Lumen Cove

by Dianne Frost

  He wanted to shake her because the look on her face, this apologetic cringe, she had no fucking clue what kind of danger she had put herself in. His mind rushed through a thousand different scenarios each more horrific than the next and closed his eyes, forced the panic down and took a slow calming breath. Come back, Alex.

  “I’m fine though,” Kelsey said meekly and Alex fought the urge to bang his open palm against the rail of the bed, sitting back abruptly and crossing one leg over the other as he wiped at his mouth in frustration.

  “You’re…” He paused, dipping his head to laugh at the absurdity of her statement. “You’re in the hospital with a concussion, broken ribs and a busted up face.”

  “But I’m fine,” Kelsey said looking steadily into his eyes and she couldn’t possibly think this would have her desired effect. Not with half her face a dark purple color, blood turning the whites of one eye pinkish red.

  “How did this even-”

  “I did what I had to do,” Kelsey said fiercely and for the first time he saw past the blood and bruises, her earnestness shining back at him, her determination. “I did what I had to do to protect you.” She winced. “Protect us.”

  Alex felt a heavy dread settle in his stomach like a stone. She loved him. It hit him then like a hard punch in the gut and he supposed he shouldn’t have been so shocked by it. He’d worried about this since they started whatever this was between them, her becoming too attached. He’d never dreamed of this however. That she would run off alone to a biker bar carrying a wad of cash without any regard for her safety. Teenagers. They think they’re invincible, he thought to himself and shook his head, feeling suddenly sick at his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to get up and leave. He couldn’t even look at her, the guilt lacerating him, that little voice in the back of his mind he’d been able to silence since October growing louder and louder.

  “You still shouldn’t have done it. I had it handled,” Alex said, his mouth dry, rubbing his hands together slowly. “You shouldn’t-”

  “You couldn’t sell the Echo Delta, Lex,” she said, her voice ragged with sadness.

  “You did this… for a stupid boat?” Alex asked, his voice rising more than he intended and he winced glancing at the door.

  “No!” Kelsey spat petulantly and Alex stared at her. “Not entirely,” she amended her voice still defensive. “I did it for me too. Eyes popped out like a ping pong ball, remember?”

  Alex exhaled heavily, looking at her and found his anger was burning away despite his desire to hang onto it. What she had done was incredibly stupid but the relief at the realization that he was off the hook was palpable. He didn’t deserve to feel this. She had paid the price for his brother’s idiotic mistakes and he was feeling relieved because it had left him relatively unscathed?

  “Wait a minute,” Alex said suddenly holding up a hand. “Drew owed those guys twenty grand.” Kelsey blinked at him. “You only had eleven.”

  Kelsey smiled at him sheepishly. “I… I kind of took your portion from the drawer before I left yesterday morning.” She grimaced, her eyes extremely apologetic.

  He merely looked at her for a moment and then laughed, making Kelsey jump at the unexpected sound. It lasted for a short moment before he forced himself to stop, running a hand over his weary face.

  “You stole twelve thousand dollars from me?”

  “No! I didn’t steal it. I took it. To use it for what you were gonna use it for anyway,” Kelsey replied defensively and Alex eyed her, chewing the inside of his cheek in contemplation.

  “But…” Alex said after a moment, doing the math in his head. “You had more than you needed. What happened to the extra three grand?”

  Kelsey looked down and refused to look back up at him. He had to say her name twice, the second time using his teacher voice which always made her talk. “I gave it to them as an incentive to stay away.” She thought about leaving it at that but couldn’t stop herself from adding, “And to help me with this.” She gestured vaguely at her face.

  Alex’s eyebrows shot up, his jaw working but no sound came out. “You… you paid them to beat you up?”

  “What else was I supposed to do Alex?” He sat back chastised by her tone. “I said I needed the money to buy a car. Don’t you think it’d be pretty suspicious if I came back without a car and also without the money?”

  “So your solution was to stage your own mugging?” Alex asked, his voice pitching high in disbelief and Kelsey glared at him.

  “I’m sorry, do you have any better ideas?”

  “Anything but what you did,” Alex exclaimed in a harsh whisper and Kelsey looked at him wounded. Alex looked away, guilt burning away the anger as quickly as it had come on. He hated when she looked at him that way.

  “I can’t believe you’re actually mad at me,” Kelsey said quietly after a moment and she gritted her teeth against the stinging in her eyes. “I worked really hard on this plan and maybe it’s not the way you would have done it but it worked!” Her eyes met his and he frowned at the two wet streaks on her face. “They got their money. You got to keep your boat and no one lost any eyes. I took a couple hits to the face and a kick in the ribs,” she said and Alex’s jaw tightened his eyes going hard. She jutted her chin out. “And I’d do it again.” Alex rolled his eyes, flopping back in his chair with a sigh, glaring at her and she glared back. “Also,” she said after a moment of them both pouting in silence. “You suck at saying thank you.”

  Alex squawked looking at her incredulously. “Are you kidding me? I’m supposed to thank you for-”

  His voice cut off as the door opened again and only Elliot and Reva returned both looking sober and on edge. Reva resumed her seat and Elliot stood next to her.

  “Mr. Danvers, were you planning on staying up here until Kelsey was released?” Reva asked and Kelsey and Alex both looked at each other quickly before looking away.

  “Uh… well…” Alex said, rubbing a hand along the back off is neck. “I kind of don’t really have a choice do I?”

  Reva smiled at him sheepishly. “Is it okay if Elliot catches a ride back with us too?”

  Alex glanced at Elliot who looked embarrassed but also curious, as if he was interested to see what spending an extended period of time with strict Mr. Danvers outside of the school environment must be like. He wondered what all Kelsey had told them about him, if she’d ever tried to explain that he was different one on one. He wasn’t sure if wanted her to or not. He looked at her then, not bothering to try and hide it and found her looking right back at him. Something pulled tight in him, a strange ache in his chest that hurt but didn’t at the same time. He swallowed hard against it.

  “Of course Mr. Braum,” Alex said tearing his eyes away from Kelsey’s to look at his other two students, forcing himself back into the role he should have never let himself fall out of.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Alex liked to pace while thinking. He’d done this ever since he was a small child, walking the length of whatever room he was calling his in whatever house they were calling home at the time. His mother used to tease him about not getting their deposit back because he was going to wear a hole in the carpet. She ended up regretting this because he began doing his homework in the kitchen, pacing back and forth across the linoleum until she made him go outside, his constant back and forth making her queasy.

  Alex’s condo was perfect for pacing. He’d left a long length of floor open from the slider to his desk, a wide walkway for him to stride back and forth, back and forth rolling around whatever predicament was plaguing him. He’d been walking that space for almost an hour, had been walking that space for hours at a time for days ever since he’d ferried Kelsey and her friends back from Mobile.

  He’d never seen Kelsey with her friends, not really. Teenagers are different in a classroom, on their best behavior. Despite his presence the three friends seemed at ease with each other the conversation constant though stilted occasionally by Kelsey losing the train of
it, the final dose of what Reva kept referring to as “that good-good” rendering Kelsey spacey and prone to moments of wonderment at things she saw along the road. Reva had a scathing wit which he’d already known but he was surprised at how juvenile her humor could be. She purposefully ran Kelsey in circles of dialogue that would loop until Reva couldn’t take it anymore and burst out in a peel of giggles. Then Kelsey would make it worse by asking what she was laughing about. Elliot, who never said much in his class but Alex knew from assignments that he was thoughtful and intuitive, was more patient with Kelsey’s temporary handicap and kept swinging the conversation to memories from growing up together in Lumen Cove, which Kelsey had no trouble elaborating on.

  Alex also discerned almost instantly that Elliot was in love with Kelsey. He’d known the boy had a crush on her. Anyone with eyes could see that, but the care with which he helped her into the truck, how his eyes stayed trained on her while she walked, ready to spring to her aid at any moment, how he managed to anticipate her needs doing all the things that Alex would be doing if he could, just a beat after Alex thought of it himself.

  He ran a hand over his mouth, turning abruptly at the end of his bed to walk the other direction. He didn’t like the thoughts he’d been having the past few days. It was as if a veil had been lifted and his actions over the last few months were thrown into stark relief, the wrongness of it so clear he wasn’t sure how he’d managed to justify it to himself for so long. He’d slept with a student - a teenager - and as if that wasn’t damning enough he’d messed around and let her fall for him. He couldn’t blame her. Not only had he done nothing to prevent it, all his actions had pointed to the fact that he felt the same way - which he didn’t, he couldn’t; that would be insane. Letting her cook for him, sleeping over at her place, taking her out on the Echo Delta was palpable. He’d never taken a woman on the Echo Delta.

  Except she’s not quite a woman is she?

  Alex let out a frustrated growl, scrubbing his hands through his hair in frustration. He knew what he had to do and the queasy aching feeling it gave him left him unsettled. How had he let himself get so entangled in this?

  He jumped as he heard the back door swing open, whipping around to find Kelsey slipping in and closing the door behind her. She had on a burgundy knitted hat, her long dark hair spilling over the shoulders of her dark winter coat. She smiled widely at him as she paused to discard these items, shaking out her hair and tugging at the cowl neck of her sweater, righting it before hurrying over to him.

  “Alex,” she said, grabbing his hands in hers and looking him in the face, her brown eyes glowing with excitement. “You will never guess where I just was?”

  “If you say Mobile I swear to-”

  She swatted his chest and he tried to force down his smile, a sad longing settling at the base of his sternum. “No, I was at the bridal shop!”

  Alex blinked at her. “What, now?” he asked, inclining his ear towards her and she sighed.

  “The bridal shop. Picking out a tux!” She exclaimed and his heart began to gallop. She gave another heavy sigh, tugging impatiently on his hands. “For my dad!” She was beaming at him. “He’s seriously going to present me at Cotillion! I cannot freaking believe it.”

  Kelsey released his hands and spun away from him, continuing to ramble about what he wasn’t sure because he had tuned out her words until her voice was just a melodic tone. He watched her turn towards him again, her face alight with happiness, gesturing wildly and covering her face with her hands which she only did when she was at her most agitated or excited. He couldn’t see her injuries; whatever makeup she used covered it so completely, it was unsettling. He missed the soft natural look of her bare cheeks, the smattering of freckles across her nose. He liked the way her nose crinkled when her smile was at its widest, how she would run her hands through her hair, shake it out and then clasp her hands to her chest. He liked the sound of her voice. He could listen to her talk forever.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  Her question startled him, her hands dropping to as her head tilted to one side, looking at him with suspicion. He situated his face into a neutral look and shrugged his shoulders. Her eyes narrowed stepping to him slowly with a lithe grace she’d developed over the time he’d known her. It was sensual, alluring and he could feel a flash of heat wash over his skin. He had to turn his face from her to hide his shame and longing.

  “Hey,” she said and he felt her hands slip into his again, tugging to get him to look at her. “You okay?”

  Alex let his eyes meet hers but immediately dropped them to their joined hands, wrapping his thumbs around her fingers and she gave him a squeeze before disentangling herself from him and wrapping her arms around his neck. Alex’s eyes went to the ceiling, taking in a slow, agonized breath as she pressed her body fully to his, her head fitting onto his shoulder. He wanted to snatch her up and squeeze her, carry her to the bed and undress her slow, take his time and love her until she had to beg him to stop. He placed a hand on her lower back, not trusting himself to wrap his arms fully around her, lest he never let her go.

  “Are you mad?” She asked quietly and he sighed, rustling her hair. He pressed his nose to the top of her head and inhaled her sugary sweet scent.

  “Why would I be mad?” He asked, his voice strange even to his own ears.

  Kelsey pulled back to look him in the face, her arms still around him, hands flat against his shoulder blades. She looked into his eyes and he felt vulnerable in a way he’d never experienced, his skin seeming to tingle in anticipation and anxiety, feeling as if she was reading him as easily as if the words were printed no his forehead.

  “About Cotillion,” she said softly, pulling her arms back to rest her hands against his chest. “You know I don’t really want to go with Elliot.”

  Alex winced, reaching to move her hands but only succeeded in pressing one of her hands more firmly over his heart. “Kels…”

  “I wish I could go with you,” she said, so quietly he almost didn’t understand it, her words more breath than whisper but it was enough to make his hand curl around hers and pull it from his chest.

  “It’s good for you,” he said, his voice low as he gathered both her hands in his, running his thumbs over her knuckles, back and forth. “You…” He tried to swallow the golf ball sized lump in his throat. “You should spend more time with boys your own age…”

  Kelsey stiffened, feeling as if she’d just been doused in cold water. Her hands tightened in his as her feet shuffled in place, her heart seeming to know where this was going before he brain could quite catch up. She dipped her head, trying to catch his eyes but he refused to look at her, just watched his thumbs swipe back and forth over her knuckles in a monotonous rhythm.

  “I spend time with them. At school,” she ventured, her voice low and soft and the corner of Alex’s mouth twitched.

  “You know what I mean…”

  “I don’t think I do,” Kelsey lied, her heart beginning to pound as her hands squeezed his even tighter.

  Every muscle in her body began to tighten, a slow ratcheting movement that left her back impossibly straight and her body nearly immobile. He let out a breath of a laugh and met her eyes finally. She gasped, a pain, similar to the one that had stabbed her when Gram died but sharper, seemed to plunge into her chest. Alex’s tongue slipped out to wet his dry lips as he adjusted his grip on her hands, glancing at them before meeting her gaze and locking his eyes on hers.

  “Kelsey-”

  “No,” she said simply and he pressed his lips together, his expression slipping from stoic to pained as hers morphed into fear and panic. “No, don’t-”

  “Kelsey, this has to-”

  “Please don’t”

  “…stop.”

  Alex sighed watching her brown eyes grow watery and she bit the inside of her cheek hard.

  “What did I do?” She asked quietly, trying to step forward even though she was already virtually flush ag
ainst him, their joined hands trapped between their bodies.

  “Kelsey-”

  “Because I can fix it. Just tell me and I’ll-”

  “Miss Charming.” He felt her shiver, two wet tracks making their way slowly down her cheeks. “We…you knew… that it would come to this eventually.” He watched her look down at his chest, tears streaming silently down her cheeks. He cupped her face, smearing them away with his thumbs. Her hands gripped his wrists.

  “But… but… not yet,” she said, her voice breaking on the last word and she looked up at him, her face contorted in a painful grimace, her eyes begging him. “Not yet, Alex… Please, I…”

  He swallowed hard again, his jaw flexing and he looked down at her chest to avoid her eyes. He felt his resolve start to crumble and squared his shoulders, releasing her and she let go of his wrists reluctantly. He took her hands in his again and let out a slow breath that gushed against her lips, before looking her in the eye.

  “It’s already gone on too long,” he said softly and he could see her face fighting to remain calm and neutral. He could feel the panic radiating off of her. “Kelsey I never should have-”

  “Don’t say that,” she said her voice trembling as another flood of tears coursed down her cheeks and she stepped back, reaching up to wipe at her own face angrily. “What… what made you decide? Was it Cotillion?”

  Alex gave a sad chuckle and shook his head. “No, no I just… I guess I…”

  He paused.

  “Is it about… is it about the money?”

  Alex bristled and huffed an angry sigh. She let her head fall to the side, annoyed and he laughed without humor. “No. This… this isn’t about the money. Look-”

  “Then what?” Her voice broke and she gritted her teeth looking away for a moment, bouncing on the balls of her feet as if she couldn’t bear to be still. “What was it? Why now?”

  She was looking for an explanation and he found that he had none, except for the fact that she loved him and he couldn’t tell her that, refused to fully acknowledge it even to himself but he knew deep down that was it. He had been reckless to the point of insanity with her and she had doubled down on it in a way that could have gotten her killed. This was the only way he knew but something felt extremely wrong about it. This entire conversation felt wrong, but he knew doing the right thing wasn’t always easy.