Then, Now, Forever (Heartbeat #2)

by Teodora Kostova

  Gia moved her body in time to Beppe's, perfectly synchronizing their movements. They began breathing in tandem and it felt so good to finally allow their bodies and hearts to succumb to what they really wanted. Beppe felt every cell, every nerve ending in Gia’s body come alive beneath him, but under all that was comfort and familiarity, trust and respect. As they became one, Beppe sank into the emotional connection they shared, as well as the physical one.

  Lightly nipping Gia’s neck, Beppe brought his lips a breath away from hers and whispered,

  “I love you so much.”

  He didn’t wait for a reply – the look of devotion in her eyes said it all – and he devoured her mouth in a kiss full of need, love, lust and hope. Gia shuddered against him and Beppe swallowed her cries and moans in his mouth, his heart slamming about his chest as heat burned its way through him, the intensity of it leaving him trembling.

  Later, when his brain was once again functioning, he felt Gia’s arms wrapped tightly around him and her lips kissing his neck and his jaw. She murmured soft words against his skin, which Beppe couldn’t quite grasp in the state he was still in, but which sounded very much like ‘I love you. It’s always been you’ over and over again.

  ******

  The sun had barely risen when Gia's eyes snapped open. She could tell it was early and she should really try to get more sleep. Beppe had woken her up twice in the night to make love again and she’d barely had any sleep. Despite being tired though, Gia got off the bed as quietly as possible, glancing back at Beppe who was still sleeping deeply, if his gentle snoring was any indication. His body was lax and his face was peaceful, devoid of any grief or pain.

  Gia could stand there and marvel at him for hours, but she had to get out of this room. She had to get some fresh morning air and think about how to tell Beppe that the night before did not mean they were in a relationship now.

  It would hurt him, but she’d rather he knew now, than keep the pretence while he was still grieving for his grandfather and blindside him with the truth later. Yesterday had been an emotional day and they had both got what they needed from each other. However, Gia knew it was just the human need for physical closeness pushing them to act as they did, while Beppe interpreted her giving in and having sex with him as something much more.

  She needed to set him straight right away before she started believing it too.

  ******

  Beppe woke up to the aroma of coffee filling the room. He opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright sunlight coming from the windows and turned on his back to look around.

  Movement on his left by the small living area of the room caught his eye and propping himself up on his elbows, he saw Gia placing two take away cups of coffee on the small table.

  What? She’d been awake and out before him? It usually took a freight train, to wake her up in the morning. This wasn’t a good sign.

  “Hi,” he said and couldn’t help but grin as Gia’s hazel eyes shot to his. She came to the bed, sitting on its edge.

  “Hey. I brought you some coffee.” Her body was stiff and her voice guarded as she spoke

  Not good.

  “I can see that. Thanks.” Beppe threw the covers off his naked body and stood, stretching his arms above his head, as he yawned. God, his whole body hurt and he was still exhausted. He managed to get only a few hours sleep last night. But damn, it was totally worth it. He threw Gia a look behind his shoulder to see if his nakedness was affecting her as he was hoping it would. Her gaze was averted and wasn’t looking at him at all. But, judging by the slight colour on her cheeks and the way she was compulsively biting her lower lip, she’d seen enough.

  Beppe turned, exposing her to his full nudity. If manipulating her desire for his body was what it took to have her pinned beneath him again, then he'd do it.

  “Do you mind putting some clothes on? We need to talk,” Gia said, fixing her eyes on his, purposely avoiding the more important parts of his body.

  “Why do I need clothes for us to talk?” he teased, folding his arms over his chest and smirking.

  “You may not but I do.” Her eyes hardened to golden brown. Beppe breathed a sigh as his smile melted away. He pulled his jeans and his t-shirt from the floor and headed for the bathroom. He took a quick shower, brushed his teeth and donned his clothes, before exiting the bathroom to find Gia sitting on the sofa, sipping her coffee. He joined her, but sensed it’d be better if he sat in the armchair opposite, instead of next to her. He could read the ‘back off’ vibe she was projecting load and clear.

  He was almost certain she was going to downplay the previous night. Explain it away as nothing more than meeting of each other’s physical needs. Beppe was ready for it.

  “Last night...” Gia began, her eyes focused on her coffee cup. “I hope you don’t think it means anything more than it was.” She gathered the courage to meet his eyes and the love and devotion he’d seen there last night were carefully concealed behind quiet resolve.

  “And what exactly was it?” Beppe couldn't help the sarcasm dripping from his words.

  “It was two people needing physical closeness and release. You needed me, Beppe, just as I needed you when my dad died.”

  “Oh, really? That's all it was?” He moved to the edge of his chair, propping his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands between them.

  “Yes,” she said, her eyes sliding away from his.

  Why are you so intent on keeping a distance between us, baby?

  “Try to be more convincing and I might just consider believing you, cara.”

  Gia glared at him, anger flooding her eyes, just like it always did when she wanted to hide behind it. Not this time.

  “Let me tell you what last night was, Gia. It was two people who are desperately in love with each other trying to be as close to one another as possible. You needed me inside you and there was nothing physical about it. You needed that connection more that you needed air.”

  “I’m not in love with you,” Gia stated, boldly lifting her chin.

  Beppe laughed.

  “Have you really convinced yourself of that?”

  “I know it’s hard for your giant ego to believe, but I’m not in love with you. Yesterday was a very difficult, emotional day for me and I surrendered to the emotions. That’s it.” She shrugged nonchalantly as if what she was saying was no big deal.

  “I’m not talking about just yesterday!” Beppe exploded, so frustrated with Gia’s stubbornness and her willingness to put their love aside like trash. He moved to kneel between her legs, placing both his hands on her knees. She glared at him defiantly, but didn’t move away. “I don’t remember a time when I didn’t love you, Gia. You’ve been right here my whole life.” Beppe took one hand and thumped his heart firmly. “We grew up together and wouldn’t be the people we are now if we didn’t have each other. You’re a part of me, of my soul, of my character, whether you like it or not. I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you.

  “I know every little thing about you and I love it all – the good and the bad. There’s nothing you could do or say to make me stop loving you.”

  Gia’s eyes filled with tears as she'd clearly lost the internal battle to remain stoic.

  “What if I kill someone? Will you still love me then? Will you visit me in prison?” Tears spilled down her cheeks and she managed a small smile at her own joke.

  “Oh, baby, you’ll never go to prison. I’ll help you get rid of the body. Nobody would ever know.” Beppe grinned in return, clasping Gia’s hands in his and bringing them to his lips.

  “Just like that?”

  “Just like that. No questions.”

  “Why?” Gia’s question held a deeper meaning than the hypothetical murder they were discussing.

  “Because I’d know that if you killed someone, they must have deserved it. It must have been a matter of either them or you. I’ll be glad it was you still standing in the end.”

  Gia grinned through her tear
s and pulled her hand from Beppe's to wipe her face. Beppe stood up, found a tissue packet in her bag and brought it to her, resuming his place on the floor between her legs. She didn’t speak for a while, but her brows furrowed as they always did when she was thinking hard. Beppe gave her time to collect her thoughts and prayed that his words would once and for all drill some sense into her. He mentally pleaded with her not to reject him. Again.

  “I can’t do it,” she finally said, meeting his eyes and breaking his heart with the pain reflect in them.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

  “Why not? Why the fuck not, baby? What’s stopping you?” Beppe asked, reigning in his anger and desperation with a huge effort.

  “I don’t think you’re ready to settle down and give up all those other women for me,” Gia said, clearly holding something back.

  “Bullshit! I’ve never wanted to be with anyone else but you! Fucking all those women – none of them meant anything to me. Not once did I consider any of them for anything more than a good time. When I imagine my future, I see you. Only you. I always have.”

  “You may think so now, but how about in a few months? How about a few years from now, when the excitement, the novelty wears off ?”

  “Babe, life with you will never be anything but exciting. You’re a fireball. Your passion will never allow our lives to become dull.”

  “Beppe...” Gia began but he cut her off, unwilling to hear any more of her excuses. She wanted this as much as he did, he could feel it in his heart and soul, why was she denying herself the happiness and amazing life they could have together?

  “You may reject me, again, but I’ll keep fighting for you. If you won’t have me, I’ll die alone. There is no one else for me, there’s no space in my heart for loving anybody else, because my love for you is infused there. It’s been there forever and is a part of me.”

  “Stop saying stuff like that,” Gia said and jumped to her feet. She went to the window, turning away from Beppe. He followed her, standing right behind her so that she could feel him there, but didn’t touch her.

  “Why? It’s the truth. Or am I hitting too close to home about the way you feel about me?” Beppe whispered the last words in her ear and Gia’s shivered.

  “I fight how I feel about you every single day,” she whispered back. Beppe placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. The fear in her eyes told him she’d admitted how she really felt and stopped hiding it, for the very first time.

  “Why?”

  “Because I love you so much that if I let go of the reins and let it all out, it will consume me.”

  “Let it,” Beppe said and brushed his lips over hers. Gia trembled in his arms and he felt more tears roll down her face. Abruptly, she pulled away and walked to the other side of the room, leaning back on the wall.

  “I can’t.”

  “At the risk of sounding like a broken record, why the hell not?” Beppe spread his arms at his sides, frustrated and confused. She’d admitted she loved him and he’d poured his heart out, what the fuck was the problem?

  “Because when you leave, I won’t be able to handle it. This time, it will destroy me.”

  “I’m not going to leave you, Gia! Didn’t you hear anything I’ve said? I love you! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!”

  “You’ve said that before, but you still left.” Gia's stare was so full of pain and accusation that Beppe was taken aback.

  “What? Are you talking about when I left for Tuscany with Paolo?”

  Gia nodded. Beppe buried his hands in his hair, unable to believe what he was hearing.

  “I can’t believe you're holding that against me! Do I need to remind you why I left? That I almost died? Because my fucking father tried to kill me, before he killed my mother and himself?” Saying those words, which he hadn’t said in five years, brought back a flood of horrible memories and the pain overwhelmed him. Beppe folded in on himself and dropped to the sofa.

  “You don’t need to remind me! I was there in the hospital while you lay in that bed, still and pale. I was watching the life drain from you and I couldn't do a damn thing about it!” Gia pushed off the wall and took a couple of steps towards Beppe, rage washing through her. “Don’t think you were the only one who was hurt, Beppe. My heart broke for you every single time I saw a bruise or a scar on you, or witnessed firsthand the trauma your family inflicted on you. But that day, seeing you in the hospital bed, I honestly thought I was going to die. If you hadn’t made it, I don’t know what I would have done...” Gia’s voice broke on a ragged sob. Beppe stood and cut the distance between them in a couple of long strides, slamming his body into her and wrapping his arms around her. Gia shook with sobs while Beppe murmured soothing words and skimmed his hands up and down her back, until she calmed enough to stop shaking.

  Gia wiped her face once again and stepped away from Beppe’s arms.

  “And then you left me. And stayed away for two years.”

  “I had to, I wasn’t ready...”

  “I know, I’m not blaming you. I’m just telling you why I can’t allow my love for you to consume me again. It’s a simple matter of self-preservation.”

  “Gia, I’m never leaving you again. Please believe me.”

  “There’s nothing keeping you in Genoa, Beppe. You have a whole new family here in Sicily who want to know you. I heard what Sergio said to you yesterday. You’ve always craved a normal, loving family and here you have one.”

  “The most important thing in my life is keeping me in Genoa. You. When I say I’m not leaving you again, I mean it. I don’t know these people, and even if they are technically my relatives, you’re my family, Gia. I don’t care where we live as long as we’re together. I’ll follow you anywhere.”

  Beppe moved closer to Gia again, embracing her gently. He kissed the top of her head and sighed. Though she tried to wiggle her way out of it, Beppe was not letting her go.

  He swore he'd spend the rest of his life making her believe she was everything he wanted.

  “I want to believe you, I do, but it’s hard. I’ve spent the last four years fighting my feelings for you and convincing myself nothing would ever happen between us. I can’t just let that go. I can’t trust you with my heart yet.”

  “But don’t you see? You already have. You love me as a friend, you’re always there for me when I need you, you let me make love to you. You’re already trusting me with your heart and so far I’ve kept it intact.” Beppe smiled softly and leaned down, brushing Gia’s nose with his. “You’ve always been mine, Gia, even when you tried to convince yourself there were boundaries between us. Now that those boundaries are gone, all you have to do is let go of the past and enjoy the ride.” Beppe slanted his mouth over Gia’s and absorbed the moan that tried to escape her lips, pushing her back towards the bed where he erased the last of her doubts.

  “As much as I'd like to stay here all day, we have to get up and get going,” said Gia and lifted her head from Beppe’s chest. Her hair tickled as it slid over his skin and he shivered as goosebumps appeared all over his chest.

  “Why?” He tried to wrestle her back down lying on top of him, but she resisted, laughing.

  “Because we need to go to Sergio’s. He invited us to lunch remember?”

  Beppe groaned. The last thing he wanted to do was go to lunch at Sergio’s house and be gawked at by strangers.

  “Get moving!” Gia slapped his upper thigh hard enough to sting. Beppe pouted and rubbed the abused spot. “Don’t even try making puppy eyes at me. We’re going. We have to leave in a few hours and this is your chance to get to know your family until we can come back for longer.” Gia moved hurriedly around the room, gathering clothes from the floor, before disappearing in the bathroom.

  Beppe was so distracted by her naked body moving about that he only registered what she’d said after she left the room.

  “Wait! What?” He got off the bed and followed her in the bathroom. “Did you just say we�
�ll come back again some day?”

  “Of course. They’re your family.” She busied herself with tidying stuff away from the counter and packing it in wash bags. Beppe stood behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders until she met his eyes in the mirror.

  “Babe?”

  She rolled her eyes in an attempt to make light of the situation.

  “I meant what I said before – you’ve always dreamed of a big, loving family. You said you won’t even consider moving out here permanently. Because, apparently, you’re head over heels in love with me,” she said and gave him the brightest, sexiest smile ever imaginable. “So, I thought about it. I don't think you should have to choose between me and your relatives. You can have both.” She shrugged as if what she’d just said wasn’t that big of a deal and continued to put their toiletries away.

  Beppe spun her around and caught her around the waist as she lost her balance.

  “You see? This is just one of the many reasons why I love you so much,” he said and slipped his fingers in her wild hair. “You hide behind anger, hostility or nonchalance but I know you, Gia. I know you have the biggest, most compassionate and caring heart. You just don’t show it to many people. I’m so glad I’m among the lucky few.”

  He kissed her, tenderly, slipping his tongue in her mouth, but instead of the usual passion that ignited between them the moment their lips touched, the kiss stayed gentle, full of love and promise.

  The drive to Sergio’s house wouldn’t take more than fifteen minutes according to the GPS. Beppe and Gia loaded their suitcases into the boot and got in the car. Beppe started the engine and they set off, leaving the parking lot of the small hotel. So much had happened in the two short days of their stay that Beppe felt somewhat saddened that they were leaving it behind.