Obsession: Warm Bodies, Cold Hearts

by Rice, Rachel E.

  “Are you an actress?” He said in a soft strong voice.

  “I’m just here for a day. I’m an extra just trying to get out of the house.”

  “You don’t get out much?

  “I’m a writer.”

  “Oh a writer, what are some of the things you write about?”

  “Now, I am writing a novel about a writer and her lost loves. My magazine is W.O.W.

  “I think I’ve read your magazine article on what men want from women,” he said with a grin.

  “You read women magazine, that’s interesting…before I fall in love with you…are you gay?” I said.

  “No, I’m not gay,” he said, laughing hysterically.

  “Just checking.”

  “I tell you what, why don’t we go to dinner when this scene is finished.” I shook my head up and down instead of saying yes, because I knew that I would probably sound like a fool. My voice might crack, and there would go the façade that I was trying to create. I would appear to be a silly schoolgirl instead of the cool sophisticated women I was trying to portray.

  We spent the entire day as background scenery for the coming movie. We were even paired together for scenes outside on Fifth Avenue—we were directed to walk together as a couple. It was in mid December and very cold, so we huddled together every chance we got. He put his arms around me to shield me from the brisk cold wind.

  There are times when you feel it. I don’t know what it is. You just feel it. There exists a connection that didn’t exist any time again in your life. Maybe the stars line up in the universe or the planets lose their orbits for a second. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was something that made me crazy about a man I had just met.

  We walked to the nearest coffee shop, and as we sat across from each other, I looked into his green eyes and I heard this song by Westlife in my head—over and over.

  … Some find it in their lover’s eyes

  Who can deny the joy it brings

  When you’ve found that special thing

  You’re flying without wings

  I was flying without wings. I soared in my mind and flew home with him in tow. It was the first time ever considering taking a stranger to my room to have sex, but in his case—making love.

  We didn’t say a word because there was nothing to say. Everything had been said before, some time, and some place. We walked together into the bedroom looking at each other.

  Fixed on each other’s eyes, we knew we had to have each other. His look streamed into my eyes. He put his left hand around my back and with the right hand, began unbuttoning my blouse, button by button. Then he slowly removed it. He used the left hand to unzip my skirt and when I looked, it was sliding down to the floor. I stood amazed at his precision.

  He had a soft touch and never once did he falter at undressing me. He worked like a skilled artist. A young man who learned very early to undress young girls in meadows, then capture their hearts in the back seat of cars.

  I was in a trance and didn’t care about his many flings with girls or women. I only cared about the moment and that moment was mine. When he spoke, he recited poetry in his Scottish language, but when he burst into song, I was amazed that he loved the same songs that excited my senses, “Flying Without Wings.” We both sung:

  Everybody’s looking for that something

  One thing that makes it all complete

  You’ll find it in the strangest places

  Places you never knew it could be…

  Danny gazed at my naked body as he stepped out of his jeans. I pulled his shirt off his handsome chest, with my hands shaking. We walked in the direction of the shower. I looked to see his erection. It stood tall, firm, and strong.

  I showered with a complete stranger preparing me for my night of ecstasy. I never let any man get close until I gave him the third degree. Here I am lying next to a man I didn’t know. What I did know was that I wanted him and I trusted him. It was in the eyes.

  I lay in my bed and feel his kiss on my lips. I knew I had never felt the surge of heat from anyone the way I felt it at that moment. I was hot and getting hotter. I wanted to scream with ecstasy, but I didn’t want to let him know that I was looking for him all my life.

  As he began to move his mouth over my breasts, he stared, and then embraced them as if they were a work of art. Danny held my small firm breasts in his gentle hands and continued caressing them with his mouth. He began to suck them like a baby discovering his first object, and they became an object of his obsession.

  He drove me insane with desire. Yet, as he moved his head down my body slowly, slowly, his hands are spreading my legs, and his mouth covering my clit. I thought I would die from the intensity of the moment. I will never want another man but him, I thought.

  I knew I would never meet a man that could bring me to a place of sexual delight and satisfaction just by using his tongue to manipulate my body, and create the extreme sexual pleasure of a lifetime.

  I have never met anyone like him. He made my toes curl, and caused me to shout. I had my teenage moment. Then he moved up my body and put himself inside me and said, “I don’t want to hurt you, I want you to have as much pleasure as this is giving me.”

  I reached for the stars as he held my hands in his, just above my head, and I screamed, “Oh! Oh! Oh! Do it to me, don’t stop, don’t stop!” He looked at me and just smiled. He held me close to him and there was nothing more or better in the world I wanted or desired that night.

  I have never had such an experience in my life! He made love to me, and there I lay with a feeling of guilt for being so greedy. This man wasn’t selfish, he wanted to please; he was what I wanted and needed. I looked into his eyes and found a lifetime of beauty and love.

  Danny stayed all night. He had to be on the set the next day. After breakfast, he left. I began my usual writing chores and in between, wondering and worrying whether he would ever call. The phone finally rang and I had to beat Tracy to the phone because I wanted to be the first one he heard. I held on to the phone and let it ring a few more times. I prayed that he didn’t hang up. I was playing games with him.

  “Hello,” I said in my most sexy voice.

  “Sydney?”

  “Yes, this is Sydney,” I stated cool and sophisticated.

  “Sydney, this is Danny. I can’t stop thinking about you and our lovemaking last night. All I want and think about is you,” he said. “What did you do to me?” Then he stated with a tone of disappointment, “I have to work late tonight.”

  I stated calmly, “OK,” as if nothing affected me. I could have told him to come over, but I didn’t want to disturb Tracy. I hoped I did not over play my hand, as they say in Texas.

  I believed him, but instantly I became jealous as soon as I put the phone down. I am a woman who loves and leaves men at any given time if they don’t please me. A woman discarding men from Texas to New York, and here I am jealous over a man younger than myself, whom I have just met. This was not cool, not cool at all.

  The men I once discarded could not burn a hole in my soul the way Danny did.

  I devised a remedy for that; I didn’t want anything or anyone controlling my life. Therefore, I decided not to answer his calls. “There” I said, “I’ll fix you.” I left my answer machine on to listen and study his voice. I was taking a big gamble. There is a saying in Texas, gamble little, win little, gamble big, win big.

  Danny called all day and until eight that evening; I would not answer the phone. Danny called my cell and then text messages came furiously. About nine that night, I heard the buzzer, then a knock at the door. The knock was loud. I opened the door and he burst in expecting to see me with someone. He stood looking around with the passion of a leopard that lost its mate.

  We just met each other and he was as crazy about me as I was about him. Furthermore, that was all I wanted to know.

  “Where were you?” He shouted.

  “I’ve been home all the time, why?” I stated cool and unaffec
ted. I knew what I was doing to him.

  “You couldn’t have been. I called all day, and no one answered.”

  I could barely understand him when he spoke. He was angry and disappointed; his speech was fast; it sound as if he spoke a foreign language; so I began to laugh. He started laughing too, to see himself act so foolish over someone he hardly knew.

  I didn’t know his last name and he did not know mine, but it was as if we had known and loved each other a lifetime. We sat and talked all night, we talked about music, soccer, and football. We thought it better not to touch religion and politics. He even mentioned that he had a twin brother in Europe. I couldn’t imagine two like him.

  We discussed his plans for the future. He was determined to be a movie star, and I would be there with him—what a wonderful dream! Dreams don’t always come true and sometimes when they do, you can’t recognize them.

  Danny left for work after midnight, and the next morning, I went to Manhattan to look at apartments; I wanted to be near him so he would not have to travel far. When I returned from Manhattan, I found several messages waiting. It was Danny calling frantically. I realized that I turned off my BlackBerry and never bothered to check for messages.

  “Sydney! Sydney! Pick up; I have a job in Los Angeles. I have to leave soon.”

  “Sydney, I don’t want to leave without seeing you.”

  “Shit! Sydney where are you?” Call me. I’m leaving for La Guardia airport in three hours.”

  I was too late. I dropped my phone and I couldn’t retrieve any numbers. I called his roommate, but he didn’t know anything.

  I figured that was the end of my romance. I didn’t know much about Danny and I didn’t think I would find out any more. My last hope was that he would try to call me, but he did not. I tried to rationalize that the romance we had was just a silly dream. I felt that it was just a quirk that we even found each other, and besides, he was too immature for me.

  I felt I deserved a good man in my life that loved me and desired only me. I thought I had this with my one-night-stand. He was the best I have had in all my twenty-five years. Well, at least I will have something to tell my grandchildren. I can say that I felt passion from a gorgeous, sensitive man that wanted me.

  One thing I got out of this, an apartment on Fifth Avenue.

  I’ve never paid so much for an apartment. In Texas, you can buy a couple of homes. I wanted to be near Danny when he came back to New York. I sat and waited many nights and all I did was write and write some more.

  He had given me inspiration. I would put his picture near me and write well into the night. I did not know how long it would be before I heard from Danny. He had been gone a few months and I heard nothing.

  One night the phone rang with a special sound, or my mind played tricks on me. I could tell it was Danny. I reached to check the calls and it was Danny. What should I do? I asked myself. He could have called sooner; maybe he was busy and couldn’t call. Does he think I’m sitting around just waiting on him?

  I did something Steven would call stupid. I didn’t answer and the phone stopped ringing. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do, so I continued writing as if I were a lunatic trying to forget the stupid shit I had done.

  I took a shower to calm my nerves. I was on my way to bed at six o’clock in the morning, when the buzzer rang. The doorman informed me that a guest was waiting. I figured it was Steven coming to have coffee before he left for his shop. I said to send him up.

  I stood at the door waiting half-heartedly for Steven, when off the elevator stepped my beautiful man, all six foot two of him, looking tired from the long ride from the coast, and the taxi ride to Manhattan.

  “Danny what are you doing here? How did you find me?”

  “What I want I always find,” he said with a grin that could warm Antarctica.

  “Do you have company?” He said in a nervous voice.

  “No, come in, I haven’t heard from you in months. I thought I would never see you again,” I said softly.

  “I told you I would never let you go,” he said, as he tilted his head with that heavenly smile, and with his eyes gazing into mine.

  We stood trading I love you, back and forth before we realized that we were still standing in the doorway just talking.

  Danny walked into my apartment and looked around as if wondering how I could afford such an expensive place. I didn’t know what to tell him. I never had long conversations with him about my life or his.

  He plopped his weary body on the sofa and fell asleep. Lying there, he looked so handsome with his long arms falling to the side, almost to the floor. He has youth, and there was so much promise from it, and he is mine!

  I woke him the next morning and gave him tea and breakfast. I tried to cook a breakfast he might enjoy in Scotland. I took a guess and fried some fish and added French fries, well he got his fish and chips. Frying food is easy for a Texas girl.

  “I have tea for you Danny.” He sat up when he smelled the fish, and after taking a shower, he stumbled to the table.

  “Thanks baby, is this your apartment?”

  “Why do you want to know?”

  “It looks very expensive.”

  “I know you can’t afford it working as a writer.”

  “How do you know that?” I said trying to change the conversation and not giving him an answer. He was tired from the trip and forgot that he asked about the apartment. I’m sure he would approach the subject again. He ate then fell asleep once more, this time in the bed. His cell phone began to ring; it had fallen on the floor. He found it and answered it.

  “Hello.”

  “Danny this is Max; you have an offer for another picture, and the actress starring in the picture asked for you. You have to come back to L.A. immediately.”

  “Max, I just arrived in New York. O.K. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said exhausted and too tired to argue with his agent.

  “I have to go back to L.A. Sydney, because I have to start training for a movie. Say you don’t want me to go and I won’t.”

  “I can’t tell you that; this is what you have dreamed of all your life. I will not take that from you or get in your way.”

  “Then tell me you will wait for me, because I will always wait for you.” Danny whispered to me looking into my eyes as I peered in his wonderful green eyes and his handsome face.

  “Shit woman you are beautiful,” as he said those words, I launched at him swallowing his tongue and letting him suck mine until I was moist. He took his hands, massaged my back, and made me limber and receptive. I spread my legs and he gently kissed my body. He found my weakness and he began the rhythm of loving me.

  My body moved to his body, both our bodies was flowing back and forth, up and down, and on and on until we both felt the satisfaction and quenched our thirst for each other. There was a climax, which rivaled a lunar eclipse. We held each other tight as we dripped with sweat and lust.

  “I will always be there for you no matter what happens in life, whether we are together or not,” I promised him.

  “We will be together no matter what happens along the way. I will never stop loving you. Say you will never stop loving me,” Danny insisted.

  “I will never stop loving you,” I whispered into his ear, then I felt a calm come over him. He fell into a deep sleep.

  The next morning he was gone. He brought his lips to mine, then kissed my lips softly, and said goodbye.

  All I could remember was the kiss he gave as he left the bed early that morning. It was a soft shield that protected me, that would not disappear. I felt the heat from the moisture of his lips; my body had a memory of it as if it were a part of my DNA.

  The feeling did not leave me and I could not command it to go, where I could carry on with my life. I wasn’t any good to myself and no one else. It was as if when he gave me that kiss, he knew I couldn’t function until I saw him again. I could not love or be loved by anyone but him. I felt doomed. I found my prince and now the fairytale be
gins with all the beauty and horrors.

  Chapter 12

  Danny’s Life

  Danny was born to Sean and Elizabeth McCloud, in Glasgow, Scotland. He wasn’t the only child to make his appearance that cold and rainy morning.

  The day was the coldest of the year and that year was the hottest in the history in Scotland. Nature was against Danny and his brother the way it can be for anyone who is not lucky—everything in nature can be out of balance.

  The eldest twin Danny, the larger of the two boys, had been born two minutes and one second before Jeremy. It was as if they were one person, each was two halves of a whole, and no one could tell them apart, except that Danny was right handed and Jeremy was left handed. Danny inherited his mother’s peaceful nature and Jeremy was his father—aggressive, arrogant, and a thrill seeker.

  Danny the leader would succeed at his endeavors because of persistence and hard work. Jeremy chose the easy path. He tried to take what Danny worked hard for—their mother’s love. Jeremy always succeeded in getting what he wanted from their mother, whether it was a kiss, or a new pair of shoes. Theirs were an intense rivalry. A love hate relationship lived among the boys. They were identical twins and each felt what the other experienced.

  Danny’s and Jeremy’s mother, a quiet woman, who didn’t give much store to arguments, which was very much the father’s cup of tea. He argued about anything. If the food was put on the table too late, or his favorite shirt wasn’t washed for his night out with the boys at the pub. He would leave and return home the next day. Danny’s mother never said a word—she couldn’t; she wanted to keep peace for her boys.

  Both boys watched as their father cursed at their mother. Maybe it was his job at the shipyard that made him so mean and surly? Danny wondered.

  His father worked long shifts because jobs were hard to come by in Glasgow. Danny’s father was always angry. Maybe it was having two sons at the same time to feed that caused him to yell at Danny’s mother. Danny didn’t like when his father did this to his mother and would tell him so.

  When he and Jeremy became fifteen, he noticed a change in his parent’s relationship. Their mother became silent and withdrawn and did not speak. Danny asked her about her feelings; she did not say a word; she just sat and stared out the window.