December 25th, 2011

  “You ruined Christmas,” I hear Jenna whine while she talks to Hudson outside Mom’s house. Her husband and children wait for her in the car, while she’s having a word with her brother. Who all but kicked her out after dinner was over. “Next time come home, without that b—.”

  “Insult my girlfriend one more time, Jenna, and I swear you’ll never hear from me again,” he warns her. His tone low, but menacing. “You’re not a child anymore, Jenna. Behave like an adult. Jade went out of her way to create a nice family dinner. Her mother opened her house and...your children behaved better than you did.”

  “I thought I taught you better,” Mom calls out from the living room. “Eavesdropping?”

  “She hates me.” I walk to her, taking the trash bag she holds. “We’ll clean up, Mom.”

  “You guys have only been together for a few months,” the voice of reason explains. Mom and I start filling the bag I hold with wrapping paper and ribbons. “Maybe Christmas with the family...”

  She shrugs, as Hudson enters the house. “Sorry about that, Janelle,” he apologizes to Mom. Kisses my cheek and heads to the kitchen. “I’ll take care of the dishes.”

  “He was going to spend Christmas with us,” I remind Mom. “She called a couple of weeks ago, and I extended the invitation because she complained that Hudson never visits them.”

  “I know your intentions were pure, sweetie.” She hugs me.

  “I'm not sure if he’s upset at me. I tried my best not to snap at her.”

  She kisses the top of my head. “Your mama must have taught you well, talk to him, the foundation of a good relationship is communication.”

  Of course, we will talk about it. But, instead of running to the kitchen to discuss dinner, I continue helping Mom with the living room and the dining room. We organize Ben’s old toys and take them back to the basement. “I can’t believe you stored our old toys.”

  “Books, clothes, and even your dolls,” she offers and smiles. “For the future generation. Now, go to the kitchen and talk to that boy. What happened tonight shouldn’t affect the two of you. His sister’s behavior is on her. Not you. Not him.”

  “I know.” But I blame myself a little, because if I had listened to him, none of this would’ve happened. He warned me when I suggested we invited her. “That’s a bad idea. Leave my sister on her side of the country, we don’t need the hassle.”

  Walking to the kitchen, I find him already wearing his grey beanie, gloves, and his cheeks are red from the cold. Was he already outside? He’s carrying our presents and the container with leftover salad that mom prepared for him. “I scrapped the windshield already.” His soft gaze searches for mine, as if making sure we are okay. As I smile, the worry lines around his eyes disappear. “I’m packing the car, which is already warm. Ready to go?”

  He’s not mad. We are fine. My body relaxes too, and is now when I realize I wasn’t upset, but concerned about us. Our future. And he already warmed up the car because he knows I hate the cold. In this moment, I fall more in love with him—if that’s even possible. I shorten the distance between us, taking his face between my hands and I kiss him hard. Fiercely.

  Mom clears her throat. “You two are leaving?”

  “Thank you for everything, Janelle,” Hudson kisses her cheek. “I’ll wait for you in the car, babe.”

  With one last big hug, I say my goodbyes and join Hudson.

  “Fine. You were right,” I yield once we climb into the car. Better get this off my chest now. “Why does she hate me?”

  Hudson kisses my knuckles, and his eyes meet mine the cocky grin illuminating his face. “Love to hear that I’m right but would you mind being a little more specific?”

  I huff, lifting both hands, shaking my head he’s gloating. “It was a terrible idea to invite your family to spend Christmas at Mom’s.” Lean against the heated seat and close my eyes. “Why do I even bother?”

  “Your sister hates me,” I state as I try to meditate.

  He turns off the radio and I feel the car moving. “My sister is complicated. That’s why I don’t like to spend the holidays with her. She doesn’t hate you.”

  I open my eyes, pivot my torso slightly to face him and cross my arms. “She has some interesting pet names for me. Did you know?”

  “Don’t take it personally, Princess.” He doesn’t move his eyes from the windshield, but his jaw muscles remain tense. “Let it go and smile. This time tomorrow we’re going to be out of reach and enjoying each other. Why not practice that tonight?”

  “Excuse me if I don’t smile while my boyfriend’s sister calls me home-wrecking bitch.” I toss my hands up in the air as he laughs. “Were you married before we started dating?”

  “My point exactly,” he reiterates. “She just says shit out of spite. I don’t want to blame you, babe, but this is on you. I told you to leave it alone. I have no business in New Jersey, and she wouldn’t be happy coming here to spend Christmas.”

  I bite my lower lip while thinking about a comeback. But I have...nothing. “I just wanted to...we’ve seen each other three times and she’s always a bitch to me. What did I do to her?”

  “She’s a pain in the ass,” he grumbles. “Maybe it is time for you to let the whole thing go. You’re dating me, not Jenna.”

  “How would you feel if my family hated you?”

  He remains quiet for the rest of the ride. All five minutes. After parking the car and unbuckling my seatbelt, he slides me to his lap. He nuzzles my nose, then feathers my face with small kisses. “Families are complicated. Your brother wants to murder me.”

  When we started dating, Ben was in town, and he only said a few words to him, “you hurt her and I’ll kill you.”

  He presses his lips against my forehead. “But that’s okay because I’ll never hurt you.”

  My arms go around him, and I hug him tight, wondering how we went so long without being connected like this. Wanting to stay in this moment forever. Memorizing the way my heart beats as I realize this man has become my everything.

  “Stay with me tonight,” he suggests as I move back to my seat.

  “I haven’t packed.” He gifted me a trip to some undisclosed destination. We are leaving tomorrow. “Most of the things I need are inside some containers.”

  He leans closer, fixes my hat and kisses my nose. “Please.” His lips take my mouth, tenderly. “I’ll help you pack your bags. If you come with me, we can have a lazy morning in bed. Afterward, we’ll drive to the airport.”

  “Where are we going again?” I try one more time, because even with a list of required
items, I have no clue where he’s taking me. “Why if I need a visa?”

  “You don’t need a visa,” he dodges my question. “So, are you coming home with me?”

  “Or you can stay with me,” I suggest.

  He glances at the small building where my studio apartment is located and shakes his head.

  “Your futon is uncomfortable. We have a king size bed waiting at home, join me.” He uses his most powerful weapon again. A Kiss. This time, it’s intense, demanding. The starving kind that sends a little message to my body. I need you, it says. Sparks shoot down my spine, my panties already getting wet. Almost six months and I can’t get enough of him. “I’ll help you, Jade. Come home with me.”

  His predatory gaze stops my heart. My body is needy. “Once I get a big bed, you’ll have no excuse to drag me to your place.”

  “You love my place, Jade.”

  “Not the point,” I banter when he opens the car door and extends his hand to help me out of the car.

  “I love you, Princess,” He captures me with those strong arms and hugs me tight. “Thank you for trying so hard with my sister. Even when she doesn’t appreciate it, it means the world to me.”

  “But stop trying?” I guess what he's thinking.

  “I won’t ask you to change.” He adjusts my jacket and then my scarf. “As long as I have you, the rest doesn’t matter. Just you and me, babe.”

  “You and me.”

  I smile as we walk to my studio. Only the two of us. Sounds easy. I can’t wait for the trip, and for next year.

  And hopefully, to spend the rest of my life with him.

  • • •

  February 27th, 2012

  Waking up next to Hudson seems like the most normal thing in the universe. Yet, it’s strange that things between us have been progressing so fast. I mean, we were supposed to be taking everything one day at a time. Days blurred into weeks. I have a hard time differentiating my life from his at some points. Sometimes, this revelation feels natural. As natural as going into deep sleep when he holds me in his arms at night or handing him a double shot of espresso before he heads to the office.

  My chin rests on his shoulder while taking in his musky, earthy scent. If I didn’t know he was a city boy, I would swear he was woven out of moss and tree branches.

  He starts to rustle against me. “Morning,” I murmur.

  Hudson’s eyes squint at the sun blasting through his beige curtains. “Mornin’,” he groans. “God, what time is it?”

  I reach over to the nightstand by my bed, tapping my phone screen lightly. “It’s...eight thirty.”

  Hudson shoots up, practically crawling out of his skin. “What? Fuck! I’m late.”

  I stare at him in disbelief. “I thought you were going to work from home today.”

  He scrambles around his bedroom, searching for his underwear before heading to take a quick shower. “Yeah, but my meeting with my investors got pushed up from last week to today.”

  After a couple of minutes, he comes out of the bathroom. Wet strands of his dirty blond hair drip over his chiseled chest. The brown towel sits right on his hips showing his well-defined pelvic muscles. The sight of him reminds me we missed our morning sex session, one of the perks of staying overnight in his apartment.

  The second is to watch him dress into those designer suits he wears like a second skin. He fumbles frantically with the Armani gray stripe silk tie I gifted him last Christmas. I take pity on him, shaking my head wistfully. “Here, let me help with that.” I know he can do it himself, most of the time. Hudson usually prides himself on being able to make the perfect tie dimple.

  “Thanks.” He sighs in relief. Hudson pecks me on the cheek and then continues with his mad-dash.

  “Hey, princess,” he hollers from the living room. “Have you seen my briefcase?”

  “Next to the couch,” I yell back. I try to get comfortable again under the covers. Maybe just five more minutes before I start my day.

  “And my phone?”

  I roll my eyes, accepting my pre-assigned role to help him get out the door. I pick up his phone next to mine. “The outlet on your side is broken,” I start to explain when he comes back inside. “You might want to call the electrician soon.”

  He cuts me off with a mumbled, “Thanks.” Hudson scans the room, dazed. He turns to me. “And uh—”

  “Your good socks are in the clean clothes basket,” I make an educated guess. “Maybe you should think about sorting it out, folding a few shirts?”

  He looks dumbfounded, or like he’s berating himself for not knowing any better. “Oh, right.” Hudson rushes into his ginormous walk-in closet. “I can’t find anything today.” He bustles back to the bed moments later with a pair of dress shoes.

  “It’ll be fine.” I wonder if he’s nervous or caffeine deprived.

  He takes a final look at himself, momentarily snapping out of his daze. “Perfect, thanks.”

  “No problem,” I say honestly.

  He lets out a shaky sigh. “See you tonight.” He kisses my right cheek before marching off. “It’s my turn to prepare dinner.”

  “Not tonight. I’m having dinner with Libby,” I remind him. “See you tomorrow night. After work. I’ll cook for you.”

  His eyebrows raise. “Okay?” He shakes his head and turns around.

  “Okay,” Is it? Before I can say a word, I hear the sound of the apartment door sealing shut. Something I said didn’t settle well. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready, why worry now? I proceed to slump against his king size bed. I take my phone off the nightstand, beginning to scroll through emails. I don’t have to go into the office until ten, but I might as well be productive.

  My comfortable silence is shattered less than a minute later. The front door creaks open. Huh, I wonder what Hudson forgot. He comes into the bedroom almost as quickly as he left.

  “That must have been some meeting,” I joke.

  Typically, he would have pretended to laugh. Not today. He stops abruptly only a few feet from the bed. His light green eyes observing me, his chest heaving. “You know where everything is in this house.”

  I blink at him, beyond confused. I shrug. That was not what I was expecting him to come back for.

  “Some of your clothes are in my closet. Your girly products are in my bathroom,” He continues. “Are we living together?” he persists.

  Oh, so this is what he’s getting at. Shit, what’s the right answer? “Well, no. I mean, I spend every night here, and some of my clothing is in the corner of your closet.” That’s probably the worst thing I could have said. This couldn’t get any more uncomfortable.

  “I don’t like it,” he states.

  My eyes prickle, and I’m speechless. “You want me to pack my things?” Controlling my quivering chin is hard, and I hold onto the blankets tight while falling into a ditch.

  “What?” His face is apprehensive. “No. I don’t like that you’re not coming back tonight because you are going out with Libby. I’m going to miss you.”

  He exhales deeply, rubbing his neck a couple of times. “Do you want to move in with me?” Hudson blurts out. Either he’s having an off day, or...he doesn’t sound as enthusiastic as the Hudson I’m in love with would sound. Is he asking because I’m always here or because he wants me here? “Please?”

  As strange as this proposal is, the last word is so sweet and full of hope that I want to say yes. A thousand times yes. My heart skips a few beats when his eyes give me that look of Please, Jade. I’ll do anything if you say yes.

  “Sorry, that caught me off guard,” I admit, still chewing the answer. “But we’ve been dating for—”

  “Less than a year,” he finishes confidently. “Not long. I get that. Still, I think this makes sense, don’t you? Us living together. You stay every night. We eat dinner together, and... why not?”

  I balk at him. Maybe I’m dreaming, or I’m in a parallel world. “Are you sure?”

  “Extremely,” he grunts
.

  “Oh,” is all I can mutter. Where is this taking us? Are we moving too fast? Not that I’m ready for more than what we have right now. Do I want to move in with him? Is there a reason not to? We are moving forward, first we dated, now we're going to live together and the next step will come soon—when we’re both ready. Am I reading too much into this proposal? Hmm, I should sip some caffeine before making life changing decisions. Who the hell am I kidding? This makes sense. We practically live in together. Why not? “Okay.”

  His face lights up. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” I reassure him with my own smile, my entire body relaxing. I could see myself being here full-time—with him.

  “I love you.” He tackles me in bed, giving me one of those swooning kisses only he knows how to give. “If only I had time to show you how happy you just made me.”

  “I did?”

  He nods. “Of course, Jade, I love you with every bone in my body. I want to spend every morning and every night with you, for as long as we make each other happy.” He pauses, narrowing his gaze. A huge frown appears on his forehead as he pushes himself off the bed. “Do I make you happy?”

  “You do, and as much as I’d like to show you how much, you have to go.” I jump out of the bed and give him a quick peck on the lips. “You have an empire to make. I have to be at work soon—and plan my move.”

  He mock-salutes me. Most likely he’s late for his appointment. “Tonight, I’ll show you how happy you make me.”

  • • •

  Hudson

  December 2nd, 2013

  Me: I hate being back in Jersey.

  Jade: Be a good brother.

  Me: It’s not my fault that Jenna decided to pop out yet another baby.

  I thought after Emmett she’d learn her lesson. One is plenty. Two is a crowd. Three...Regardless of my opinions, Jade mainly pushed me out the door with an airline ticket the second I told her. To her, the situation wasn’t ideal, but that didn’t matter. My sister had a baby, and as a big brother, I had an obligation to go and meet my nephew. If there’s one thing that pisses me off to no end, it’s being shoved back to Jersey. But maybe Jade is right; I love my sister and she needs to see that her big brother cares.