Flame

by Clarissa Wild

  “So this is what you’ve been doing. All this time I thought you were looking for a job … and now I find you punching people for money again.”

  “It’s not like that. I was trying to find a job, they just wouldn’t accept me.”

  “But there are so many other things you can do to earn money,” she says with a croaky voice, like she’s about to cry. Oh, shit.

  I lick my lips, careful of the words I want to say. “There aren’t. My brother was right. Nobody would take someone like us.”

  “How can you say that about yourself?” she says, tears forming in her eyes.

  “Because it’s the truth,” I say, trying to stay calm, but the adrenaline from the fight is still raging through my body.

  “I thought you were done with this. I thought you were past this. I thought we could build toward a normal future, together.”

  “Normal? Normal? Is that what you want?” I spit, stepping forward. “I am not normal. You knew I wasn’t the moment you got into a relationship with me. I cannot be anything else than what I am, and what I am is a fighter in heart and soul. This is what I’m good at. End of story.”

  “But … I wanted so much more for you …” she whispers, stepping back farther. She’s almost near the door. I don’t want her to leave, but I don’t want to hear any more of this either. I can’t change, no matter how much she tries, and it pisses me off.

  “I’m not perfect! Either you accept that or move on,” I shout, feeling frustrated at myself that I didn’t get the chance to sit down with her and talk about this before it blew up in my face.

  Her lip quivers. “Move on? You mean …”

  “I mean exactly what I say.”

  She shakes her head, a tear rolling down her face. Then she turns around and runs out the door.

  Fuck.

  Fuck!

  In a fit of rage I slam my fist into the wall next to me and let out a roar. I fucking hate this. I hate it so much I want to punch the next person that comes close to me into oblivion.

  Why did I have to say that? Why did I have to fucking tell her off like that? I know she’s pissed, which gets me pissed too, but I said something I didn’t mean, and now she’s gone.

  FUCK!

  Grunting, I run after her. I’m still in my shorts, but I don’t give a rat’s ass. All I want right now is to talk to her. I need to fix this.

  She’s already out on the street, bumping into people while clutching at her coat. I can only see her frail back, but from the looks of it she’s hiding her face in her coat. Hiding her tears.

  “Wait!” I yell. “Stop!”

  “No,” she shouts, her voice broken from sadness. “I don’t want to see you right now. Leave me alone.”

  Her words carve a hole in my chest deep enough to stop my heart from pumping.

  She hates me.

  I lost her.

  I fucking lost her.

  CHAPTER 17

  PULLING IT TOGETHER

  Hunter

  I’m walking through the streets, feeling like a lost boy again. Flashbacks of my life before my mom disappeared haunt my mind. Memories of being left out on the street for hours because she was searching for her next gig. Money was the only thing she ever thought about. Money to get some drugs. Addict. Just like me. I’m addicted to my own power. Addicted to winning. Addicted to losing.

  I lost her.

  I lost her again, and I feel only nothingness. My mind has gone blank, but at the same time thoughts storm through my mind like a tornado, ruining everything in its path. It’s like my brain can only work on one thing at a time, and I’ve shut myself off from the rest of the world.

  When someone grabs my shoulder and talks to me, I don’t even hear it.

  Not until he slaps me right in the face.

  I shake my head and gape at him for a while. It’s my brother.

  “Hey. Are you okay? Talk to me,” he says.

  I stare at him for a little while, trying to make sense of the world.

  “Dude, answer me. You’re fucking scaring me now.”

  “Yes,” I murmur.

  “What happened?”

  “She left …”

  “Oh no …” Jessie puts his arm around me and guides me away from the alley we’re in.

  “She left me …”

  “Let’s get you back to the club and out of these shorts. It’s way too cold to be outside like this, and I don’t want you to get sick. You have more matches to win and you need to be fit and strong.”

  “Why bother? It’s no use anyway. Not without her,” I mumble.

  “Hey, don’t think like that. There’s more to life than girls.”

  “She’s not some girl, Jessie,” I say.

  “I know, but you need to get inside.” He helps me into the building and closes the door behind us. Only then do I feel how cold it was outside. The radiator is heating me up quickly as I walk to my locker and take out all my stuff.

  “You can’t let it get to you like this.”

  “You don’t understand,” I say, slamming my locker shut. “I don’t want to go on without her. I don’t want to fight for money knowing I can’t spend it on her, on my future with her. I can’t do it all on my fucking own!” I pull off every piece of clothing and step under the shower without closing the door, not giving a shit if Jessie can see something.

  “If she means that much to you, then go make it up to her.”

  “I can’t …” I sputter, putting my head under the shower for a second. “She doesn’t want to see me.”

  “And that’s stopping you?”

  “I respect her wishes …”

  It’s silent for a while. I can hear my brother fiddling with my stuff, but I don’t care. I wash up and clean myself, sighing a lot, because I have no fucking clue what to do. “I don’t want to lose her,” I say. “Not over something like this. There’s no one in the world who loves me the way she does, but I know I’m not right for her. All along, I knew it. I’ve always known it. She’s the smart one, the one who can graduate and get a good job, the one who’ll pull through. Not me. I’m just a fighter. Nothing more. That’s all I’m good at. That’s all I’ll ever be.” I inhale deeply. “She’s better off without me.”

  My brother comes inside and throws a towel at my face. “Hey!” I quickly turn off the shower.

  “Just shut your fucking mouth, dry yourself, and get dressed,” he snaps.

  “What the hell?” I say, making a face.

  “You’re gonna get out of this shower right now, and you’re gonna fucking go after her, do you understand?” Jessie says.

  “She doesn’t want me!” I yell back. “How many times do I have to say that?”

  “The fuck she doesn’t!” He throws another towel at me, this time even harder. “She fucking loves you. I can see it in those fucking pristine eyes of hers. She fucking melts when she looks at you.”

  “So what? That doesn’t mean shit. All the girls out there melt for me. That doesn’t make it okay.”

  “You are still her fucking boyfriend, and you are my brother. Bane brothers don’t give up. We don’t settle for anything less than the best. She is the best you’ll ever have, and don’t you fucking dare let her go.”

  I snort, but listen to him, because for some reason I want him to yell at me. I want him to tell me what to do. I want him to motivate me, to give me strength to go after her and pursue my girl. My Leafy.

  “She accepted you back then, and she’ll accept you now. She just needed time to think. That’s what all girls need. But I can tell you now that she’s the only good thing that ever happened in your life, and you need to keep it. You need to go out there and get her back. Right. Now.”

  He frowns and waits until I’m done drying. Then he tosses me my jeans and a black shirt. “Now go show her what you’re made of.”

  I let out a short breath and put my hand on his shoulder. “Thanks. I needed that.”

  “I know. Sometimes your brother needs to kick you
r ass before you realize what you have.”

  I smile. “I appreciate that.”

  He grabs my backpack and throws me my cell. “Here. Call one of her girlfriends. I’m sure she’s talked to them about you by now. Girls always do.” He fishes in his pockets and takes out his keys. “Take my car and go get her. I’ll have Jaret drive me home.”

  “Thanks.”

  I shove my phone and the keys into my pocket and run outside, dialing Evie’s phone number. I don’t know where my Leafy went, but I will find her, and I will make this up to her, whatever the cost.

  “Hello?”

  “Where is she?” I say through gritted teeth.

  She snorts. “Like I’m going to tell you that.”

  “Tell me!” I run down the corner to Jessie’s car.

  “No. Why would I? You hurt her! How could you?”

  “It was a mistake, all right? And I’ll gladly fucking admit that to her if you tell me where the fuck she is!”

  “Right. Like you’re so sorry. You made her cry, for God’s sake.”

  “I am sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I could almost cry myself,” I spew. “But there’s something more important on my mind right now, and that is finding her so I can make it up to her! Now where is she?”

  “I’m not going to tell you unless you promise you’ll never let her go. You don’t know what it does to her. We are all she has: her family isn’t there for her.”

  I look up at the sky. The clouds have grown dark and spats of rain fall down onto my head. “I know …” I say.

  “Then don’t you ever give up on her again,” Evie says.

  “I won’t.” I sigh. “I love her. Please, tell me where she is.”

  She takes a big breath. “She’s on the road, walking down route sixty. She’s alone, cold, and crying, and if it weren’t for the fact that I have no freaking car, I would’ve gone to pick her up myself.”

  “Thank you,” I say.

  “Now don’t you dare fucking make her cry again or I will find you and I will strangle you. You got that?”

  “I’m going to find her and I’m going to bring her home safely. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her.”

  “Good. I’ll see you soon then,” Evie says, and then she ends the call.

  I put my phone back in my pocket and hurry toward the car. Stepping inside, I make a mental note to myself not to flip out on my girlfriend when I find her, and make amends with her. She’s all I have and I need her. I fucking need her so badly. I need her approval. I need her love. I need her to stay with me, support me, take care of me, and love me like she promised she would. I’m going to make sure she keeps that promise. Just like I made a promise to her never to let her go.

  ♥♥♥

  Autumn

  The sun has set, and the light has been replaced with darkness. My feet hurt from walking. I’m on a dirt road, trees surrounding me wherever I look. It’s deserted around here. I’ve tried to check my phone, but of course, the battery had to die on me right when I needed the damn thing.

  Cold and lost, I wander on the road, walking toward whatever city I come across first. It would’ve been a better idea if I just went back to college straight away, but it’s too late for that. I had to go and run away again with no hope of returning to civilization other than following this damned road. Not that it matters. I wouldn’t have been okay with just stepping onto a bus. Not with all this on my mind. Not after what happened between me and Hunter.

  His words still reverberate in my head. ‘Accept or move on’ … It’s like a stab in the heart. Just like that, he decides that I can choose. Like it’s that easy. Like I could just let him go.

  If he can say it so easily, does that mean he could choose with a snap of the finger? Would he be able to make that decision? It sure seemed like he could.

  Sniffing, I let the tears flow freely. The rain falling down on my face makes it look like I’m not even crying at all. Not that there’s anyone around to see it anyway. I’m alone on this road, and I’m not even sure where I’m going.

  All I know is that I feel betrayed. My heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces the moment I saw Hunter in his fighting attire. Behind him was a cage, and I could still see them fighting. Blood stained his fingertips. He’s fighting again and he didn’t tell me. I’m angry, not because he didn’t tell me, but because he’s risking his life. I can’t bear to see him in pain, knowing he’s fighting people for money. I can’t see him like that with the blood of other people on his hands while he fights for a living. It’s cruel … just cruel … nobody should be put through that just to survive.

  Maybe my dad was right. I didn’t want to believe it, didn’t want to see it, but Hunter and I are so different. I can barely stand seeing him hurt, and yet he keeps fighting, keeps throwing himself at everything that’ll only end up hurting him. Just like me.

  Can we ever overcome our differences?

  Are we even meant for each other?

  I wish I knew the answer, but I don’t even understand myself right now. I feel lost without him, and yet I know this doesn’t feel right either. He’s off fighting in tournaments while I’m still in college. I needed him so badly today. When my dad came to me my heart crumbled into tiny little pieces. I needed him, and he wasn’t there. He didn’t pick up his phone when I needed him the most.

  And it hurts. It hurts so bad that I fight with my dad and with Hunter. I don’t want to feel this way, but I know neither of them wants me right now. Not until I make a decision.

  I can’t.

  I just can’t.

  A flash of light blinds me, so I raise my hand and block my eyes. The rumbling engine of a car makes me stop. It’s coming closer, so I walk to the edge of the road, hoping they’ll see me before they hit me.

  But then the vehicle slowly comes to a stop.

  Raising my head, I peer inside as the engine stops running, and the lights are turned off. I gasp when I see Hunter.

  His eyes are locked on mine, his face unmoving as he gazes at me. I feel like lightning just struck right where I’m standing. He doesn’t move. I don’t move. A moment that seems eternal passes between us. Raindrops scatter on my skin, cascading down my arms just like the tears roll down my face. I can’t believe he’s here. He’s really here, but how? How did he find me?

  And why?

  Steadily, he gets out of the car, keeping his eyes on mine at all times. He closes the door and then walks closer to me. Each step he takes makes my heart beat faster and faster. This feels so unreal. I never thought he’d come.

  But he’s here. For me.

  CHAPTER 18

  LOVE IS ENOUGH

  Autumn

  With reddened eyes he stops in front of me, barely inches away from me. His half-mast eyes pierce my soul as he looks down at me. We’re both silently staring at each other, saying with our eyes what we can’t seem to express with words. His fingers draw toward mine like magnets pulled by the inevitable connection between them. We’re on a course toward collision, both fighting the urge to evade and crash. The choice is devastating. Impossible.

  As his fingers entwine with mine he opens his mouth. “I’m sorry.”

  It’s so soft and subtle, and yet so ground-shaking to me.

  “I’m so fucking sorry,” he murmurs again. “I should never have said that.”

  I sniff, trying to keep the tears at bay, but it’s no use. “I don’t want to move on.”

  “You don’t have to.” He inches closer and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Oh God … don’t leave. Please don’t leave me.”

  “But you told me to choose …”

  “No, you don’t have to,” he says. “It’s my fault. I should’ve told you sooner what I was doing.”

  “I tried to call you …” I whisper. “I needed you.”

  “I know, I’m sorry,” he says, pulling my hands behind him so he can wrap his arms around me and pull me into his embrace. “I was trying to think of a way to tell you. I wa
s so afraid. Now look what happened.”

  I bury my face in his chest, his shirt growing wetter by the second. Neither of us cares about the rain. Right now, all we need is to hold each other.

  “I never wanted you to leave. I just felt so powerless. God … I feel so fucking bad about what happened.”

  “Me too …” I whisper.

  “You have to believe me when I say I’m not just fighting for the sake of it. I’m trying to earn enough money to … to pay for your mother’s medical bills.”

  Gasping, I look up into his brilliant gray eyes and blink a few times, unable to comprehend what he just said. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes …” He licks the rain off his lips. “I know how much you need your mother … I don’t want you to have to go through that anymore.”

  My eyes turn watery again and I burst out in tears.

  “Hey, don’t cry,” he says, cupping my chin with his index finger and thumb. “It was supposed to be a good thing. A surprise.”

  I chuckle a little. “I can’t believe it. I feel so guilty now.”

  “Don’t be. I should’ve explained it sooner. Fighting is the only thing I’m good at, so when me and my brother discovered that this was a gold mine, of course we went for it. Still, I’m a fuck-up. All I can do is fuck with people. I can’t do anything worthwhile. Nothing to make you proud … And that’s what made me hesitate to tell you. I want you so badly. For you to look at me and tell the world that I am everything you ever dreamed of, even after all the shit we’ve been through. That I can still rock your world.”

  “You still do,” I murmur, hugging him tight. “After all of this, I feel incredibly fortunate to have you in my life. Don’t ever say about yourself that you’re not worth it. You’re fighting for my mom. I mean, how big is that? It can’t get any more perfect than that.”

  “What? But I fuck everything up. I fucked up college, fucked up all the job interviews, and I fucked up our relationship.”