Finding Solace

by Speak, Barbara

  "Hi Kaleb, my name is Sadie and I will be the one cutting your hair for you today. If you would like to, please follow me." I then held my hand out to show him the way. I walked in front to guide him back to my chair. When we reached my station, I asked him to please take a seat. Kaleb sat down but then spun the chair around and said, "Sadie, it’s me, Kaleb Wilson. Do you really not remember me?"

  "Of course I do. How are you?"

  "I’m doing well. How about you?"

  "I couldn't be better. So what cut are we going for today? Drastic, trim or clean up?"

  "Just do whatever you want. I'm not going to be picky. It’s just hair."

  "So, big date tomorrow?"

  "Yes actually. I just started dating Lindsey Miller. Do you remember her? "

  "Absolutely! I loved Lindsey. Good choice by the way."

  "Thanks. It took me awhile but she was worth the wait."

  "What about you? Seeing anybody I know?"

  "Nope, no body from the original circle."

  "Sadie, why are you acting like you have a stick up your ass? I've known you since we were ten."

  "I don't know, Kaleb. I haven't seen anyone from school in years. Maybe that’s it?"

  "Or, maybe not. I heard about your twenty first birthday. What the fuck, Sadie? Did I do something?"

  I froze. No, he didn't do anything. He was always one of the nice guys. Why was I acting like this?

  "Not at all. I just haven't seen anyone that is friends with James since school. It was an awkward break up. I guess that just threw me a little."

  "Sadie. I'm not going to go into what I do or don't know about what happened with you guys. But I will say this. I smiled a big one the day I heard you left his ass. James was a piece of shit. I haven't talked to him in years. You, on the other hand, I miss.”

  "Are you hitting on me, Kaleb?"

  "You wish! I told you I am seeing Lindsey. Now cut my hair woman, and stop acting like a fool."

  After he put me in my place, I started to relax. While I cut his hair, we bull shitted about old times and what we had been up to for the last four years. I hadn’t even realized how much I missed the people I used to call my friends. I guess I felt like, to walk away from James meant I needed to walk away from anything affiliated with him. I had just learned that’s not true, and it felt good.

  When I finished cutting his hair, he still stuck around while I packed up to leave. We still had so much to catch up on. We walked out to our cars and exchanged numbers. I was hugging him goodbye when he said, "Please use that number. It was a blast getting to see you again. Well, after you pulled the stick out at least." I smacked his arm.

  "I definitely will. I'm so glad you came in tonight. Maybe we could all get together sometime next week? Oh, and Kaleb? Have fun with Lindsey tomorrow. Don't forget to tell her I said hi."

  "That would be great. And I will."

  I opened my car door to get in when I heard, "Happy Valentine’s day, Sadie."

  "Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too."

  Well, today didn't end so badly after all. What am I going to do now about tomorrow?

  Colt went home two days ago. It was Valentine's Day and I had yet to hear from him since he got on that plane. I didn’t want to seem pathetic so of course I only texted him once to say Happy Valentine’s Day. I decided I would spend the day with Tony. When I talked to him yesterday and told him I was going to be alone today, he said he would take care of it, whatever that means. So I was on my way to his house. He had been doing surprisingly well. His latest results came back and it showed that they were able to get everything, but they do not consider you into full remission until a set period of time has passed.

  When I got to his house, Tony answered the door in a tuxedo. What the hell is going on?

  "Well hey there, sexy. Umm, am I either under dressed or are you very overdressed? I don't think I got the memo on this one."

  "You're perfect just the way you are, but I got the hook up for you in here. Come on in." He held the door open for me so I went, but I had no idea what to be expecting. He closed the door behind me and then told me to follow him back to his bedroom.

  "Ah Tony. I thought we discussed that we weren't going to be taking this step anymore and friendship was the best thing for us."

  "Keep dreaming, kitten. I have something for you back here but it’s not ME."

  I walked into his bedroom and lying on the bed was the most gorgeous pewter silk gown. It must have cost a fortune.

  "Tony, what is going on?"

  "I heard it in your voice yesterday. You sounded so sad. I will always be here for you. So, I made some arrangements. Get dressed, pretty girl. We are going to have the best night of your life."

  Tears fell from my eyes. I love this guy. He always knows how to pull me back from the slumps I get myself in. I grabbed him into a huge hug.

  "Thank you."

  "No need for that yet. I will have earned plenty of them by the end of the night though. Now seriously, get dressed." Then he walked out of the door. I pulled my clothes off but then thought about it. I didn’t have any of the accessories needed for a dress like this. Then I heard a knock on the door.

  "There is a bag hanging from the closet door. Everything you’re going to need is in there. Quit freaking out and just get changed already."

  I busted up laughing. Sure enough, there was a bag. In it was every item I needed, just like he had said. He bought a strapless bra but I chose to go without one. I found band aids in his bathroom and used those to cover up my nipples, problem solved. The thong panties were silk along with the garter belt. The shoes, oh my God the shoes! Louboutin jewel accented black stilettos! And then it was time for the dress. I slipped it over my head and it just cascaded over my body. Every curve was accented perfectly. I don’t think I could have had one made that could fit this well. I was in pure heaven. Pure designer heaven. When I was finished, I opened the door to find Tony standing there with his jaw dropped.

  "You are perfection."

  I spun around and came back to meet his eyes. "It’s all your doing, handsome. You don't look too bad yourself."

  "Thank you. Are you ready to go?"

  "Absolutely! Where are we going?"

  "That is information I can’t divulge. You are going to just have to wait and see." I smiled the hugest smile that has ever crossed my face.

  Outside his house sat a limousine. Really!

  "What are you thinking, Sadie?"

  "Um, I don't know. Holy shit crossed my mind a couple of times."

  He just laughed and took my hand. He led me to the car where the driver was holding the door open. We got in and lavish is too small of a word to use to describe what I was seeing. Exquisite might work better.

  "Alright, I have to know. Did you have this planned for a girl and she backed out or what?"

  "Why would you think this couldn't possibly be for you? Sadie, I have had a lot of great friends in my life. But you, you are special. You have given me so much of yourself the last couple of months. I hated the fact you were going to be sad. Consider this a pick me up and a payback for all you have done for me. Or, just stop thinking and just enjoy the day." I leaned over and hugged him, tight. He was special to me too.

  First we stopped for ice cream. Yep, I said ice cream. Dressed like we were. It was hilarious to see people gawk at us. Then we went to the arcade at the mall. Same thing with the people. I think the putt- putt golf was my favorite. We finished the day at the most expensive restaurant in town. As the limo pulled in to the parking lot, I looked over at Tony. We had been having so much fun all day, but the smile on his face at that moment was priceless.

  "You didn't think we got all dressed up for nothing, did you?" I fell in love with him all over again. Somehow I think this kind of love is better. You know it will never go away. Friendships last a lifetime.

  When the driver opened the door, Tony took my hand and helped me out. He walked me through the doors and I could not help but su
ck in a breath. Wow! The maître d led us to a table reserved in the back of the restaurant. When we were seated, he walked away and I said, "If it were like that between us, you would be getting the best blow job of your life for this one."

  He laughed and responded, "Classy Sadie. But don't get me wrong, if it were like that between us, I'd expect it."

  It was my turn to die laughing.

  We ordered completely different things. I went with steak after he ordered duck. Tony said he'd never tried it before and begged me to order steak in case it was disgusting. He ended up eating my steak. I tried the duck, to be able to say that I have tried it, but I ended up just eating my steak too.

  When the night was done we were brought to Tony's house. He took my hand for the very last time to help me out of the limo. It was bittersweet.

  Tony walked me to my car and gave me the hugest hug. I thanked him over and over for the most fantastic Valentine's Day I think any girl could ever dream of.

  As I drove home that night I thought, best Valentine’s day ever! And I didn't think of Colt once. Maybe I will be okay without him.

  CHAPTER 32

  It took eight days this time before Colt contacted me. When he did, he did not seem like himself at all. He asked how my Valentine's Day was. What was up with that? Did he want to hear how sad and alone I was or was he wanting to hear that I went on a date? See what I mean by confusing? So I told him the truth. He really didn’t seem to like my answer and I didn’t care one bit. I was mad at him plain and simple. Would it have been that hard to just text me back happy freaking Valentine's Day, really? Tony thought it was an ignorant move also. This time I was positive that he was going to come to me or we were done. I may love him, but I would not be shit on in the process.

  I did end up calling Kaleb. He sounded shocked, which made me laugh. Then it was apparently his turn to shock me when he said, "I told Lindsey about getting my hair cut by you and she freaked. She is having a party this weekend. She didn't want me to tell you this, but the party is basically for you."

  "For me? What are you talking about?"

  "She was just excited at the possibility that you might come back around a little more. It’s not like it’s in your honor or anything. She just put together a party."

  "What if I would have said no?"

  "Are you?"

  "No."

  "Then who cares? Saturday night, at her place. I will text you the address."

  "Sounds great. See ya then."

  I wanted to look super cute for the party at Lindsey’s. When I was getting ready I made sure to wear my favorite Manolo's, black skinny jeans, and a burgundy sweater. My hair was down and I decided to leave it wavy. When I looked in the mirror and was happy with the reflection staring back at me, I grabbed my keys and was out the door. One last stop at the gas station to grab a twelve pack and I was golden.

  I pulled up outside her apartment and got the feeling I was late. The parking lot was packed. Music was cranked up loud and people were spilling out the front door. I got out and walked over to the crowd. I did not recognize anyone at first, but as I entered the house, I heard Lindsey screaming at somebody from the kitchen. I followed her rant until she came into focus. I just stood back and watched as she lit into Jameson. He knocked over a pitcher and it was now spilled across the counter and floor. I raised my hand and said loud enough to be heard, "I will clean it, if you shut up."

  Heads turned in my direction and then a screech came from Lindsey. She ran over to me and we hugged each other. Jameson said, "Good to see you, Sadie. Now, are you really going to clean that or what?"

  "Nice try, Jameson, but she's got people to see." She turned back to me and said, "It’s been too long, girl." I agreed.

  Looking around I was seeing people that I recognized scattered all over the place. I looked back at Lindsey and notice she had not changed much. She is still wearing her hair long and straight. It is strawberry blonde and fine but paired with her tanned skin it works for her. I always thought she was pretty in high school, but now Lindsey was beautiful. She and I walked out the door on to the deck and found Kaleb sitting at a table playing cards. When we got closer I saw that they were playing Bullshit. It’s a drinking game that back in the day, I would stomp everyone I played against. It is all about calling the other players’ bluff.

  Kaleb stood up from his chair and gave me a hug. “Glad you made it."

  "Me too. Now, can I get in on this game or do I need to wait?"

  "You can take over my hand. I learned my lesson back in school. I don't play against you, Sadie."

  "Chicken shit."

  "Yep. You got it. Let me go grab some more drinks and I will be back to watch."

  Kaleb handed me his cards and walked back into the house. Lindsey followed him so I just sat down and introduced myself to the three people at the table. The first person to speak up was a guy named Jeremy. He seemed really nice and he worked with Kaleb. Second was a girl, whose name was Cindy. She didn’t offer up any information about herself and seemed like a bitch. Finally there was Nicole. She was awesome. She went to college with Lindsey. They were apparently roommates. We played for a while when Kaleb came back out with beer. I was winning, which did not seem to surprise him in the slightest. I called Bullshit on Cindy every hand. And every hand I was right. She gave me a dirty look each time, which only made her more of a target. She got up from the table with her phone saying she needed to call her boyfriend. Whatever. Kaleb sat down in her place but refused to pick up her cards. He called himself an observer. I called him chicken shit again. Nicole ended up winning and boy, did she rub it in. I just laughed. I didn’t mind losing to her, she was just hilarious to watch. We all walked back in the house and I was introduced to Steve, Nicole's boyfriend. He was huge. I would guess he was six foot six at least. Compared to Nicole, who was maybe five foot four, they looked awkward together but they were cute. The longer I watched I started to think about Colt. I wondered what he was doing right now. I refused to call him, so I went and took a shot. And then another. Jameson joined me and then Kaleb. Lindsey and Nicole were next. Steve was the designated driver, so he hung back. Jeremy was pouring and we all started taking one after another. After I knew if I kept going I would puke, I went back out on the deck. Once I was out there I realized how much I needed the fresh air. My head was spinning so I went to sit down. That’s when I noticed Cindy. Everything in me wanted to stand back up and go inside. But the urge to puke kept me right where I was. I ignored the fact that she was three feet away and just leaned back and looked up at the stars.

  "So you’re Sadie, huh?"

  "That would be me." I never moved to make eye contact.

  "I don't see it."

  "Alright, you got me. What the fuck are you talking about?" I really was starting to feel sick. If I moved too fast I was sure I would puke. So that meant, I was stuck where I was, listening to her go on and on about nothing. I really wished someone would come out here and rescue me.

  "I had to listen to stories about the infamous Sadie for years. Do you have any idea how hard that was?" She was drunk too. Every other word coming out of her mouth was slurred. I didn’t respond. I was too worried about the spinning I could not get under control. I closed my eyes and hoped that it would help. She just kept going.

  "I look at you and you’re just like any other girl. You're not perfect. You have flaws just like the rest of us. He always said I would never be you. I always thought you must be this untouchable thing. He made you out to be something I could never be." I opened my eyes. The only person I wanted to be thinking of at that moment was Colt, but I knew she wasn't taking about him. "It was something I thought I could ignore for a while, but when he called me Sadie I lost it. You aren’t any better than me! You didn't even want him anymore. Why could he not see that?”

  "Cindy, stop. That's enough." Kaleb came out just in time. Or at least I was thinking "Thank God" until she said, "James was mine, not yours."

  I couldn't hold it
in any longer. I promise you, I had no intention of getting sick but I could not control it. I needed to get out of there but when I sat up, it just came out. I threw up. All over her!

  "Oh shit!" came from Kaleb’s mouth.

  A loud scream came from Cindy. I just held my hands over my mouth while my eyes bugged out of my head. Did I really just puke on this girl? Oh my God!

  She stood up continuing to scream while I stayed in the chair watching her. Was this some sort of fucked up dream? ‘This cannot be really happening’ kept going through my mind. And then another wave hit. I ran to the side of the deck and continued to puke. Cindy was still screaming and I just wanted to get out of there. Lindsey came over to me and grabbed my hair, running her hand up and down my back telling me I would be alright. Would I? What was that bitch trying to say? Was she with him the whole time we were together or did she date him after? Why did I even care? That is when I realized that I didn’t. All of that was my past. It was not part of my life anymore. If anything, she was just as much a victim of his doing as I was. I finally got it all out of me and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. When I came out, Kaleb was waiting for me.

  "I am so sorry, Sadie. I wasn't sure if she would even be here and then even if she was, James was a dick head to her also. I didn't think she would ever bring him up again after what he put her through. I feel awful that I asked you to come here and then she said those things to you."

  "You didn't know that would happen. It’s okay, Kaleb. I can't believe I got sick out there. How humiliating is that?"

  "You didn't just get sick, you puked all over her! It was priceless. Girl, we all knew the sick part was coming. You had two shots for every one of ours. There was no way your little body could hold all that in."