The Scars That Define Us

by M. N. Forgy

  I throw my towel down and lay out on it, listening to the kids scream and play in the water and the ol’ ladies laughing with each other in the background.

  “Hey.” My father sits down next to me.

  “Hey, Dad,” I say, sitting up.

  “I haven’t had a chance to get over to the apartment and see you. Shit’s been crazy at the club,” he apologizes, taking a swig from a beer can.

  “I understand,” I smile.

  “Damn proud of you, though.” He smiles back at me. “You got out there and got yourself a job you enjoy, making something of yourself.” He lifts the can really high, getting the last drop of the beer to fall into his mouth.

  “I’m sorry, Dani,” he says glumly. I look under my lashes at him, watching his face line with regret and sorrow. “I’m sorry about the way things were handled when you returned. I had my doubts about it, but because I’m the president, I have to set an example.”

  I look out at the setting sun, the question I want to ask playing in my head.

  “What if I had been guilty of conspiring with my mother or you couldn’t prove I wasn’t? Would you have had me killed?” I question, narrowing my eyes.

  He sighs deeply, looking behind him before leaning into me.

  “I knew you weren’t a threat when you came back, regardless if you were in on it with your momma or not,” he replies, kissing my head. “But the club has rules, and I have to go through with the rules myself. I knew your innocence would rise soon enough; I just needed you out of the club until that happened, for your protection,” he continues, lifting my chin to look at him. “Your innocence shows you have this club’s back, and this club will forever be in your debt, Dani.” He looks at me bright-eyed and smiles.

  I think about this for a second, knowing the world I used to live in was harsh and vile. It didn’t matter how many times I proved myself to it; it was relentless, always coming back to bite you in the ass. Knowing I proved myself to the Devil’s Dust and hearing they will always have my back is a relief.

  “And there is no way I would have let anyone harm you,” he states quietly. My eyes widen, not expecting to hear that. “If it came down to it, I would have stuffed your pockets with cash and told you to run. The club is supposed to come first, I know, but last time I put the club before my family, I lost your momma. Something I’ll never get back.” He crumples the empty beer can in his hand. “Don’t get me wrong: I’ll die for this club, and this brotherhood is all I got.” He tangles his big hand in my hair, looking at me with a sincere gaze. “But there’s no way I could let someone hurt you,” he tells me, his tone serious, and his brows furrowed with force.

  “And I knew Shadow wouldn’t hurt you, not physically, anyways. That boy is twisted something bad over you,” he says with a chuckle as he stands up, leaning down to kiss me on my forehead gently.

  “You have fun, Darlin’,” he finishes, walking over to Babs and the group.

  ***

  “You’re a little burnt.” I open my eyes to see Tom, only he looks different now that he’s not hiding under a helmet and sunglasses. I can see his hair, which is brown and short, and his eyes are light brown and inviting. The only thing he’s wearing is blue board shorts. He has tan skin and is a little soft in the torso rather than built. I sit up and realize it’s dark. I have been here sunbathing and listening to everyone for longer than I thought.

  “You have hair,” I comment, ruffling the top of Tom’s head.

  “Yeah, I do,” he says, eyeing my hand with a smirk as he hands me a cold beer. “Brought you a beer.”

  “Thanks,” I reply, grabbing the cold can from him. I open it and drink a small sip.

  I look out and notice all the kids are gone. My eyes fall on Shadow across the beach, standing around a small bonfire. His smoldering gaze penetrates me.

  “Where are all the kids?” I ask.

  “Sun goes down, family time is over,” Tom smirks. “That’s what I was told anyway,” he says.

  “Even for the Fourth of July? That’s when all the exciting parts happen.” I raise my eyebrow.

  “Yup, they go home,” he states, sipping his beer loudly.

  I look across the bonfire and see my dad slap Shadow on the back, laughing as if Shadow had just told a joke, making me smirk. He’s like the father Shadow never had.

  I stand up and head toward the bonfire, which looks as if it had just been started.

  “Thanks for the beer,” I yell at Tom as I walk away. I can feel Shadow staring at me, the blue tormented eyes causing goose bumps to rise against my spine. I look at where he was standing and spot Candy in a bright-pink swimsuit walking toward him. My claws immediately come out, wanting to scratch that bitch’s face off.

  “Dani!” Someone yells, catching my attention. I look over and see Doc tripping her way over to me.

  Bobby comes up behind her, wrapping his arm around her waist trying to steady her.

  “Yeah, Doc has had a little too much to drink,” he explains, eyeing over my shoulder. I look to see what Bobby is looking at and see Shadow walking toward us.

  “How much have you drank?” I ask, looking back at Doc. She flips her long, blonde hair over her shoulder and giggles like I just asked the funniest question.

  “Seems Bobby likes drunk girls,” Shadow says coldly from behind me.

  Doc giggles and nods her head in agreement.

  “Let’s go,” Bobby orders Doc as his eyes narrow with anger at Shadow.

  I watch Bobby help a stumbling Doc toward the parking lot. I sympathize with her. Bobby can be more than encouraging with his alcoholic beverages; no girl could say no to him if they wanted to.

  “What did you and Tom have to talk about?” Shadow asks, taking a swig of his beer bottle casually.

  I look up at him. “Why, jealous?”

  Shadow grits his jaw as his finger slides down my back, his touch shooting sparks through me. My body wants him more than I have ever wanted anything, the depriving release becoming unbearable.

  “You don’t want to tempt me, Dani,” he warns, skipping his hand down and grabbing my ass firmly.

  I sigh from the contact; my body wants more of him but Shadow won’t budge. He walks away from me, and looking back, he smirks, making my bikini bottoms melt.

  Feeling the urge to pee, I start making my way toward the bathroom; on my way, I hear loud moaning and panting. I look into the darkness where the noise is coming from, the bright moon lighting up the night for me to just barely see. I spot Locks sitting on the ground with his pants pulled to his ankles, a bottomless Candy grinding on top of him. He brings Candy closer, biting on her shoulder when his gaze catches mine. I quickly avert my eyes to the ground and keep going. Seeing him cheat on Babs has me sick to my stomach. Where in the hell is Babs? Surely she stayed?

  After doing my business in a sandy, wet bathroom, I leave and am immediately snatched to the side of the building. My mouth opens, ready to scream, but is slapped shut with a muscled hand. My eyes go wide with fear and I notice Shadow, whose face is full of humor laughing at me.

  “Asshole!” I yell, slapping his arm in anger.

  Shadow growls and pulls me closer.

  “Your temper has a way of turning me on,” he whispers against my collarbone.

  He runs his nose up my neck, making my head fall back against the brick bathhouse. He slides his hands down my frame until they reach my ass where he digs his fingers into my flesh. The feeling of his rough grasp makes me moan and my body sparks alive, wanting more.

  “Man, I miss this,” he moans, tightening his grasp on my backside with one cheek in each of his large hands. My breathing becomes heavy with lust, I bring my mouth toward Shadow and smash my lips to his, demanding contact. He immediately nips my lip with his teeth and slips his tongue into my mouth, devouring my senses. That feeling I get when I’m with Shadow slams forward, the feeling that nothing else matters. He’s the air that fills my lungs, and every time he pulls away, I am deprived of that r
efreshing breath which keeps me alive.

  My hands trail down his bare, chiseled chest to his red board shorts, his excitement for me pressing against the fabric. A loud bang erupts in the sky, and colors of red, blue, white, and zinging gold illuminate around us, our bodies tangled in a Fourth of July display. Shadow trails his finger down my stomach over my belly button and plays with the elastic of my bikini bottoms. My body vibrates with desire, craving for him to go further.

  “Mine in leather is very tempting,” Shadow whispers into my mouth as he continues to kiss me. I smile against his lips; my plan to bring Shadow to his knees with the leather bikini is working.

  Ear-piercing whistles sound off in the distance, catching our attention. He breaks away from our kiss and looks at the fireworks lighting up the night sky before he releases his grip on me and pulls away.

  I sigh in frustration, pissed he’s refraining going any further with me when he clearly wants to.

  “Why are you resisting?” I pant, my voice heavy with lust.

  Shadow smirks as he runs his hands through his black, ruffled hair. “Your body may want me, but I’m greedy. I need all of you, Dani,” he replies somberly. “Including your heart.”

  I swallow the lump building in my throat; I’ve always loved Shadow, even when he broke my heart. If I hated anyone, it was myself for not being able to hate him.

  “I’ve always loved you, Shadow,” I whisper candidly, emotion muffling my voice.

  Shadow walks up close, grabbing the nape of my neck and forcing me to look up at him. “How can you love me? How can you love me when I deserted you when you needed me?” he asks, his tone deep and angry, giving me the impression he doesn’t feel worthy of my love.

  What am I supposed to say to that? He’s right. I should hate him, should plot my savage revenge which flows like a raging river, but I do love him. I’m so damaged that I can look past the manic beast before me and see the caring man he wants to be. Most of all, I can relate to his darkness, our desperation so thick we’ll do anything to feel something beyond the poisonous pain which consumes our lives.

  “Do you still love me?” I ask.

  Shadow looks out at the fireworks blooming into the night’s sky, his eyes squinting as he’s deep in thought. He turns and looks at me with a serious face, a wrinkle right between his eyes. “I never stopped.”

  My heart skips a beat as his words register.

  “I love you the same way you love me. No matter what we do to break each other, we are irreparable without each other,” I whisper.

  He brushes a calloused finger over my bottom lip then runs it along my cheek as his mouth lifts slightly in the corner hiding, a smile. “It’s late. You want me to take you home?” he asks, as if we weren’t just having a deep conversation.

  “I can get Tom to take me. You can stay and have fun,” I reply, pushing off the wall.

  Shadow snorts. “That won’t be happening.”

  I turn to argue but am interrupted. “Have you guys seen Babs?” my dad asks. He looks at Shadow and me and narrows his eyes with anger. Shadow and I hidden behind the bathhouse probably doesn’t look great.

  “No, why?” I ask, concerned.

  “She left for more food an hour ago and nobody has heard from her,” he responds, pulling his phone out, clearly trying to call her. The hairs on my arm rise with alert. Something feels off and I know it can’t be good.

  “Sorry, brother. I haven’t,” Shadow says, grabbing my hand. “I’m taking Dani home.”

  AFTER A LONG COLD shower, I lay in bed thinking about Dani in that fucking black-leather swimsuit. Not helping myself with those thoughts, I end up in another cold shower. I knew the remedy to my boner lay in the other room, and the thought of her even there pisses me off. I climb out of bed and head over to Bobby’s room. Opening the door, I notice the lights off and Dani asleep in bed. Her shirt is tattered, way too big for her, and it’s twisted up, showing off her stomach and a peek at her right breast, her pink nipple barely showing. I throw my head back and moan at the throbbing piercing in my dick. I want Dani, and I want her badly. But it won’t be tonight when she’s half-asleep; I want her full attention. I want to know she’s mine willingly, and I want to know she trusts me.

  I pull her shirt over her pink-laced panties—not helping with my blue balls at the moment—and lift her from the bed. She snuggles against my chest and moans my name. My name on her lips is bliss.

  I lay her down in my bed and pull her close, her body fitting mine like a glove. I nuzzle her hair and smell her scent of peaches, wondering how I could ever think of possibly harming her. Looking back, I know I couldn’t have pulled the trigger on Dani. I want to believe I would do it for my brothers if they had asked, but considering how messed-up I am over her, I know I could never hurt her.

  ***

  “Wake up,” I whisper, pulling the sheets off Dani. She stretches and moans, her shirt falling off her breast again, reminding me of what I want and can’t have.

  “Wait. How’d I get in here?” she asks, pulling the sheet up to cover herself.

  I smirk at her reaction. I could fuck with her head, but I won’t.

  “Don’t worry, you’d know if we fucked,” I say winking, gaining an eye roll from her. “Get dressed,” I demand.

  “Why?” she asks, looking for the clock.

  “Because I’m teaching you how to shoot a gun properly today.” She looks at me dumbfounded, making me roll my lips to keep from laughing.

  ***

  Dani couldn’t make it any harder on a man. She walked out of the room with her hair in braided pigtails, wearing a black tight tank with ripped shorts. The ride to the gun range was more than uncomfortable with my dick so hard I thought it would pierce the gas tank.

  “Don’t I need ear plugs or something?” she asks, looking out at the targets.

  “Are you going to pull your earplugs out and put them in before you shoot your attacker?” I counter, loading the gun.

  “No,” she replies, rolling her eyes. I reach over and slap her ass, making her squeal from the contact.

  “Ouch!” she yells, rubbing her ass cheek.

  “Roll your eyes again,” I threaten.

  “I don’t think I want to,” she says, smiling.

  “Okay, show me how to hold a gun,” I order, handing her the gun.

  She grabs the gun and points toward the target, locking both arms straight at the elbow, her legs so wide I could crawl between them.

  “Wrong!”

  “Well, we established that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing,” she smarts, lowering the gun and frowning those beautiful lips at me. I bite my lip to keep from smiling at her sassy attitude.

  “Your legs need to be the width of your shoulders,” I explain, kicking her feet in. I walk up close behind her and unlock her right arm slightly. Then I bend her left elbow and adjust her right hand to grip the gun. Her left hand supports the grip, and her index finger on her right hand is next to the trigger.

  “Pull the trigger with your right finger when—”

  A loud bang resonates through the area, interrupting me.

  “Shit!”

  “You said to pull the trigger,” she smiles, lifting her eyebrow in a mischievous way.

  “I was going to say pull the trigger when you were ready. You didn’t even aim,” I say, pointing toward the target.

  She rolls her eyes at me and turns toward the target. Gritting my teeth, I slap her ass harder than before.

  “Ouch!” she yells, turning toward me.

  “Gun or no gun, you don’t roll your eyes at me,” I reply.

  I place myself behind her and help her hold the gun again.

  “Steady your breathing, and when you’re ready to pull the trigger release on an exhale,” I whisper in her ear.

  I feel her body inhale as she studies the target, and with a loud bang she releases her breath.

  “Did I hit it?” she asks.

  I squint my eyes and look out at
the target. “I can’t tell. Shoot a couple more times and we’ll go look,” I tell her, standing back.

  She places her feet like I told her, grips the gun like a pro, squints her eye and begins shooting.

  “Holy Hell,” I say to myself.

  “What?” she asks, not taking her eyes off the target to look at me.

  “The sight before me would make a nun weep,” I respond honestly.

  Her mouth turns into a smirk as she aims. Like she’s been doing it her whole life, she shoots till the clip is empty. My ears ring from the loud bangs, but damn if I wouldn’t reload that clip in a heartbeat to watch her shoot again. She turns toward me and smiles, knocking me from my thoughts.

  “Let’s go see how you did,” I say, walking out into the field.

  “Wow,” I whisper, looking at the target. She only missed the bull’s eye once. I have never seen a woman shoot so well.

  “God, you’re fucking incredible,” I whisper, astonished by the woman before me.

  Not being able to withhold my urges anymore, I grab the gun from her and toss it on the ground beside us, watching as her body swells with acknowledgment of my desire for her. I grab her by the waist and push us to the ground.

  She shoves her hands into my hair and locks them tightly. Man, I missed her hands in my hair; I missed her, period. My lips kiss her neck, pecking, nipping and sucking; her taste is a drug, a curse, my weakness. Her nails dig in my back as she rocks her hips into me. I pull the ties from her hair, releasing her pigtails; I want to feel her silky hair in my hands. She moans as our lips caress each other, our tongues reclaiming what was once theirs.

  “Take me, Shadow,” she orders.

  “Do you trust me, Dani?” I whisper against her lips. I need to know she trusts I will protect her at all costs, I won’t make that same mistake again.

  She pulls back and looks at me, her green eyes tormenting me with her hesitation.

  “I do,” she replies softly, her green eyes heavy with desire.

  I grab her by the hips and unbutton her shorts, pushing them and her panties to her ankles, our actions hurried with anticipation. I wanted to go slower and take my time when I took Dani, but having her beneath me I can’t help the urge to be inside her. She pushes my jeans and briefs down in a rush. I kick my boots off and pull my jeans the rest of the way free, my eyes never leaving her gorgeous body. She pulls her panties and shorts tangled around her ankles off, and like a fire needing the heat, her body smashes into mine, her lips kissing me everywhere they land. She grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it up and I lift my arms, helping her take it off. I grasp her shirt roughly and pull it off her not so gently, not being able to wait any longer. I lay a hand on her back and gently lay her back on the grass as she spreads her legs, inviting me in. Without a second thought, I plunge my more-than-ready cock deep inside her. She arches her back and moans loudly with pleasure, our bodies finally connecting, giving us a high we have both longed for. My head falls back at the wet warmth, which surrounds my hardness. I’ve missed her. I’ve missed this. No woman could ever compare to Dani; she is it for me.