by Fiona Palmer
14
FLICK moved carefully in the dark as she headed towards Chad’s ute. The crescent moon gave enough light to see certain shapes and as her eyes adjusted she could navigate the worn track through the scrub bush easily enough. She hadn’t drunk much; she was still too annoyed. Furious, actually. Why would Chad bring Kel here to her place? Maybe some warning would have been nice, or even asking if she’d mind. Had he forgotten that it wasn’t exactly an easy time for them all right now?
It really was the last thing Flick needed, especially the way Chad and Kel laughed and talked as if they’d been best friends for ages. Just how much time had they been spending together?
At the cut-out Chad had sat with Flick by the fire, reaching for her hand and giving her kisses. They’d even sung some songs together, but Flick felt awkward when Kel joined them.
‘Oh, remember when Justin did this?’ Kel had said, explaining some party trick.
‘I don’t know how he did it. And what about Tipper the other night? Crazy, hey?’ Chad had replied.
Each story was like a little secret only they knew. Chad had clearly spent more time with Kel at parties than he had with Flick the last few months. He was with her when he should have been with Flick. With jealousy simmering, Flick had moved, finding it more enjoyable to sit by Donnie and Bottle Top. At least the shearers’ stories were funny, and she felt included.
The last big bush brushed her arm as she made it to the clearing by the shed. She stopped as her eyes strained to make out his ute. She saw something moving, dark shadows against the tin wall of the shearing shed.
The bus started up behind her and its lights flicked on. She could hear Squeak yelling at the crew to sit down. It sounded like she was driving a busload of rowdy school kids. Flick chuckled. Poor Squeak.
In the edge of the bus lights she could see one of the shadowy figures now. It was Kel. Her first thought was that she was leaning against the shed, being sick. She had drunk a lot of their free beer. Flick hoped she felt rotten.
But Kel wasn’t alone. Flick’s heart lurched as the bus came closer, the lights making everything visible.
Chad and Kel were kissing.
‘What the hell?’ she yelled. ‘Chad?’ Blood pounded in her ears, drowning out the bus as it passed, launching her back into darkness again.
Flick dropped to the ground. Stunned. Shocked. Numb.
The worst part was that she’d so known something like this would happen. She’d been sensing it all day – weeks, if she were really honest. But why here, now, on her very own property?
‘Flick?’
Chad’s fearful voice snapped her back to attention. She jumped up and forced her legs to take her towards the house.
‘Wait, Flick. Let me explain,’ he begged. He was a few metres behind her, trying to catch up.
‘Leave me alone!’ she yelled without turning around. ‘Don’t you dare follow me, Chad. I’m not doing this tonight.’ She picked up her speed, running now because she knew he probably couldn’t keep up. Flick made it to the safety of the house and her room before she let the tears fall.
It was Chad who’d hurt her, yet why did she feel like she was the inadequate one? Why did this always happen to her? That now made it three guys who’d cheated on her, and she was only twenty. Why was it always this same predictable, painful story? Eventually her tears dried up but she lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling until sleep finally overcame her.
The following morning Flick let her body move along with Contractor as they headed down the gravel driveway to the mailbox to gather yesterday’s mail.
Flick rocked in her saddle limply. She didn’t even have the words to talk to Contractor about Chad. In some ways she hoped it had been a dream. She’d heard his ute start at around five this morning, and now it was gone. She didn’t know whether to feel relieved or even more insulted.
Contractor shook his mane and Flick tried to forget it and live in the moment. A beautiful morning shouldn’t be wasted on Chad.
On either side of the road were river gums, their light-coloured trunks a beautiful contrast to the dark-green gum leaves, their branches thick and twisted. Flick had spent so much of her childhood climbing them while she waited for the school bus, or practising how to whistle using a leaf. Being an only child she’d spent her youth following either Maggie around the kitchen or Toni and Arthur in the paddocks. The rest of the time had been spent entertaining herself, with the bush as her playground. She’d made swings in the trees, constructed cubbies and got really dirty. A brother or a sister was what she’d dreamt of most.
Fella was sitting beside the improvised mailbox, which was an old toolbox on a post. Flick dismounted and picked up the bundled mail and flicked through it while Contractor nudged her back.
‘No, there’s nothing here for you. The Outback magazine comes next week.’ Flick rubbed his nose before he turned away to pull at some grass. ‘Yeah, that’s all you were waiting for, hey?’ Fella sat by her feet, looking up expectantly. ‘No, I’m afraid we all missed out,’ she said with a sigh. Maybe it was still too early for Rocco’s records. She’d been religiously checking the mailbox to make sure Toni didn’t find the records she was expecting, but with the cut-out on she’d forgotten to get it yesterday. It had been nearly a week and she still hadn’t told her mum about finding Rocco. She would tell her soon, once she figured out how she’d take it.
But Flick needed to know if Rocco was still alive. She never had liked an unfinished story. Especially her own. One day she was going to set sail and find the answers to all her questions, including the one about her own father, but this was certainly enough to go on for now.
Flick tucked the mail into her shirt and climbed back onto Contractor. Fella had already begun to run back.
Back at Contractor’s stables she took off his saddle, gave him a brush and checked his water. Flick rubbed his neck and nuzzled against his long nose. His ears twitched, picking up the sound of a car before she did.
It was a bit early for visitors.
The ute came closer. Chad. ‘Damn.’ She had nowhere to hide, he was already headed towards her. ‘Stay with me, Contractor,’ she whispered.
‘Flick,’ Chad called, rushing out of his ute. ‘Please, let me explain. I’m sorry.’
She turned to face him, holding up her hand to stop him. Two metres was close enough. He looked terrible: eyes dark, his skin pale, and his hair knotted. Chad dragged his hand over his face and licked his dry lips. ‘I’m so sorry. She kissed me.’
Flick closed her eyes, shutting him out. She couldn’t even handle hearing his apology. ‘I’ve had enough.’
‘What?’
He stepped closer and she felt her anger spike. ‘I said I’ve had enough!’ she yelled, scaring some nearby birds and causing Contractor to move away.
Chad stared back at her, his mouth open.
‘I’ve had enough with useless boyfriends. I don’t even know who you are any more,’ she said, dropping her voice.
‘I’m sorry. I’ll try harder, I promise. It won’t happen again.’
He went to step closer, but he couldn’t just smile and make it all go away. Not this time. ‘I can’t take that risk. And besides, you weren’t there when I needed you most, Chad. And you bring some strange girl to my place and disrespect me like that? It wasn’t just all Kel either.’ Images of his hand running through Kel’s blonde hair were burned into the back of her eyes. She swallowed, slow and hard. The change in his blue eyes told her everything she needed to know. He’d enjoyed that kiss; it would have been plain to anyone who’d seen it. ‘You act as though you care about me, Chad, but the truth is, you don’t really. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out.’ It dawned on Flick that she didn’t care enough for Chad to work through this either.
‘Flick . . .’ But he didn’t say anything else. Maybe he was too hung over to think.
‘It’s over,’ she said calmly. ‘I’ve got enough crap to deal with right now.’ She we
nt to walk away but changed her mind. Instead she stepped closer to him, shaking her hair from her face. ‘I think you know we’ve run our course,’ she said softly. ‘Bye Chad.’
Flick walked away and didn’t glance back, not even when he revved his ute and drove back down the driveway.
Jimmy was heading towards her, and she gave him a smile. His face was hard but his hands came out and held her gently.
‘Are you okay, Flick?’ His face was torn up with concern. No doubt he’d overheard her yelling.
Tears welled in her eyes at Jimmy’s kindness. She didn’t want to do this now, but already drops began to fall as a sob burst free.
Jimmy pulled her into his arms tightly, rubbing her back. Everything crashed over Flick all at once. Mum and Nan, Rocco and Simon. And now Chad.
‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled between sobs. Jimmy held her, letting her cry until she was spent.
‘No. I’m sorry, Flick,’ he said, walking her to the steps of the shearing shed, where the scent of lanolin was strong.
Flick finally stopped crying and told Jimmy the whole story. He had this way of unearthing the truth with just one look.
‘When I see him next . . .’ Jimmy pushed his breath out through his teeth. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said again.
She shrugged. ‘Me too. But it feels good to make a stand, you know? I think we were just coming to the end of it.’
He nodded. ‘You did the right thing. You can do so much better. Will you be okay?’
Flick gave a weak smile. ‘Eventually.’ She glanced around. ‘Where’s Mum?’ The morning had ticked on and it was nearly ten.
Jimmy dropped his head and picked at a loose thread on his shirt. ‘My guess is she took the sheep back to the paddock.’
‘By herself?’
Jimmy shrugged, intent on pulling the thread. ‘I guess so. The ute and sheep were gone when I got up.’ Finally he looked up. ‘Hey, do you want to come see the old house?’
‘Why? What have you been up to?’ She hadn’t had a chance to get back over there, with shearing on.
‘Just been putting together a little something, and I think now is the perfect time to show you.’
Together they headed to the house and kicked their boots off by the front door. Before shearing they had just finished the protective coat on the floors, so only socks or bare feet had been allowed in since.
Flick smiled as they stepped into the house. The jarrah boards were magnificent, dark and glossy.
‘I can’t believe how perfect they turned out,’ Jimmy said as if reading her thoughts.
They entered the kitchen area.
‘Wow, this place looks amazing.’
Jimmy had fitted out the kitchen with supplies. Tea towels hung from the old stove, cupboard doors had been fixed, a tablecloth covered the MDF table he’d made, and the rough wooden chairs were scattered with little homemade cushions – no doubt made by Nan. The old fridge and microwave from the shearing quarters had been brought in too, making it a liveable kitchen.
‘Maggie even baked us some scones,’ said Jimmy as he flicked on the kettle. ‘I was just coming to get you when I overheard . . .’
Flick nodded. He didn’t have to continue. ‘Looks like Nan has helped out quite a bit, unless you’re a closet sewer?’
He chuckled. ‘Yeah, Maggie’s been helping. We wanted to surprise you.’
‘Aw, thanks. Does this mean we can move in?’ A genuine smile tugged on her lips. ‘This is good.’ Something she’d been looking forward to and now something to keep her busy.
‘Hey, how about you sit down and have your cuppa and scone first?’ He smiled but a worry line creased his brow. ‘Then you can start moving some stuff.’
‘Okay. What would I ever do without you, Jimmy?’
He threw his arm around her shoulders. ‘Let’s just hope you never have to find out, eh?’ He squeezed her again. ‘I still need to finish some work in the bathroom – grout those tiles and install the new heater, then we’ll be good to go.’
‘Will it need long to dry?’ she asked as she sat down with the coffee he handed her.
Jimmy shook his head. ‘Not long. Could probably use it tomorrow night. But I think we should get the outside loo sorted. It’s a jungle in there.’
Flick shuddered. ‘I know!’ As outside dunnies went, that one was a corker. She’d almost prefer a portaloo. One wall had broken so everything could get in: dust, snakes, mice, rabbits – a bush had even grown through the hole. Add the spider webs, and that small room was one scary place.
Jimmy reached for a scone.
‘Hey, should we leave Mum some?’ she asked.
Jimmy shrugged. ‘I doubt she’ll stop by.’
Flick frowned. She’d detected an edge to his voice. ‘Why do you say that?’
Jimmy was pushing the cream around on top with his finger. He didn’t lift his head or reply.
‘What’s going on?’
‘It’s nothing. She’s just busy.’
Flick squinted and leant forward. ‘Did you two have a fight? She takes you everywhere.’
Jimmy put his scone down and leant back in his chair. ‘I think it would be easier if we were fighting.’ He sighed heavily. ‘She’s avoiding me, I think.’
‘What did you do?’ she asked in an accusing tone.
He stayed silent, looking sheepish.
‘Come on, you can tell me. Did you tell her how to run the farm?’
Nothing.
‘Did you not agree with something she wanted?’
Still nothing.
‘Did you quit?’
‘No.’
‘Has this got something to do with what we talked about at the club?’
Jimmy’s eyes shot up.
Bingo. ‘Oh no, what happened?’
He squirmed in his chair. ‘Felicity, I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with you.’
‘James, shall I ask my mum?’ she countered.
‘No!’ He threw his hands up. ‘It will be all right. Don’t worry. She’ll calm down, she always does. Just let it go.’
Flick gave up. Jimmy was looking a little pale.
‘Last night really was a weird one,’ she mumbled, feeling sickness swirl in her stomach as the image of Chad and Kel sprang up again.
‘You going to tell your mum and nan about Chad?’
‘No. And please don’t say anything. I don’t want them to worry.’
‘If that’s what you want.’
‘It is. Thanks, Jimmy.’ She sighed heavily as she picked up another scone. ‘Seriously, how much worse could things get around here?’
15
TONI had tried her best to forget the night by the fire. She’d tried really hard to forget the taste of Jimmy’s lips and the feel of his caress, but it seemed her mind had other ideas.
She chucked all the gear in the back of the ute. The trough was working again. Jimmy could have found the problem and fixed it faster than Toni had but she wasn’t up to having him working alongside her alone. Not yet. She was still struggling with the endless playback reel in her mind of their kiss. Just the thought of it sent her body into a euphoric frenzy, then in the very next moment she felt almost sick and silly for behaving like that. She was nearly ten years older than him. The community would have a field day.
Toni drove back to the shed in the early afternoon, unloaded the tools and began tidying up. An electrical cord had been dumped on the floor so she picked it up and started rolling it up properly.
‘Did you get the trough sorted?’
Toni spun around. ‘Jimmy! I didn’t hear you turn up.’
The corner of his lips twitched. Was he amused or was he as scared as she was right now?
‘Sorry, just walked over from the old place.’
Toni took a deep breath to settle her nerves. ‘Um, the trough is fixed. No problems.’ She hung the cord back up on its hook. ‘So how’s the new house?’
‘Yeah, fine. Heater is working so we have hot showers.
Ten times better than the quarters. You should come over and check it out.’
Toni agreed. She’d moved back into the house for the comfort of her bed but truth be known it was to put some distance between herself and Jimmy. She still snuck out of the house early to avoid her mother. ‘Yeah, I will,’ she said, walking to the workbench. With nervous hands she started stacking and putting away tools. Meanwhile her body felt Jimmy’s presence. When the hairs went up on her neck, she knew he was too close.
‘Now that I have you cornered, are we going to clear the air?’ he said softly.
Toni swallowed, her throat so tight it almost hurt.
‘Toni?’
She was scared but the way he said her name always had a way of winning her over. Like the time he’d broken the tailgate on the ute. ‘Um, Toni,’ was all he’d said, and she’d found it impossible to be angry, or even just a little annoyed.
‘What are your thoughts on the kiss?’
She dropped what she was holding. Part of her rejoiced in knowing it must have been real but the other part was panicking and wanting to run like a mouse in rising floodwaters. She couldn’t deal with this now.
‘You can’t avoid me forever, Toni. I don’t want that. I want us to talk about this. Get it out in the open.’
Toni almost snorted a laugh. ‘Everything is so easy for you, isn’t it? I don’t know how you go about life so easily and so optimistically.’
‘Someone has to balance you out. I think that’s me,’ he said teasingly.
She didn’t know where to start. Talking had never really been her thing.
‘Toni, I need to know what you’re thinking, how you feel. I don’t want this to become a problem,’ he said, touching her shoulder.
She would love to know how he was feeling inside. Was his heart racing like hers was? Did he feel as confused as she did or was he really this calm?
‘Why can’t things just stay the same as they were?’ she whispered, afraid of her own voice and the words she might accidentally speak.