Fight Me

by Lacey Black

  By the end of the block, I hear a truck approaching from behind and stop next to me along the side of the road. “Erin! Get in the truck,” Jake yells through the downed passenger window.

  “No thanks. I’m done taking orders from you.”

  “What the hell?” he says as he throws the truck in park and gets out. He’s next to me in a few strides. “Erin. Seriously, what the hell is going on? Why did you leave? Avery says you’re not feeling well?”

  “No, Jake. I’m not feeling very well at all,” I reply but keep walking.

  “Get in my truck and I’ll take you home if you’re sick.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Jake. Just go back to the party.”

  “Erin, I don’t understand what the hell is going on here. Are you upset about something?” Jake asks as he steps in front of me and finally gets me to stop.

  “No.”

  “Erin, don’t lie to me. You promised you would always answer my questions when I ask. Darlin’, what is going on?” Jake asks, concern etched in his beautiful face. A face that will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Jake was the one. At least he was for me.

  “I heard you,” I whisper.

  “Heard me say what?”

  “I heard you tell Travis to just have a little fun and then move on.”

  Jake looks up like he’s thinking back to his conversation with Travis. “That wasn’t about you, Erin,” he replies defensively.

  “Whatever, Jake. I’m done being humiliated by you. You just confirmed that you are the exact same person you were twenty years ago. A spoiled, selfish boy who only cares about getting what he wants; be damned with everyone else.” I step around Jake and start to walk again towards my house.

  “Erin, what the hell? Is that really what you think of me?” Jake asks but doesn’t follow me.

  I stop and turn back to face Jake. “It wasn’t what I thought until about ten minutes ago. Until I realized that the person I’ve come to care the most about in this world doesn’t feel the same way. In fact, he feels the exact opposite.”

  Jake is staring at me, dark blue eyes burning into mine. “Well, then you better get home before this cold air freezes what’s left of your cold heart,” he replies with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, face as hard as stone.

  I turn around and walk away from him. My cold heart? He was the one who admitted to only being with me until something better comes along. I was prepared to tell him that I was in love with him tonight, and I’m the one with the cold heart? No, the only thing wrong with my heart is the fact that it’s shattered into a million pieces, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repair the damage he’s done.

  The cool air chills my hot tears as I walk the rest of the three blocks towards my house. All I can think about now is curling up on my couch with Miss Whiskers and a pint of chocolate ice cream, and crying until there’s nothing left inside except the ghost of a memory of Jake Stevens.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jake

  Today is supposed to be a happy, joyous day. Today is supposed to be about new beginnings and celebrating love. But today just plain sucks.

  I sat in my truck last night on the side of the road as the woman I loved walked away from me. I actually sat there and watched her walk those three blocks in the dark to make sure she got home okay because as much as it hurt to have her rip out my heart last night, the thought of something happening to her on her way home was unbearable.

  What the hell happened? One minute I’m talking with Travis in the hallway about someone asking him to join our softball league and the next thing I know, Avery is telling me that Erin left because she didn’t feel good. Something had clearly gone very wrong last night.

  She obviously didn’t hear the entire conversation last night in the hallway between Travis and me, but why she would jump to the ridiculous conclusion that I’m only with her to have a little fun for a bit until something better comes along, I have no damn clue. I would never do anything to hurt her. Ever. In fact, I was planning on having a very important conversation with her later this weekend.

  Clearly, Erin isn’t the person I thought she was either. She doesn’t trust me and can’t get over what happened twenty years ago. Fine. Whatever. I’m just glad I learned this now instead of when we’re living together, engaged, or worse - married.

  Yeah, for the past week, I’d actually considered all those things with Erin. I’ve imagined waking up every morning with her and not just because one of us stayed the night at the other’s place. I want to wake up to her every day. Go to sleep with her every night. Plan things for our future - together. Well, I did. Hell, I still do.

  When she accused me of that shit last night, I immediately jumped on the defense and said things right back – things that I didn’t mean. Erin has the warmest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. She’s caring and generous and a damn good person. But, when she threw her past humiliation in my face, it made me realize that we might not actually get past that. And that hurt and scared me at the same time. So, I threw harsh words back at her and made her cry. I did the one thing I never, ever wanted to do. I made the woman I love cry. I really am a douchebag.

  After I made sure she got home safely last night, I went back to the restaurant - even though I would have rather have been anywhere else at that moment. I pasted on a big, fake smile and carried on like my life wasn’t just demolished by the woman I love.

  I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Maddox slept over in my spare bedroom and tried to talk to me a few times last night about what was bothering me, but the last thing I wanted to do was burden my best friend on the night before his wedding with my own love troubles. So, I kept insisting that I was fine and changing the subject.

  This morning, the pot of coffee I just consumed won’t even help. I’m tired and grouchy and really don’t want force fake smiles all damn day. But, I won’t be the guy who ruins his sister’s wedding.

  So, as I shave in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I give myself a little mental pep talk to try to help improve my mood. Unfortunately, my mind won’t think of anything or anyone but Erin. The way she laughs. The soft curve of her neck. The way her lips part and her breathing becomes labored when she’s aroused. All things that keep replaying on repeat in my mind like some scene from the movie “Groundhogs Day”.

  When I finally head into the kitchen, Maddox is sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee. He looks rumpled in his t-shirt and lounge pants from sleep, hair in disarray, but he looks refreshed and ready for the day. “Did you sleep at all last night?” he asks.

  “Nope.”

  “You ready to tell me what the hell is going on?”

  “Nope.”

  “Obviously, this has something to do with Erin because I’ve never seen you this upset over anyone before.”

  “I’m fine. Besides, it’s your wedding day. Let’s talk about happy shit.”

  “My wedding day can wait, Jake. We don’t have to be there for hours. Come on, man, talk to me.”

  I sigh heavily and take a seat across from Maddox. “She left last night after she overheard a conversation in the hallway between me and Travis. She only heard a very small portion of it, but it was enough to upset her and send her flying off the deep end with accusations.”

  “So, why haven’t you set her straight?”

  “I tried. She’s assuming the worst about me and believes that I’m only with her to fill time until someone better comes along.”

  “Ouch. I’m sure no woman wants to think they hear that; let alone Erin.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Come on, Jake. Let’s face it. In her eyes, you did something pretty horrible to her in the past and she’s scared that you’re doing the same thing again.”

  “I’m not!”

  “I get that, but she feels like you’ve betrayed her all over again.” Maddox take a drink of his coffee and looks back up at me. “Let me ask you something. Do you love her?”


  “Yes,” I reply without even the slightest moment of hesitation.

  “Have you told her that?”

  I exhale and shake my head from side to side.

  “Why not?”

  “We just never got to that yet. I was planning on telling her this weekend and even ask her to consider moving in together.”

  “So, you haven’t told her you love her. She thinks she overhears a conversation where you’re admitting to just wanting to have a little fun with her for awhile before moving on. You two have a major history, man. Hell, you haven’t ever had a serious relationship and I get that, really I do. I, of all people, understand that.” Maddox pauses from dramatic effect. “Do you blame her for assuming you’d be that guy who was using her for a little fun?”

  I can’t even look at Maddox right now. I just hang my head in shame, running my hand over my weary face. I have fucked this up bad.

  “You can’t change what happened and what was said last night when you were upset. But you can change what happens from here on out. Don’t be like me when I walked away from Avery. That is time I will never get back and it was you who made me realize that,” Maddox says as he takes the final drink of his coffee. “Come on. Let’s finish getting ready for the day. We have lunch in a couple of hours with the guys at Jack’s Pub, and then we have to be to the church to get ready. That leaves you with a little time this morning to decide if this mess is worth fixing or not. If it is, well then, go. Fix it.” Maddox slaps my shoulder before he walks out of the room to get dressed.

  He’s right. I have to be at the Pub at eleven. That leaves me with three hours to go find Erin and fix this. I have to fix this because the thought of life without her isn’t an option for me anymore.

  *****

  My first stop is Erin’s house. Of course, she’s not there. Why would it be this easy, right? So I hop back in my truck and head towards the library. I know she took the day off today, but maybe she stopped in to do some paperwork. Hell, maybe she decided to work the entire day. There’s no guarantee that Erin is going to show up for the wedding or reception today, so maybe she decided to work instead.

  As I pull into the parking lot next to the library, I do a quick scan for her car, but I don’t see it. I decide to go ahead and check inside - just in case. When I pull open the large door, I instantly see a young high school girl working behind the counter.

  “Is Erin here?”

  “No, I’m sorry. She’s off today. Can I help you with something?”

  “No, thank you,” I say as I turn and head back out of the library.

  Once back inside my truck, I decide to drive by her place one more time. Maybe she ran an errand or something earlier. As I approach her house, I see that I’m wrong. Erin isn’t there.

  I end up driving around town for the next hour and a half looking for her. I check every parking lot and street that I can think of, hoping that I’ll spot her red VW Bug. No such luck.

  At ten thirty, I realize it’s almost time to go meet the guys for lunch. I head back to my house to pick up the groom, grab my tux, and head to Jack’s Pub - all with a heavy heart. It’s still beating, but I don’t know if this empty ache will ever go away.

  When we get to Jack’s everyone is already there. We snag the big table in the back and order big greasy cheeseburgers and fries. Instead of beers, we all opt for soft drinks - no one willing to take a chance at pissing off one of the moms or Avery today.

  “I’d like to propose a toast,” my dad says as he stands at the head of the table. “Every father always wants the absolute best for their children. Whether it’s a son or a daughter, you want them to find their happiness, their place in the world. Avery is my only daughter. She is my light, my world. She is the second woman I’ve ever really loved with my entire being. And she gave me my first grandchild. She is beautiful, strong, and intelligent. She is caring and giving and forgiving. She is one of my five greatest joys in this world. And now, I am about to share her with you, Maddox. I couldn’t be prouder or more honored to share with you my greatest joy. Not only are you getting a treasure, but she’s getting one in you, too. I can only hope that when the time comes for my boys, they find the perfect friend and lover that you and Avery have found in each other. You’re a good boy and I’m very excited to welcome you, officially, to the Stevens family. So, everyone raise your glasses and toast to Avery and Maddox. Cheers!” Dad raises his glass and takes a drink of his ice tea.

  “To Maddox,” I say and truly mean it. I take a drink of my coke and slap my best friend on the back. My dad’s words bounce around in my head like a ping pong ball in an arcade game.

  I’ve already found her, Dad. I’ve already found her.

  *****

  It’s almost show time and Maddox is starting to pace around the room we’re all in at the back of the church. After I finished getting him dressed because the guy’s hands were shaking so bad and he was working on his fourth try at tying his necktie, there’s a knock on the door.

  “Come in,” Maddox says, nerves evident in his voice, as he rubs his sweaty hands up and down his suit pants for the tenth time.

  My mom walks in and gives a beautiful smile to the room. She looks amazing and half her age in her beautiful lavender dress. Maddox, his brother Aiden, my brothers, and I are all dressed in dark grey suits. The whole event is pretty small with me serving as best man and Maddox’s brother as his groomsman. My three brothers are ushers.

  “Look at this room full of handsome men,” my mom coos with a big smile.

  “How are the girls doing, Mom? Is Avery ready?” Will asks.

  “They’re all ready to go,” she says with a big smile to the room before turning her attention to Maddox. “It’s almost time. I just wanted to come and give you a hug and tell you how happy I am that you’re marrying my daughter. And with the adoption looming around the corner, you’ve made me the happiest mother in the world today,” mom says with tear-filled eyes as she gives Maddox a big motherly hug.

  “Thank you, Mrs. S. I won’t ever let you down. I promise,” Maddox replies. I decide not to draw attention to the fact that he takes a swipe at the moisture in his eye.

  “I know you won’t, dear. Now, if you boys will excuse me, I’d like to have a word with Jake in the hallway.”

  Mom walks out the door and stops just outside of the door in the hallway; I follow her and close the door tightly behind me. My body is filled with tension, and I can sense the lecture coming. It’s just like I’m the fifteen year old boy again who convinced Nate to climb on the roof and drop water balloons on Avery and her kindergarten friends playing in the backyard.

  “Have you talked to her?” she asks with a knowing look on her face, arms crossed firmly over her chest.

  I don’t even have to ask who she’s referring to. Mom always know. “No,” I reply and look down at my shoes.

  “Why not, Jake?”

  I exhale deeply. “I couldn’t find her this morning. I looked everywhere - her house, the library, and just about every place I could think of in town.”

  “You didn’t check your parent’s house.”

  I look up at my mom. My eyes clash into the striking blue eyes that are identical to my own.

  “Yes, she’s been at our house all day. She arrived just before nine when all of the girls were gathering for brunch. I took one look at her and knew something more than just ‘being sick’ was wrong with that girl. She looked like she hadn’t slept a wink and that she was dying inside. So why don’t you tell me why she has fought tears almost the entire day today?”

  I close my eyes as the image of Erin crying invades my mind again. “I said something last night that I didn’t mean. Something in the heat of the moment that I can’t take back now.”

  “Does this have anything to do with why she left suddenly last night and you came back looking like someone ran over your dog?”

  I exhale. “Yeah. I caught up with her down the road from the restaurant. She overheard par
t of a conversation and what she heard didn’t exactly paint me in good light so she took off and walked home. But, I swear, Mom, that conversation wasn’t what she thought it was.”

  “Did you tell her that?”

  “Of course! But she threw it back in my face. Said that I was spoiled and selfish and was only out to hurt her again. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

  “What did you say after she accused you of those things?”

  “I…I basically told her to get stepping and not to come back,” I say in a quiet voice as I hang my head in shame. “But I didn’t mean it, Mom,” I say, eyes pleading with her to believe me.

  “Of course you didn’t, honey. You know, there was a time right after you and Nate were born that your father and I fought all the time. It didn’t matter what it was about or how frivolous it was, we fought and fought. One night after one particularly horrible fight where we both said things we didn’t mean, your dad stormed out of the house and tore out of the driveway in his truck. He was gone for over an hour and I started to wonder if we would actually make it to celebrate another anniversary. I cried for what felt like a lifetime that night while I waited to see if he was coming home or not. Just when I decided to give up and go to bed, I heard his truck pull into the driveway. His boots were heavy on the steps and I was dreading the inevitable confrontation that was surely coming. But when your dad stepped through the front door and I took one look at his red, swollen eyes and his dirty, tear streaked face, I completely forgot what we were even fighting about to begin with. I realized that it was nothing compared to our relationship - that was worth fighting for. He pulled out his hand from behind his back and had a big bunch of wildflowers from a country ditch. They were the most beautiful flowers I’d ever seen or received. It was in that moment that I realized your father and I still had a lot to learn about each other and ourselves, but as long as we were in it together, we’d figure out a way.” Mom stares at me intently and reaches up to touch my cheek. “It’s not what you fight about that matters, Jake. It’s what you fight for that’s really important.”