Finding Solace

by Speak, Barbara

"What?"

  "Please. I don't want to be there all night and you are all I ever talk about to them. It would kill two birds with one stone."

  "I can’t believe you’re sneaking a meet your parent’s thing on me last minute. On their anniversary, no doubt. There is no way I'm going to a country club dressed like this."

  "I swear to you I didn't plan this. And as far as what you’re wearing? Look at me. If it was a formal event I would tell you and also be in different clothes myself."

  "Fine, I’ll go. But we’re not staying long if it gets awkward. You promise?"

  "I promise."

  An hour later we were pulling into the country club’s valet parking. They let us out and then drove off, leaving me and Ash standing outside hand in hand.

  "Are you ready?" Ash asked.

  "If I say no, would it do any good?"

  "No."

  "Then let’s do this."

  We walked through the doors and were met by a ballroom filled with people dressed to the nines. I wanted to kill Ash and run away at the same time. He squeezed my hand and said in my ear, "I had no idea. I'm so sorry." It did nothing to make me feel better.

  "There you are. I was starting to freak out. Mom and Dad have both been asking for you. Oh, I'm sorry. Hi Sadie." Kate looked gorgeous. She wore a red sequined cocktail dress with black pumps. Her hair was up and her makeup looked flawless. I have never wanted to be somebody else so much in my life.

  "I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but why are you two dressed like that?" It is officially over between us. Ash looked at my face and obviously read what I was thinking because he panicked. And when Ash gets nervous he gets angry.

  "Because Kate! No one decided to tell me it was cocktail attire!" He turned to me, "Sadie, lets go. Kate, you can explain to Mom and Dad how you dropped the ball."

  I never thought I had heard a better idea in my life. Ash grabbed my hand and led me back the way we came. Well that was until we were stopped abruptly by a woman with features just as striking as Kate's and I knew it had to be his mother.

  "You made it!" She grabbed Ash in an embrace only a mother with pure love for her child could give. I stood there awkwardly. "And this must be Sadie." She turned to me and threw me into the same type of embrace. "It is so nice to finally meet you. You are more beautiful than Ash described. And I love your outfit! Where did you find that?" I looked at her puzzled and said, "Neiman Marcus. And thank you." She raised an eye brow at me like my own mother would do and whispered in my ear, "If you let them see you’re bothered, they will pluck your eyes out. Stand tall, beautiful girl. You have them beat regardless." I was shocked.

  "I appreciate your kind words, but no amount of confidence could fix this nightmare."

  She refused to believe me. "You’re wrong. You could be wearing a potato sack and still put them to shame. The women here all have ghosts in their closets. I know all of them. If they say one rude thing to you, I will out one. Deal?"

  I just fell in love with Ash’s mother. I was ready to agree when another woman walked over with a murderous look on her face until we made eye contact, then she smiled. Those are the worst kind. "Oh dear. Get your gloves up. I didn't know she was here."

  I didn't have time to ask who she was; she was right next to me in no time flat.

  I opened my mouth to say something when Ash pushed me behind him and said, "Tina, what are you doing here?"

  Oh my God! High school ,Tina. Legends were made from these two. This night just keeps getting better.

  "Why wouldn’t I be here, Ash?" She looked right past him and into my eyes when she finished, "They were almost my parents too. Do I not have a right to be here?"

  Did she really bring up a high school romance? How many years ago was that? Time to move on, girly. He's mine.

  "Tina dear, thank you for coming, but you are wrong. To attend a closed event, you need to have been invited and you were not. So I want to thank you again for your visit, but you need to leave.”

  "There is no way I'm leaving while somebody who would be fool enough to wear that" she pointed right at me, "to an anniversary party at a country club no doubt, gets to stay. You have to be kidding me right now?"

  She was getting loud and starting to draw attention. Ash grabbed her arm and asked, "Can we please finish this in private, please?"

  "Anything you want, Ash. I would do anything to make you happy." She looked at me and smiled. I gagged. Who says that to a guy? They walked away and a tender hand rested on my arm.

  "You have to excuse her and please forgive my son for another one of his poor choices. He is the best son I could ask for and I love him dearly, but his choices in women are not the best. You, on the other hand, have brought out a side of Ash I haven't seen since he was a child. He is truly happy and I have you to thank for that."

  "Thank you so much ah.."

  "Maria. My name is Maria Williams."

  "Thank you, Maria. That means a lot to me."

  "Now while Ash takes care of the mess that is also known as Tina, let me introduce you to my husband, Michael. He is just going to love you." She took my hand to lead me to him when I remembered how I looked. I locked myself in place.

  "Maria, I mean no disrespect but I can't go in there."

  "Sure you can. It is a choice to let fear lead you or you can lead your fears. You will be just fine."

  In that moment I knew she was right. I have never not been one of the best dressed persons at an event. I absolutely adored fashion. Whereas most people blunder it. I still looked good, I was simply under dressed. Big deal. Let these strangers snub me.

  "You know, I think you’re right. Let’s go meet your husband."

  "That a girl. I knew you had a little fight in you."

  She led me over to a group of men that all seemed to be discussing stocks and trades. Huh, now I know where Ash got the idea.

  "Excuse me, gentleman, but I would like to introduce a very special young lady to Michael, if you don't mind. Michael, this is Sadie Warren."

  A man not shorter than six foot two at least, stood to my left. He had coal black hair, green eyes and for his age, a very healthy stature. He obviously took very good care of himself. He was striking just as the rest of his clan was. He approached me slowly taking me in from head to toe. My insecurities started to rise again but then he took my hand and kissed it.

  "You are more stunning than my son could describe. It is a pleasure to meet you, Sadie Warren."

  "Likewise, Mr. Williams."

  "No no, Mr. Williams is my father. Please call me Michael."

  "Well then, thank you Michael. I would also like to wish you and Maria a happy anniversary."

  Both of his parents were beginning to thank me when I was scooped up from behind.

  "I see you’ve met my princess, isn't she amazing?"

  "Ash, please put me down."

  He set me down and then wrapped his arms around my waist. He at that moment became a wall of comfort for me against the staring eyes. I appreciated it more than he could know.

  Ash's dad answered, "Yes Ash, we have, a delightful little one, can I get you both a drink?"

  "No, thank you. I still have somewhere to take Sadie tonight. I don't want to drink too much and drive."

  "Good choice, son. Where are you two heading off to?"

  "It is still a surprise I won't ruin."

  "Michael, do you remember the dates you use to take me on in the beginning? I never got to know where we were going either. Young love, there is nothing like it." Maria had walked over to Michael as she spoke and he embraced her sweetly.

  "You are absolutely right about that one, Maria, and look where it took us, thirty years later."

  "The best years of my life."

  Ash came down to whisper in my ear, "You ready to get out of here?"

  "I don't know. I kind of like your family."

  "They kind of like you too, but I more than kind of like you, and I want you all to myself tonight."

  "Well
said. Let’s go."

  "Mom and Dad, we are going to get out of here." He walked over and hugged and kissed them both. They in turn came to me and did the same. I really did like his family. Good hearts seemed to be a family trait. We found Kate and I made Ash apologize to her. He wasn’t happy about doing it, but he did. Then we were back in the car and on our way.

  I had no idea where we even were and I grew up here. Ash took back roads that I hadn’t known existed. Not long after I gave up asking, because he wouldn't answer, we were there. I had not realized we had been climbing but we were on a bluff. A wildflower-covered bluff. The colors were more vivid than any painting I had ever seen. And the view, it was all so beautiful!

  "Is this my surprise because I have never seen anything so beautiful, ever?"

  "It is now. I had a lot more planned but there wasn't time for those. I can just save them for next time though. I did bring a blanket and a basket of food. Come on, let’s get out and enjoy it."

  We got out of the car and popped the trunk to get the stuff Ash brought. He thought of everything. He had a cooler stocked, a basket full of food and a huge blanket. He even thought of sunscreen. I knew I liked him but my feelings were growing faster with every minute I spent with him. Ash always thought of things I did not know I even missed out on and he brought them to me. We carried all of the stuff through the field and I wish I could describe how amazing it truly was. Why didn't I bring a camera? I looked over at him and with the sun setting, casting a glow to his skin and the surroundings it was amazing. Whether I had a camera or not, this moment would forever be burned in my mind. He truly was a breathtaking sight to see. He smiled at me like he was thinking the same thing and then he confirmed it when he said, "You have never looked more stunning Sadie."

  "I was thinking the same thing about you."

  We continued to walk when he said, "Stunning isn't very manly. Can't you say sexy or hot or handsome?"

  "Don't ruin my moment by dorking it up. You look stunning. That is my word of choice. Deal with it."

  He dropped everything he was carrying and ran at me with full force.

  I threw my contents in the air and screamed, running as fast as my feet would take me. Which wasn’t far at all before he came crashing down on top of me. We rolled in the flowers laughing so much it was hard to breathe.

  "Stunning is a word that should only be used to describe you in this exact moment, Sadie. I'm falling hard. I hope that doesn't scare you away because I want nothing more than to keep you right here forever."

  I grabbed him and kissed him with all of my feelings pouring out of me in that moment. When we broke away it was a shared expression that we did not want to stop. Ash said, "Let’s just pause this until we set up okay? The sun is almost gone."

  We grabbed everything and kept walking until we reached the edge of the bluff.

  "Ash, this is spectacular!"

  "It’s the only place I could think of that was worth taking you to. I'm glad you like it."

  He laid the blanket out and we brought the basket and cooler over. I laid down across it and asked Ash to join me. He wrapped himself around me as we watched the sun set over the horizon. The colors of the sky and the field together were purely heaven on earth. We ate the sandwiches Ash had made and he opened a bottle of wine. Sitting out here took us away from the chaos of the world. It was as if he found us our own private serenity. We stayed in that one spot talking about our jobs, life in general and our futures for hours. The night sky moved in later and the stars began to make their appearance. Everything about this place screamed romance. I turned to Ash and said, "Make love to me, please."

  "It would be my pleasure."

  I will not give you the specifics. This time it was private, special and hands down my most treasured memory of us of all time. When we finished, we laid naked under the stars. I know it was that night, the night I truly fell in love with Asher Williams.

  CHAPTER 42

  After the night we spent under the stars, I had yet to confess my feelings, but it was becoming extremely hard to keep it to myself. I owed it to myself to do things differently this time. I was going to put my feelings out there, because on the other end of everything, I knew Ash was feeling the same way. Sometimes I saw myself getting bitter towards Colt. Not so much for how we spent those two years, because I wouldn’t take back a single thing. More so, it was the fact I had heard nothing still. I have come to the realization that things were not as I thought they were and it was time to give up.

  Tony and I had been talking on the phone more than in person, so we planned a night out. Ash was at the fire house for the evening so he couldn't join us. Not to be mean, but that was okay with me. I needed some alone time with my friends too. Tony picked a sports bar. I guess ‘51’ had its time and now everybody that was left wanted to try out new places. I still loved what I have always called our bar. ‘51’ held some great and not so great memories for me. My heart broke there a time or two but it was also where I originally met Ash. Whatever the reason my friends had to move on, it would remain nostalgic for me.

  I met Tony at ‘Hot Tots Bar and Grill’. Remember, his pick, not mine. He was waiting inside at a table when I walked in. He rose from his chair and walked over to greet me with a hug.

  “I talked to Jason and he said he and Heather might be swinging by."

  “That would be awesome."

  "I thought that would make you happy. Speaking of happy, Sadie, I don't think I've ever seen you as happy as you’ve been lately."

  We walked back to the table and took a seat before I responded.

  “I truly can't remember a time where I was this happy myself. Tony, he is just so good to me."

  “I know girl. It makes me happy to know that you have found someone that can do that for you."

  "Thank you. That means a lot coming from you. I thought you pretty much held an impossible standard when it came to men and me."

  "Never, Sadie. If you remember correctly, I was the one who drove you to Colt."

  I couldn’t help but make a face at that comment and Tony caught on quickly.

  "I am sorry I brought his name up."

  "You don't have to be sorry, Tony, it isn't a bad thing. Colt taught me a lot and I will never have anything but respect for the man he is."

  "Do you still love him, Sadie?"

  "I always will Tony."

  "Have you heard from him at all?"

  "No, and I probably never will. I’ve come to accept that. He moved on and so did I. I am so in love with Ash, it’s hard to be anything but grateful to Colt for teaching me how."

  "You are in love with Ash? Did you just admit a feeling as strong as love out loud to me?” He reached over and felt my head.

  "Stop it. I'm not a heartless person.”

  "No, you’re the furthest thing from heartless. You just never have admitted loving a man before."

  "Really smart ass, because I tell you all the time."

  "That's different and you know it. Have you told Ash yet?"

  "No, but I will soon. It’s too hard keeping it in."

  "That's what true love feels like Sadie. It makes you want to shout it out to the world."

  "How would you know? You've never mentioned anyone that you have loved before."

  "That's because it's not a story I like to tell."

  "Did she break your heart or something?"

  "Or something."

  I should’ve probably stopped pushing him right then but I couldn't.

  "What happened? Tell me?"

  "She died okay?"

  Oh, shit!

  "I'm so sorry Tony. I should have not kept asking."

  "It’s not your fault. You were just being your normal nosy self."

  "I will take that. I deserved it."

  "No, you didn't. Sadie, it was a long time ago, when I was in law school. She died in a car crash. It took me a long time to get over it. To be honest, I'm still not. Meeting you was the first time I’ve been interest
ed in a girl and I made it only to friend level."

  "That's not true, you slept with me. That's a notch up from just friends."

  We both laughed our way out of the awkward conversation we were finding ourselves in. The waiter finally showed up to take our order. I got a burger while Tony ordered the Philly cheese steak sandwich. After a couple beers, the food came out and that's when we both looked up as we heard, "Thanks for waiting for us to order."

  Jason was standing next to the table while Heather was walking out of the bathroom. I jumped up and hugged Jason.

  "I'm so glad you guys made it."

  "Us too, Sadie. We couldn't miss the chance to see both of you at one time."

  "Heather!" I threw my arms around her as well. I missed my best friend.

  "Sadie, you’re crushing me. Hug with less squeeze please."

  "Whatever, I didn't miss you at all."

  "Sure you didn't."

  We all sat back down and the waitress came back over for their order. The two of them split a bucket of wings. Jason was filling us in on his talk that he had with Mike today.

  "He's not worried at all. It’s next fall when he has to defend the title openly that he's really training for. Since it’s summer and school isn't in session yet, Colt flew down to help him out. Pretty cool of him if you ask me."

  And there you have it. Someone who knows Colt's whereabouts and it is not me.

  "So when did Colt go there?” Tony was more curious about it than I was. I truly wanted to drop the subject.

  "The beginning of the week."

  "So Sadie, how's Ash?" Leave it to Heather to bail me out. That is what best friends are for.

  "He's awesome. Very busy with school and volunteering but he's great."

  "Has he had you meet the family or are you ready to introduce yours?

  "I met his parents on their anniversary and Kate I met the night of Dave's party, remember? As for my parents, I plan to soon."

  "That serious, huh? Good for you."

  "He's definitely good for me."

  "Girls, I don't mean to be rude but stop talking about girly stuff. It’s a sports bar, for God’s sake." Jason always had a way with words.

  "What would you rather us talk about? How the Cardinals crushed the Dodgers?"