Finding Solace

by Speak, Barbara

  "No way. Not again."

  "It’s cute."

  "It is a black napkin that belongs on my kitchen table, not my girlfriend."

  "It’s a dress, Ash."

  "With no top."

  "It’s called a halter top. It just has a plunging neck line."

  "And no back."

  "It’s cute."

  "Will you please wear a jacket or something over it, please?"

  I pulled the denim jacket from around my back that I was hiding from him to see.

  "Like this one?"

  "Thank God! Yes, just like that one."

  I slipped it over my arms and then did a final pose.

  "Better?"

  "You are the best there is."

  He walked over and kissed me.

  "You ready to go then? I told Kaleb we would be there a half hour ago."

  "I'm sorry. Did I take too long?"

  "Not at all, he's just always late."

  He took my hand and led me out to the car. Ash opened my door for me to help me in and then closed it behind him. I was getting so excited about my surprise. Tonight was going to be great.

  When we walked in the bar, it seemed to be filled with a lot of new employees. They all were new college students if I had to guess. The back table still seemed to be reserved for us though, and that was where I found the group. I kissed and hugged every one of them and then found my seat, right on Ash’s lap. A tray of shots appeared courtesy of Mike. We all took two and downed them one right after the other. I needed some liquid courage in me. This was going to be epic. I ordered another tray. This one came and went in the same manner. We all laughed and told stories about how living together is so different from mine and Heather’s apartment days. Lindsey and Kaleb were in talks of doing it also. Tony filled us in that he is still cancer free, which only caused me to jump off Ash’s lap and onto Tony’s.

  "That's amazing! I'm so happy for you."

  "Thanks, Sadie. I am pretty happy about it myself."

  "I bet you are. Let’s do another round in honor of Tony’s health."

  Everyone loved the idea, but Tony whispered in my ear, "Is there a reason you’re trying to get shit faced in record time?"

  "Sure is. You'll just have to wait and see why like the rest of them."

  "Now you’re scaring me."

  "It is going to be scary, believe me."

  Another tray was brought over and just as I finished my last shot, the karaoke guy set up for the night.

  "Here goes nothing."

  "What?"

  "Oh, I was just mumbling."

  I got up and walked over to the same man who has been working this since they brought the idea of karaoke to ‘51’.

  "Well, if it isn't the beautiful Sadie. It’s been awhile, girl. Have you been hiding out or what? By the way, you’re not planning on making me cry again tonight, are you? Because the last time I heard you sing, the crowd didn't get out of their funk until at least ten songs later."

  "Nope, this one is a happy song."

  "Fantastic. What you got?"

  I told him and a smile spread across his face. He handed me the microphone and

  Colbie Caillat’s song, ‘Brighter than the sun’ started to play through the speakers. I put my whole heart into every word as I sang…

  Love it or leave it.

  You find it and keep it.

  Cause it ain't every day you get the chance to say.

  Oh, this is how it starts.

  Lightning strikes the heart.

  It goes off like a gun.

  Brighter than the sun.

  I looked over to the table of my friends and all of them were watching me with smiles on their faces. I looked at Ash smiling myself and then pointed right at him.

  I never seen it, but I found this love, I'm gonna feed it.

  You better believe I'm gonna treat it.

  Better than anything I've ever had.

  'Cause your so damn beautiful.

  He was getting up from his chair and walking toward me as I sang.

  Everything is like a white out.

  'Cause we shook-a-shook a shine down.

  Even when the, when the lights out, but I can see you glow.

  Got my head up in the rafters, got my happy ever after.

  Never felt this way before, ain't felt this way before.

  Ash was standing right in front of me wearing a smile I had never seen on him. It was hard to sing with the one I was wearing to match but I finished, looking into his eyes.

  I swear you hit me like a vision.

  I, I, I wasn't expecting.

  But who am I to tell fate.

  Where its suppose to go.

  When the last of the lyrics were sung, I jumped into Ash’s arms as he spun me around.

  "God, I love you, girl. You get more amazing every day. That was incredible. Thank you."

  "You’re so welcome. I love you too, so much."

  He kissed me. Not a kiss I would normally like in a bar full of people watching, but at this point I didn't care. I loved this man with everything in me. "Best surprise ever. And I will never give you shit about that voice again."

  "Really? No more need to scream your name?"

  "Oh that day will never come, sweetheart. You are going to scream this man's name until the day you die."

  He continued to point to himself while he said it.

  "If you’re lucky."

  I started to walk back to the group when he slapped my ass hard.

  "Don't you ever walk away from me, woman, although I do really like the view."

  I called back over my shoulder, "Then don't damage the goods, mister." I shook it back and forth for good measure.

  "I am in love with that ass is what I am. Keep shaking it like that and I will be pulling you into that bathroom."

  I shook it until I reached the table of my friends.

  "That was amazing, Sadie! I have never heard you sing like that."

  "Thank you, Lindsey. That means a lot."

  "I'm proud of you for singing something that makes us smile instead of cry. That was amazing, girly." Tony was always one to bring reality to the table.

  "Thank you, I think"

  "Come over here, Sadie."

  I walked over between Mike and Tony and crouched down.

  "What's up, Mike?"

  It was Mike who told me to come over there but Tony who held my eye on the journey.

  "If Ash is what gets you to do something like that, while wearing a smile like the one you had, then I have more respect for that man than anyone. I have never seen you so happy."

  I grabbed Mike into a tight hug. It meant so much coming from him. He has always been in favor of Colt and me. He is the one that brought us together to begin with, for goodness sakes. I didn’t want to let him go, I was hugging him so tight. Eventually Ash cleared his throat and I pulled back to see what it was for.

  "Feeling a little left out over here."

  Jason got up and sat on Ash's lap.

  "Is this better?"

  Everyone busted up laughing while Ash pushed Jason off of him.

  "You see that? Your man just turned down my brother."

  "Tony, if he hadn't I would be worried."

  I walked over and took his lap myself.

  "Were you getting a little jealous there, baby?"

  "Nope, just lonely. You’re not Mike's type anyway."

  I slapped him hard in the arm.

  "That's not true. He would totally be with me, wouldn't you, Mike?"

  "Wouldn't I, what?"

  "Be with me?"

  "Ok, this is beyond awkward, Sadie. Your boyfriend is sitting under you, remember?"

  "Lindsey, Sadie has always wanted to bang all the brothers. Too bad she will only go down having one of them. I would kill Jason if he even looked at her wrong."

  At that moment I wanted to shoot Heather between the eyes. Ash went tense under me. I didn’t know how to handle this. Luckily, the waitress dro
pped off a tray of shots right at that moment. I reached forward and grabbed two. Ash grabbed one of them from me and said, "I think I need this more than you." So I handed him the other one as well. He took it and back it went. When he came forward again, he grabbed me and kissed me. I was in pure shock. Never did I think that was coming. When he pulled back he simply said, "We all have a past, right?"

  My eyes bugged out of my head. This can't go away that easily. But you must be crazy if you think I was going to bring it back up. I kissed him and then grabbed one for myself. I got up and pulled him out on the dance floor. I was officially drunk and by the way Ash was walking, he was feeling mighty fine too. We were almost on the dance floor when he took a wrong turn. He walked straight toward the karaoke guy. I screamed over the music so he could hear me that I didn’t want to sing another song. He ignored me and told the guy something and then walked back to me. He took me by the hand and led me to the dance floor, where he spun me around and then dipped me successfully without dropping me this time. Even knowing he had the last time he attempted it, I still left my body in his hands. I trusted him without a doubt. I know Ash loves me completely, even my faults. That, in itself, is incredible. He pulled me to him and started slow dancing with me to "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor and that chick singing karaoke was destroying it. He held my hands and looked in my eyes and slurred, "Whatever I do, promise me you won't run."

  "I promise."

  "You always told me you would never lie about promising."

  "You also promised not to hurt me, so I should never need to run."

  The song came to an end and then karaoke guy said, "Ash, it’s your turn. Get on up here." No way!

  "You’re going to sing? You are more drunk than I thought."

  "Yes, I am. Just promise no matter how bad I suck you won't run."

  "Oh, I promise. I have got to see this."

  Ash walked up to the guy and took the microphone. He brought it to his mouth and said, "This is for my girl."

  Hearing him talk through the microphone only intensified just how drunk he was. He would surely hate this whole thing tomorrow. Tonight though, he looked proud to be up there. When the music started his body began to sway to the beat.

  When a man loves a woman.

  Can't keep his mind on nothing else.

  He'd trade the world.

  For the good thing he's found.

  If she is bad he can't see it.

  She can do no wrong.

  And turn his back on his best friend if he puts her down.

  When a man loves a woman.

  Spend his very last dime.

  And trying to hold on to what he needs.

  He'd give up all his comforts.

  And sleep out in the rain.

  If she said that's the way, it ought to be.

  When a man loves a woman.

  I give you everything I've got.

  Trying to hold on to your precious love.

  And baby, baby please don't treat me bad.

  Ash was belting out Michael Bolton’s "When a man loves a woman" like nothing I have ever heard. I was shocked straight to my core that my man could sing the way he does. Tears were running down my face. I tried to keep up with them and wipe them away, but I couldn’t. He had truly blown me clean away. How is it I had no idea he could sing like that, and for him to pick this song? Okay, I guess now is a good time to be honest. He sounded like a chicken being choked to death, but he was still my choked chicken. I waited for him to finish and then I jumped on him, not even giving him a chance to catch his balance. We both fell to the floor, but the impact meant nothing to me. I locked my lips with his and kissed him like there was going to be no tomorrow. The crowd was chanting and clapping. We didn’t stop. Eventually we came back to earth and stood back up. Ash took a bow and then led me back out on the dance floor.

  "Thank you for not running away.” He was shaking from nerves.

  "That was beautiful. Why would I ever run from that?"

  "You would be running from a man that wanted to sing to you but can't carry a note. I hope I didn't embarrass you."

  "Let me clear this up for you. Singing to me is never going to get me to run away. That was story book worthy. I'm yours. But baby?"

  "Yes."

  "I need to go clean up my face and use the bathroom."

  "Shit."

  "What's wrong?"

  "That means I have no barrier anymore from the guys and their asshole comments."

  "You did that for me, not them. You just tell them to kiss your ass, because I loved it."

  I walked into the bathroom and cleaned up after I went potty. When I opened the door, Ash was standing right there.

  "What are you doing?"

  "Waiting for you."

  "You never went over there, did you?"

  "Nope, now run interference."

  "You’re just being a wimp. They aren’t going to say anything."

  I walked back over with Ash behind me.

  "Ash, dude. You fucking suck."

  "Don't say that about him! He was amazing!"

  "I meant because he just managed to cock block me for the rest of the night. No girl is going to even care about who I am, when lover boy over here will sing them a song."

  "Well, you can tell any one of those chicks, the only person I sing for, is my girl. And, it worked for me. I have mad skills, dude. Don't hate."

  Mike had no choice but to laugh. It was funny. Everyone else told him he did great. Ash hated every second of attention over it. I could not believe drunken Ash liked to sing. Lindsey kept trying to get Kaleb to sing next, but he told her hell would freeze over first. Heather gave me the eye. I knew Ash had just bumped himself up another notch in her eyes. I sat back and just listened to everyone talk with a huge smile on my face. This is what life is all about. Being in love and surrounded by great friends. I glanced at each and every one of them, laughing and having fun. Then my eyes found Tony. His eyes locked with mine and with one simple nod of his head, I knew he was happy for me too.

  We managed to stay until last call was announced. Cabs were called and we all filed out. Every one said they had a great time. Ash was awarded best performance with our fall coming in a close second. Ash and I got in our cab and I snuggled up to him and said, "Thank you for tonight. It was a great time."

  "You’re welcome, princess. And thank you for just being you."

  He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss. I settled into my favorite comfy place and fell asleep. The next thing I knew, I was being picked up and carried into the house. Ash carried me all the way to bed and then undressed me before covering me up and wishing me a good night.

  CHAPTER 48

  It was the weekend before my birthday and Ash had put together a barbeque at the house for his family and mine. The two sides had yet to meet. He said it was important for them to get along if we were going to have a forever together, which I agreed with. Celebrating my birthday with both sides was a perfect idea. I offered to help cook, but he would have none of that. His mother, Maria, made all of the side dishes and brought them over while his father, Michael, helped Ash outside with grilling the meat. My mom and dad were running ten minutes late already, but it was far from uncommon for them to be late. Kate was on her way too. I stayed in the kitchen watching his mother, hoping to learn something from this woman. She is a culinary goddess. She took her time explaining things to me and as hard as it all looked, she made it easy to understand. I heard the front door open, so I jumped down from my bar stool to greet whomever it was. My dad came in first with the mouth of a sailor.

  "Holy shit, Sadie! This is unbelievable!"

  I gave him a hug and whispered in his ear, "Dad, thank you, but Ash's parents are here. Please watch your language."

  I had no idea Maria had come up behind me until I heard, "You have to do no such thing. Hello, my name is Maria Williams. I am Ash's mother."

  "It’s nice to meet you, Maria. I am Bill and my beautiful wife, Linda must
have forgotten something out in the car. She was right behind me. If you will excuse me for a second, I would like to go offer her a hand."

  "It is very nice to meet you, Bill. As far as your wife goes, Sadie and I can help her. You just go find the guys out back and grab a beer while you’re at it."

  My dad looked at me and I just smiled. I think he found a backup if he ever got tired of my mom. Maria has that effect on people. She is just amazing.

  "Are you sure?"

  "Absolutely, now go. Sadie, please come introduce me to your mother. I'm so excited to meet the woman who created such a blessing."

  "I wouldn't go that far."

  We both turned our heads to the new voice in the mix. Kate had walked in with my mother right behind her.

  "Kate, don't you ever say something so crude again."

  "Mom, I was kidding around." She grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. "I adore Sadie. She just might be my little sister someday. That is, if Ash doesn’t screw it up."

  "Kate!"

  "Sorry, Mom. I'm going to find the boys. It was very nice meeting you, Linda."

  I turned to my mom, forgetting she was there. I grabbed her and hugged her tight. "Thank you for coming."

  "I wouldn't miss my daughter’s birthday celebration." She turned to Maria.

  "You must be Ash's mother?"

  "Mom, this is Maria, Maria, this is my mother, Linda."

  Maria hugged my mom. "It’s a pleasure to meet you. Would you like to go meet up with the men? I can't wait to introduce you to Michael."

  "I would love that."

  I found myself following the two women, listening to my mom ‘ooh and ah’ over the house while Maria explained what and where things were. They seemed to get along well, which was mine and Ash’s hope from the beginning. We finally made it out back where I passed the women and headed straight for my man. I kissed him lovingly and then turned to watch the introductions.