First Comes Love: A Chronicles of Moxie Novel

by Z. B Heller

  A few hours later I had been transformed. Olga actually turned out to be a magician and gave me a manicure, pedicure, and a stellar massage. I even let her trim the hedges because I felt that after a day of being treated like a queen, I wanted Miles to visit my pussy playground. A man named Spencer tamed the wild beast and brought back my red mane of hair from the dead. It was about four o’clock when Renee and I walked out of the spa. I felt refreshed and excited to go home to show Miles the outcome of his special day for me.

  As we drove, I noticed Renee wasn’t heading back to my house, but instead got onto the tollway.

  “Did they massage your head too hard?” I asked. “This isn’t the way to my house, butt nugget.”

  “I know,” she said.

  I stared at her, but she just kept her eyes on the road.

  “Where are we going? Are you kidnaping me? Are you taking me to a shitty neighborhood and leaving me there? I told you I was sorry for calling your mom a penis-sucking Vegas showgirl.”

  Renee laughed. “Just relax, you’ll see.”

  Forty minutes later we were in the city and the sun was beginning to set over the Chicago skyline. Renee found some parking near a building that looked like it contained lofts. We got out of the car and I followed her as she walked into the building.

  “Where are we?” I asked.

  “This is a building,” Renee said, not looking in my direction. I knew something was up because Renee couldn’t look at me in the face without spilling a secret. She was a horrible liar.

  “No shit, Sherlock. I know what a building is, but why are we at this particular building.”

  “Why are you asking so many questions?” She kept walking.

  “Because maybe a serial killer is in there waiting for me when I’d rather be in my pj’s relaxing on the couch.”

  “Moxie, for once in your life, shut your trap and just enjoy the moment.”

  “Whatever, whore,” I grumbled.

  “Slutbag,” she said, but we both laughed at our endearments for each other.

  The entryway was painted white and had modern furniture. There were several black and white photos lining the walls. I went up to one of them and instantly recognized the image. It was a picture of Dickie’s, the bar where I met Miles. I walked over to another photo; it was a picture of the school I worked at. The other pictures contained a tent, “The Bean” at Millennium Park, Starbucks, and then a picture of the Art Institute.

  It was a visual story of how Miles and I met and fell in love. Tears sprang to my eyes as I studied the pictures. My trip through memory lane was interrupted by a ding from the elevator.

  “Ready?” Renee asked.

  I didn’t answer her. Something was up so I walked into the elevator and waited to see what was next.

  “Are you going to tell me what is going on?”

  “Nope,” Renee answered, looking at the elevator doors.

  “Is it a frat party with strapping young college guys dancing in nothing but their underwear?”

  Renee giggled. “Nope, but now that you mentioned it, I kinda wish it was.”

  Once the doors opened, we stepped out and walked down a white hallway until we reached a door. Renee opened it, revealing a small stairwell which lead to what I guessed was the rooftop. I reached the top of the stairs and walked outside. The early evening warmed hit my skin and I looked at the tops of buildings that made up my favorite skyline which had a mixture of tall and short buildings. I could also see Lake Michigan sparkle in the distance. Then I focused on my immediate surroundings and was struck into silence. I slowly looked around. There were tables draped in white linen and set with stemware. Each table had centerpieces of blue and orange flowers. Twinkling lights strung across poles that were part of the rooftop, casting a heavenly glow. A few rows of white chairs sat around the chuppah. I wiped my wet cheeks when I realized what I was looking at. The chuppah I had made out of my mom’s wedding dress was draped on top of four poles, creating the space where Miles and I would become husband and wife.

  “Do you like it?” Miles’s breath tickled my ear. I didn’t even hear him come up the stairs behind me.

  I turned to him. He was in black pants and a royal blue dress shirt with a white rose boutonnière. His hair was skillfully messy, which was the way I loved it most. He titled his head and a sparkle shone from his eyes as he waited for my reply.

  “What is all this?” I asked already fully aware but still wanting to hear it from Miles.

  “It’s our wedding day.” He gave me a shy smile and reached out to hold my hands. “Moxie, I love you with my whole heart and soul. Will you marry me tonight?”

  “Is there a cake?” I winked. I couldn’t resist being a smart ass even in the most romantic of times.

  “Moist chocolate cake with raspberry filling and white buttercream frosting.”

  “Oh God, I love it when you talk dirty to me.” I smiled, wrapped my arms around his neck, and brought him closer for a kiss. My tongue followed the curve of his full lips. He opened his mouth, letting my tongue intertwine with his. I pulled back, afraid that if I continued I was going to tackle him to the floor and rip his clothes off.

  “Yes, Miles Dane. I will marry you tonight.”

  Miles gave me a quick smack on my ass. “Then you better hurry up, woman. Times a wastin’.”

  “There’s a time limit?” I looked at Miles with a smirk.

  “I only rented the space for the night. Plus, I turn into a gourd at midnight.”

  “Don’t you mean a pumpkin?”

  “No. I’m going with a gourd.

  “Noted. Um, Miles, I don’t have anything to wear. I know you have a thing for my yoga pants, but it’s not what I imagined getting married in.” I pointed to what I was wearing.

  “Down the hallway Renee is waiting for you in one of the rooms. She has something you can change into.”

  I bounced on my heels with excitement and was ready to run down the hallway, but thought of a problem. “And what did you do with the twins and Dillion?”

  “I sold them off so I could pay for this setup.”

  I put my hands on my hips and gave him my “I’m not assumed” face.

  He rolled his eyes. “They’re fine. Go to room 716 and get changed. People are going to be here soon.”

  Before I went back down the stairs, I wrapped myself around Miles and held him tight. “Thank you for all of this.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “I figured it was time we stopped living in sin.”

  I released him and smacked his arm. He chuckled and I left to go get ready. Before the night was over, I was going to become Mrs. Miles Dane.

  I walked down the hallway to the apartment where Renee was waiting for me. I suspected she had some items for me to wear instead of the lovely pair of grungy sweatpants I had on. Maybe she had a white pair of sweatpants. I had to be honest, even though I had beautiful hair and freshly painted fingers and toes, I hadn’t exactly felt that my body was back to where I wanted it since the twins were born. It’s a little difficult knowing that Miles’s impeccable penis was entering the same hallway the kids came out of. This was not from a lack of Miles trying to make me feel beautiful; he did that every day. But all I saw was sagging boobs, stretch marks, and a butt as big as Budapest.

  I was aware women went through this period, unless they were a celebrity, had a professional trainer, a truckload of kale, and a nanny. I wished I was able to get the twins on the same feeding schedule, but when one ate and I finally settled back in bed, the other decided it was a good time to take a crap and whine about it. I was convinced they had a telepathic twin thing going on.

  “How can we make Mommy lose her fucking mind?”

  Yes, I was convinced my children swore, even in their baby heads.

  Renee stood in the entrance of the apartment waiting for me. She was dressed in the same dress we had agreed on when we went bridesmaid dress shopping. She looked nothing less than stunning. The corners of my mouth st
retched in a huge smile.

  “You look like a high priced escort ready to nab a millionaire,” I said, giving her a soft hug so I didn’t wrinkle her dress.

  “When I’m done with you, you’ll look like Julia Roberts standing on the street waiting for Richard Gear to sweep you off your feet.”

  “You both look like whores.” Ryan walked into the room, carrying a large white garment bag and a shopping bag.

  Ryan was dressed in a black suit, a royal blue tie, and a blue daisy on his lapel. I thought Ryan was handsome, but he was drop dead gorgeous dressed up. He walked to the couch and carefully laid the bags down.

  “Well, Cinderella, it’s time to get ready for your ball.” He unzipped the garment bag, pulled out the contents, and held it in front of him to display.

  Tears welled in my eyes as I looked at the dress I had picked out the day we went to the bridal shop. The beautiful white satin made up the bodice and looked freshly pressed. The three quarter length lace sleeves held the dress on the hanger. The skirt was made of chiffon and swung around when Ryan took it out of the bag. The only thing that was different from the dress I tried on was the blue sash tied around the waist; it matched Renee’s dress and Ryan’s tie. I looked at my two best friends awestruck.

  “How did you know what size to order the dress? I was pregnant when I tried it on.”

  “It took a little guess work, but the owner of the store worked with us. They also make the dress for non-maternity sizes. We decided to add the sash so it would hide that little extra baby love around the belly,” Renee said.

  “Baby love? I think it’s more like a sign pointing to my belly that says, ‘Little humans were here.’ ”

  “Let’s get it on and see just how skilled Renee and I are at getting this dress right?

  I took off my clothes while Ryan covered his eyes. “Ryan, you saw human life coming out of my vagina. I don’t think there is anything worse you can look at on my body.”

  “I’m still having nightmares about it. I’ll never look at cut tomatoes the same ever again.”

  “Gross!” Renee yelled.

  “You didn’t see it! It was like something from Full Metal Jacket. I just wanted to scream man down, man down!”

  I rolled my eyes as Renee helped me take the dress off the hanger. Thank God, I had a decent pair of underwear on. Renee got a strapless bra for me out of the shopping bag. I was impressed she was able to get my bra size right, but she confessed that Miles looked in my underwear drawer.

  I stepped into the dress. The moment of truth had come. Renee zipped the dress up my back, and I sucked in my gut as much as I could. Sure enough, Renee and Ryan worked magic; the dress fit! The three of us shouted with joy, and Renee tied the sash around my waist.

  “There is one more thing Cinderella needs.” Ryan took a shoe box out of the bag and opened it. I clapped my hands with excitement when I saw a pair of royal blue Converse Chucks.

  “There is no way you can walk down that aisle without showing everyone how unique and special you truly are,” Ryan said with tears in his eyes.

  My own tears began and I crushed him and the box in a massive hug. I snaked out my arm and dragged Renee in our friendship lovefest. This day wouldn’t be complete without my two best friends at my side. They were as much my family as Miles and the kids were.

  There was a knock at the door. I rolled my eyes, thinking that it was Miles in a rush to get me down the aisle.

  Renee went to the door and said, “You can’t see the bride until she gets to the chuppah. It’s bad luck, sorta, even though you already saw her.”

  “Renee, it’s Steve. I need to speak with Moxie.”

  Renee’s head whipped around to look at me. My eye’s widened and my mouth fell open. I hadn’t seen or spoken to my dad since the fake wedding disaster. I had a lot of anger toward him, not because of that particular day, but because he brought Martha into our lives. I had also thought a lot about what Dr. Gerber and I had discussed in our session about blaming my dad for not being there for me emotionally. I couldn’t deal with that pain anymore, especially now that I needed all the support I could as a new mother.

  Renee opened the door and my dad stood there looking… lost. He had dark bags under his eyes, and he had lost some weight because his clothes were a little baggy. My heart pounded. If Dad was here, then Martha might not be far behind.

  “We’ll leave you two to talk.” Renee pulled Ryan with her out the door.

  “Martha better not be anywhere near here. If she is I’ll call the police and have her removed,” I said in a strained voice.

  “I left her, Moxie.”

  My brows raised. I had to admit I was surprised. Through all the hell Martha put me through growing up, Dad still stayed with her. He never got involved in the spats between Martha and me, probably chalking it up to mother and daughter drama. Looking at it now, I should have taken responsibility to really make him listen to what was happening between us.

  He continued. “After what she did, I wouldn’t let her back into the house. I didn’t care where she went, just as long it wasn’t near me. The next day I contacted my attorney and filed for divorce. She didn’t go without a fight. She tried to convince me I was nothing without her and that you were an ungrateful brat.”

  He stopped for a moment and looked down at his feet. “For years I was so numb after your mom died, Moxie. She was the love of my life, and I missed her so much. You were only nine and I somehow convinced myself you needed a mother. I felt that you needed more than just me because I was so hollow and couldn’t give you everything you needed.”

  Tears stung my eyes. Dad had never been so open with his feelings and part of me didn’t know how to handle it. All I could do at the moment as listen to what he had to say.

  “I was so blind to all the things she did to you over the years because I was so busy wallowing in my own grief. When you had the fallout with her last year about Miles and David, I felt you were already an adult and didn’t want me involved. I didn’t speak to her for a few days after that, but then she convinced me her intentions were good and out of love. I was so stupid. I should have opened my damned eyes.”

  I stared in disbelief at the broken man in front of me. Part of me wanted to scream at him that I was grieving, too. That I needed him, not a substitute mother.

  “I needed you,” I said quietly.

  “I know you did. I just didn’t know how to be there. How to be in the present.”

  I nodded, accepting his reasoning for the time being.

  “This is my wedding day. I want to keep it as drama free as possible.” I smiled a little.

  “But I think that you and I both have a lot of healing to do and I think it’s only going to happen over time. We can’t just pretend that all those past years never happened. We both need to take responsibility of our actions. Dad, I know that while I have resentment over everything, I need to take responsibility for my actions as well. So, I’m willing to work on it if you are.”

  “Yes, I think that would be fantastic,” he said, smiling.

  “How did you know that we’d be here?” I asked

  “Miles and I have been talking. He said you wouldn’t be ready to talk to me yet and you were busy being the world’s best mother.” He let out a little laugh. “I knew you’d be a great mother, Moxie. You had all the qualities your own mother had.”

  “You mean she swore like a sailor and drank like a fish?” I let my lips curl in a watery smile.

  “Oh, she definitely made her mark in the world. Even though it was too short.”

  He paused again, then stared straight at me. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but I would be completely honored if you would let me walk you down the aisle.”

  I wanted to make this day special. It was the day I was finally marrying the love of my life. I thought about everything Dad said to me. We had a lot of work to do to fix our relationship, but the day wouldn’t be complete without him escorting me down the aisle.


  “Yes,” I said in a small voice. “That would be great.”

  “You look so beautiful, Moxie. So much like your mother. She had the same red hair you have.”

  “I remember. I used to love playing with it, and I forced her to play pretend beauty shop with me. I also remember it falling out when she went through chemo.” My voice started to shake from the memories of mom being sick.

  “But you get your wit and stubbornness from me,” Dad said.

  My eyebrows quirked upward. “I don’t remember you being so sarcastic.”

  “A lot of who I was went away with your mother, but I want that to change. I’m just sorry it took me this long and it took something horrible to happen for me to snap out of it.”

  “Well, it’s nice to see you come out of your comatose state. Now let’s put our shit aside for the time being so I can get married.”

  A large grin spread across his face, and he held out his arm for me to take. We walked down the hall toward Renee. She stood at the bottom of the rooftop stairs and shouted that we were ready to start to someone standing at the top. The loud din of voices coming from the rooftop quieted. Renee held two bouquets of the blue daisies and a mixture of orange flowers. She handed one to me and kept the other as we walked up the stairs.

  We reached the top of the stairs and a piano started playing “Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac. A singer with the voice of an angel started singing the lyrics as Dad walked me down the aisle. My eyes were pinned to Miles. He stood under the chuppah, waiting for me to become his bride. He was dressed, like Ryan, in a dark suit with a royal blue tie. Next to him stood Ryan and Dillion. Dillion looked absolutely adorable in his own suit and blue tie. I couldn’t help but look around wondering if the twins were here. Sure enough, Miles’s parents were in the front row with Kelly, cradling my sleeping babies. Jaxson was in black pants and a cute little argyle sweater with different shades of blue, and Sophie was in a white dress with a royal blue bow in her red hair. The moment couldn’t have been more wonderful.