For His Little Girl
Page 19
"Josie," he said urgently, "she moved."
Her head came up. "What?"
"Your mother moved. I felt her squeeze my hand."
"Daddy-she's coming round?"
"Maybe not quite that," he said cautiously. "But she's closer."
"She's not squeezing my hand," Josie said anxiously.
"Be patient. She's there, darling. She's coming back to us."
They took a break to allow the others in. Luke went to stretch his legs and drink some coffee. When he returned, Josie slipped out and he had a precious moment alone with Pippa. Settling himself as close to her as he could get, so that his face was near hers, he murmured, "Darling, I told a terrible lie. I told Josie you squeezed my hand. She was thrilled. But it wasn't true. I didn't feel anything. I don't know if I did the right thing-maybe not-now she's longing for you to squeeze her hand, too, and what will she do if you don't? Please, darling, try. Try hard."
He hunted around for something new to say, but his mind was tired and it fixed on the coffee.
"I've just been drinking some really horrible stuff, from a machine. Why don't the English learn to make coffee? When you're well, we'll teach them together. Then we'll leave for home. You're going to love living in Los Angeles. Josie, too. And think how the restaurants will flourish when the Greatest Cook in the World becomes my partner!
"I've got plans for us. We'll change the name to Luke & Pippa's Place, or Pippa & Luke's Place if you'd rather. Mind you, it's only a matter of time before one of them becomes Josie's Place. I expect she's planning it now. We'll do the show together, but I think we should restrict Josie to one show in six, otherwise the little scene-stealer will take over, and where will that leave us? Darling, it's going to be so marvelous, you and me together, for the rest of our lives. Whatever you want, that's what I want to give you. Always."
His throat was getting dry. He'd already talked so much without getting the feeling she was drawing any nearer to him.
"Please, darling," he begged. "Please."
Pictures and words began to run together in his exhausted mind. Their wedding, Frank giving her away, Elly lending him her ring, Elly reading Pippa's letter with its plea for peace between them for Josie's sake.
Luke sat up straight, calling himself a fool. Six words from the letter stood out in his head: if it should come to that… She'd meant, if she should die.
Pippa hadn't been thinking of what would become of her, but beyond that to the welfare of the one who most needed her protection. Not himself, but
Josie. Everything she'd done had been for Josie. Even, perhaps, marrying him. And she was right.
Now she cared about only one thing, to know that her child would be safe when she was no longer there. Then she could be at peace.
He'd told her how much he longed to give her, but all she wanted was this: to die in peace.
"No!" he said with soft vehemence. "Ask me anything else."
But she had nothing else to ask him.
Whatever you want, that's what I want to give you. His own words seemed to mock him. How easy they had been to say, before he knew the price that would be asked.
"If you-if I-if we lose each other,'' he began haltingly, and stopped. He didn't know how to go on. But suddenly the words came. "I won't ever let you down again. Josie will have a real father, I promise. A good father. As good as I know how to be.
"Fine words, right? And you're thinking, does this idiot really know what he's promising? Of course I don't. But I'll pick it up day by day, with Josie to help me. And you'll help me, too, because I'll have all my memories of you. If I try to raise her to be half the woman her mother is, I won't go far wrong. Neither of us will ever forget you, and I'll never stop loving you, as long as I live."
He looked down at her lying on the pillow and bent to kiss her softly.
"Goodbye, my darling," he whispered.
Josie slipped inside the room. "Has it happened yet, Daddy?" she asked urgently. "Has she squeezed your hand again?"
Dismayed, he realized that he'd forgotten his rash promise. Josie took one of her mother's hands in hers. "Mommy," she appealed, "Daddy said you were coming back."
"Josie," Luke reached for her, "there's something-"
"Daddy!" Josie's shriek was deafening.
"What is it?"
"She did it. She squeezed my hand."
And in the same moment he felt the pressure of Pippa's fingers on his, incredibly strong, like someone who'd been saving her strength for this moment.
"Daddy, look. Her eyes are opening."
"Pippa? Pippa!"
"Hello, Luke. You really were there, all the time?"
"All the time," he said huskily.
He stood back to leave mother and daughter alone. Besides, he needed to be unobserved for a moment, because suddenly his eyes were blurred and his throat ached. Josie hurried out to spread the good news, and he went to kneel by Pippa again.
"I heard you," she whispered.
"Then you know how much I love you, Pippa."
She smiled. "I always wondered."
"How much did you actually hear?"
"A lot, especially at the end."
"I didn't want you to leave, but I thought maybe you had no choice."
"I thought I didn't. But then I heard you, and I knew I couldn't bear to leave you. I never thought you'd make it easy for me."
"I told you I'd do anything you wanted. I was even going to promise to let Frank and Elly be a part of her life. They could teach her all the sensible things I don't know about, at least until I've had a chance to learn them. But I'd much rather you taught me."
Her lips twitched. "I wouldn't dream of it. One of us being sensible is enough. Never change, my darling."
"Never," he promised. "For the rest of our lives.''
"For the rest of our lives."
Josie stood at one of the plate-glass windows at LAX airport, staring at the planes basking in the April sun. She was frowning as though the sight displeased her, which it did. For despite the bustle of activity there was no sign of the plane she wanted.
"I hate it when things are late," she said fretfully.
"Only half an hour, darling," Pippa said, laughing at her daughter's disgusted face.
"But Uncle Frank, Aunt Elly and Sam are only going to be here two weeks, and we've lost half an hour."
"Don't worry, it'll probably be late leaving, too," Luke soothed her. "So it'll work out even."
"I'm going to find out," Josie said. "No, you stay here, Mom. You shouldn't walk any more than you have to."
"Darling, I'm only four months gone. It's not for ages yet."
"Josie's right," Luke said. "We'll all stay here. There'll be another announcement soon."
"Mom, if it's a boy, can we call him George?"
"You want to call your brother after a dog?" Luke demanded.
"He was a nice dog," Josie said defiantly.
"Just the same-"
"Will you two hush?" Pippa said. "I don't want to hear this argument again until he or she is born."
"He," Luke said firmly. "I want a boy."
"You're a male chauvinist whatsit!" Josie informed him.
"No, I'm not," he defended himself. "It's just that I've already got one daughter, and my nerves couldn't stand another." But he kissed the top of her head as he said it.
"I wonder what Sam's like," Josie mused.
"I only know what Elly told me," Pippa told her. "He's eleven years old, they've been fostering him since Christmas, and it's working out very well. Apparently he's quiet and a bit shy, but Elly thinks you'll soon change all that."
"You bet!" Josie confirmed. "I'm going to see what's happening." She bounded away.
Pippa turned to say something to her husband and found him brooding. It was unlike him, and had happened once or twice before, she realized.
"What is it, darling? Worried about the restaurants?"
"Nope. Profits are up. Your Siberian cherries are a big hit. Yesterd
ay somebody congratulated me on my 'brilliant creation.' I came that close to taking the credit."
She chuckled. She believed him.
"And Ritchie's over the moon at the impact you made on the TV program," Luke added.
"So what is it?"
"Just a passing thought."
"A thought? You?" she teased. "Best let it pass, then. You wouldn't know what to do with it."
"You're so clever, Mrs. Danton. Funny how good that sounds. 'Mrs.' It used to sound like a padlock. Now I don't care if they lock the door and throw away the key, as long as I'm on the inside with you and Josie and George."
"So what's on your mind?"
"Just that I wonder how it happened. Or rather why. I've sometimes had this strange feeling that you only married me for Josie's sake."
"Really? Well, it probably does you a lot of good to wonder."
"I thought you'd say that. You might even be right. Keep him on his toes. Let him worry that he's only second best."
"You're forgetting George."
"Third best." He waited for her to deny it.
"Darling," she chuckled, "you really must get out of this habit of thinking joined-up thoughts. You're not used to it, and it's scrambling your brains."
"So?"
"So who says you're third best?"
"Well, you haven't said I'm not," he told her.
"Maybe that's because I can't get a word in edgewise."
He looked at her. She looked at him.
"You aren't going to tell me, are you?"
Pippa kissed him tenderly, and smiled.
"Probably not," she said.
Lucy Gordon
***
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