Forever Seventeen

by Lizzie Bowen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: Just a friend

  When I woke up in the morning, my head was splitting. It was probably throbbing from all the stressful thinking I had done the night before. I had come to the conclusion that Hunter was who I wanted to be with, but I think what I said to Kade was harsh. I wasn't one to regret much. I meant what I said and said what I meant, but he wasn't a liar. I was the liar. I was a liar for calling him a liar...if that makes sense. He wasn't fake either. I wasn't sure how I was going to apologize. The words I said couldn't be taken back no matter how hard I tried. Suddenly, an idea hit me in the face like a ton of bricks.

  “Leslie, are you okay if I'm out for a few hours?” I asked. Leslie nodded.

  “I'm sure I'll find something to do around here.” Leslie said.

  “Okay, great. I'll be back soon.” I said as I dashed out the door. As I was hustling out to the store, I saw Hunter sitting on the back of his car and staring up at the sky. His gaze temporary was disengaged from the sky to meet mine instead.

  “Hey.” He greeted. He tapped the spot beside him on his car, motioning for me to sit down. I obediently sat beside him.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Just thinking...” He replied.

  “What about?” I asked. I laid down as well and stared up at the clouds.

  “You.” He replied.

  “Me? Why?” I questioned.

  “I saw this article the other day and it had a picture of you telling Bailey off... was that real?” He asked in reply. I waited a moment before answering. Part of me was tempted to lie. I didn't want Hunter thinking I was a jealous maniac or anything. But I couldn't lie to him... not anymore than I was already. He hadn't known all the adventures I had these past few months, all I had been was dishonest. I thought maybe now was the time to start fessing up.

  “It's true, Hunter... I'm sorry. She just-” I started.

  “Thank-you.” He cut in. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

  “I won't lie... sometimes I feel like I should have chased after Bailey when she left. But now seeing the way she treats you as well as other I see how wrong I was. I shouldn't have put up with her as long as I did and I'm just like everyone else. Everyone else is too scared to stand up to her, but you weren't. You put her in her place and I'm glad you did. So...thank-you.” Hunter said. I nodded and blushed a little.

  “Hunter, do you mean that?” I asked, weakly.

  “Of course, you're-”

  “No, do you mean you should chase after someone even though it might not be right? To love someone that others don't think are right for you? To take chances even when the odds are against the both of you?” I inquired. Hunter paused a moment before replying.

  “I think that if you love someone it doesn't really matter what others think. Love is for two people to share...not for the rest of the world to judge.” Hunter replied thoughtfully. I nodded and pondered the thought.

  “So even if you know what the consequences could be... you should go for it?” I questioned.

  “Sam, what are we even talking about anymore? If you wanna something, babe then get on with it.” Hunter urged. I shook my head.

  “There's nothing I wanna say...not yet anyway.” I said quietly. Hunter cocked a brow.

  “I've got to go now. I'll see you later.” I said. Hunter nodded.

  “I'm going on a talk show...I'll call you afterward.” He said. I nodded and slid off the car. I started toward Leslie's motorcycle I was sure she wouldn't mind if I took it for a spin. I was paying for her hotel expenses and for her flight back home.

  “Would you like a ride?” Hunter asked me from across the lot. I shook my head.

  “I'll just take Leslie's bike!” I called.

  “Don't you have to have a license for that?” Hunter asked.

  “I do. When I was fourteen I got one. I had a lot of spare time to study. It's not like I ever had anything better to do.” I replied.

  “There's so much I don't know about you.” Hunter said, shaking his head. I kind of wondered if I wanted him to know everything about me. For some reason, he was a lot harder to talk to than Kade. But he was my boyfriend and I loved him. Yeah... I loved him. A lot. Because he was mine... all mine.

  I hopped on my bike and sped off for the store. While I was there, I got all the supplies I needed for the perfect apology. By the time I was done, it was dark out. I knew most of the patients at the hospital would be asleep and that was perfect. I didn't think the nurses would exactly approve of the scenery I was setting up, but they would have to deal with it because it was probably the only way I could get Kade back.

  When I arrived at the hospital I checked my surroundings. The hospital was very quietly and most of the patients were resting. I set small glowing candles all along the hallway and a trail of rose petals that lead down the hallway to where I was standing with a torch. The lights were dimmed which made it even better. I softly knocked on Kade's door and rounded the corner to the end of the hallway. I heard him noisily clank out of his bed and jerk on the knob a few times before opening the door. I heard the door creak slowly behind him. He padded down the hallway following the trail of sweet smelling roses. When he rounded corner of the hallway he had a sheepish grin that melted my me.

  “Can I be your torch?” I whispered. I was carrying a lit torch in my hand with a hopeful grin. He smiled and shook his head in disbelief.

  “Come on, do you know how long it took me to find a torch? They don't sell these just anywhere.” I said. He laughed... I forgot how much I'd missed his laugh.

  “You did all this?” He asked. I nodded.

  “Just like Jade did...” He whispered. I saw tears in his eyes.

  “Aw, c'mon, don't get all choked up. It wasn't meant to be that heartwarming. I'm not quite the sentimental kind.” I stated.

  “Oh, really? I never would have guessed.” He said sarcastically. He looked around the room with a smile on his beautiful face.

  “This is stunning.” He whispered as he walked closer to the flickering candlelight. The light emanated a heartening glow that reflected and bounced off the walls. Their light bounced playfully off the roses making them a much deeper and prettier shade of red. The fragrance coming from the trail was a satisfying, fresh, welcoming, and clean smile that filled your nostrils the minute you entered the hallway.

  “You didn't have to do this.” He stated. I shrugged.

  “I think I sort of owed it to you. You were right.” I almost choked on those words.

  “I was right? Wow, how does that feel? Actually admitting you're wrong? You got it bad for me.” He said. I laughed and was surprised at how much my cheeks were burning right now. My heart was beating so quickly in my chest that I could hardly breathe. My stomach was twisted in so many thoughts that I was thinking I might just be sick. These were all feelings I didn't usually get around Hunter. I clasped my clammy hands together and tried to hide my obvious discomfort at these unfamiliar feelings.

  “I'm sorry too, Sam. I shouldn't have said what I did. You are different and you're so incredibly special and though you may deny it you're really thoughtful. I know most people and even you most of the time say you don't care, but...this is amazing. I didn't think you even remembered when I told you Jade did this and it pains me to say it, but you recreated it better than she did. You're amazing, Sam.” Kade said. He limped over to me and blew my torch out so he wouldn't get burned. He wrapped his arms around me in a loving embrace. His hugs weren't like anyone's that I'd ever received before. They were warming and he nuzzled into me, making butterflies explode within my stomach. Butterflies? When he hugged me it was like an entire zoo let loose inside me. I didn't appreciate these feelings and I wasn't used to them. I wasn't used to caring whether someone was fond of me or not. I never really cared if I hurt someone's feelings before. I almost thought they deserved it since I had my feelings hurt so many time before. I was actually started to deny the fact that I even had feeli
ngs or emotions. But... when Kade was around I knew for sure I had feelings. I knew for sure I had emotions... and he stirred them up more than anyone I'd ever met before.

  “When can you come back to us?” I asked. He rubbed his sore leg.

  “The doctors say they'll let me out tomorrow afternoon. But... when I'm starting to feel better I'd like you to do something for me.” Kade said.

  “Of course, what is it?” I questioned.

  “Well, I did go with you to see your brother and I took quite a beating as well when I did.” He said.

  “You sure did.” I said with a laugh.

  “So you know we'll be back in Raleigh in a few days?” Kade asked. I nodded.

  “Well, Jade is buried there...I haven't been there in months, because I promised myself the next time I went would be the last. It's time to move on and I know that... that's what she would want anyway. So... I was wondering if you'd come with me to say my final goodbye and support me.” Kade said.

  “Of course, I'd love to.” I said. He smiled and hugged me once again. I wanted to stay there...in his arms...forever.

  “Will you come see me tomorrow?” Kade asked. I nodded.

  “We're all going to have to. It's gonna take a lot to get you loaded in the bus. The doctors told us they didn't really think you should be traveling the minute you're released.” I said. Kade laughed softly.

  “I'm always doing things that people don't think I should.” Kade said.

  “You're going on a separate plane though.”

  “That's true. Hey, Kade...” I whispered.

  “Yes?” He replied.

  “Can I tell you something?” I asked.

  “Anything.” He replied softly. His arms were still wrapped around me.

  “When you got hurt... I was just so scared. The thought of loosing you was almost more than I could take and... I guess I kind of realized that I care about you. I care about you a whole lot.” I admitted. He stared at me without saying anything and for a moment I wished that I wouldn't have said anything.

  “I'm sorry, I just-” I began.

  “No, Sam...it's okay. I care about you too. I love you.” Kade said. My heart sank deep within me. I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I honestly never thought that I would hear those words come from Kade's lips. I didn't know what to say.

  “But, I know... you're with Hunter. It's okay, I just thought I'd tell you while we were admitting things.” He said, awkwardly rubbing the back of this neck. I pursed my lips and looked down uncomfortably. I still wasn't sure what to say and my heart was beating so fast that I could hardly breathe.

  “No, it's okay. Why don't we just wait this out? It's obvious we both feel...something. So can you just give me a little time?” I asked.

  “Time... time for what?” Kade asked in reply.

  “Time to find what I'm looking for.” I answered.

  “What if I'm what you're looking for?” Kade whispered.

  “I'm starting to think maybe you are.” I said with a laugh. Kade looked at me and when he did I felt something inside me softened I felt like a part of my heart that had been frozen for such a long time thawed. The looked he gave me as those candle lights flickered softly made me start to feel again. His eyes glowed like the soft rays of the candles and I didn't want him to let me go.

  “I'll come here tomorrow.” I said.

  “Okay...I'll be waiting for you.” He said with a smile. He leaned over and gently kissed my cheek. For all the months I had known him, that's what I had been waiting for. I grinned at him. I helped him back to his room and he hobbled over to his bed.

  “Do you have everything you need?” I asked. He nodded.

  “Okay, bye.” I whispered, softly shutting the door.

  “Bye.” I heard his sweet voice ring out through the door. I booked it home knowing Hunter would be full of questions when I arrived. But when I got there it was quite the opposite. Leslie and Hunter were sitting on the coach in the lobby, staring at a laptop, both sharing an earpiece. I cleared my throat loudly. They both looked up at me.

  “Oh, hey where have you been?” Hunter asked.

  “Busy. Where have you been?” I interrogated.

  “We went to a theme park. Believe it or not, I've actually never been to one before. Hunter said I had to go before I went home tomorrow.” Leslie said. I was completely baffled, but I kept my words closed behind my compressed lips. Leslie looked awfully beautiful now that she had her flowing blonde hair back, natural pretty face, and studs out of her nose... and I knew Hunter wasn't the one to resist beautiful girls. I actually really regretted getting her back to normal. Why doesn't she got ahead and run from town to town with her ugly morbid clothes, killer gang, and stupid sob story.

  “Hey, sorry I didn't call you. I really meant to, I just kind of lost track of time.” Hunter apologized. I nodded my head and tried my best to keep cool.

  “It's fine, I don't really care. I was busy to.” I said, maintaining my poise.

  “Sam, I-” Hunter started.

  “You know, I'm beat. I bet you are too from all the roller coaster right, Leslie. Let's get some shut eye.” I said, jerking her off the couch. Leslie turned back and waved at Hunter.

  “Byeee!” She called across the lobby. I was embarrassed now as well as angry.

  “Bye!” Hunter called back. I rolled my eyes and gagged a little.

  “Baby, don't I get a good-bye hug?” He asked. I turned around, but Leslie was already practically leaping into his arms. That was it. I turned on my heels and stomped into the elevator. What a jerk. They both were jerks. I went up to my room alone and plopped on the bed. Leslie came shortly behind me.

  “You know he wanted a hug from each of us, right?” Leslie asked, once she entered.

  “No, I'm pretty sure he meant just me. Thank-you very much.” I snapped.

  “Well, whatever you say.” She said as she slid into her bed.

  “What did ya'll do?” I questioned.

  “Well, he bought me cotton candy, won me a prize, and-”

  “Okay, I've heard enough.” I interrupted.

  “But you asked-”

  “Leslie, shut up! Nobody cares about your stupid tricks you play.” I snarled. Leslie looked hurt.

  “I don't play tricks.” She said quietly.

  “Stop pretending your this sweet innocent girl because I don't buy it!” I snapped. With that, I rolled over on my side, slapped the light switch off, and jerked the covers up over my head. There was nothing but crickets chirping outside. There was an impenetrable wall of silence dividing the two of us and a part of me wished I would have just kept my mouth shut. But now...what was said was said. I wasn't sure but I thought I heard soft whimpering and it broke my heart to pieces. Part of me wanted to crawl over into bed with her and tell her I didn't mean what I said. I knew an apology was in order, but I just lay there paralyzed and completely unable to make the words come from my mouth. I knew that I was just as bad as the bullies that had scarred me so much for so long. I felt awful...for probably the second time in my life I actually felt guilty. All these new unfamiliar feelings were welling inside me and making me question if I was even knew who I was anymore.

  The next morning, I woke up and Leslie's bed was empty. I got up and looked around the room for her, but she was nowhere to be found. Everything inside me dropped. What if I had scared her away? Had she left in the night? Had I hurt her that badly? I'm a monster, I'll never live with myself. I hate myself I'll never, ever-

  “Good morning, Sam!” Leslie's voice rang out from behind me. I twirled around. I saw her sitting at a table in the lobby, brewing some coffee. My jaw dropped to the floor and I was instantly filled with sweet, satisfying relief. I grabbed my heart, thinking it may have been pounding so hard that there was a chance it would fall right out.

  “Leslie, I'm so sorry. I was being so-” I started breathlessly.

  “Don't worry about it, Sam. I get it... you love him.” Sh
e said. The words made me stomach tie in knots and I actually felt like saying something of the matter, but I kept my mouth shut.

  “I thought you left and I was so scared. I just-” I tried again.

  “Sam, it's okay. I promise you... I'm not hurt.” Leslie said with a warm smile. I felt so guilty. How could she just forgive me like that? How could she possibly be so nice when I was such a jerk? Maybe she did deserve Hunter more than I did...

  “Morning, babe.” Hunter said, giving my cheek a peck. I stood there numbly. I was still recovering from my miniature heart attack.

  “Excuse me?” Hunter said, turning his head toward me. He tapped his jawline gently, requesting a kiss.

  “Hunter, Leslie made you some coffee.” I said almost robotically. He raised a brow.

  “Okay? Thank...you.” Hunter said, taking the cup of coffee that was made for me. Leslie opened her mouth to protest, but I shook my head. She shut her mouth at my command.

  “Leslie, I'll go get your bags.” I said.

  “No, you don't have-”

  “It's okay. I want to.” I said, already halfway to the elevator, leaving them alone. I figured if Hunter made a move on Leslie it would be a sign that I should be with Kade. I went into the room and searched for Leslie's bags. I found them near the window. Sunlight was streaming through the window softly as it overlooked the streets. I sat and thought... I thought about all that had happened to me the past few months. I was so grateful. I hardly remembered that broken girl who hated being around people anymore... I was different. That pain was nothing but a shattered memory now in the back of my mind. All the smiles I had on this tour had made up for the tears that had been shed in the past. All of sudden, it didn't really matter as much anymore if I stayed with Hunter or went with Kade. I knew God had a plan either way. I looked up into the glorious turquoise sky.

  “Hey, God... we haven't really spoken much. I'm really sorry about that. I haven't thanked you for all you've given me. This kind of life is the one that everyone dreams of having and you gave it to me of all people. I just can't believe it. I haven't really thought about it much to be honest. I sort of tend to take things for granted, but You already know that. I just wanted to tell You... You mean everything. Thanks for all of this.” I prayed. At that moment, I knew my goal of getting right with God had been achieved. A river of indescribable peace flowed throughout me and I knew God loved me... and I loved him. I smiled up into the sun and felt it's warmth on my face. I knew I was a lucky one and I didn't realize it quite often enough. If you wouldn't asked me a few months ago, I would have described my life as a living torture chamber, an incurable sickness, or a nightmare that I just couldn't seem to awaken from. But now... I knew I was lucky. I knew I was loved. I was loved by Someone who really mattered and for once in my life I could honestly say I really loved Him too.

  “Thanks, God... I love you.” I whispered.

  “Sam, who are you talking to?” Someone said as they knocked violently on my door. I was so startled that I fell off the ledge and hit the floor hard. I scampered to my feet and pulled the suitcases with me. I pulled the door open.

  “Are you okay?” Leslie asked. I nodded.

  “You weren't talking to a boy were you?” Hunter asked. I smiled and shook my head.

  “No... just a Friend.” I said.