Sell Out

by Tammy L. Gray

  His words tugged at a buried memory. To my tenth birthday when a girl from my neighborhood secretly took pictures of me hugging the band’s drummer, Raif, after I opened my present. He was in the middle of a custody battle, and when those pictures showed up in the Enquirer looking provocative, his ex-wife used to them to imply he was a danger to children. It took six months to get his rights back. The girl made $5000 on that picture.

  “Maybe you can’t see the way people admire you here, but I can see it. You have some really great friends.” And in my world those weren’t easy to come by.

  “Not my dad. It’s just never enough for him.” His voice trailed off.

  My dad always referred to Ricky’s crying spells as “drunk honesty.” And right now, Blake was swimming in that kind of raw honesty.

  “I love her.” He mumbled, sounding half asleep. “Cody won’t take her too.”

  “Take who?” He had to be talking about Lindsay. But why would Cody want Lindsay? I squeezed a pillow to my chest. Why couldn’t anyone just tell me what was going on? “Blake?”

  But only steady breathing answered.

  My screen flashed back to the menu like the call never happened. And I wished it hadn’t. A million questions buzzed in my head, and every one of them had to do with Cody.

  CODY

  The smell of rubber and sweat greeted me the moment I walked into The Storm on Monday morning. This place had been my home for almost two years and yet marching to the gallows would be less terrifying. Two weeks had passed since Matt threw me out, and part of me wondered if he’d calmed down yet. Or if my absence made him regret ever taking a chance on me.

  I spotted him watching two guys grappling inside the farthest ring. Hand on his chin, his eyes were locked on the match, no doubt analyzing their moves and strengths. Matt was always calculating strategy and gauging improvement. It’s why he was the best. Why every time I wrestled him, I left a stronger fighter.

  He ignored me when I invaded the space to his right. I deserved the silence, but it still stung. I assessed the guys in the ring: their height, their weight, their focus. The larger one was black as midnight and towered over his quick-footed opponent. But he was struggling and soon was stuck using sheer strength to stay off the rubber.

  “He dropped his left shoulder too soon,” I said. Only a raised eyebrow from Matt, but finally, an acknowledgement. “His foot placement was also sloppy. He used way more energy than necessary just to balance.”

  When the corner of Matt’s mouth lifted, pride swelled in my chest like air filling a balloon. “Very good. How’s your sunburn?”

  I raked a hand through my hair and gripped the back of my neck, wishing I could erase my stupidity. “It’s all healed.”

  “Should be after two weeks.” His words were edged in disappointment and judgment. Both of which I’d earned.

  My pulse raced in my wrist, my fingers moving in and out of a fist to settle the slight tremble. “I wanna come back and train.”

  Matt slid his arms across his chest, a motion that had his forearm flexing. His face was a mask of indifference. Watching. Analyzing. Just like with the guys in the ring. “I thought you said you were just coasting the rest of the year.”

  I did say that. And he had every right to kick me out.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, but he didn’t respond. I planted my feet. I didn’t care if I had to stand there all day. I wouldn’t let one careless morning overshadow how hard I’d worked. “Sorry for my attitude and for my mouth. I had no right to speak to you so disrespectfully. I let the pressure get to me.”

  We stared at each other for what seemed like a century. Matt held his body like a stone carving. “And who are you training for?”

  “Me. Just me. I want to prove my worth as captain and win.” Win state and my freedom.

  He stepped forward. “The coach didn’t choose you for captain because you won a bunch of trophies last year. He chose you because he saw something in here that mattered to the team.” A stiff finger poked at my chest. “Character.”

  He was wrong. I’d spent the last year compromising everything about myself. But maybe one day he would be right.

  “Are you still hanging out with those friends of yours? The ones who like to skip school and break the law?”

  I stared at the fighters taping their fingers. The answer was yes, but I wanted it to be no. I just needed time.

  Matt sighed and moved toward the ring.

  “It will be different this time,” I promised in a rush. “I’ll make sure it’s different.”

  The cold expression slid off Matt’s face and his tone softened. “Cody, you can’t have your feet in two different houses. If you try, it’s going to rip you in half.” He stepped past me but didn’t walk away. “Get in the ring and start stretching. I’ve had weeks to come up with new ways to torture you, and today’s gonna hurt.”

  Relief unraveled the knots in my stomach. He was giving me a second chance.

  SKYLAR

  Blake waited by my locker on Monday and covered his face when I approached. “Please tell me the five minute conversation I noticed on my phone this morning was me talking to your answering machine.” He peeked through spread fingers.

  I bit my lip and shook my head.

  His hands dropped. “How embarrassed should I feel?”

  “You shouldn’t. It really was fine.” I concentrated on turning the dial instead of glimpsing around Blake to watch Jill in her short denim skirt hanging all over Cody. Her brown hair was combed into a side braid, and I was sure she used a half pint of foundation on her face. I’d spent all weekend telling myself to forget him. That he was every bit the player Zoe said he was.

  Blake rested his forearm on the locker and leaned in. “I’d like to make it up to you. Dinner? Maybe just the two of us this time?”

  I manufactured a smile, but my stomach soured. “I told you, my parents would never let me.” I’d started saying parents instead of dad. It made kids at school think I had two of them, and I liked how it sounded.

  Blake’s arm slowly dropped, but his face pinched into a scowl. “Do you always tell your folks everything?”

  “I don’t want to lie to them, if that’s what you’re implying.” Despite the calm in my voice, there was a chill. “Especially when I know I’m the rebound girl.”

  He shifted his weight. “So, I guess I did screw things up with that phone call.”

  “No. I appreciated your honesty. But I think we both know you’re not over Lindsay.”

  “But I want to be.” His words came out so forcefully they had me backing away. “She walked away from us.”

  I rested my hand on his forearm. The muscle was tight and warm. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “No, it’s not you.” His shoulders relaxed, and his finger touched the ends of my hair. “You’re perfect. And, if it’s at all possible, I’d like another chance. Friends who might become more?”

  The look on his face was hard to refuse: the unguarded vulnerability, the cringing embarrassment, the sudden apprehension of a possible rejection. I spotted Henry talking with two seniors in the hallway. Something Blake made possible. Maybe I was passing judgment too quickly. “Okay. Friends.”

  “But maybe more?”

  Blake did puppy dog eyes really well and I caved. “Okay, maybe more.”

  “Thank you. So listen, I have to take care of something. Tell Ms. Yarnell I’m in the office.”

  “Okay.”

  He took off in a fast walk, leaving me a clear view of Cody at his locker. Jill was gone, thankfully, but the questions lingered.

  Cody spotted me, and the corners of his mouth lifted. I didn’t want his smile. It made my stomach flutter and my cheeks warm. He moved casually, crossing the space that separated us in three easy strides. “Two outstanding songs. You are redeemed.”

  His casualness bothered me, like he’d done nothing wrong. “I sent you those days ago.” Before I heard about Lindsay.

  “Yes. A
nd I had to give them each proper air time before I made my decision.” He motioned for us to move.

  He was acting differently. Not holding back. And he met my eyes every time we spoke. We weren’t touching, but the electricity between us could have zapped innocent bystanders. Stupid chemistry. I’d always hated that subject.

  “I have one for you, too,” He shifted closer, and the heat of his body wrapped around mine. He smelled like hot, delicious cinnamon. Ugh. He was intoxicating. “I’ll text it later.”

  “Why not now?” There was a challenge in my words. A demand to know what was going on between us. Because I wasn’t blind, and I wasn’t crazy.

  His voice lowered to a whisper that sent chills down my spine. “Wouldn’t want the Madison spies to know my secrets.” There was nothing light about the way he said it. In fact, his tone hummed a warning.

  “What secret do you have that’s bigger than mine?”

  My words hung in the air a second before Cody’s eyes aligned with mine. “Listen to my song. It’s all right there.”

  Heads turned when we walked into class together, and Chugger lasered a stone-cold stare at Cody all the way to our seats. Something had definitely happened this weekend.

  The SMART board lit up with a map of Eastern Europe. I turned around to listen to Ms. Yarnell, but the whispers between Chugger and Cody behind me had my ears straining to hear them instead.

  “You brought her home? Are you insane?” Chugger hissed.

  “I did him a favor.”

  “How?”

  Cody didn’t answer, but the hair on my neck stood up as if both guys were both watching me.

  Blake strolled into class minutes later with an apology and a pass from the office. He squeezed my shoulder and sat down.

  By the time Ms. Yarnell began passing around the usual sheets, the tension at our table was suffocating. Blake glared at Cody, who refused to engage in a staring contest. I was grateful it was my turn to write. I wanted this horrible moment to disappear, but I also wanted to know what Cody was doing with Lindsay.

  Time ticked on. They didn’t speak. They barely moved in their seats while I was as restless as a two-year-old in church. I tried to focus on writing four reasons why Communism failed, but could hardly think past the aggression bouncing around our silent table.

  “Boys, are you helping Skylar with the work? This is a group effort.” Ms. Yarnell’s question stilled me. The fact she noticed, said it all. Only one of us ever did the work.

  The guys huffed and moaned, but eventually leaned on the table.

  “What’s the next question?” Cody asked, obviously preferring to help than to engage in conversation with Blake.

  “I’ve got a question.” The hate in Blake’s voice froze my hand above the half-completed paper.

  “And what’s that?” Cody’s exasperated words flew across the table, wrapped around Blake’s fierce expression and settled like a stone in the pit of my stomach.

  “How does a guy stab his friend in the back and not feel remorse? Doesn’t even call the next day to apologize?”

  Cody ignored the stab-in-the-back comment. “I just took her home. I knew she was bothering you, and you didn’t want her there.”

  Cody and Blake had an entire conversation with their eyes, and the already stifling temperature rose again. With a squeak of his chair, Blake was suddenly next to me.

  “Whatcha got left?” Blake leaned in until our cheeks practically touched.

  Cody’s hand clenched, but he quickly slid it into his lap. “We’ve only got ten more minutes.”

  A tickle from Blake pierced my side and I flinched.

  “Number four is Bulgaria,” he said before adding, “and you smell like sunshine.” His hand slowly came off my waist and hung over the back of my chair.

  I took a deep breath and tried not to wish that Blake and Cody would trade places.

  Epic fail.

  CODY

  A boiling pressure usually only reserved for wrestling matches knocked inside my stomach. He touched her, often, and each time with more familiarity.

  Blake and I crossed gazes, and that cocky grin appeared on his face. Like he knew how I felt, but didn’t see me as a contender. And that was good. He couldn’t prepare for a battle he didn’t know was coming.

  The bell rang and Blake grabbed Skylar’s bag. She hesitated, and it was all the hope I needed. Maybe she could see it—the corruption and the lies. I wanted to end the pretense right then, but it wasn’t the time yet. I had to be smart and cunning, just like the guy at her side.

  I focused on the pain across my pecs from the two hundred pushups Matt made me do in the gym and stood to leave.

  Chugger slammed his books on the table, his eyes pierced mine. “Meet us out back before lunch. You know where.”

  “Fine.”

  Blake had shown me the hidden cove two weeks after we won against Clearview High our junior year. The entire team was there except the freshmen, each with a Dixie cup of vodka. I remembered feeling special, like I was a part of something grand. I sucked down the shot without blinking, and that was the start of my acceptance.

  I didn’t know at the time that shot meant giving up my soul.

  Life Skills didn’t require books, so I skipped watching Blake fawn over Skylar at her locker. I had to find a way to be alone with her. To gauge if she was everything my mind imagined or if the draw was deeper. Her father. The music.

  A loud crash forced my head to whip around. Lindsay stood frozen in the hallway, her books and pens scattered in a halo around her.

  “Oops, sorry,” the girl said sweetly, coughing the word ‘slut’ at the end of her fake apology. Her giggle as she stepped over the papers and books was enough to make my ears burn.

  Lindsay began picking up her stuff, but a few passing students kicked them out of her reach.

  I grabbed the shirt of the guy who’d just sent her algebra book sailing. “Go back and pick it up.”

  His eyes widened in fear. “Okay, Cody, I was just kidding around.”

  “Well, it’s not funny.” I released his shirt with a murderous glare, shoving him toward the book. I knelt next to Lindsay as she gathered the scattered materials. No one else messed with her. Instead, they made their way down the hall with haughty glances, sidestepping the mess. Students’ loud voices became judgmental whispers as Lindsay and I worked to gather her supplies.

  “This is Blake’s doing,” she whispered while blinking back tears. “He called four times yesterday, and I didn’t pick up the phone.”

  This girl had a bad habit of giving me information I didn’t want. Information that made holding my tongue nearly impossible. I looked at the cold linoleum under my knees and pulled us both upright. The warning bell rang seconds ago and staying here with Lindsay would get me more than just a tardy slip.

  “You good?” I felt guilty for not offering more.

  She steadied her shoulders, a pretense of confidence that didn’t match the pale, gloomy shadow across her face. “I’ll be fine. Thanks. You keep coming to my rescue.” She looked up and her eyes were like shards of sapphires: crystal clear but tormented in an alarming way. They held more secrets I didn’t want to know.

  *

  Blake and Chugger waited for me at my locker before lunch, a clear sign they didn’t trust I’d show on my own. I’d crossed Blake, and now it was time to take the punishment. Like Lindsay.

  “Let’s go.” Blake’s voice was a harsh, low, grinding buzz against my skin.

  I followed, like the well-trained dog I wanted him to believe I still was.

  We continued past the old theater, the grass and shrubs manicured to Madison’s pristine expectations, and rounded the corner to the most secluded part of the building. The part with loud air conditioning units and two large dumpsters. The place hidden in the shadows, so no one could see its ugliness. Or the ugliness that happened here on a regular basis.

  Blake cracked his knuckles and stretched his neck. I wondered if this w
as going to be his version of a woodshed beating until he locked his arms tightly across his chest.

  “Obviously, we need to establish ground rules when it comes to Lindsay.”

  I didn’t say a word, which seemed perfectly fine to him.

  “I don’t want you talking to her or defending her.” His eyes locked on mine. “Or giving her rides home. You understand?”

  My hands itched, my nerves burned along my arms. “I understand.”

  “Chugger says you thought you were doing me a favor. Explain.”

  I wanted to punch that smirk off his face. I didn’t. “I was just thinking of how all of that would look to Skylar. You yelling and carrying on about your ex-girlfriend.” Even then, the word “ex” made his jaw clench. “I had your back, man.” I couldn’t tell if he believed me or not, but I kept my face steady, a mask of respect.

  Blake stepped closer and spoke through his teeth. “What did she say about me when you took her home?”

  “Nothing. We didn’t talk.”

  Blake kept his eyes locked on mine. There was no trust in them. “It’s time for you to pick a side, Cody. You’re either in the circle or you’re out. Something’s up with you this year, and I’m done putting up with your hormo—.”

  I cut him off. “I’m in.” Until I take you down.

  Blake glanced at Chugger and curved his lips into a victorious grin. “Then you won’t mind proving it.”

  Every inch of my skin went taunt. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I’ll let you know when the time is right.”

  I pushed out the suffocating wind and tried not to recoil from Blake’s friendly slap. I’d play his little game and document every word from his lying, wicked mouth.

  SKYLAR

  Henry and Zoe waited by my locker after third period, Zoe talking a mile a minute. Henry listened to her animated chatter, interjecting a few nods or “uh-huhs” whenever she stopped talking long enough to wait for his response. He seemed different. Relaxed, happy, and almost stylish. The jeans were looser and the right length. The shirt was still a short-sleeved button up, but at least the pens were gone from the pocket.