Finding Solace

by Speak, Barbara

  We all stood there and watched as Mike ran around the Octagon screaming in triumph. Jason ran and jumped on Mike and then picked him up. Mike's arms were in the air straight over his head. What a fantastic moment to be a part of. Tony ran down and jumped on the fence screaming his congrats. We all turned and hugged each other. I don’t think I have ever felt so proud.

  Things started to settle down after a while. Mike was still talking to all the TV crews and reporters. Colt looked over at me and said, "I just won five grand!"

  "Are you kidding me? You bet on the fight?"

  "Hey, it’s not like I bet against him or anything."

  I just laughed. It didn't even occur to me or I probably would have too. We all decided it was time to go and started walking up those God forsaken steps. When we reached the top, Heather told me she was going to stay behind with the Harrison family and she would see me back at the hotel. Outside the center was insane. We were never going to catch a cab. If we wanted to wait for another couple hours I am sure we might find one, but we decided to walk a couple blocks and better our luck. We were all still floating on a high from Mike’s win. When we finally flagged a cab down, all six of us piled in. A bar was calling our name. There was no way we were ready to end the night. Shawn suggested we just go to the hotel bar so we wouldn't have to mess with cabs again. We all agreed easily.

  Back at the hotel bar, Dave texted Mike, Jason and Tony to tell them where we were in case they wanted to join us. Shots were brought out first. Shawn wanted shots of honey wild turkey. Nothing was bringing us down that night. Bryan wanted Alabama Slammers so we did a round of those too. Colt decided on Rumplemintz. Dave was a classic Tequila guy. Geoff picked Tuaca. It was my turn and I decided to have some fun with it. Blow jobs were ordered. All the guys bitched and complained but if I took theirs, they were doing mine. They all managed to drink it but the looks on their faces were priceless. The bar had hired a karaoke company so it was a riot listening to the people trying to sound professional. When all of the shots started to set in, I snuck over to the table and signed myself up. Never did I think I would have the guts to sing in front of a large crowd of people again, but after Mike's fight anything was feeling possible. I was walking back over to the table when I noticed a couple of girls standing there talking to the guys. I didn’t want to hurt any of their chances tonight so I just stopped to observe. It looked like Geoff had one for sure. That only left two. The longer they all talked it seemed Shawn brought in the second. With only one left it didn’t surprise me that she was the prettiest, that fact gave her the right to take her time to choose. Everything in me wanted to walk over and stake my claim. I am positive you would’ve liked me to also. I hadn’t felt this torn in a long time. Especially when it was Colt she went to. That’s when I started walking over. Just as I was a couple of tables away, the karaoke guy called my name. I turned and walked back to the stage where people had been performing all night. The guy working the machine already had it printed on the screen that I was to be singing "Bobby McGee" by Janis Joplin. It was the most daring thing I feel like I have ever done in my life, but I needed to do this at this moment. I didn’t take the stage like I was supposed to. Instead I walked back over to the guy and whispered "Can I please change my song or is it too late?"

  "It's never too late for you, darlin’. What did you decide you want to sing instead?"

  I answered him, so scared to death by my choice. It wasn’t because of my voice. I had been taking lessons ever since I was five years old. I didn’t like singing in front of people as much as I used to, so nobody has really heard me since high school. I picked up the microphone and walked up on the stage.

  When the music started, I just closed my eyes. Rihanna's song "Stay" started to play through the speakers. Those of you that may not know this song, I ask that you look it up because every word in this song is what I needed Colt to hear at this moment. I began to sing but I remained standing there with my eyes closed. When I came to the lyrics,

  "Round and around and around and around we go" I opened my eyes. All eyes in the place were on me. I continued to pour my heart out into the words of the song but there was one direction I couldn't look. I found myself closing my eyes again. It wasn't until I reached the words, "The reason I hold on is because I need this hole gone" that is when I opened my eyes again. Searching for the one person I was singing to, but he wasn't there. My heart fell into my stomach. I only had a small part of the song left so I just intended to close my eyes again until I finished. What I found when my eyes were almost closed shot them right back open again. Colt was standing right in front of me at the edge of the stage. When the point came for me to sing the last lyrics which were, "I want you to stay" I looked right into his eyes. The music ended and I lowered the microphone. The entire then bar erupted in applause. My friends in the back of the bar were now joined by Heather, Jason and Tony. They were screaming the loudest. I was shaking from the adrenaline running through my system. I handed the microphone back to the guy working and he said, "Do you need a job, sweetheart? You've definitely found your calling." I just smiled and said thank you. I stepped off the stage and found Colt waiting for me there. He didn’t say a word to me at first. He just stood there staring at me. Then as if something snapped inside of him, he grabbed me and kissed me in front of the whole bar. He finally broke away from the kiss, but only long enough to get out the words, "You are unbelievably amazing! Your perfection is endless" and then he was kissing me again. I think I heard more cheers in response to the kiss than my singing, but I didn't care. This moment is the one I had been waiting for, and it’s finally here.

  We eventually stopped kissing and then walked back to our table. Hoots and hollers were still being made. Colt held my hand the whole way back to the table. The girls from before were still there but the really pretty one must have picked Dave instead. Maybe she wasn't left with much choice when Colt came for me. Heather and the Harrison brothers joined in on the fun and ordered another round of shots. It was two o'clock in the morning and we were all having the time of our lives. Tony kept asking me if I was available just to get under Colt’s skin. You bet your ass I told him it would depend who was asking. Colt stayed pretty tightly glued to me for the rest of the night. I think he believed that Tony wanted to date me. Wouldn’t that be kind of funny? I planned on sleeping with the third Harrison when I got Colt by accident. It could have been Tony all along. They announced last call from the bar a little while later. I was trashed. Colt had to help me walk over to the elevator so that I wouldn't fall. We all fit in one elevator, believe it or not. Bryan and Tony were the only ones without girls, so they turned around and went back downstairs once we reached our floor. I guess they were going on the prowl some more. The rest of us all said good night and went our separate ways. It truly was a good night. Even after you thought I went to sleep, Ha-ha.

  CHAPTER 21

  Summer was fast approaching. I knew the time would come, but it sucked just the same. Colt decided he was going to stay back and help Shawn with the bar all summer. Bryan, Dave and Geoff were going to be going home. We still had two more weeks left but it felt like it was going to be here before we knew it. Work seemed to be slowing down and my boss said it was due to the economic decline. Whatever caused it, needed to be fixed soon. I like my money too much. Wrestling season came to a close and Colt got the surprise of a lifetime. He still had one more year of eligibility, but with his age, they asked if he would be interested in helping coach instead. What shocked us all is he accepted the proposal. Since I brought up Colt, I wanted to tell you he is acting weird again lately. After the trip we all took to Chicago, I thought things were going to be perfect with us. It wasn’t that we didn't still spend time together. It was more like he was closing himself off. I can’t for the life of me figure out why he has multiple locks on his doors at his house now. It is just plain weird. It’s as if he is in trouble or scared of someone. I have been inviting him to my apartment more often so I don’t feel th
e tension that consumes his place now. As for the other women, they are still happening. I hear the guys talk about them from time to time. How lucky Colt is to score with this one or that one. Why I can't bring myself to accept even a date is beyond me. It’s not like I don't get offers. I just seem to be writing more and more letters to Colt that he will never see. Tonight is Monday night so you all know where we will be. Yep, you guessed it. The alley is calling our name. We all headed up there around 9:00. The whole gang from ‘51’ was coming. Now that I am twenty one, it’s kind of funny how this place lost its luster. I was getting away with something before that now was a legal task.

  Mike was still getting crap from the guys about the final move he used on Reynolds. They were calling him a show boat. He apparently had him with the triangle choke hold. Reynolds would have tapped out but Mike wanted to make a point by finishing him off with the drop that the commentators are still talking about.

  Jason had his first fight since the whole mess with Shawn a week ago and he crushed his opponent also. Jason and Heather were as cute as ever. I am so happy they moved past all the drama from last year.

  Dave is still talking to the girl he met after Mikes fight. Her name is Angie and she happens to be a student at EIU also. She was just visiting Chicago with some friends that weekend. I’m not sure what happened to Geoff or Shawn’s girls from that night, since they were also students at the university. For the most part, I think all these boys were just truly enjoying being young and single. Tonight is the last night we are all going to be able to party together being that finals are just around the corner for all the students.

  Colt was high again. It seems lately he was more often that way than not. Geoff hasn’t made one negative comment to me. In fact, he hasn’t spoken to me at all other than maybe adding to a conversation I am taking part in since Chicago either. It seems that trip changed a lot of things.

  Word traveled fast around bar ‘51’ about my singing that night and it has been requested time and time again when we go out. That specific talent of mine I was choosing to also be left in Chicago. Tony had been coming around ever since we first met him on the trip. It just seems ironic to me that I never met him before then. He's just as much fun as his brothers and it makes for a great night when we have all three Harrison boys out with us. Speaking of which, all three brothers are here tonight.

  Tony was at the bar when I walked up to order a drink. He still hasn’t let up with flirting. But I won’t lie to you. I loved every minute of it.

  "Hey, good lookin’! What do I have to do to get your fine ass to let me buy you a drink?" Leave it to Tony.

  "Just keep smiling like you do and I'll let you drop all the money on me that you want."

  "Perfect answer, Sadie, because I'm going to spoil you rotten when you finally give me a chance." See what I mean about offers. What is wrong with me?

  "I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship, Tony." I brushed his cheek seductively. "Then who could I openly flirt with?”

  "Good point, but I am going to persuade you to reconsider. I am a lawyer after all."

  "This might be the one case you lose." I grabbed my drink and walked away laughing, back to Colt, Jason and Heather. I was bowling like a champ tonight. I was beating them by 20 pins. All due to my trusty ball that Colt found for me. Mike, Tony, Bryan, Shawn were playing next to us. Mike decided we needed to trade a player next game. Shawn offered to switch with me. I really had no choice in the matter. I didn't really care because I was on a roll and planned to kick their asses also. We finished the game with me crushing them by thirty six. Everyone decided shots were in order before the next game started. Heather picked slippery nipples for us and all the guys went stupid with their comments on that one. After all of us were good on drinks, we went back to the lanes. I was now on Tony’s team considering Bryan and Mike wouldn't ever split up on a winning streak. I was okay with that since I was on one of my own. The first ball thrown was Mike’s- strike. Crap! He came back talking so much smack on how he was the shit. Then Tony went- spare. Not perfect, but still good. Bryan bowled third and got a strike just like Mike. Tony was looking at me like it all came down to me and it was only the first frame. I, of course, got a strike. This continued for the rest of the game. When one partner fell behind, the other picked them back up. We were down to the tenth frame and team wise Tony and I were down by five. Mike bowled and took out six pins. On his next throw he only got three. He was so mad! Tony went and guttered his first ball. I couldn’t believe it. Then he got a strike, thank God. His next throw he only got four. Bryan went and threw an eight and then picked up the spare. His last throw was a strike. There was no way I could do anything to win. I threw a strike first and then I threw another one! One more ball was left. I threw another strike making what they call a turkey! We won! I was so happy I ran and jumped into Tony’s waiting arms. He spun me around and then kissed me. I am sure you caught that. If not, I said he kissed me! When he set me down, I looked over at Colt to see if he saw that and then I watched him walk away and leave. I tried to go after him but Tony grabbed me around the waist and said,"Just let him go."

  "Let him go? No. He didn't deserve that."

  "Deserve what? For you to have a life? Sadie, he fucks girls for sport and you just sit back and take whatever he's willing to give you. You're the one who doesn't deserve that."

  I looked around and all eyes were on me. One by one, when I looked at someone, they dropped their eyes to the ground. Is that really how they see me? Like I am some pathetic dog that is willing to beg until it is thrown a bone. What the fuck? Now I am the one that wants to leave. What do I even say to that?

  "I am a grown woman, who is making choices for herself. I know what I am doing. Why do you seem to have a problem with that?"

  "Sadie, he's just trying to protect you from..."

  "Mike, are you a part of this too? Please tell me then, what is Tony trying to protect me from?" I snapped.

  "Yourself !" Now Tony was getting heated. "You are not protecting yourself. Do you think there is an ending to all of this where you are not going to get hurt? If you really believe that then you need help more than I thought."

  "I'm not a fucking charity case. I don't need anybody to help me. I am doing just fine, thank you. Now if you guys are done, I would like to go to the bathroom. Can I do that by myself or do I need help with that also?" I didn't wait for a response. I walked away with my shoulders back and my head held high. When I finally reached the bathroom and was inside, I rushed to a stall, locked the door, sat down and started to cry, hard. Have I made so many wrong decisions in my life that I can no longer tell a good one from bad? I loved Colt. I love him so much it hurts. How can loving something ever be wrong? I sobbed into my hands. Then I heard the door open from the alley. I started wiping my face off with toilet paper. I blew my nose and then heard, "Sadie.” It was a man's voice. The same man that fills my dreams. What was he doing here? I thought he left? Why was he in the girl’s bathroom?

  "What are you doing in here, Colt?"

  "Sadie, please open the door."

  "No."

  "Please my beautiful, beautiful girl. Don't cry. What ever happened we can fix it, together. You just have to open this door. It’s the only thing keeping me from you."

  I opened the lock and threw myself in his arms. He grabbed on to me and held me so tight while I cried harder than I can remember in a long time.

  "Is this about my reaction to that kiss?"

  I tried to sniffle the tears back, but they just kept falling as I pulled back to look at him. He wiped them away one by one as they fell. Colt didn’t rush me to talk. He just kept his eyes locked on mine and waited. Eventually I got myself under control.

  "How did you know I was in here?"

  "I came back inside and you were missing. Heather was standing outside the bathroom door, blocking anyone that wanted to get in and redirecting them to the men's room. It was kind of a red flag."

  "Remind me to thank Heath
er, please."