Kathy came back after that and talked Chad into trying again to play with Kara along with all of them. Jana and her younger sister, Teri, joined them and soon had Kara laughing and squealing. Amanda watched Chad and knew his pain was real. His niece had rejected him for strangers and he didn’t know what to do about it. Soon he would have to take her home. How would they get along then?
By the time their visit ended, Amanda had lost her heart to Kara. She held the baby for Chad to kiss bye, then she squeezed her close, loving the feel of her tiny body in her arms. Charity had not seemed so close, yet so far away, since she died. She kissed Kara’s cheek and a tear slid from her eye. She couldn’t let this little girl into her heart only to be hurt again. She just couldn’t.
She handed her to Kathy and forced a smile as she wiped her tears away. She couldn’t explain why she was crying so she only said, “She’s so sweet.”
“Yes, she is.” Kathy turned Kara away when she reached for Amanda, babbling in her own baby language. Kathy looked at Chad with a question in her eyes but spoke to Amanda. “I hope you return with Chad.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I hope so, too.”
Amanda couldn’t make any promises. She wanted to get away before Kara reached for her again and she took her. Or broke into tears. She turned toward the door. “We need to go.”
Outside, she couldn’t stop the tears from filling her eyes and running down her cheeks. She walked ahead of Chad, hoping he wouldn’t notice, while she tried to wipe them away. In the truck he started the engine and pulled onto the street. He didn’t look at her but simply said, “I’m sorry. Do you feel like stopping for something to drink?”
“Yes, that’s fine.” Amanda wiped her eyes again and took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean to get so emotional. Actually, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.”
He pulled a box of tissues from the console and handed them to her with a grin. “I’m not blind. I just stink as an uncle.”
She took the tissues and mopped up the effects of her tears. “No, you care and that makes you a good uncle. Right now, you care a little too much, and Kara senses that. When you relax around her, she’ll know, and then she’ll find out how wonderful you are.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she wished them back. “I mean as an uncle.”
His grin let her know he’d caught her slip and enjoyed her discomfort. “Thanks. I appreciate your confidence in me. As an uncle, I mean.”
She stuck her tongue out at him, and he chuckled. He drove to the drive-in and stopped beside a menu board. “So, what do you want?”
“Iced tea.”
He placed the order and then turned toward Amanda. “I’m sorry I asked you to go.”
“What?” He couldn’t have said anything to hurt her more.
“I’m not sorry you went. I can’t tell you how glad I am you were there. Linda told me about your baby. She was the same age, wasn’t she?”
“Charity.” Amanda whispered her baby’s name. “Yes, she was ten months old when she died.”
Tears threatened to fall again past Amanda’s fragile control. Her emotions hovered near the surface, waiting to break free.
“I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how tough that had to be.”
“I hope you never do.” Amanda held a tissue to her eyes and then met his compassionate gaze. “I don’t even know if you have children.”
He gave a bitter-sounding laugh and looked out the windshield. “Nope, not a one. Except Kara. Here’s our drinks.”
Chad took the drinks and paid for them while Amanda used another tissue. He’d pulled her through a rosebush of memories today. Why did pain, like thorns, always seem to hide among love and beauty? How could a guy make up for stuff like that? She didn’t blame him for today, but she blamed him for what happened back when they were engaged. He’d loved her so much and he still lost her. She’d already married some guy in California before he figured out what’d happened. He never found a way to tell her how they’d been manipulated. Of course, he’d already gone through a wedding ceremony before he fully understood.
He handed Amanda her tea and took a sip of his own. She was single now, same as him. Could this be a second chance for them? If things turned out the way he’d like over the summer, maybe he and Amanda could make a home together for Kara. Maybe they could have children of their own just as they’d planned long ago.
“I overheard some of the men talking after church Wednesday night about your barn.” Her eyes shone as if the tears were still near the surface, but she didn’t seem so close to the edge as she had a moment ago.
He breathed a little easier. “My cement floor, you mean?”
She nodded. “Yes, but maybe not for long. You teach history, don’t you?”
He nodded, wondering what that had to do with anything.
Her quick laugh sounded like music to him. “Then you’ve surely heard of the old barn raisings the old folks used to do.”
“Yeah.” She had his interest. “What about it?”
“That’s what they’re talking about doing. I’m afraid they may not come out for a couple of weeks though. Pastor Mattson has a conference to attend and one of the couples who came out is also attending. If they didn’t mention it to you this morning, I imagine they’ll call you this week. How much more work is needed inside?”
He sighed, feeling the weight of his situation. “I wonder if there’s that much hurry. Kara hates me. She’s happy in the foster home. You saw that today.”
“No, I didn’t.” Amanda sounded angry. “I saw a man who is scared of a baby and that’s all I saw. When you get over your fear, she’ll be fine. Now what’s left before she can come home to you?”
He glanced at her and saw the sparks fly from her eyes. He grinned. This was the Amanda he remembered. “I still have to nail shingles to the roof. The windows are all in now, thanks to our retired carpenter. You and the other ladies did a great job in the house, but I’d like to have it cleaned. I mean in every room, and I’m not sure I can do that by myself. You all only worked in those rooms that had been hit. Then there’s so much to go through. If I sell the house, I’ll have to do something with the personal things. Do you understand what I’m talking about?”
Amanda nodded. “Yes. Will you sell, give away, store, what?”
He hadn’t thought that far ahead. He grinned at her. “Want to help me decide?”
She stared at him with eyes as wary as Kara’s had been. What? Didn’t any female trust him? “Come on, Mandy, you know I don’t bite. What’s the problem? Didn’t you say something about needing a summer job? Why don’t you go to work for me? I’ll pay you. I can afford it.”
She laughed as if she didn’t believe him. “On a teacher’s salary?”
No, with proceeds from life insurance. Money he planned to set aside for Kara, but some could be used to help bring her home. He didn’t want to tell Amanda that, so he laughed along with her.
“When you’ve been teaching as long as I have, you’ll find that a teacher can live on less than most people. That leaves a lot left over for savings. You don’t know how wealthy I am.”
Amanda giggled. “Yeah, sure.”
He grinned. “Come on, Mandy. Please say you’ll work for me. I’m serious when I say I can afford to pay you whatever you ask.” His grin widened and he winked. “As long as it’s no more than minimum.”
She hesitated long enough he figured it wouldn’t hurt to tip the scales in his favor, so he added, “If you won’t do it for me, will you for Kara? Please say yes.”
She closed her eyes and frowned as if in pain before she turned to look at him. “All right, Chad. When do you want me to report for duty?”
Chapter 6
M onday morning Amanda checked on applications she’d turned in. Her cell phone rang as she left a discount store. Chad’s voice responded to her greeting. “Hey Amanda, guess what? I’ve got electricity. The truck just left.”
“Congratulations.” Why’d he call t
o tell her? And why did her heart jump every time she heard his voice? She breathed deep to calm the reaction she didn’t want.
“So, do you feel up to a little housecleaning this afternoon?” He sounded happier than usual today. He chuckled. “Oh, there’s another thing. You were right. Your pastor called and looks like we’ll be having an old-fashioned barn raising out here.”
“That’s great, Chad.” Amanda got in her mom’s car and started it. “I’ve got transportation today, so I’ll come out right after I get some lunch. Will that be okay?”
“What do you mean, you have transportation today? Whose car have you been driving?”
“Mom’s. I sold mine in California before I moved.”
“Aren’t you going to buy another?”
She pulled out onto the street. “Yes, as soon as I get Dad motivated to help me look.”
“I see.” He dropped the subject then. “So I’ll see you in a little bit. Can you stay for dinner? Food’s a benefit of the job.”
“I don’t think so. Thanks anyway.” Her heart couldn’t pound harder if she’d been running.
“Oh, come on, Mandy.” His voice pleaded. “Bring something to change into. You can even shower here if you want. We have water and electricity. Fully modern now. We’ll go someplace nice.”
Rather than argue with him, she said, “I don’t know, Chad. We’ll see.”
“Great, see you later then.”
Amanda drove to Chad’s with dread and eager anticipation fighting for dominance in her emotions. She parked beside his truck in the wide driveway and went to the house. Chad’s voice startled her.
“Hey Mandy, I’m sure glad to see you.” He walked from the barn site toward her. “Go on in, and if you need anything just holler. I’m trying to figure out how much lumber we’ll need for a new barn. Some of this might be used again, but I’m no carpenter.”
“Maybe Ron Kimbel could help you with that.” She watched him move closer.
“I hate to bother anyone else, but looks like I’ll have to if I plan to be ready for the barn raising.” He grinned and stopped not far from the front porch. “You know, I’m really looking forward to that. Sounds like a lot of fun to me.”
“It does.” She laughed. “Mom’s already thinking about what she plans to fix and bring. She mentioned it to Karen, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she and Wayne come. Maybe Brad and Esther will, too.”
“Have the whole clan here, huh?” His grin went straight to her heart, stirring memories she’d rather leave buried. “I haven’t seen Brad in years.”
“Yeah, you used to be friends.” She didn’t want to talk about the past with Chad. She turned toward the door and went inside.
He followed her. “Yep, Brad and Kevin Nichols. Remember him? We were probably the closest. Kevin and Sarah Maddox. I always thought they should’ve stayed together. Guess it wasn’t meant to be. Everything blew up when she got pregnant.”
Amanda smiled. “You haven’t kept in touch with Kevin? I wondered if he’d send you an invitation.”
“Invitation to what?” Chad frowned. “Last he knew I lived in Kentucky.”
“Kentucky!” Amanda stared at him while a sick feeling stirred her stomach. How little she knew this man. Fourteen years had changed them both from the kids they’d been. They’d had experiences the other knew nothing about. Yet he was the same in many ways, and that familiarity drew her to learn about this older, cynical sounding Chad. “Why did you live in Kentucky? Did you teach school there?”
His laugh was short and bitter. “Yes, my first contract. My wife wanted to be close to her family. But what about Kevin? Invitation to what?”
She smiled. “Kevin and Sarah were married in August last year. They are expecting their first and probably last child already. Sarah said they’d wasted enough time and they both want this baby very much.”
“First?” Chad quirked an eyebrow. “Don’t you mean second?”
Amanda laughed. “Maybe a little of both. Trey’s in college, and I think he seems more friend than child to them.” She walked to the coffee table and ran her finger over the surface and looked at it. “Hmm. Not too bad. Do you want me to clean today or sort? You mentioned both.”
“Would you mind cleaning?” The look in his eyes spoke of a vulnerability that shot straight to Amanda’s heart. “The longer Kara’s in foster care, the harder it’s going to be for her to adjust to me. But bringing her back here where she’s familiar with things might help. At least I hope it does.”
“It will.” Amanda touched his arm, and before she could pull back, he covered her hand with his.
“I appreciate what you’re doing to help me, although I sometimes wonder why you’d even bother speaking to me.”
Amanda did pull back then. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about the past. We went separate ways and that’s the way it should stay. I’m here to help, that’s all, Chad.”
“There are things you don’t know, Mandy. Things I don’t understand, but have a better idea now than I did then.”
She swung to face him. “Look, you made your choices, and I made mine. Why don’t we just drop the subject for now? I came today because of Kara. I want to see her home and settled. Let’s concentrate on that.”
Chad’s expression hardened. “Sure, Amanda, if that’s the way you want it. For now. Maybe when she gets home, we’ll have that talk.”
He stepped to the door and stood with it open. “I need to finish shingling the roof. You know where everything is?”
She nodded and watched him leave. She stood for a moment, staring around the living room without seeing it while his words played through her mind. He wanted to talk about that night. She needed to hear his side of what happened. She’d already heard Susan’s that night. But Susan married him. When had they married? Right after she left for California or years later? He’d said his first job was in Kentucky. Susan was from Kentucky. So they must have married right away. She’d refused to listen to any word about Chad or Susan back then, and she was doing the same now. What was she so afraid of?
She sighed and went into the utility room for the vacuum sweeper. Chad wanted a thorough cleaning. Maybe she could figure out the attachments and give the walls and ceiling a quick brush before starting on the floor.
Amanda had always enjoyed a challenge as long as she could see something accomplished. As she worked on the living room, she moved everything to one side and cleaned walls, ceiling, and floor before dusting and moving the furniture back into place.
Throughout the afternoon she tried to ignore the noises she heard on the roof and the man who made them. He came in the dining room door once to get a drink and helped her move the sofa back into place.
“It’s looking good.” He grinned. “You want something to drink? Water? Soda? We’ve got ice in the refrigerator now.”
“Sure.” She walked ahead of him and fixed a glass of ice water for herself. “How about you?”
He snagged a can of root beer. “This is fine for me.” He pulled a chair from the kitchen table and sat down as if he planned to stay.
After a long cooling drink, she set her glass on the counter and headed out of the room. “I need to get back to work.”
She felt his gaze until she reached the living room and heard him go back outside. She started working on the second side of the room. It wasn’t right for Chad to have such an effect on her emotions after so long. Had she forgotten Jeff and the love they’d shared?
She dusted the coffee table and set it in place. Jeff seemed so long gone. She remembered the week before the accident. They’d gone to the beach one afternoon and walked along the shore. They stopped and helped Charity build a sand castle of sorts. She smiled. Neither of them was very artistic. But the memory was good. Of the castle and Charity patting it to the ground as quickly as they built it.
She sank to the sofa and tried to bring Jeff ’s face from her memory. Like a will-o’-the-wisp, the image she wanted floated just outside her grasp. When
Chad’s features popped with clarity into her mind, she stood and cried out, “No.”
How could she forget Jeff? Even worse, how could she replace him with a man who had been unfaithful to her? A man who had broken her heart once and could easily do it again if she didn’t keep her distance? She shoved her thoughts away and worked harder than ever to keep them from returning. After the last piece of furniture was in place, she stood back with her arms crossed and admired the clean room. She was tired, but content that she’d done a good job.
“Is it safe to come inside?” Chad stood in the open doorway between the living room and dining room, a hesitant look on his face.
Amanda crossed her arms and faced him. “I’m just the hired help. You don’t need my permission.”
He grinned. “I do if you’re thinking of throwing something at me.”
“Like I would do such a thing.”
His chuckle reached inside and touched a longing that had to be wrong. She ignored it and lifted her chin. “Are you laughing at me?”
He lifted his hand and waved it while he shook his head. “Oh no, not me. I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
“Oh, that time you threw your shoe at me.” He looked toward the ceiling as if thinking. “And do you remember the dog?”
She opened her eyes wide. “I never threw a—” Her hand covered her mouth. “Oh, but that wasn’t a real dog. It was ceramic. And I never hit you.” She giggled. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever hit anything in my life.”
“Tell that to the dog.” He laughed. “And the door that broke it into a million pieces.”
She lifted her eyebrows. “And your point is?”
“I don’t have a point.” He grinned. “I like having you here. Seems like I’ve been alone most of my life, but I never realized how lonely alone can be until you stepped out of your car a week ago. Didn’t know how much I’ve missed you all these years either.”
“Yeah, like a wart.” He drew her in with his words and the memories that seemed as if they’d happened yesterday. She couldn’t let him do that to her. She couldn’t let him hurt her again. Maybe she should let him talk about the past. Maybe it was time to understand what had really happened between them. Why he had turned to another woman within weeks of their wedding. Why he had broken her heart.
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