Forever Seventeen

by Lizzie Bowen

  #samanthabeautifulbaker was the second trend. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror for a moment. Beautiful Me? What? The girl I saw in that reflection and the girl that was plastered on the cover of that magazine didn't look like the same person...nor did they feel like it.

  I looked at the magazine and then back to my phone. This was just too much to take in. I saw the third largest trend which said #baileywho now if I wasn't grinning like a kid in a candy shop, I was now. I didn't want to be harsh, but I think Bailey should know where her place is now...and it's not next to Hunter. I decided to log into my first account that had received so much hate and thank the fans. I went outside and sat on the bench outside the exiting door of the grocery store.

  “Thank you so much for all the wonderful things said regarding last night. You guys are the best xxx.” I sent the tweet out and tons of comments instantly appeared.

  “I love you!”

  “You deserve it!”

  “If you make Hunter happy, then I'm happy too.” I just sat and watched as the cars whizzed past me, trying to let everything sink in.

  When I was hated before, it hurt me...but, I expected it. I expected to be hated because, hatred and loneliness was all I'd ever really known in my life. But now... now, I was loved? I was called beautiful? That just blew my mind. My phone had been buzzing for the past few minutes as I thought. I looked down at the latest comment. It was from Hunter.

  “A wonderful girl deserves wonderful things said about her xox.” I smiled at his comment. My eyes drifted from my phone screen to a little park that lay across the street from me. A grin spread on my face at what I saw. But it also left me feeling a bit sick.

  I saw a little girl playing with her mother on the playground across the street. A queer feeling stirred inside me a little. You see, I have a little secret. Deep down within me, I have a legit fear of growing older. I think of my life as a ticking time bomb, every second I get closer to my adulthood and ultimately the loss of myself. I don't want to be an adult. I don't want to be mature. I don't want to have to sit down, shut up, and listen to people. Growing up seems like a bit of a trap to me... but it is an unavoidable trap that we are burdened with from the second we are brought into this world. If you avoid this burden that has been cast upon you, your piers that have accepted this fact will look down on you. You will be judged for your denial of this disease that seems to curse every mortal on this earth. I want to be extremely loud, obnoxious, foolish, and immature for as long as I can. I want to make as many mistakes as possible because I fear that my time for foolish decisions will come to an end soon. By the time I am old I will be very wise from all the mistakes I have made in my youth. I want to stay the same. I just... don't want to grow up. I don't want this monster called age that has devoured so many to devour me as well.

  As I watched the little girl laugh, I had to hold myself down and use every inch of me to keep from running to her. I wanted to join her in her journey down the slide or across the monkey bars. Just look at her. She was whatever she wanted to be. Right now, she could be a pirate, or a princess, or a fairy. She was able to be whatever she desired and there was no one here to tell her she couldn't She was young, she was free, and left unmarked by life's cruelties.

  I liked my selfish, immature, unstable self now. I could honestly say I did. After so much work struggling to love yourself, why do I have to change all of a sudden? I don't desire maturity as most do, but I do desire acceptance. I go over the line often, I mess up every single day of my life, I say stupid things I don't mean frequently, and I never think about my actions nor the consequences. But then I think to myself, isn't that living? Is that not those mistakes the very essence in which we strive in daily? We hurt, we learn, and grow strong from those stupid mistakes. I wouldn't go as far as to say I was proud of my mistakes. They weren't trophies... more like scars. They were scars that I needed, scars that helped me learn. All these dumb things I had done in my life have given me stories to tell to my children, my grandchildren, my friends, and now I even had the opportunity to share those stories on television. Those mistakes had made my life anything, but boring.

  I looked away from the girl for a moment. I looked back down at my phone. Oh no! I was late for rehearsals! I started back down the road. I thought I had only been gazing at the girl for a few moments. I had been thinking and watching for half an hour now. I started jogging down the road. I heard my phone ringing faintly over the sound of cars whizzing by. I looked down at it. It was an unknown number.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hello?” Another echoed over the line.

  “Um, who is this?” I asked, my voice shaking a little.

  “Sam, I need to see you.” The voice said frantically over the other line.

  “Who is this?” I repeated.

  “Can you meet me at the cafe near the groceries. I already know where you are and everything. Please, I tried so hard to get a hold of you.” The voice rambled.

  “Who is this?!” I demanded.

  “Sam...it's Leslie.” The voice said quietly. I didn't say anything. Nothing but dead air filled the line.

  “Are you going to say something?” She almost whispered. I sighed.

  “Leslie from my school? Like...popular Leslie that I was always jealous of and got all the boys?” I asked.

  “Well, yes...and no. You were jealous of me?” Leslie asked.

  “Why did you call me?” I interrogated. I know it was stupid to hold old grudges, but even though I was living the dream I still had some harsh feelings for her.

  “Sam, I just really need to talk to you.” She begged.

  “Well, you're talking to me now.” I said, coldly.

  “It won't take long, I promise. I got in touch with your agent and begged him to give me your number. I read somewhere you were in Dallas and I thought this was my chance to meet you. I assume you're staying in the “Raleigh Hotel” because that's where all the stars stay.” She said all this in almost one breathe.

  “Well, you assumed correctly.” I said.

  “Great, can you please come meet me at the cafe in your hotel?” Leslie asked.

  “They only let customers stay in the hotel.” I said, very matter-of-factly.

  “Well, then you can tell them I'm with you.” Leslie said. I sighed loudly and dramatically.

  “Okay.” I said finally. Leslie cheered and squealed over the line.

  “Ouch, only if you promise not to do that again.” I groaned into the receiver.

  “Deal, I'll be there in fifteen minutes.” She said.

  “Whatever.” I muttered before hanging up. What in the world did this girl want to see me for? She never wanted to hang out with me before I was dating “Hollywood's It Boy.” I didn't like people who only came around when times were good. Believe me, I had plenty of people like that. Some of the bullies, had tried to message me on twitter saying how sorry they were. They were only sorry because I have lots of money and fame now. If I was still boring, ordinary Sam they wouldn't give me the time of day. I knew I should probably forgive them, but they showed no mercy when I was in school with them so I wouldn't show any now.

  I walked over to the hotel and waited in the lobby for Leslie. I saw a girl in tight black clothes ride up in a motorcycle. What a cool chic, I thought to myself. Then, she pulled off her helmet revealing long jet black, colorfully highlighted hair. My hand flew to my mouth. Leslie?! No way, she didn't drive a motorcycle and she certainly didn't wear all black like some goth emo kid. She walked right up to me.

  “Sam!” She cried as she gave me a hug.

  “Hey.” I said absently. I looked her up and down. She had a huge black ring through her nose, dark manicured nails, frizzy hair with blue highlights, extremely dark colored makeup, and biker outfit with spikes and everything.

  “The cafe is this way.” I said, jerking my head to the right. She smiled and followed after me. We both were seating at a table and I took another good look a
t her. As I looked more closely, I realized that she had not only blue highlights, but purple, pink, green, orange, and feather woven into her hair. She had rings underneath her eyes and she looked as if she hadn't had sleep in days.

  “It's been so long.” She said with a smile. She no longer had those pearly whites I coveted.

  “What are you doing in Texas? You live in California.” I hated to be blunt, but I was in no mood for small talk. Leslie sighed and looked into her steaming cup of coffee that had just been delivered to us.

  “It's a long story.” She replied. I looked down at my watch.

  “Well, I've got time.” I said with a shrug. Leslie took a deep breathe before continuing.

  “Sam, things have changed since you've been gone...” Leslie said quietly.

  “Leslie, don't even be like that. Everyone hated me at that school and you know it.” I almost snarled.

  “No, Sam... things changed. People started realizing that they didn't have to put up with being shoved around. Kids started to stand up for themselves.” She said. I sat back in my chair and listened quietly. She drew in a breathe before continuing.

  “Sam, I've lost all my friends-” She began.

  “Woah, hold the phone! You lost your friends? You always had a crowd around you. You can't be serious. Leslie, was that motorcycle helmet on too tight? You have everything! You've got all the boys falling at your feet, you get invited to every party, you're gorgeous, you're never alone, and you made more friends just this year than I've made in my entire life.” I stated. Leslie shook her head.

  “Sure, Sam... I had friends, but no real friends. Do you know how quickly those people turn on you? My “best friend” saw me talking to her boyfriend and before I knew it rumors were flying all around school. I came into school the next morning and everyone was looking at me like I was a criminal.” She said, her voice catching a little. I hoped to goodness she wouldn't cry.

  “I went to talk to my friends and they instantly turned their backs when they saw me coming. I sat alone at lunch that day. It was the most miserable feeling in the world. When I went outside to my sports car, it was keyed and the tires had been slit. They keyed my car... I couldn't believe it.” I could already see teats started to form in her eyes. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to keep calm.

  “When I got home my house was toilet papered and egged. They had chalked horrible threats not only to me, but to my parents as well on the sidewalk. My parents were absolutely furious...and scared too. They had never had anything like this happen before. When I got inside my phone was blown up with texts and emails. They were all telling me how ugly, fat, stupid, and disgusting I was. They told me I should just die and that if I was gone nobody would even notice. I cried for hours, soon after that my boyfriend broke up with me. He didn't want to be with me now that I wasn't cool any more, but that wasn't even the worst of it.” Leslie said.

  She paused a moment before continuing. Seeing, the tears glisten in her eyes and watching her hurt put a lump in my throat. I tried to swallow it down, but the pain in her eyes was so familiar. It was something that I had seen so many times in my own eyes when I looked in the mirror. It hurt to see her in that kind of pain. I truly understood it too. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one who understood.

  “They really stressed the whole fat and ugly thing. They even had a hate wall set up for me and a hate petition. A “sign this if you hate Leslie” petition. I'd stare at my food and as I did...all the comments would pop in my mind. I can't...I can't eat anymore.” She said, as she burst into tears. She lifted her shirt just a little. When she did, I winced at what I saw. Her stomach had almost completely caved in on itself. Her ribs had a very thin layer of skin covering them. She looked down at her own stomach and stared sobbing. She looked like a starving animal right now, not the beautiful girl that I wanted to be so badly. A loud noise erupted from the depths of her stomach and I knew she was hungry.

  “Please...please eat something.” I whispered, choking a little on my own words.

  “I can't!” She wailed as she covered her face. I lightly pushed a bagel near her. She looked at it and slapped it off the table. I jumped back in surprise and sat there too stunned to say anything.

  “I'm sorry, Sam. Just please don't ask me to do something that I am completely incapable of. I can't... I'm scared.” She said in a hushed whisper. I nodded and picked the bagel up off the floor. She sighed.

  “I quit school.” She said softly.

  “What?” I almost screamed. She looked down at the floor and paused a moment before continuing her horrific tale.

  “I had no choice. It got to where it wasn't just verbal abuse anymore... my safety was at risk.” She said, as she pulled her shirt sleeve up. When she did, she revealed a huge bruise on her shoulder.

  “What happened?” I asked, in disbelief. Tears were started to form in her eyes again and I prayed she wouldn't cry because I could feel myself breaking as well.

  “The first time that I realized I was in a completely different world was when I was headed down the stairs. I felt two hands on my back then a hard, forceful push. I went tumbling down the stairs and looked up to see a bunch of kids laughing their heads off. That was months ago... I still have bruises and scars.” She said, revealing more wounds. I cringed and looked away. I couldn't take this. How could this happen? How could the tables have turned so quickly? I never got physical hurt. Maybe I didn't have it quite as bad as I thought I did.

  “Sam, there is nothing I wouldn't do to be you. Not just now because you're living the dream, but when you were at school too. I envied you.” Leslie stated. I choked on my coffee and it burned my throat as I did. I coughed and sputtered for a few more moments before gaining my composure again.

  “You wanted to be me? You envied me?” I practically spat.

  “Sam, you never cared what anybody thought about you. You were so carefree and everyone's opinion was irrelevant to you. Every time someone says something about me... I-I just can't take it. It destroys me and I don't know why! I don't want it to be that way.” She said, the sobs rising in her voice. She hung her head and her shoulders shook as she wept.

  “I can't believe the life I'm living anymore... it doesn't seem real. It's a nightmare... my entire life is a nightmare.” She whispered.

  “That was my life.” I stated.

  “Yes, but you changed it! I can't. I have no taken whatsoever. Being pretty doesn't get you anywhere. Especially not now... I mean, look at me?” She said, as she gestured to her body.

  “You could try getting a makeover and do modeling.” I suggested. She shook her head.

  “I tried that. I was still empty. Nothing I could do would make me happy. I just wanna be happy again. I did everything I could to be happy. I got tons of piercings.” She said, as she pulled her hair back, revealing many ear piercings all above her lobs.

  “I got tattoos.” She said, as she rolled her sleeve up again. She looked at the images up her arm and looked disturbed by her own actions... almost as if she couldn't really believe that they were there.

  “I bought a motorcycle and I drove. I don't have my nice little car anymore. Someone ripped the breaks out.” She said quietly.

  “THEY RIPPED THE BREAKS OUT?!” I screamed.

  “Shh!” Leslie hissed. She scanned the room to see if anyone had heard me. She then leaned across the table and motioned for me to come in real close. I leaned in.

  “I joined a gang.” She said softly. My jaw dropped.

  “A gang?” I hissed. She nodded.

  “Yeah, kinda hints the ratchet clothes...it's our gang's clothes.” She said as she unzipped her jacket. When she unzipped, she revealed a T-shirt with a rather large symbol in the middle.

  “Your gang symbol?” I whispered. She nodded.

  “My gang members ripped the breaks out of my car because I didn't do a deal right.” Leslie said.

  “A deal?” I echoed.

  “We steal stuff...it
's what gangs do, Sam. Apparently, I didn't do it to their satisfaction so...” She trailed off. She drew in a deep breathe obviously to keep the tears away.

  “So...you just got on your bike and drove? What do your parents think about all this?” I asked. Leslie shrugged.

  “They don't know where I am. They call all the time and it breaks my heart, but it's too late to go back now.” Leslie stated. Leslie looked up at my with a swollen tear stained face and red puffy eyes. She looked miserable. A sob caught in my throat.

  “Don't be like me, Sam. I had every quality to make one divinely happy which was ironic because it seemed the quality I lacked most in my life was the very happiness that was implied to go along with my life.” Leslie said. I just nodded. Woah, deep. As Leslie looked at me like a starving puppy dog, her face morphed to mine for a moment. I gasped and jumped back a little. She was just like me and I noticed it more by the second as the tears streamed down her face and the sobs escaped her.

  “I know you... I am you.” I said softly. She lifted her face from her hands and looked up at me with a confused expression.

  “I know how it feels. I've been where you are... I'm not just saying that either. I've been forced into the same tragedies, but through those I found myself.” I said. Leslie sighed.

  “I'm still looking for myself.” Leslie said, her voice trembling.

  “Well, stop searching. When you're not looking...it will find you. Right now, Leslie is a beautiful, flawless, and model-like girl who has to be perfect. Maybe that's not you.” I said. Leslie sighed. I couldn't stand it anymore. I got up and embraced her. She wrapped her arms around me as well and sobbed into my shoulder. I knew people were watching, some were even asking if we were okay, but I just shook my head. I could feel Leslie shaking and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face as well. She shook in my arms and I did the same in her's. It was a moment of healing. A moment where two broken girls who barely spoke to one another in high school made a special connection outside in the real world. It was fate. It was...friendship, a most unlike friendship at that. Finally, she let out a deep breathe and pulled away from me. She looked me in the eyes and smiled as if to say thank-you.

  “Where will you go?” I whispered. She shrugged.

  “Wherever the wind takes me.” She said in a low voice. I grabbed her wrist forcefully.

  “Come with me.” I almost demanded. She jumped back a little in surprise.

  “What do you mean?” She asked.

  “Leslie, we're going on a flight soon back to California for a few days. You could fly with us and find your parents again.” I suggested. Leslie shook her head stubbornly.

  “I can't do that. Even if I wanted to come back they wouldn't accept me.” Leslie protested. I sighed.

  “Then at least come with me to church.” I said.

  “Church?” Leslie echoed. I nodded.

  “Today is Sunday, the afternoon service is probably about done now, but the evening one starts in a few hours.” I stated. Leslie sighed in defeat.

  “I'm not even dressed.” She said.

  “Oh, come on! That's your excuse? Surely, you could have thought of something better than that. I've got plenty of clothes at the hotel. Our stylist, Kelly is an absolute fashion queen and we won't have a problem finding something in your size.” I said, nodding at her scronny stomach. She pulled her shirt down self-consciously.

  “I just don't know, Sam.” She said as she gazed at her bike. I sighed.

  “You could meet Hunter.” I said finally.

  “FROM ALL4U?! HE'S THE CUTEST!” She squealed. I nodded with a satisfied smirk on my face.

  “Okay...I'll come.” She agreed reluctantly. I clapped my hands and let out a little cheer. I led her up the stairs to my hotel room. Our security guard, Bryce stopped me when I came off the elevator.

  “Um, who is this?” He demanded.

  “Bryce, this is Leslie. She's going to be staying with me for a little while.” I said calmly. He jerked me away from Leslie and waited until we were out of earshot to speak.

  “Sam, the girl looks like an absolute punk! Besides, even if she was your best friend we wouldn't let her around here because it's not safe for the boys. We're not just talking about some lads that play at a local pub or something this is the biggest boy band in the entire world we're speaking of. We have to keep them safe. I don't think you understand the responsibility you were taking on by joining this band.” Bryce said sternly. I rolled my eyes at his long, unnecessary lecture.

  “Bryce, it's not like she's some crazed fan.” I argued.

  “OH MY GOSH, IT'S HUNTER FROM ALL4U! I AM LIKE A HUUUGE FAN!” Leslie squealed. I smacked my palm to my face.

  “Not a crazed fan, huh?” I heard Bryce mutter. Hunter smiled warmly at her.

  “Hello, love. What's your name?” Hunter asked. Leslie squirmed awkward and embarrassing way.

  “My name's Leslie.” She said.

  “Nice to meet you, Leslie.” Hunter greeted.

  She looked down and nodded like a little kid that had just won a prize during treasure or something. I knew my chances of her getting to stay with us until we went to California in two days were extremely slim... and becoming slimmer by the second. I looked around the hotel searching for some answer to convince Bryce.

  “Hey, babe.” Hunter said, wrapping his arms around me.

  “Hi.” I greeted, absently. Leslie's eyes went wide as saucers.

  “I-Is he y-your b-b-” Leslie stuttered.

  “Boyfriend? Yes, I am.” Hunter said with a grin. I looked down embarrassed. It still felt very strange to be addressed as that. But she obviously hadn't seen the tabloids lately which was understandable seeing as she'd pretty much had a life on the run these past few months.

  “Hunter, this is Leslie and she needs to get back to California and I want her to ride with us when we fly there in two days.” I explained. Hunter nodded slowly.

  “Okay, so... what's the problem?” Hunter asked.

  “Well, I guess it's not exactly safe to have a complete strange with us for the next two days, but I swear she's harmless and she'll leave everyone alone. Right, Leslie?” I said, giving her a knowing look. Leslie nodded eagerly, too starstruck to even speak.

  “This isn't a movie! You can't just scoop up a random stranger and put them on the world's hottest tour with you for a couple days. There are plenty of safety perceptions that must be taken before that happens.” Bryce said, very matter-of-factly. I batted my eyes at Hunter, silently pleading for him to be on my side for this one.

  “Come on, Bryce. She's a fan. It's the least we can do for a supporter of our career. Without our fans, where would we be?” He asked. Bryce heaved a heavy and reluctant sigh.

  “Fine, she can stay.” He muttered.

  “YAY!” Leslie and I both cheered.

  “But only is she promises no more creepy fangirling and screaming.” Bryce said firmly.

  “I promise not to be creepy or fangirly.” She vowed. Bryce nodded firmly, turned on his heels, and practically marched back to his room.

  “Thanks so much.” I whispered to Hunter.

  “Any time.” He whispered back.

  “So, Leslie, let me show you to our room.” I said. She linked arms with me and I led her to our suite.

  “WOOOAH, THIS PLACE IS MASSIVE!” She screamed.

  “Shhh, shhh! People are sleeping.” I hissed.

  “Oh, sorry.” She said, obediently putting her fingers to her lips. I could still see the excitement in her eyes though. I wondered if I was like that when I first entered this life.

  “You're the luckiest girl alive, Sam.” Leslie stated, as she flopped lazily on my perfectly made bed.

  “For the next two days, you are too.” I stated. Leslie sighed happily in agreement.

  “You can't go to church like that though.” I said, gesturing to her Gothic attire.

  “What? Why not? I thought God was supposed to accept me the way I a
m.” She protested. Oh, what a little smart alack.

  “Listen, you're not going in looking like a band member of Kiss or something. Just let me make a few little changes.” I said. She sighed and reluctantly stood up.

  “Fine, what do you wanna change?” She asked.

  “Well, let's start with the nose piercing.” I said.

  “No, I can't take it out!” Leslie cried, cupping her hands over her nose defensively.

  “And why not?” I asked.

  “Because, it'll close up.” Leslie said.

  “Is that a gang thing?” I asked.

  “Shhhh!” Leslie hissed.

  “Leslie, we're all alone and an hour of not having it in isn't going to ruin your life.” I stated. Leslie held her hands up, signaling a retreat and went to the bathroom to get peg shoved through her nose out. She came back out about a minute later.

  “What now, miss modesty management?” Leslie said with a smirk. Smart. Alack.

  “Can we get this out?” I asked, as I pulled on the feather weaved into her hair.

  “Ouch!” She cried, grabbing her hair. I rolled my eyes.

  “Oh, don't be a baby.” I said, tugging on it again. She screamed once again. I sighed and went to my suitcase. I grabbed some safety scissors.

  “No, no, no! We are not cutting it out. I draw the line. No. Not happening. Why do you even have that in your suitcase anyway? Are you a secret killer or something?” She questioned. I couldn't help, but laugh a little at her strange hypothesis.

  “Yes, Leslie I secretly murder people with scissors at nightfall.” I said in a spooky voice.

  “Just be gentle, okay.” She said, wincing as I inched closer to her with the scissors. I quickly snipped the feather that was attached to the root of her hair and a little of her dark frizzy hair cut with it, but I didn't dare tell her.

  “Can we dye your hair?” I asked.

  “What? You're not serious. I didn't sign up for an extreme makeover, you know. I just agreed to going to church with you. Don't take advantage.” Leslie snapped.

  “Okay, okay, just saying your hair looked really nice when it was blonde.” I stated. Leslie didn't say anything for a moment.

  “Did it really?” She asked. I nodded.

  “Okay, let's do it.” She said. We both scampered down the stairs and into the parking lot. Leslie hopped on the bike and I hopped on behind her. Awkward. What's even more awkward is that I got my leg stuck and fell over on the other side.

  “Babe, you okay?” Hunter asked, running to my side. He must have been watching us from the lobby.

  “Yes, I'm fine. We're running to the store.” I said, brushing myself off. Leslie just nodded and drooled a little as she stared at him. Ick.

  “Why don't I give you guys a ride?” Hunter asked.

  “No, it's fine really. We're just gonna-” I started.

  “I'd like to see your car!” Leslie cut in. I shook my head at Leslie and tried to get her attention, but her eyes were locked on Hunter.

  “Alright then!” Hunter said, twirling the keys of his car on his finger. I don't know why, but the idea of Hunter and Leslie being in a tight area where she could drool all over him made me a little nervous... even if I was there.

  “But I won't lie, you look adorable in that little biker helmet.” Hunter said, tugging gently on the straps of my hat. I smiled and pulled the helmet off.

  “Oh my gosh! Is that you car?” Leslie cried. Hunter nodded with a satisfied smile.

  “That's unbelievable! I can't believe I'm gonna get to ride in that. It's beautiful.” Leslie cooed. Hunter shrugged.

  “I do the best I can.” He said, trying to be modest. He opened the passenger door for me and Leslie slid in.

  “Wait-” Hunter started.

  “It's okay.” I cut in, as I slid into the backseat. Leslie went on yammering a mile a minute about how her friends used to jam out to his music and fired questions about his fame life. She asked who was the most famous person he had on his phone and when he went to show her Justin Bieber's number she ended up calling him. Surprisingly, the Biebs wasn't so thrilled having a girl squeal in his ear on his private phone number while he was trying to work. Hunter glanced at me through the rear view mirror and smiled.

  It was nice to see that actually... to know he was thinking of me as a good looking girl drooled all over him. I looked out the window and thought about the challenges of having Leslie here for the next little bit. I wondered if she'd be a klutz and ruin the rehearsals or something. Either way, bringing her back to her parents would be totally worth it.

  “We're here.” Hunter said when we reached the store. Leslie bounded out and went skipping toward the entrance. Hunter slipped his hand through mine.

  “I like her, she's nice.” Hunter said. I rose an eyebrow and he pushed me playfully.

  “Oh, not like that. Don't get all worried. Have you been friends a long time now?” Hunter asked. I shook my head.

  “Actually we were never friends until she heard about me joining the band.” I replied. Hunter groaned.

  “Sam, she's using you then. Can't you see that?” Hunter asked. I shrugged.

  “It's a little different than that, Hunter. It's hard to explain.” I replied.

  “COME ON, GUYS!” Leslie cried, motioning for us to run faster. We jogged over to where she was standing. She looked down lustfully at our intertwined hands and I pulled away self-consciously.

  “Okay, what kind of dye do you want?” I asked, rummaging through the different colors of blonde.

  “I like this platinum blonde.” She said, holding it up to her head. I nodded.

  “I think that would be nice, but lay it on easy. This is church you know.” I said.

  “Is all this just for church?” She asked, tossing the dye in the cart.

  “No... to be honest, I don't want your parents to see you like this. You scared me when you came in and I don't want your parents to have the shock I did when they see you. Church just seemed like a good excuse to get you back to normal.” I replied.

  “So we're not really going to church?” She asked, hopefully. I laughed.

  “No, don't think you're getting out of that. We're diffidently still going to church.” I stated. Her face fell a little in disappointment, but I wasn't sorry I was dragging her there. There were plenty of things that were going to be said tonight that she really needed to hear.

  “Do you have a dress?” I asked.

  “Kind of.” She replied.

  “What do you mean kind of?” I asked.

  “Well, it's a black dress with skulls.” She replied. I shook my head.

  “I don't think going to church looking like the grim reaper is very Godly.” I said.

  “Yeah... I hate to say it, but I agree with you on that one.” Leslie stated. We headed off to the clothes section and passed by Hunter looking at the magazine racks. Leslie smiled and waved at him as we passed. He looked up and politely returned the wave.

  “You are so lucky.” Leslie muttered.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Just look... Look at what you've got. Your life is so perfect.” Leslie said, gesturing to Hunter.

  “Leslie, I know high school is all about getting a boyfriend and all, but that's not really how the real world works. Sure, he's cool... but there all other things in life besides boys.” I stated.

  “Like what?” Leslie, asked as she pulled a flowered dress off the rack.

  “Well, I've got a music career ahead of me, concerts, rehearsals, and I've even been asked to do a few interviews... but I haven't decided if that's quite the route I wanna take.” I said.

  “Oh, but don't you want that perfect fairy tale ending. I mean, I don't know what's going to happen, but it looks like you've got it. The boy is crazy about you, Sam.” Leslie said.

  “No...no, actually I don't. I never really expected one and so I've never had my hopes up for my life to end that way.” I stated. Leslie shrugged and searched
through the rack of cute dresses.

  “What about this one?” She asked, holding up a white, laced dressed. I rubbed the scarlet fabric.

  “I like it.” I said. Leslie grinned.

  “Me too, let's go try it on.” She said as she excitedly ran to the dressing room. I waited outside as she changed. She came out and did a little twirl. She looked like a princess, but then again she was the kind of girl who could pull of practically any outfit and work it better than the model in the catalog did.

  “Should I get it?” She asked, looking in the mirror. I nodded.

  “Perfect!” She squealed as she went in to get her wallet. She rummaged deep in her wallet searching for money. I realized pretty quickly that she was completely broke. I understood why too, motorcycle gas wasn't cheap.

  “It's okay, I'll pay.” Hunter said from behind. I was really glad Hunter had offered because I didn't have any money either.

  “Oh my gosh, are you for real? That is sooo sweet. You really don't have to do that.” Leslie said. Hunter waved her off.

  “No, it's okay. I want to. Any friend of Sam's is a friend of mine as well.” He said, going into his back pocket for his wallet. I grinned as she skipped back into the dressing room like a school girl ready for summer break. It was good to see her happy compared to the misery she was in earlier today. Hunter plopped down beside me and wrapped an arm around me pulling me into his chest for a hug.

  “You saved the day. I didn't have any money either. That would have been a bummer.” I said. He laughed, his chest rising and falling as he did.

  “This happens to be an easy fix, but I hope you know I'll always be there to save the day for you. No matter how big or small the problem is, I'll be there.” He said. Leslie burst out of the dressing room at that moment.

  “Awww, you guys are so sweet! Ya'll are like the perfect couple!” Leslie cooed.

  “Eh, um, yeah. So...let's play that dress.” I said a bit awkwardly. We all walked to the check-out counter and paid. Leslie continued to babble on the ride home and I listened intently this time. She was so miserable when she came in earlier today. She looked like a deprived beast, but now she had that signature gorgeous grin on her face and sight warmed me. Hunter parked the car in the lot and helped all of us out.

  “Babe, we've got an interview to do down at the radio station. Would you like to come?” Hunter asked me. I shook my head.

  “Leslie and I are gonna catch the evening service tonight and we still haven't found a church so we got a lot to do, but thanks anyway. I hope it goes well.” I said.

  “Oh, come on! We can go to church some other time. I've never been on the radio before and I know you haven't either. Pleeease!” Leslie begged. The offer was extremely tempting, but I knew what was right.

  “No, we need to stay here.” I said firmly. Both Leslie and Hunter looked disappointed, but I didn't even mind. I had always prided myself a bit in having a good conscious and that wasn't changing now.

  “Come on, Leslie. We should be getting ready now.” I said, as I drug her into the hotel lobby. She still looked bummed, but she didn't say anything more about it.

  “Okay, I'm not really sure how to dye hair, but this shouldn't be too hard. I think it's sort of like shampoo, right? You wash it in, I'm pretty sure.” I said, once we were back in the hotel room.

  “That sounds about right.” Leslie said as she scanned over the back of the bottle. I made her kneel over the tub and began rinsing the shampooing the dye into her hair.

  “Um, Leslie, something isn’t right here.” I said hesitantly.

  “WHAT?!” Leslie screamed. I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. I looked from the bottle back to Leslie's hair.

  I gripped my head and thought of what I was doing wrong. I scrubbed a little hard and tried to rinse all I could from her hair.

  “I don't know, it's just... oh my gosh.” I gasped when I looked in the mirror. In the confusion, I had gotten dye all over my hair as well. When I grabbed my hair in frustration, I forgot my hands were completely smothered in dye. My jaw dropped open.

  “Leslie!” I cried.

  “What?” She said, lifting her head from the tub. A gasp escaped her as she caught sight of my multicolored hair. I dived for the tub.

  “No, don't rinse it!” She cried jerking me out of the tub.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “I don't know what'll happen. You're supposed to let it set. Just... come on, Sam you're already halfway blonde. Why don't you just dye the rest?” She asked. I sighed. It was a very logical conclusion. I tugged at my naturally fiery red hair. I had been rocking the ginger look for as long as I can remember. Maybe it was time for a little change.

  “Okay, I guess I have no choice.” I said, as I squirted the remainder of the dye on my hair. We let it set for the proper amount of time before rinsing again. I blow dried my hair then looked in the mirror at my new blonde luscious locks. I never thought I'd enjoy being a blonde, but I really did like this look. I kept stealing glances of myself in every passing mirror. I just couldn't believe it was me.

  “Oh, look at you! You can't stop drooling over yourself.” Leslie said with a giggle as she tugged on my new due. I looked at Leslie. She was really starting to look like herself with her old hairstyle back. She no longer looked like this creepy emo kid lurking the streets at night and I liked it. I liked having something familiar for a change, having the old Leslie was like having a piece of home.

  “Now, for that makeup.” I said, grabbing a makeup removing wipe. Leslie covered her face defensively.

  “What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with my makeup.” Leslie protested.

  “Okay, Leslie I hate it when people tell me my makeup is too much. I used to load it on and my parents would complain and I eventually stopped trying, but this is church. Can we tone it down just a bit?” I asked with a pleading smile. Leslie sighed loudly and dramatically before reluctantly nodding in agreement. I was glad too because I really didn't think she was going to budge on this one. I lightly brushed the wipe against her face until she was completely bare. She opened her eyes and looked at me. She was a very beautiful girl with and without makeup. To be honest, she was the definition of perfection and deep down I was starting to wish I was here once again and I knew that was wrong. She had even told me flat out that she coveted my lifestyle and that I wouldn't want her's. I didn't want her life, but a part of me did want her beauty. I applied a bit of eyeliner and a few strokes of mascara. I used a few soft eyeshadow as well.

  “Believe it or not... I sort of like it better when it's not all caked on. My face can actually breathe now. Sometimes, I feel like I'm wearing a mask or something.” She said, rubbing her face gently. I smiled.

  “It looks good too. You're really pretty.” I said softly. She smiled a little at my statement.

  “Thank-you, but it's a lot of pressure.” She replied quietly.

  “No, to be perfect.” She replied taking a long gaze in the mirror. I looked at the two of us in the mirror. Who knew that two people that looked so different could have so much in common? We were diffidently not those kids that you would see hanging out in the school hallway together. In fact, we would probably barely acknowledge each other if we were back in school. But right now... right now, we had everything in common and we weren't in a school setting anymore. We had broken away from all that. We weren't the same people we were a few months ago. We were stronger.

  “Do people pressure you to be perfect?” I asked, as she examined her reflection.

  “Well, I guess the group of people I hang out with don't really encourage me to be different.” She said. I wasn't sure if she was referring to her friends back at school or her new gang friends. Either way, that was a completely true statement.

  “Well, for the next two days you'll be in a completely safe environment. There's no need to fear any of that.” I stated. Leslie smiled and let out a sigh of relief.

  “That's so nice... you know, I'm so s
cared of my gang members. If you make one wrong move, it could be game over for you and that's a terrifying thing.” She said with a shiver.

  “Don't worry, we're all family here. Nobody has an image painted for you and nobody will judge. Speaking of painting, how are we gonna cover those tattoos?” I asked as I gestured to the prints snaking all the way up her arm. She shrugged. I went rummaging through my suitcase and found a long shawl.

  “How about this?” I asked, holding it up. She peered out of the bathroom door.

  “That'll work!” She said. She finished changing, slipped into her shawl, and pulled her hair over her ears to cover the piercings. She stood in front of me. She actually looked... like Leslie. She looked so beautiful and I was so happy to see her like this again. I glanced down at my watch.

  “Oh, I lost track of time! We gotta hurry!” I cried as I scurried into the bathroom. I shimmied into my dress, grabbed my purse and darted out.

  “Are we gonna have to hop on your bike in our dresses?” I asked. Leslie shrugged.

  “I guess so.” She said, as she threw one leg over the bike. I did the same and before I knew it, we were speeding down the highway with our golden locks flapping in the wind.

  We continued cruising on steadily when we saw a motorcycle flipped over on the side of the road. There was nobody stopping for the man and I heard a few loud cries for help coming from that direction.

  “Leslie, pull over.” I commanded.

  “Why?” Leslie asked.

  “Please, just do it.” I said. Leslie pulled over to the side of the road. I hopped off the bike and sprinted over to the man. I gently pulled his helmet off his head. When I saw the face of the man a sharp gasp escaped me.

  “Kade?” I squeaked. He replied with a light groan of pain.

  “Just hold on, okay?” I said, as I yanked my phone from my pocket. I dialed 911 and quickly briefed them on the situation. Kade writhed in pain and screamed. I knelt beside him and tried to hold him down.

  “Kade, the more you thrash the more blood you'll loose. Please just calm down.” I begged, trying to hold down his spazzing body. He shook his head and squirmed this way and that. I knew that there was nothing I could do, but stay with him.

  “Shh, Kade, it's okay.” I said. The paramedics showed up pretty quickly. I watched in horror as he was lifted onto a stretcher and shoved into the ambulance. The ambulance sped off, leaving Leslie and I with the haunting sound of the wailing sirens. We stood there until the loud cries of the ambulance faded to a gentle moan, then to nothing but the rustling of the trees beneath the wind.

  Leslie and I both hopped on the bike and zoomed off following closely behind the hospital. With a few quick calls, the entire All4U team was sitting in the waiting room waiting for the news on Kade. I was pacing the floor frantically. The thought of Kade being hurt absolutely freaked me out.

  “Do you think he's okay?” I said, running my hands through my hair. Hunter looked up from his phone at me.

  “Sam, he's gonna be fine. Why do you care so much anyway?” He asked, in an annoyed tone.

  “Don't you? I mean, he's a member of our team. We're supposed to be a family.” I said.

  “Maybe you should start treating him a little more like family and a little less like your spouse.” Hunter muttered.

  “What was that?” I snapped.

  “Nothing.” Hunter said, putting his hands up defensively. I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “You just need to chill.” He said. I didn't reply.

  “I like your hair.” He said, trying to change the subject. He tugged it lightly. I felt like slapping him off, but restrained myself. I knew that probably wouldn't end well.

  “You dye it?” He asked, inching closer to look at it. I nodded.

  “I just wanted something different.” I lied. I didn't have time to explain my stupid mistake right now.

  “It looks beautiful.” He said.

  “Thanks.” I said. I was paying hardly any attention to our conversation right now though, my mind was on Kade. I absent-mindedly fiddled with the teddy bear I had purchased Kade in the gift shop. It was holding a “Get Well Soon” heart in it's fluffy paws. I smiled down at it. I hoped he'd like it. The doctor walked through the doors and we all exploded out of our chairs almost perfectly in-sync.

  “Kade is able to see you now.” The nurse said. We all followed her down a long narrow hallway to his room. My entire body was shaking as we opened the door to his room. I wanted him to be okay so badly. I wasn't quite sure what I'd do if he wasn't. I had never been so scared in my entire life. I felt lightheaded and my entire body was weak. I thought I might pass out. He just had to be okay When we got in Kade looked as if he'd just stirred from a deep sleep. He looked over at us drowsily.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked anxiously.

  “Fine.” He replied adjusting his position.

  “He was banged up pretty good, but nothing too serious. He should be home in about two days. Don't worry, he'll be back on stage in no time.” The nurse said.

  “Oh, that's such a relief. Thank-you so much. You hear that, Kade? You'll be rocking out again in no time.” Connie said. Kade gave a weak smile and a little groan of agreement. Everyone small-talked with Kade for the next few minutes, but it didn't seem he was in either the mood or condition for chatting. I stayed back as everyone else filed out of the room. I sunk down in the corner so Hunter wouldn't see me.

  “What are you doing?” Kade asked once the last person had exited.

  “I wanted to see you. What happened?” I asked.

  “Oh, like you even care.” He scoffed.

  “Kade, what's that supposed to mean?” I demanded. Kade shook his head.

  “I get it, Sam. You'd rather be with Hunter than me. I knew you'd have to make a choice some time.” Kade said. He no longer seemed drowsy or sleepy, but I did wonder if there was just all the drugs and medicine talking right now.

  “I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.” I stated.

  “I heard him, Sam. I heard him say he didn't want you hanging around me anymore and after that you started avoiding me. I haven't seen you in days, Sam. I know you'll do whatever Hunter tells you. If he says to stay away from me you'll run as far as you can and that's exactly what you did.” Kade snarled.

  “Kade, what's wrong with you? I've been busy and that's why I haven't been spending time with you. You're obviously confused.” I said.

  “No, Sam! You're the one who's confused. I trusted you. I thought you'd be different and that maybe you wouldn't be shallow. I thought you could look beyond the good looks, glory, and fame of Hunter. For some reason, I thought you might be the kind of girl who can look within, the kind of girl who would rather be happy than famous. I see now how wrong I was.” Kade continued.

  “YOU'RE AN ANIMAL AND A LIAR!” I screamed. I heaved the teddy bear at his head as hard as I could.

  “YOU'RE THE POSER! I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A FAKE!” I shouted as I slammed the door loudly. The nurses in the hallway were all gawking at me. I could feel their stares like hot rays penetrating into me.

  “Is everything okay, dear?” One asked me. She lightly touched my shoulder, but I shoved her off.

  “Everything is fine.” I said coldly. I slammed the elevator button and stomped inside. As the elevator plummeted down, so did my heart. It was all in my head. We had no connection whatsoever. What I thought I felt with him was all fake. He didn't love me... he didn't even like me. For the very first time, I had my first broken heart. It just stung so badly. I didn't cry. I wasn't even angry. I just felt...numb. That was the thing, Kade was the one who showed me how to feel and without him...I was numb. I felt nothing. I walked stiffly back to the parking lot where Hunter was still waiting on me.

  “Where were you?” He asked.

  “I-um...I-” I started to choke a little on my words.

  “Hey, babe, are you okay?” Hunter asked, tilting my chin up. I was forced to look a
t him and I knew the pain in my eyes was obvious.

  “What's wrong?” He asked. I shook my head.

  “Nothing... I just really love you. I'm sorry.” I lied. I knew Hunter was all I had to hold on to. He was my boyfriend anyway. It was silly to be brokenhearted when I had the perfect boy right here in front of me. What was I thinking anyway? I needed to stick to what was familiar...not what felt right. My heart told me that Kade and I were perfect for each other. That was so stupid though. When had I ever listened to my heart? I was a fighter who used her head and skills not a sentimental drama queen.

  “Awww, babe, I love you too. You don't have to apologize. I know you're just under stress, don't even worry about it.” Hunter said, wrapping me in a tight hug. I breathed in the strong scent of his cologne and returned the embrace. He kissed the top of my head. I hugged him tight like if I let go he'd be gone forever. But...was it wrong that the whole time I was in Hunter's arm I was dreaming it was Kade? I looked down at my wrist where my the bold words “strong” used to be printed.

  “I wish it was you...” I whispered into the air.