by M. N. Forgy
“You want to clue me in on what you guys are talking about?” I ask, getting a little peeved they are talking as if I’m not even in the room.
“I have a niece who’s almost eighteen. Her name is Silvia. She just got released from the hospital last night because her boyfriend decided to use her as a punching bag,” Babs says, shaking her head in dismay and slowly sliding her tongue over her upper red lip.
“Dislocated her jaw,” Vera says, stepping around the bar. “Babs brought it to Locks’ attention, so he could bring it to the table, but he told her no.” Vera’s tone is angry and hostile at Locks’ decision. Seems Vera has Babs’ back and is upset Locks didn’t stand behind his wife’s request to involve the club.
“So, what does that have to do with me?” I ask, shrugging.
“We, and now you, are going to go scoop up this douche and teach him what happens when you fuck with one of our own,” Babs says, putting her hands on her hips, her tone proud.
“And Daddy and Lover Boy cannot find out about it,” Vera patronizes.
I look at both of them, considering my options. I could use the brownie points with the ladies at this point. It’s not convincing Shadow of anything, but at least I’ll have my foot in the door. Showing the ol’ ladies I can keep a secret would do just that, and if there is anything illegal about to happen, it will prove I am not with my mother and her clan of agents.
“I’m in,” I say, standing.
“Like you had a choice,” Babs laughs.
“If you said otherwise, I would have had to beat the shit out of you and throw you in the closet till we got back,” Vera says, her tone serious.
“Vera!” Babs snaps.
***
I’m sitting on a bench in the back of one of the club’s black vans, with a couple of other ol’ ladies wearing cuts. Babs is driving and Vera has the passenger side. I’m sitting next to Cherry, and Molly and Pepper are sitting across from us. I remember seeing them briefly right before the bike rally, when the raid happened, but I don’t know much about them.
“You cool?” Molly asks, throwing her brown hair into a tight bun.
I nod, not sure what to say or expect.
“She’s fine,” Cherry says, nudging me in my shoulder. “She’s got it in her blood.”
“I’m Phillip’s ol’ lady, by the way,” Cherry says, putting her hand out to shake.
I shake it. “Don’t think I’ve met him,” I respond, trying to put a face with the name.
“Yeah, he’s doing time right now,” she says, looking down. Her strawberry hair skirts across her face, hiding her kind eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I reply, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible. I wonder what he did, but I don’t ask.
“No worries, he should be out in a few months.”
“That shit you were in,” Pepper adds, pointing at me. “They say you didn’t have anything to do with it. Did you?” she asks flatly.
I shake my head. “No, that was all the work of my bitch of a mother.” I roll my eyes.
All the girls start laughing, catching me off-guard.
“What?” I ask, confused.
“You sound just like him,” Cherry says, smiling big.
“Like who?” I ask, looking around at the other girls.
“Like Shadow,” Molly says, laughing.
I look down at my hands. Shadow. Just his name is like a punch to the gut, and it hurts.
“We’re here, ladies!” Babs yells over her shoulder.
“Where?” I ask.
“Silvia said this is where the fucker deals,” Bab’s explains, the word deals catching my attention. Like, drug dealer? My eyes widen with fear, wondering what we will face when we get out of the van.
We sit in silence for a few moments as Babs and Vera scout the place. The van doesn’t have any back windows so I can’t see a thing.
“Why’d he hit her?” I ask to no one in particular.
“He needed a reason?” Pepper smarts.
“No, I just mean-“
“He accused her of getting into his drugs, demanded she pay for what she took. She swore she didn’t take anything, and he snapped,” Babs informs.
“There he is.” Vera points out the front windshield.
Molly pulls the back van door open and hops out. My heart is pounding so hard I can hear the rush of blood pooling in my ears as I follow. The adrenaline races through me like a virus, consuming my righteous upbringing, enforced from my mother. I smile at the intrusion of corruption, welcoming the feeling of being malicious. I look around and notice we are behind a big building. Thumping music plays from the inside, it’s some kind of club with green lights skirting the rooftop. The sky illuminates with leftover lightening and low rumbles of thunder, the storm reminding us of its presence. I follow the girls who are approaching a younger guy. He has on a green bandana pulled backwards with a dirty, white t-shirt and baggy jeans.
“You Darin?” Babs ask, pointing a bat at him.
“What the fuck is it to you?” he mouths, tilting his chin up, his hand in the waist of his jeans
“This is for Silvia!” Babs yells as she swings the bat so fiercely locks of her hair fall loose. He falls to the ground, passing out.
“Dani, grab his gun,” Babs orders, pointing to the guy’s crotch with the bat. I hesitate as I stare at blood dripping from Darin’s head and down his face.
“Do it!” Vera yells, snapping me from the blood. I jump forward, reach into his jeans and fish out a polished gun. It’s heavy, and it feels powerful just sitting in my idle hands.
“Girls, grab his feet. Vera and I will get his arms. Dani, get the door to the van,” Babs commands, handing me the bat. I carry the bat and the gun; the rush of danger flowing through each of my hands makes my palms twitch.
Once we got the unconscious Darin in the back of the van, we drive off like a bat out of Hell. Babs is driving so fast I nearly fly across the back of the van on a turn. We drive for about twenty minutes before Babs pulls over and hops out.
I climb from the van, hear waves crashing, and smell salt. I look around and notice a rundown building but not much else. Babs snaps her fingers at me, so I hand her the bat as I palm the gun.
Babs grabs the still-unconscious Darin and drags him by his feet, his head hitting the ground with a loud thud. A low moan escapes his lips as he wakes.
“What the hell?” Darin moans, reaching into his pants. A sudden feeling of courage striking, I give his foot a firm kick.
“Looking for this?” I ask. The thought that a guy could lay such harm to a girl has me feeling animosity.
“You are dead bitch,” he says, looking at me with a promising grin. His smile is big, showing off bloody teeth where the blood from his head wound has dripped down, but his eyes are narrowed in warning. His threat has me pulsing with rage; I’m tired of threats.
“So, you like to beat girls?” Vera asks.
Darin laughs maliciously. “That bitch had it coming. She knew better than to get in my stash,” he says matter-of-factly.
“Dani, shut him up,” Babs says. I look at her, shocked. Does she want me to shoot him? Thinking on my toes, I grip the gun and hit him in the mouth hard. The sound of metal slamming into his jaw makes the hair on my neck raise. He yells in pain, grabbing his split lip the impact caused.
“What’s wrong? I thought you liked to fight?” I ask, a surge of bravery rising, making my hands tremble with nervous excitement.
He looks up at me from the ground. His shameless eyes hold me in place as he wipes the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand and starts to chuckle. It pisses me off. Violence creeps its way into my system, eager for me to show my true colors, not only to the girls, but to myself.
“Damn girl,” Cherry laughs. “I can see why they call you Firefly,” she says, looking at me with a smirk.
“Silvia knows if she wants drugs to come to me. Either way, you don’t hit girls. Especially ones associated with The Devil’s Dust,” Ba
bs says, kicking him in the ribs hard.
“Dani, you want to prove yourself? Show him what happens when you mess with The Devil’s Dust,” Babs says, handing me the bat. I hand her the gun and grip the bat tightly, my fingers slipping from the sweat gathering in my palms. I look at the guy who is bleeding; his eyes dull from severe drug use. He reminds me of Ricky and Cassie who kidnapped me. Kidnapped me because of my mother who made Shadow’s mom a criminal informant. My blood boils at the connection; maybe I need therapy from the traumatic experience they put me through. I swing the bat with an emotional yell as a loud crack follows, splitting his kneecap. Darin rears up and grabs his knee, screaming in pain. I smile, feeling relief, screw therapy, this will do.
“That ‘a girl!” Molly laughs, kicking the guy in the gut.
I grip the bat harder and slam it down across his arm, the adrenaline feeling like a drug.
After a beat-down that guy will never forget, we all jump back in the van and head back to the club, leaving a bloody, unconscious thug in an empty parking lot, not knowing if he is dead or alive. On the drive back, the girls all start replaying everything that happened, but all I can feel is shame. Coming off the high of rage, I feel the leftover guilt eating at my conscious. What the hell did I just do?
Babs parks the van next to the garage and we all hop out.
“You did great kid,” Vera says, patting me on the back.
“Yeah, this shit with your mom will fly over soon,” Cherry remarks sweetly.
“Welcome to the pack,” Pepper says, smacking my ass.
I smile lightly as they all head into the club, acting as if nothing savage just happened. It’s crazy when you think about it. The hurdle of life’s abandonment scarring us, we wake up every day in the hope of redemption, that today will be better, but it’s a lie. In reality, you have to swim to survive, even if it means drowning the innocent to get to the shore of hope.
I head to Bobby’s room and notice blood on my hands, so I walk into the bathroom and turn the shower on hot. The room fills with steam as I look into the mirror and notice blood spatter all over my face and clothes. I undress quickly and jump in the shower to rinse off. The warm water rushes down my body, rinsing the traces of blood away as if it hadn’t happened. Looking at the water of blood and sins washing down the drain, I think about my mother, how distraught she would be if she found out I was a part of kidnapping, battery and assault, possibly murder. Breaking her upbringing of an untainted daughter. A laugh escapes my mouth, a vicious laugh so hard my belly cramps. My laughter begins to falter as I realize proving myself to the girls tonight unleashed something far darker than I could’ve ever imagined. It is dangerous, manic, and it craves the throes of violence. It’s exactly what my mother tried to keep me from discovering my whole life.
***
Waking up this morning, I feel different. I feel the innocent, fragile mind that was my norm vanish into the wind, like pieces of a dandelion blowing into the darkness and fluttering down into a world of angst and bravery. White wings which were once my sign of innocence have molted into dark, ominous feathers, piecing off one by one.
I have Bobby take me to the apartment first thing; luckily, I don’t run into Shadow. When I walk into the apartment, it is much cleaner than the last time I was here. I remember coming here after Shadow and I had our getaway; the place was trashed by Bobby. I close my eyes tightly trying to push out the images of Shadow and me at the beach house. Will the pain of his betrayal ever wear off?
“So, I’ll put your things in my room just in case Shadow decides to show up,” Bobby says, packing my crap into his room. I follow him and notice his room has a similar layout to Shadow’s, only different colors. Bobby’s bed is unmade and has a red comforter with white sheets, and its size is just as big as Shadow’s. Bobby’s dresser is white with a huge back mirror and his room has clothes thrown from one end to the other. I can’t even tell you the color of carpet he has, or if he even has carpet. It’s just a sea of dirty clothes.
“Needs cleaning, but its home,” he says, smiling.
“Thanks, Bobby. You have been a life saver in all of this,” I say, my tone appreciative.
Bobby shakes his head. “Just doing what was ordered.” He glances at me with an unreadable look.
“So, first step is getting you a job,” Bobby says, rubbing his hands together.
“Oh, goody,” I say dramatically.
“I’ll pick up some newspapers in town, see if anything sparks your interest,” he says, smirking.
“That would be great, thanks.” I tilt my head to the side with a smile of appreciation.
“Yeah, no problem,” Bobby says, grinning a panty-dropping smile. He scratches his chest, the act bringing his shirt up and showing his rock-hard abs. I suck in a tight breath and look at the dirty clothes around my feet; anything to keep my mind off how horny I am and how Shadow is not here to relieve it. My blushing cheeks giving away I find Bobby attractive, he chuckles and walks into the living room. I take a steady breath and follow.
“There should be food and shit in the fridge if you get hungry. I’ll be back later,” he says, heading toward the door.
“Oh, and Firefly,” he hesitates, pausing at the door.
“Ya?” I dart my gaze from the fridge to the door where he’s standing.
“Keep your ass in this apartment,” Bobby demands, his hand pointing to the floor, his harsh tone making me jump. Before I can ask why, he slams the door shut.
I PULL MY .45 up and aim at the target across the grassy field, take a deep breath and apply pressure to the trigger. Instantly, the gun fires and recoils, giving me a brief second of relief, but not enough to curve my dark craving: killing.
“Hey, fucker.”
I look over my shoulder and see Bobby walking up behind me. I nod at him and aim my gun back at the target.
“You going to ignore me forever?” he asks.
Annoyed, I lower my gun and scowl at him.
“I’m not ignoring you, just been busy,” I reply, but it’s a lie. Ever since he has taken Dani under his wing, I have avoided him any chance I could.
“Yeah, whatever,” he says, lying his gun out to load. “What’s the deal with you and Firefly?” he asks. I look at him in disbelief. How the hell is he going to ask me that? Especially while I have a loaded gun in my hand.
“Not much to tell; she’s a fucking rat,” I declare, firing my gun at the target. Just saying those words makes my stomach knot. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel it’s far from the truth or because I feel she may very well be a threat. Either way, I have to try to keep my head focused; she’s not to be trusted.
“You still think she’s not telling the truth?” Bobby asks, aiming at the target and firing. Looking at Bobby, I can’t help but notice his aim is a little off.
“Raise your gun up an inch,” I tell him.
“I have seen how bitches manipulate and deceive to get what they want. Fool me once.” I aim my gun at the target. “That’s all you get,” I whisper. I fire the rest of my rounds in a rage, hitting the target every time. It’s the truth; women will do anything, use any weapon they see fit to get what they want. Not me. I won’t be one of those guys left in the storm of a deceiving female.
Bobby shakes his head.” I think you’re wrong, brother.”
“Don’t much care what you fucking think, Bobby,” I spit, his attitude sparking flames of uncontrollable anger.
“Right so that little altercation between you and Tom Cat was nothing?” Bobby smarts. I turn and glare at him, of course he would have seen that.
After Bull appointed Tom Cat to transport Dani, I saw Tom head towards Dani’s room later that evening. I couldn’t help but stand by her door and see what the fuck he was doing in her room. Dani was sitting on the bed, her body slumped over. She looked extremely sad, and it killed me. I know I caused that sadness, a part of me wanted to comfort her. But I couldn’t get passed that she might be a threat. Tom Cat rested his hand on Dan
i’s shoulder gaining her attention. The innocent touch sparking a jealous rage within me. He introduced himself, his tone cheery, and friendly. It pissed me off. After he left her room I followed him to the court yard.
“Tom Cat, can I get a word?” I ask.
“Hey brother, what’s up?” he questions, placing his hands on his hips.
“You driving Dani around, huh?”
“Yeah, apparently,” Tom Cat says, grinning from ear to ear. He lifts his eyebrows in a gesture that has me furious. I feel jealous and angry, and I fucking hate it. I slap my hand over his shoulder, and dig my fingers deep into his flesh.
“Don’t think about trying anything,” I seethe. “You are to drive Dani where she needs to go, and keep your fucking mouth shut,” I whisper, my tone harsh and threatening. I tighten my hold on his shoulder, making my knuckles turn white from the pressure. “Do you understand?” I ask.
Tom Cat winces from my hold. “Yeah, man!” He bellows with pain.
“And if you see anything tying her to her mother, you come to me first,” I demand. Tom looks at me like I’m insane, his eyes wide with uncertainty. I glare, and tighten my hold. Tom’s knees buckle from the force, making him finally nod in agreement. I release my hold on him, and walk away. I still care for Dani, and it fucking hurts.
“What the fuck-ever, man,” Bobby says, breaking me from my thought. He throws his hands at me and walks away.
Fucking Dani. If it wasn’t already bad enough, now she’s turning my fucking brother against me. Never should have got involved with her ass.
Dani
A week has gone by, and I have been locked away in this damn apartment like a prisoner. Bobby has brought me all kinds of newspapers and I have even looked on the internet for a job, but unless I want to be a dog walker or receptionist at a tanning salon, I can’t find anything, which sparks my interest. Not for a career, anyway.
I have cleaned the apartment from one end to the other, all except Shadow’s room; I can’t bear to walk in there. Just looking at the door alone sparks images of Shadow and me in a lover’s ecstasy.
I push through the double doors, which lead to the balcony of the apartment and lay in the sun lounger. The one advantage of being here is getting to sunbathe on the balcony.