The Cowboy Soldier

by Roz Denny Fox

  “Boy, I’m stuffed,” Alexa said after they’d each polished off a second taco.

  “I should have only ordered us one taco each. Sierra will kill me if we don’t have room for supper.”

  Alexa said nothing but Rafe decided not to push. He knew Sierra would never let Alexa leave without feeding her.

  “Sierra’s like our mother. She loves to cook for people.

  “Mmm,” Alexa said noncommittally. She told him she was taking their trash to the red and white barrel that Rafe knew stood outside the taco stand. “Thanks,” she called to the owners. “Those tacos were the best I’ve eaten in ages. Maybe ever.”

  “Glad you liked them,” Hector said. “Come again. Rafe, bring her, you hear?”

  Rafe grinned as he threaded his hands through hers for the walk back to Alexa’s pickup. “You won them over.”

  “They’re nice,” she said. “It’s too bad I probably won’t get back this way again.”

  Not if he had his way, Rafe thought. But he said nothing.

  WHEN ALEXA PULLED the truck in front of the house, Sierra burst out the door and flew down the steps. “Mercy, Rafe,” she cried, yanking open the passenger door. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

  “Alexa dropped in,” he said sheepishly. “I invited her to lunch, and she drove us into town. I figured we’d run into you.”“But you didn’t. Next time, for pity’s sake, leave me a note. Uh…hi, Dr. Robinson. Was there something you needed? We’re sort of out of the way….”

  Alexa got out of the truck. “I wanted to make sure Rafe knew about an interesting study I came across on the Internet.”

  Rafe turned to her eagerly. “Why didn’t you say something before? Do you need me to come back to your ranch?”

  “Uh, no. This is an experiment the military is doing in San Antonio.”

  Sierra caught Alexa’s eye. “Come in, come in. Let’s not stand around out here. The wind is kicking up.”

  “Sierra, I invited Alexa to stay for supper,” Rafe said.

  Alexa raised a hand to protest. “I don’t want to put you out, Sierra. Besides, we just ate lunch.”

  “Of course you’ll stay. We wouldn’t dream of sending you out on that long drive home on an empty stomach. I’m fixing pot roast.”

  “We had huge tacos,” Alexa and Rafe said simultaneously.

  Sierra held the front door open. “Okay, then supper will be something light. Kids,” she said, making shooing motions at her offspring, “take your things to your bedroom. Uncle Rafe has company and we don’t want to trip on your toys.”

  “Let them stay,” Alexa said quickly, and asked Sierra to introduce her to the children. They smiled at her tentatively but were more interested in Compadre.

  Rafe had allowed the dog to follow him in, and suddenly the gentle collie was being mauled by four excited kids.

  Sierra directed Alexa to a chair across from Rafe, who sat on the sofa. “So what’s this study that might interest Rafe?”

  “I don’t want to get your hopes up,” Alexa said, leaning out to touch Rafe’s knee. “But, since Ms. Holmes said you needed to keep an appointment at the VA, I think it’d be worth your time to check out what they’re doing with hyperbaric recompression in San Antonio. Here, Sierra. I printed off a few paragraphs from the military hospital tip sheet.” Alexa sat back, dug in her purse and passed a wrinkled page to Rafe’s sister, who ran an eye over the highlighted paragraphs.

  “I’m afraid this is pretty much Greek to me.”

  As succinctly as possible, Alexa put the experiments in laymen’s terms.

  “Have they actually reversed anyone’s blindness?” Rafe asked.

  “Not yet.” Alexa bit her lip. “It’s all so new,” she explained.

  “I’m not going to be anyone’s guinea pig.”

  Sierra darted a worried glance at her brother, and another at Alexa, as if urging her to convince Rafe.

  Instantly Alexa pulled back. Those were the same words Bobby had thrown at her. Bobby said he was sick of being a guinea pig for his team of doctors.

  Rafe drummed his knee with fidgeting fingers. “What you said sounds like science fiction. Anyway, I told Sierra I’m not fooling with the VA. I’d like to come back to your ranch, Alexa. Not as a patient,” he added quickly. “As a ranch hand, if you’ll have me. Or we can work a deal so I can train additional horses if you have room. I’ll pay, of course.” He strained toward her, as if trying to gauge her response.

  Thrilled as she was by Rafe’s statement, Alexa couldn’t, in good conscience, agree. She wasn’t going to let him pass up a chance to at least find out if VA doctors thought he’d be a good candidate for the hyperbaric studies. But before she got beyond the shock of his statement and could offer to drive him to San Antonio herself, Sierra leapt up, saying, “Rafe, you know Ms. Holmes said if you don’t show up for that appointment tomorrow, you’ll forfeit all of your VA benefits. That’s stupid.”

  Rafe reared back, sputtering.

  Alexa opened her mouth to intervene, but Sierra spoke again, more calmly this time. “I made arrangements with Doug’s sister to keep Melina and Maris. And I promised Curt and Chloe that they could come with us. They’re looking forward to visiting the Alamo while you’re at the VA. You can’t disappoint them.”

  Rafe ran a hand through his hair, apparently struggling with this decision, then acquiesced with a brief, “Okay.”

  Disappointed not to be taking Rafe herself, Alexa got down on her knees and admired a dollhouse Chloe dragged out to show her. “This is a wonderful dollhouse.”

  “My mama and daddy made it,” the little girl pointed out.

  Not to be outdone, Curt brought Alexa a fire truck he said his daddy had bought especially for him. Soon all four kids were laughing and playing with Alexa. One of the younger twins dragged out a box full of barnyard animals. The other dumped out a set of building blocks and asked if Alexa would help her build a barn.

  Sierra had gone into the kitchen. She stuck her head around the door frame and called, asking Rafe to join her for a minute. He got up and started across the room, heading straight through the children’s toys. His foot landed on a cow that squeaked. Compadre loped over to investigate the noise and the kids stopped talking. Curt mumbled an apology and swept a path clear for his uncle.

  Not wanting Rafe to feel awkward, Alexa motioned the kids to her. “Hey, let’s move all this stuff out of your uncle Rafe’s way. We can build a barn and corral in this corner with your blocks.”

  That kept everyone busy for a while, but when Rafe returned, he accidentally kicked a block under the couch. He bent down and patted the floor. In a flash Maris scrambled over, saying in a tiny voice, “I’ll get it for you, Uncle Rafe.” She held out the block to Rafe, who’d reclaimed his seat on the sofa.

  Alexa realized the little girl wanted her uncle to play with them.

  “Rafe, Maris wants to give you a block,” she said. “Would you like to join us on the floor and build a roof the barn?”

  He reached out to take the block, but it fell through his fingers. It bounced and everyone watching drew in a collective breath.

  Scowling, Rafe sat back and dropped his hands to his sides.

  Alexa felt discouraged to see how quickly Rafe withdrew into a stony shell. She kept shooting him surreptitious glances while she and the kids finished building the corrals and populated them with plastic cows and horses. It was evident something had drastically changed since Rafe first invited her to join his family for supper.

  Had he and Sierra had words over her when Rafe went to the kitchen? The children soon tired of playing with the farmyard and ran off to their room, leaving her alone with the dead-silent Rafe.

  She got up from the floor and collected her purse. “You know, Rafe, I’m having second thoughts about staying. I’ll stop by the kitchen and tell Sierra I’d really rather not drive home after dark.”

  He stood up right away. “I’ll tell her. It has gotten late.” He began herdi
ng Alexa toward the front door as if he couldn’t wait to see the last of her.

  Pausing at the threshold long enough to call Compadre, Alexa shifted from foot to foot, and finally stepped outside. “Rafe, I wish you the best of luck at the VA. Make sure you ask them about the possibility of getting into that hyperbaric study.”

  “I’ll think about it. Thanks.”

  “I’ll see you later?” Alexa tossed the question out carelessly, doing her best to sound upbeat.

  Rafe made some noncommittal sound, and as Alexa drove away, she wondered what had caused his mood to change. And whether this might be the last time she would ever see him.

  CHAPTER NINE

  RAFE SAT ON A WOODEN bench anchored outside the sprawling VA facility in San Antonio where he’d agreed to meet Sierra after his appointment. The squeal of her slipping fan belt told him she’d arrived. It was time she got that fixed. As he stood, it crossed his mind that when she did, he wouldn’t know her vehicle from any other.

  “Sorry we’re late.” Sierra sounded breathless as she came around the van to assist him into the front seat.“Sierra, I can get in a damned car on my own,” Rafe said. He heard Curt and Chloe chattering in the far back and recognized the sound of turning pages. “Hi, Uncle Rafe. Mama bought Chloe and me a neat picture book of the Alamo. It’s a cool place.”

  “Yeah?” Rafe buckled his seat belt.

  “Since you bit my head off, I assume your appointment didn’t go well, Rafe.” Sierra climbed in the van, but didn’t pull away from the curb right away.

  “It went fine.” He closed his eyes.

  “I see they took blood.”

  He tore off the tape from his arm, then stuffed it into the trash bag Sierra kept in the van.

  “I have to stop at the gate to turn in this visitor pass,” Sierra said. Once she’d done that, she took a sharp right turn to exit the VA grounds. “Did you ask about the study Alexa told us about?”

  “The doctor said I’m not a good candidate.”

  “The guy sees you once and he knows that?” Sierra said grumpily. “Is he a doctor who works directly with the program?”

  “Let it go, Sierra. An ophthalmologist and a neurologist poked and prodded me. Both had my history. Neither found anything new. They can’t explain why I can see wavy gray outlines. But I’m never going to wake up one day and miraculously have my sight again.”

  “You’re bummed. But two doctors can’t know everything, Rafe. New discoveries are made every day. Maybe things will be different at your next visit.”

  “There is no next visit. End of discussion.” Rafe shoved a disc into the player. It was Toby Keith. Crossing his arms, he settled back for the ride home.

  They arrived after dark. Doug had picked up Maris and Melina from his sister’s and had already given them supper.

  “I’ll warm up leftovers,” Sierra told Rafe. “I smell spaghetti and garlic bread.”

  “I’m not hungry.” Rafe shook out the blankets to make his bed on the couch.

  “You need to…” Doug started, but Sierra silenced him.

  “Doug will you put Chloe and Curt to bed?”

  Rafe heard them kiss, and Doug said, “Pour me a glass of milk, Sierra. I’ll join you later in the kitchen.”

  Rafe didn’t go right to sleep. He lay awake listening to the low rise and fall of his sister and brother-in-law’s voices. He couldn’t distinguish what they said, but had little doubt that he was the topic of their conversation. He didn’t care. He didn’t frigging care about anything.

  That attitude prevailed in the days following his appointment. Before Alexa’s surprise visit and the trip to San Antonio, he’d pestered Doug to take him back to Alexa’s. After the appointment, days rolled into weeks, during which time he didn’t mention it. Nor did he bring up Alexa’s name.

  By December, he was downright surly all day, everyday. Rafe knew Sierra was ready to toss him out on his keister.

  At supper one evening, she filled his plate with meatloaf and mashed potatoes and smacked it down in front of him. “Rafe, you’ve been bad tempered long enough. Things have to change.”

  He pushed his plate aside and started to get up from the table.

  “No, you sit back down,” Sierra commanded in a voice that made her kids fall silent. “You’ve moped long enough. You haven’t whittled in ages. The way I see it, you’re back at square one. Back to where we all tiptoed circles around you. Living with this tension isn’t good for anyone. Talk, Rafe! Doug and I can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong.”

  “Isn’t that obvious? I can’t see more than grainy shadows. I’ve broken a plate and three glasses, and crushed Chloe’s favorite Barbie doll.”

  “We know,” Sierra said gently. “But, if you won’t return to the VA and look for a cure, you’ll have to learn to live as you are.”

  “What am I doing if not living?”

  “You’re existing. You’re back to doing nothing like you did before you saw Alexa. You know I’d do anything to help you, Rafe. But I honestly don’t know what else I can do.”

  “I was busier at Alexa’s, “ Rafe blurted. “I felt more like my old self. I was…” He stopped abruptly, partway out of his chair.

  Sierra grabbed Rafe’s hand. “Say it, Rafe. It won’t hurt my feelings. You were happier at Alexa’s.”

  “Yeah,” he finally admitted. “I want to go back. I told you before. But she doesn’t need a washed-up blind guy hanging around, keeping her from a normal life.”

  Sierra yanked his hand so hard Rafe had no choice but to sit again. He steeled himself for his sister’s lecture. “If you’ve finished your pity party, eat while the food’s warm.”

  Oddly, it was Doug who took Rafe to task next. His brother-in-law had always seemed like a secret ally. “Look, Rafe, you have your full mental faculties and all your limbs intact. Plenty of your fellow soldiers are worse off. I saw a documentary the other day about a dude who’d lost both legs who just ran in a marathon.”

  “That’s true,” Sierra vouched.

  Throughout the meal, Rafe pondered what to do. “What’s on your agenda tomorrow, Doug?” he asked, once the kids had trooped off to take baths. “I was hoping you could drive me to Alexa’s. You can just drop me at her gate and go.”

  “Did you two have a fight last month when she visited?” Sierra asked worriedly. “I think Doug should stick around until you have a chance to speak with her.”

  “We didn’t fight, exactly. I just had a lot of doubts and made it easy for Alexa to leave. I’ll have some explaining to do. If Doug hangs around, Alexa will see him as an excuse not to listen to me.”

  “Can do,” Doug said. “But, so you know, Rafe, our door is always open to you. The addition will be finished by spring. If you need a permanent spot, we’ll be more than happy to accommodate you. We just don’t like seeing you fritter your life away.”

  “I know.” Rafe slapped Doug’s back and Doug did the same in return. Then Rafe rounded the table and hugged Sierra.

  “I love you, Rafe,” she snuffled. “I just want to see you happy.”

  “I know,” he said. “Believe me, I’ve needed your love.”

  THE NEXT DAY, on the drive to Alexa’s, Rafe and Doug discussed Doug’s job. “In spite of all our efforts,” Doug said, “our border remains porous as hell. Last month, ranches near Terlingua reported cows butchered where border crossers camped out. Feel free to use that info to convince Alexa to hire you. I’m not worried about the families who cross, but the men they get as guides are thugs. Especially those who mule drugs. A woman living alone is an easy mark for looters, or worse.”

  “Alexa’s got guts. And let’s face it, Doug, what can I offer her in the way of backup?”“More than you think. To anyone keeping tabs on her ranch, you look like a strong hired hand.”

  Rafe nodded. That made him feel marginally better. He would use it to convince Alexa.

  They turned onto her dirt road and Doug slowed. “I think that’s her by the ba
rn,” he said when they stopped at the gate. “She’s unloading a pickup filled with hay bales. I’ll say this much for your doctor, she doesn’t shy from hard work.”

  “Don’t call her my doctor, Doug. I hope you can soon call her my partner. I’m considering trying to invest in her operation. Together we could train horses.”

  “Well, good luck.” Doug stopped at the gate and let his SUV idle. “Like Sierra said, I can spare the time if you want me to wait.”

  “Thanks. But clearing the air is likely to be a lengthy process. I’m banking it’ll go easier if Alexa has no way to kick me out.”

  Doug laughed as Rafe opened the passenger door. He passed Rafe his duffel. “Whatever happens, and my money’s on you, phone Sierra. She’ll worry till you do.”

  Rafe nodded before shutting the SUV door. He didn’t move until he heard Doug drive off, and then he made his way to the porch by the kitchen door. He had no idea if Alexa had witnessed his arrival, but he felt better the minute Dog trotted up. The collie gave a few happy yips and nudged his furry head against Rafe’s hand.

  Dropping his duffel on the porch, Rafe let the collie lead him to Alexa. By the time they reached the front of her pickup, she still hadn’t said a word.

  “Alexa?” he called, unsure exactly where she stood. She had to be nearby, because he could hear her huffing and he made out the thump of hay bales being tossed into the barn. Clearing his throat, he called out more loudly.

  “Rafe?” Alexa sounded genuinely shocked to see him. “Sorry, I was listening to music on my iPod. How on earth did you get here?”

  “Doug dropped me off. He’s headed to his patrol.”

  “Really? Well, I thought you must’ve fallen off the face of the earth. I haven’t heard boo from you in over a month. But, who’s counting?”

  Rafe heard her strip off her gloves and slap them against her palm. He also hadn’t missed the testiness in her words. “I should’ve called. But, I had a lot of thinking to do.”