The Romance of Nick and Layla (Parts 1-3)

by Cierlak, Crystal

That I could give her

  All of my heart

  With a smile so sweet

  And a face so divine

  Around her life

  Mine would define

  She opened my heart

  In so many ways

  Loves so much better

  Than what people say

  I gave her my all

  And loved her so much

  Crazy that my heart stopped

  Just from her touch

  But what can you do

  When you've given your all

  And then suddenly

  From that high place you fall

  So hard to get up

  Too much to move on

  And nothing can heal

  Not even this song

  What can you do

  When she's broken your heart

  Though you were the wrong one

  Right from the start

  Nothing to say

  Is ever enough

  Who knew that love

  Was really this rough

  So many times

  I wanted to say

  Baby let's just throw

  All this away

  All of the lies

  And all of the games

  I want your love

  More than my name

  Was I never

  Good enough

  Didn't we play this

  A little too tough

  We had all our good times

  We shared every dream

  I guess life really isn't

  All that it seems

  How many times

  Do I need to say

  I'm sorry and

  Need you more than yesterday

  You say that you love me

  More than you should

  But maybe that made

  Everything so good

  What can you do

  When she's broken your heart

  Though you were the wrong one

  Right from the start

  Nothing to say

  Is ever enough

  Who knew that love

  Was really this rough

  I swear I've got nothing

  Left to say

  And now the world knows

  I love you this way

  I don't care 'bout the past

  Let's leave it behind us

  Can we build back

  All of our trust

  You can never love too much

  Though that's what you say

  And as my final word

  Baby I love you that way

  What can you do

  When she's broken your heart

  Though you were the wrong one

  Right from the start

  Nothing to say

  Is ever enough

  Who knew that love

  Was really this rough

  What can you do

  When she's broken your heart

  Though you were the wrong one

  Right from the start

  Nothing to say

  Is ever enough

  Who knew that love

  Was really this rough

  As the last note from the piano resonated throughout the building there was a collective moment of silence, followed by a huge roar of applause. All around me people got up to their feet, clapping and cheering. Nick’s eyes opened for the first time since he began singing and looked directly into mine. He mumbled a soft ‘thank you’ into the microphone before walking off the stage.

  Without really knowing what the hell I was doing I stood up from my seat and crawled over people, rushing to make it to the aisle. I ran across the auditorium and burst through the curtains concealing the backstage area. All around me people were looking at me, faces of amazement, of shock, of blame... But I was only looking for one face among the crowd. And then I saw him. I could have recognized my husband anywhere, even when he was halfway out of a closing door.

  He was gone.

  "Excuse me, Miss, you can’t be back here. I’m going to have to escort you back outside," growled a burly man with a huge hand pulling me out of the backstage.

  I forcefully pulled out of his grasp and looked up at him. "Don’t touch me!" I growled back and set off running to the door Nick had just exited from.

  But once outside I was too late. A single limo was driving away from me towards the street and a moment later was lost in a sea of cabs.

  That was it. My chance was gone.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  "Are you sure this is what you want?"

  I glanced up at Johnny from my suitcase and smiled. "I think it’s for the best. I’ve given three years of my life to him. I barely recognize myself anymore. Even when I came back... I thought I had changed but I haven’t changed at all."

  "You don’t have to go yet. You could stay here with me and we can do stupid tourist crap for a couple days."

  Leave it to my brother-in-law to be the only man that could make me smile at a time like this. "Thanks. But it’s time for me to go home."

  "Back to Santa Monica?"

  "Yes. At first. I’m selling the house. It’s time to start fresh. Start new. Nick and I may still love each other but it’s over. And at this point I don’t think the biggest apology could remedy the wound in our marriage."

  Johnny took my hand and motioned for me to take a seat next to him. I did. But I couldn’t look at him.

  "You know Layla... I haven’t gotten to know you as well as I would have liked; but what I do know of you is that you’re a much better person than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes two people, no matter how in love they are, just aren’t meant to be together. And sometimes they are. And the thing that makes life so great and so complicated all at the same time is that we never know what’s meant to be and what’s not. All we can do is have faith in ourselves, and trust ourselves; trust that we’re doing what’s best for us. If this is what you feel you need to do to be right with Layla, then it’s what you’re supposed to do."

  I stared into his eyes and for a moment it was like looking at Nick. I knew I was looking into the eyes of a child, but what lay behind those eyes was certainly not. It was a grown soul with too much knowledge. How many people are burdened with this gift? The gift of knowing more about life than most people will ever realize. "You know what, Johnny? One day you are going to make some woman very, very lucky and happy. And I hope I’m still in your life to be able to witness it."

  "Me too, Layla. Thank you. Call me when you get settled, all right?"

  "Are you sure?"

  "Positive. Even if you won’t be my sister-in-law anymore you’ll still be my friend."

  And for the first time that night I knew that everything would be okay from here on out. "I’d like that."

  "And whenever you need a babysitter don’t hesitate to ask me. All right?"

  "You’ll be the first person I call."

  "Layla?"

  "Yeah, Johnny?"

  "Don’t just call me when you need a babysitter, okay? I want to see my little niece or nephew as much as possible."

  He looked so handsome standing here in front of me and I was so proud of him. No matter what I thought of his family, based on my extensive experience with them, they certainly did a damn fine job of raising him. Of both the Hudson sons. "Of course. Whenever you want."

  "I’ll call the driver."

  "I can take a cab."

  "Nope, I insist you take the limo. Please?"

  "All right. I’ll call someone up to help me with my bags. Will you come with me to the airport?"

  "Sure. I’m just going to go change my clothes."

  "Okay."

  Five minutes later, after my bags were packed and I was ready to leave, there was a knock at the door. I opened it expecting hotel staff, but found my husband instead.

  I couldn’t find my voice to say anything. And apparently neither could Nick. We just stood there, looking at each other. No crowd around us. Just me and him.


  "Layla, are you sure you can’t stay an extra day? According to the Post there’s a..." but Johnny stopped short when he saw Nick. "Oh. Hey Nick. Um, you know what? I think I’m gonna go downstairs and terrorize some fans."

  I watched as Johnny slipped past Nick and ran down the hall. Part of me wanted to follow him. But instead I opened the door wider and made my way back into the room. Nick shut the door behind him and sat down next to me on the couch.

  "You’re leaving?" he finally spoke.

  "Would there be any point in staying?"

  "I guess not."

  "So what are you doing here, Nick?"

  "You said you wanted to talk."

  "I did."

  "And now?"

  "Nick I don’t want to fight."

  "Neither do I, Lay."

  "Well that’s the first thing we’ve agreed on in a long time."

  "So how are you? Health wise? Baby’s good?"

  "Yep. Strong and healthy."

  "Good."

  "In a few more weeks they’ll be able to determine the sex of the baby."

  "Really?" His voice was so small and meek, not like the celebrity pop star others knew of him, but as the Nick I’d grown accustomed to in the privacy of our own little world.

  "But I don’t want to know."

  "Well I guess that’s your choice."

  There was a very long, very uncomfortable silence that passed. We both just stared off ahead of us, not really looking at anything in particular.

  "Did you write that song, Nick?" I breathed out. I had been dying to know the answer.

  "Yeah. Right after... after you left me."

  "Which time?"

  "The second time. After New York."

  "Oh."

  "I didn’t intend on using it on the album. It was more therapy for me than an actual song I was going to use, but it felt right in the end so..."

  "It was beautiful," I interrupted him, finally turning to look at him. "Everything about it was beautiful Nick. And your performance... It was perfect. You deserved that standing ovation."

  "Well it will probably be my last."

  "What do you mean by that?"

  "I’m quitting."

  My face contorted into an incredulous gaze. "Quitting? Quitting what?"

  "I’m quitting music."

  I found myself sitting up on my legs. I grabbed his face in my hands and made him look at me. "Why?"

  "Because I want to." He looked so somber, so quiet.

  "You can’t quit music. You ARE music, Nick. You have been all your life and you always will be."

  "You know, Layla, there was a time when I thought I would be doing this forever. But then I started thinking about all the other things in life I would be missing out on; all the things I lost because of it."

  "But look how much you’ve gained! You can’t just quit."

  "What have I gained Layla? I’m not even 25 years old yet and I’m about to be a divorced man. And in a few months I’m going to be a father. My priorities have changed. I want to live a normal life now. How can I be a good man, a good father when I’m barely home? And when I am home I’m tired. It’s time for me to just live."

  "Who says you can’t be a good father and a singer at the same time?"

  "I do. I couldn’t cut it as both a husband and a singer. How can I expect to do a good job with a kid at the same time?"

  My hands dropped from his face and found his hands. I held them tight. "We both did the best we could despite how fucked up we are."

  He just shook his head. "No. I’ve been lying to you from the moment we said ‘I do.’"

  "But you’ve already apologized for that Nick."

  "I didn’t tell you everything, Layla. I used you. And abused your love. I took it for granted and... Layla I couldn’t count the amount of times I was unfaithful to you. And I know that there’s nothing I can do or say that will ever be enough to apologize for everything I’ve done."

  Anger and betrayal started to bubble in me. "I’d always suspected there was more you weren’t telling me. Why didn’t you tell me?"

  "Because I didn’t want to lose you. And after I did lose you I realized there would be no point in telling you."

  "Jesus, Nick."

  "Layla, I’d apologize a hundred times if I thought it would make a difference. But I know it won’t."

  I should have been mad. Hell, I should have been fuming. But for the first time in a long time, maybe the first time ever, Nick was really laying it all out on the table. It’s what I had wanted from him all along; to just be honest with me. But...

  The truth hurts.

  "So there it is. And you have every right to be pissed at me, Lay. I would be too. But that’s just it. It’s all out. I don’t have anything left to tell you because you know it all now. I’m not proud of myself. And I know that I’ve hurt you in ways I never intended on. You said you came here to ask me to come home with you. And I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to go with you. Yet... I’m going to leave it up to you. I want to change Layla. I want to be the man that you thought you married. So if you’ll just give me the chance... I’ll give everything up for you. I’ll make you proud to be my wife. And I’ll be the kind of father every child deserves."

  Yes, the truth hurts. But sometimes we need that pain to keep us in check, to keep us in the realms of reality. And that’s where I found myself: reality. And thinking back on the last three years I only had one question to ask myself: Was it worth it?

  The first two years were wonderful. Nick had his life while I had mine. And when we came together it was like the world was perfect, life was perfect and we were perfect. Until we got married. That’s when it started falling apart.

  When you marry someone, the game changes. It’s no longer my life and his life, suddenly it’s our life. You can’t just go and do whatever you want for however long you want; you have to do it together. That’s where the problems started. And after a while we were tired of being together. We needed our space. Nick found his in other women; I found mine in worrying about Nick. It wasn’t healthy. So we should just face it: We were better off not married.

  Yes, Nick confessed. Finally. But sometimes a confession doesn’t save you. Sometimes you have to pay for your mistakes. Sometimes forgiveness isn’t enough to save you. We both had to learn that lesson. And after the three years we’d just been through, looking back on it all there was still that lingering question: Is it all worth it?

  ....

  No.

  That night Nick did come home with me. And four weeks later our divorce was finalized. Mrs. Nick Hudson no longer existed. Now I was just Layla Garrett.

  I decided not to sell the house after all. Nick moved into the spare bedroom. He helped build a nursery in my bedroom. And that’s how we lived our life. Together. But apart.

  Nick did quit his music career, despite how much I protested. I thought for sure that without music in his life he would crumble, but instead he rose to the challenge. In place of performing every night in a different venue he sang to the sick children at the hospital. Instead of recording in a studio he volunteered at the local junior high school, offering his knowledge of music to the young choir kids.

  As for me, I was offered a freelance writing position with a fashion magazine, writing about the lifestyles of the rich and the famous. I guess being married to a pop star was all the experience required for such a job. I spent my days at home, relaxing while working on my latest piece and getting ready for the baby.

  We weren’t married anymore and we weren’t dating. We came and went as we pleased and lived our separate lives. But, at the end of the day, we’d sit down to dinner, talk and laugh and live like we used to. We’d retire to our own bedrooms at night and wake up the next morning ready to live our lives.

  Nick wore his wedding band on his right hand following the divorce. He claimed he couldn’t stop wearing it because it reminded him of me, something he’d always want to think about. I kept my wedding rin
g in its black velvet box in the drawer next to my bed. Every once in a while I’d take it out and just stare at it. Funny how a ring is the universal symbol of marriage. A circle that never ends, just keeps on going. In many ways Nick and I were like that ring; our marriage didn’t last, but our relationship did. We’d always be together, no matter what happened.

  I still think back on what Johnny said that last night in New York. Sometimes people, no matter how in love they are, just aren’t meant to be. With me and Nick... we would never know.

  However our lives might change - one of us might eventually remarry and live a new life - one thing would always link us together as one forever. Our child.

  Maybe it wasn’t fair to the world; two people as messed up as Nick and I producing a child that would have the history of his or her parents to deal with. But at the end of the day, when I’d crawl in my bed under the sheets and think about my ex-husband and the one true love of my life sleeping in the bed next door, one shining truth remained clear to me....

  Maybe it was meant to be this way all along.

  But who knew what the future would hold for me and Nick? I didn’t. He didn’t.

  I can’t lie... A part of my heart will always yearn for him. And I definitely missed his strong arms around me at night in bed.

  But like I said.... Maybe it was meant to be this way all along.

  There was only one way to know, and that was to take things one day at a time.

  Our story wasn’t over yet.

  White Flag

  There’s no denying that I messed up. But isn’t redemption part of messing up? I’d had my fair share of blame and guilt, but never had I had a full sense of redemption. At least not where my wife... I mean, ex-wife is concerned.

  I did that all the time. It was hard for me to accept the fact that Layla wasn’t my wife anymore. She wasn’t even my girlfriend. Hell, with the way things had been going lately, we were roommates at best.

  But I guess I could call myself lucky. After all, I see Layla every day and night. It may not be much, or even what I want it to be, but it was a hell of a lot better than nothing.

  I only have myself to blame. After all the lies I told... lies and more lies to cover the lies.