by Fiona Palmer
Both his hands caressed her arms as he leant against her. ‘Is that really what you want?’ he said softly against her ear.
She felt his heart thumping against her back.
‘Mum!’ yelled Flick, followed by heavy footsteps. ‘Mum!’
Jimmy sprang back just in time to look busy doing something else.
‘Don’t be mad,’ Flick continued, coming into the shed, ‘but I just couldn’t stand this thing between you and Nan. It’s hell being stuck in the middle,’ she said, slightly out of breath. She waved some pages in the air; her face unsure. ‘I went looking for Rocco.’
Toni felt as if she’d been punched in the gut. ‘What?’ She sat down on the pile of tyres next to her.
Flick flinched. ‘I found his war records and paid for a copy. The files have just turned up. I hope you’re not mad?’
‘I . . . I don’t know what to think.’
Flick grabbed her hand. ‘Mum, if I had a chance to find my father, to know what he was like, I’d take it. Maybe you need to do this. Find out who he is and maybe you’ll find a part of you. Then with a bit of luck you might forgive Nan and we can go back to normal.’
Her daughter’s eyes portrayed just how much she hated the conflict. Toni steadied her breath. Curiosity got the better of her, and her eyes fell to the pages in Flick’s hand. ‘What do they say?’
‘Mum, it’s amazing. We’re on there.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Look here.’ Flick shoved a sheet at her. ‘This one is his personal description and it even has a photo and fingerprints. And on this side it lists his registered employer – and it’s us! See? John Fuller, Sunnyvale, Pingaring, and the dates Rocco was here.’
Toni held the page, saw her grandfather’s name and the name of their farm. It was amazing: history in her hand. The photo of Rocco drew her gaze next. Just a simple head shot of a handsome young man. This was her biological father. A nervous tingle raced throughout her body. She realised she did want to know this man. She did want her questions answered and she did think it would help them all to find him.
Flick handed her another page. ‘What do you think, Mum? Is this okay?’
Toni finally smiled. ‘Yeah, Flick. I guess it’s okay.’
Excitement lit up Flick’s face, and Toni was pleased to see something giving her daughter this much enjoyment.
Flick rushed on with her explanation. ‘This one just has his name and the personal property he had, which was 20 lira.’ She pulled out another sheet. ‘This is his dossier, listing his dad, place of birth, date of birth. He was born in Ancona in 1924. It also has the place and date he was captured: 9 December 1940 in Sidi Barrani, and the ship he was on to Australia. Mum, it has so much stuff. It’s awesome.’
‘He was twenty-three when I was born,’ Toni said, doing the maths. ‘And he’d be seventy-six now.’
‘See, he could easily be alive.’
It came so easily for Flick, the excitement. But Toni was scared of the unknown. If he was alive, would he want to meet her, or even get to know her? And what if he’d died? She’d have lost two fathers.
‘And on this page it says he left Australia for Naples on 30 November 1946 on the HT Chitral.’
Toni turned back to the black and white photo of Rocco. ‘It is pretty cool. Has Nan seen these?’
Flick shook her head. ‘No. I wanted to tell you first. Nan knew I was searching for him though.’ Flick’s face tinted pink. ‘What do you reckon, Jimmy?’ she asked, changing the subject.
Jimmy picked up a sheet. ‘I think it’s amazing. You’ll be able to use all this to find him now.’ He seemed generally interested and not at all put out about Flick’s timing. ‘Character sketch. Worked splendidly for employer who regarded him and second POW as the best men he had ever had. Polite and reliable, conscientious, excellent workman, helped build a house and can be trusted alone. J. M. Tweedie Captain W17.’ Jimmy glanced across to Flick. ‘Rave reviews, no wonder Maggie fell for him. You should get the records of the other bloke too.’
‘Giulio? Yeah, we should.’ Flick did a little jig on the spot. ‘I’m going to google these dates now, see if I can find more on Rocco.’
‘Okay,’ said Toni. She wasn’t really sure if she was okay but there was no stopping Flick now.
Flick took off as fast as she’d come. Jimmy lingered by Toni’s side. His eyes told her he was not finished with their conversation yet, and that scared the heck out of her. ‘How do you really feel about all this?’ he asked.
Toni was relieved his question wasn’t about their kiss. But this one was just as hard to answer. ‘Honestly? I have no idea. I’m glad that Flick seems happy.’
‘Yeah, she’s really excited. I think it’s good for her to have something to focus on.’ Toni wasn’t sure what he meant by that but he continued without pause. ‘It was kinda cool seeing all that information and history. Just think, Toni – your father fought in the war, was captured and spent years in prison camps. Coming to Sunnyvale would have been a ray of sunshine by comparison.’
‘It’s hard to visualise it. I mean, I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that he’s my father, but to go looking for him? I just can’t figure out how I feel about all of this. Do I have to?’
Jimmy shrugged. ‘I guess not. Just as long as you take each day as it comes. What harm can come from knowing more of the truth?’
She shrugged.
He put his hand on her shoulder and guided her out of the shed. ‘Come on, let’s go see if Flick can find anything else.’
They found Flick in the office, still searching on the computer.
‘Any luck?’ Jimmy said.
Flick’s eyes didn’t leave the screen. ‘I can’t find anything. One website says that in Italy they keep all birth and death records at the city council. Nothing is on the net.’ Her shoulders slumped as she sighed.
‘Well, that’s it then,’ said Jimmy, giving Toni a wink. ‘Flick, you have your reason for a trip to Italy now. Why don’t you both go, do some sightseeing and visit the place he grew up – Chiaravalle, or whatever it’s called – and search the records there?’
‘Wasn’t he born in An . . .’ Toni gestured with her hand as she tried to remember the rest of the town’s name.
‘Ancona,’ said Flick. ‘I looked it up on a map. Chiaravalle is a place further inland, kind of like a distant suburb. Seeing as his father’s address is listed at Chiaravalle we think this is where he actually lived.’ Flick turned to Jimmy. ‘I totally agree, Jimmy. Mum, let’s go find Rocco.’
Toni opened her mouth but nothing came out. Sweat broke out along her forehead.
‘Come on, Mum. If he’s alive you actually get to meet your real dad. Or if he’s not, you might be able to get a photo of his headstone, get some closure. It would be good for Nan too. Maybe she could come? Don’t you want to see this out till the end? Get some answers?’
Toni’s first thought was no. She felt as if her chance had long past, and to go away now would be impossible. Who would look after the farm?
‘Come on, Toni. You’ve always wanted to travel,’ said Jimmy. He gave her that look, the one that dared her to disagree with him.
‘Really, Mum? You want to travel? I never knew that,’ said Flick, turning around on her chair.
Toni shrugged. That dream had long ago faded. ‘When I was your age I wanted to see things, and Italy was near the top of my list.’
Flick chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. ‘Well, I do have Granddad’s money sitting there. And it seems a shame to get this far and still not find out if Rocco is still alive.’ She smiled up at Toni. ‘Let’s use some of it to go to Italy, Mum. Please?’
They were words she’d always wanted to hear from her daughter. Jimmy had been right; Flick just needed the right reason to leave the farm. Flick was still waiting for her answer, hope making her eyes bright.
‘Oh, I don’t know.’
‘I’ll go and see if Nan wants to come too,’ said
Flick, racing off to find Maggie.
Toni started at the computer screen. ‘Me in Italy?’ she mumbled.
Jimmy shook her shoulders. ‘Come on, of course you’ll go. Now is your time too.’ He smiled and gently touched her cheek, holding her in his gaze.
‘But the —’
‘The farm will be fine. I’m here. Nothing is happening until harvest, so now is perfect. And I know you still have your passport and you made Flick get hers too. You can’t tell me you never planned on using it one day, otherwise why would you keep it up to date?’ His thumb brushed just below her lips before he let her go.
‘But —’
‘No buts!’ said Jimmy forcefully.
Toni screwed up her face.
‘Hey,’ said Jimmy more gently, taking her hand. ‘Don’t you shut down and try to get out of this trip. It’s what you always wanted and right now I think it’s what you, Flick and Maggie need. Finding Rocco would be a good thing.’
‘Since when were you promoted to the Sunnyvale Shrink?’ said Toni.
He grinned, showing his perfect teeth. ‘I am a man of many talents,’ he teased. In a split second his face became serious again. ‘Take this opportunity for yourself, Toni. Make up for what you missed out on. You can do what you want. Your dreams are still reachable. Should I keep going?’
Toni laughed and for the first time in ages, she felt a new and wonderful feeling. It was a lot like freedom. ‘No, please stop. I’ve got the gist of it.’
‘Mum, come and check this out!’ shouted Flick from down the hall.
Jimmy let go of her hand and they walked to the lounge room to find Flick and Maggie looking at something.
‘How did that get in here?’ shouted Toni, staring at the black slithery thing on the table. It wasn’t until she got closer that she realised it was a fake snake. The fact that Maggie taking pot shots at it with the gun made it obvious.
‘Isn’t it cool? Rocco made this and gave it to Nan for her seventeenth birthday,’ said Flick. She gently picked up the wooden snake in the middle and the whole thing moved and wiggled like a slithering snake. ‘It’s made with wood stuck to a bit of canvas.’
‘I know,’ said Toni. ‘I used to play with it, until I accidentally knocked off one of the bits and Nan had a pink fit and put it away.’ Toni glanced at her mum, who was sitting there quietly. ‘Now I know why it was so special.’ For the first time in a while Toni gazed at her mum without the pain. At that moment she realised what her mum must have gone through, and she felt a little remorse and sadness.
Maggie’s eyes were glued to the snake and Toni could almost see the memories flashing past. That snake had been something she’d treasured for all these years. Maybe going to find Rocco was the right thing to do. For Maggie, for Flick and for herself.
16
IT was finally Friday. As usual Father drove into town for the bread, mail and the occasional order they had rung through using the phone at the siding. Maggie normally went with her father – her mother loved going into town but had been sending Maggie because she didn’t want her daughter alone on the farm with the Italians. But this week Phyllis accompanied her husband, as it was Maggie’s birthday on Saturday and her mother had to get her present. For Maggie, being left on the farm alone with Rocco, Giulio and Charlie was a gift in itself.
Mother had given her a long list of chores to do, no doubt to keep her too busy to visit the men. But Maggie had worked hard and fast to get most of them done in record time. Checking her hair in the small mirror her mother kept in her room, Maggie pinched her cheeks and put on a little lipstick. On her way out from the cottage she saw Giulio carrying some sticks towards the copper by the wash house.
‘What are you doing, Giulio?’ Maggie looked into the copper to find water heating up, and beside it sat a pile of his maroon work clothes.
‘I boil clothes.’ He dropped the sticks by the copper. ‘Make mine like Mistair,’ he said.
‘Ah, I see. Is Rocco at the house?’ she asked him.
Giulio nodded and smiled. ‘Yes, he smoothing bricks.’
Maggie said goodbye and raced to the house, not wanting to waste a second of her free time.
She found Rocco by the house, using a special tool he’d made for smoothing the mortar. The bricks now reached up to his head height. They’d had to construct wooden ladders so they could finish the rest.
‘Hello, Rocco,’ she said, trying to sneak up on him.
Rocco turned and smiled. She lived for these moments and she sensed that he did too. ‘I saw Mr and Mrs Boss head in for town. They gone a while?’
Maggie nodded.
‘I just finish this,’ he said, gesturing along the line he was working on. ‘Five minutes.’
‘That’s okay.’
She loved to sit and watch him work. One stinking hot day she’d arrived to see Rocco and he’d had his shirt off so he could wet it. Ever since then Maggie had that image with her always: Rocco’s strong lean body, shirtless. He’d quickly got dressed when he’d seen her but it was too late, she’d seen him and now she wanted more. If her mother knew of her thoughts she’d take to Maggie with Father’s belt.
‘I see Giulio is trying hard to fade his new set of clothes rations,’ she said.
Rocco laughed. ‘Yes, Giulio gets them faded then Mr Tweedie come and see them. He gives him new ones. But Giulio want to look like Boss not prisoner so he keep trying.’
Maggie liked it when Mr Tweedie came with the canteen rations. He brought the men new uniforms and boots if required, and they could also get cigarettes, matches and lollies. Rocco always gave her lollies and she loved it. But that was their little secret. He would sneak them to her sometimes when they could find a moment without her mother watching.
‘I bet your mother is nicer than mine,’ she said.
Rocco nodded. He was at the end of his row. Once he was done he put the tool down and came to sit by Maggie. ‘I miss my family. My mother, Antonia, is happy woman. She cook . . .’ Rocco kissed his fingers. ‘She drive my father —’ He gestured with his hands. ‘Ah, the word . . . With her talking, he drive her . . . silly?’
‘Crazy?’
‘Yes, si. She talk, talk, talk. But big heart.’ He touched his chest and then dropped his head slightly. ‘Like you, Maggie. She special woman.’
‘Thanks, Rocco.’ They sat staring at each other for a moment, the wind rustling the leaves in the trees the only sound. ‘It’s my birthday tomorrow,’ she said shyly.
‘Charlie told me. Come, I give you gift now.’ He stood up and held out his hand.
Maggie slid her hand into his. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. Together they walked back to Rocco’s little shed. They could hear Giulio singing an Italian song while he boiled his clothes.
‘He sings about the hills of our Italy,’ said Rocco as he opened the door to his room. Maggie had never been inside before, even though they’d nearly been here a year. He waited for her to enter, nodding that it was okay.
She stepped inside and was glad he kept the door open so she could run out in case mother arrived home early.
‘Giulio show me how to make this for you.’ Rocco turned and she realised he had something in his hands. She jumped when she realised what it was.
‘It not real,’ said Rocco. He held up the snake and showed her how it wiggled.
‘Oh, Rocco, you made this? For me?’
He nodded shyly. ‘I not have much. But I make for you.’
Maggie reached out and took the delicate snake. It was over half a metre in length and each piece of wood had been carved perfectly to represent the snake’s body, even down to its skinny tail. The canvas centre allowed the snake to move and the timber pieces were curved to allow it.
‘It’s beautiful. No one has ever made me anything like this.’ It finally made sense: all those afternoons she’d seen Giulio and Rocco sitting on the steps of their room, whittling away. He’d been making this for her.
Moving with her heart,
she wrapped her arms around Rocco and thanked him again. He was stiff for a moment, caught by surprise, but quickly his arms engulfed her and they hugged tightly. Rocco bent his head, tucking it towards her neck while she rested hers against his shoulder. He smelt like a man, sweat and dirt, and his arms felt strong and safe. His hand found her hair, his fingers playing with the ends. Neither of them said anything and neither one moved away.
So much had been building towards this moment, all the holding hands and touching feet under the table at dinner. He whispered her name, and it was like music from the heavens. Nothing was more perfect than this moment in Rocco’s arms. Maggie tried hard to memorise everything as they stood holding each other for ages. If only time could stand still and she could stay here forever. But Mother would be home soon and Maggie was scared that if she ever found out about this she’d send Rocco back to the prison camp.
A noise outside pulled them apart quickly but it was just Giulio emptying out the copper. They both sighed with relief. But Maggie missed being in Rocco’s arms.
‘I’d better tell Mother I got this from the both of you. That way she won’t get too upset,’ she whispered. She could still feel the hum of their connection in the small room.
‘I get back to house too,’ he said, knowing they didn’t have long left. He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze, then let it slip away as he stepped out of his room, checking that no one had arrived while they were preoccupied.
‘Go.’ He started heading back to the house. ‘Tell Giulio I will start next row of bricks.’
Maggie nodded, holding the snake to her chest as she watched him leave. She wanted to tell him that she loved him but the words didn’t come. She was too scared to speak them out loud. Scared her mother would somehow hear them on the wind and take him away.
It was another month before Maggie was able to hold Rocco again. After their embrace, it was as if they had secretly confirmed their affection for each other. Neither of them had spoken about it but their glances meant so much more, and every night for dinner they would rest their feet together under the table. Every touch set her alight with longing. But she was ever so careful to hide it around her mother.