Holly's Wishes

by Karen Pokras

  “Yes, this is bullshit. You’re right. You know what? I’m glad, too. Because now I know exactly how you really feel, and I can stop wasting my time. It’s okay, though. You don’t have to think about me anymore. I won’t be here when you get out. In fact, after I move all my stuff, I won’t be back again. Ever. Oh, and by the way,” Holly said, grabbing the key to the new car before walking out the door, “thanks for the gift.”

  Chapter 26

  “Holly? Is that you?”

  Ava came out of the kitchen with Jenna by her side, her face covered in chocolate.

  “Aunt Holly!” she said, running into her arms.

  “Hi, sweet pea! I sure did miss you!”

  “Guess what? Grandma made five kinds of pie and cookies. I don’t like pie, but I promised her I’d eat all of my beans, so she let me have a cookie before dinner. I took the chocolate one.”

  Holly looked at her niece’s messy face. “You don’t say,” she laughed. “So did any of it wind up in your tummy?”

  “Yup, and it was de-licious!”

  Laughing, Ava tried to wipe her daughter clean with a napkin. “This little one already wore Mom out. She went upstairs to take a nap before dinner. The men are downstairs playing pool and watching the game. You know how they are.” She gave her sister a hug. “It’s so good to see you. Where’s Jared?” She pulled back. “Are you okay?

  Holly only shook her head, knowing the moment she said the words her tears would start flowing.

  “Jenna, honey,” Ava said, turning on the television, “why don’t you take a little rest and watch TV until Grandma comes down. Mommy needs to talk to Aunt Holly for a little bit.”

  “Okay,” her daughter replied, already distracted by the show in front of her.

  Taking Holly’s hand, Ava led her into the kitchen, where Tessa stood at the sink, washing dishes.

  “Oh, hey, Holly. I didn’t know you were here. Grab a towel. You can dry.”

  Holly sat at the kitchen table, burying her head in her hands.

  “… or not,” Tessa said, looking over to her sister before turning the faucet off. “What’s going on?”

  Ava put her arm around her sister.

  “Jared gave me my birthday present today,” Holly started, sobbing between her words. “He wanted to give it to me early. He was all excited about it.”

  “That’s good right?” Tessa asked, bringing over the box of tissues that had been sitting on the counter. “You told us he’s been hinting at something extra special this year. Why are you crying?”

  “It wasn’t a ring.”

  “I know you’re disappointed,” Ava said, rubbing her sister’s back, “but this doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen It just means it’s not the right time.”

  Holly looked at her sister through her tears. “How much more time does he need?” She closed her eyes, letting all of the pent up anger, frustration, and sadness from years of waiting rush out of her body all at once. “I left him,” she said, her body trembling as she spoke the words.

  “Oh, sweetie,” Ava said, turning her around to hug her. Tessa joined in as well.

  “He bought me a car. Not a ring, a car. A used car. Not even for me, really, it was more for us to share … every other week. All this time—all the hints.” Holly stopped to catch her breath, wiping her tears. “The point is there were no plans for making a commitment for a future together. The ring part wasn’t even that important. He could have done so much with just words and actions to show me he cared about creating a bond that would last a lifetime. Instead, he gave me something that could break down at a moment’s notice. It was a sign I needed to be done with him once and for all. He had no intention of proposing. I was a fool to think he’d changed.”

  Tessa sat down at the table with her sister and took her hands. “I’m really sorry, sis. Men suck.”

  “I know there’s someone out there who’s a thousand times better for you,” Ava said, getting her sister a glass of water.

  Taking a deep breath, she nodded. “The thing is, I feel like an idiot more than anything else. It took this for me to realize I wasn’t in love with him, not even a little bit. I was in love with the idea of him. This fantasy I had in my head that I’ve had since I was a little girl—meeting the guy, getting married, having a family, living happily ever after. I was more in love with the idea that he could be the one to make it happen. I was so focused on my dream, I became blind to the person in front of me.” She rolled her eyes. “Seriously? Jared?” She wiped her eyes again, and glanced up at her sisters. “I stayed with him for all of the wrong reasons. I know that now.”

  Ava sat down at the table, putting her arm around Holly. “Honey, you deserve so much better. And one day, you’re going to find that person who’s going to make all your dreams come true.”

  “Hol,” Tessa began. “I … um …”

  “What is it?” she asked with a concerned tone.

  “Okay, promise you won’t get mad. I only didn’t say anything because you seemed so intent on this whole Jared thing. Well, it’s about Ben.”

  “You two can be together now,” Ava said, smiling. “You should talk to him. Mom invited him and his parents over today for Thanksgiving.”

  “Here? Today?” Holly sighed. She had thought about Ben her entire ride over. In fact, she hadn’t been able to get Ben off her mind. “It’s not going to happen. I saw him the other day, and he didn’t seem happy to see me at all. Anyway, he’d only think I was interested because I didn’t have Jared anymore. Today is going to be a disaster.” She cradled her head in her arms, resting her elbows on the table.

  “You need to know something,” Tessa said, continuing where she left off. “Ben and I have been getting together.”

  “What?” Holly asked, lifting her eyes up. So now the guy who she thinks her heart might actually belong to, is dating her sister?

  “No! Not like that. He’d kill me if I told you this, but, okay. At first it started as pool lessons. He asked Dad and me to teach him. He didn’t want you to know. I guess he thought he could surprise you with a win. Don’t worry, he’s still really awful.”

  “You said started as. So it’s something different now?” Sitting back up straight, she waited for her to explain.

  “Yes, he’s been texting me. He’s got it bad for you, Hol. He’s really a good guy. Here.” She shoved her phone into Holly’s hands.

  She began to read the texts:

  Ben: I can’t stop thinking about her. I have to see her again.

  Tessa: You can’t. She’s in a serious relationship. It’s not fair to mess with her head like that.

  Ben: I know. But, he’s not the right guy for her. No, you’re right. They seem to be doing better now. I need to let them be. Ugh. What is wrong with me?

  Tessa: Do you want me to answer that?

  Ben: No. I wish I could turn back time.

  Tessa: Well then you’d still be that pimply boy wearing yellow ruffles.

  Ben: You just made me snort coffee up my nose.

  Tessa: That’s what I’m here for.

  Ben: Will you tell your sister I’m thinking about her?

  Tessa: No.

  Ben: Lol. Ok. But I am. Always.

  Holly lifted her tear-streaked face and looked at her sister.

  “This was from yesterday,” Tessa said. “I think you should tell him you broke up with Jared.”

  Holly heard a cough and glanced over to see Ben standing in the doorway.

  “How long were you standing there?” she demanded.

  Grabbing another tissue, she wiped her face as best she could.

  “I–I just got here,” he said. “Max sent me in to get some drinks.” He slowly walked into the kitchen toward the refrigerator, but stopped when he got to the table where Holly was sitting.

  “We should go see how Jenna is doing,” Ava said. Kissing Holly on the top of her head, she took Tessa’s hand, and slipped out the kitchen door.

  “Is it okay if I sit?”
Ben asked.

  She motioned to one of the empty chairs.

  “You broke up with Jared?”

  “There was really no point in me staying with him anymore. Our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. It’s for the best.” Wiping her tears one more time, she tried to regain her composure. “I must be a mess.”

  “No,” he said. “You look … beautiful.”

  Peering at him through swollen eyes, she managed a smile. “You don’t have to say that.”

  “I know.”

  “Thanksgiving is usually my favorite holiday,” she said, picking up one of the cookies on the plate in front of her.

  He paused before speaking, as if trying to think of just the right words to help her feel better. “It still can be, if you let it. It can only get better from here, right?”

  “There’s only one way to go from rock bottom and all that crap?” she asked, placing the cookie back down.

  “I guess that did sound pretty cheesy.”

  “No, I appreciate it, thanks,” she said.

  He reached over to take her hand. “I know you probably need some time right now, but—”

  “So, this is where you disappeared to. Geez, I ask you for a beer, and the next thing I know I have to send out a search party,” Max said, walking in to the kitchen. He snatched two bottles out of the refrigerator.

  Ben pulled his hand away and shoved a cookie into his mouth. “Sorry,” he mumbled, “I got distracted by dessert.”

  Holly stood up to give her brother-in-law a hug.

  “Oh hey, Hol, I didn’t know you were here already. Listen, I’ve been sharpening my skills. I think I’ve got a chance of breaking your streak this time. You want to grab a beer and join us downstairs?”

  “No,” she said. “You guys go ahead. I wouldn’t want to interrupt male bonding time, or whatever it is you fellows do with those sticks down there.”

  “Very funny,” Max said. “After dinner then, and bring your A game, ’cause Miss Holly Haines is going down.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she laughed, shooing him off. “That’s what they all say.”

  “You’re awfully quiet.” Elbowing Ben, he shoved the beer into his hands. “Here.”

  He stood, following Max out of the kitchen, turning his head to gaze at Holly as he walked away.

  Chapter 27

  Holly was quiet through most of dinner, giving short answers to the few questions asked of her, instead of the drawn out thoughtful responses her family had grown used to. Before they all sat down, she had pulled her parents aside to tell them about Jared. Her mother had been more upset than Holly thought she would be—she supposed she’d had her sights on a proposal for her middle daughter this year as well. Her father, on the other hand, appeared oddly relieved. Nobody mentioned his name during the meal. It was as if he never existed.

  At first she tried her hardest during dinner not to make eye contact with Ben, but it wasn’t easy. Her sisters had somehow managed to seat him directly across from her. It seemed every time she looked up she met his eyes—eyes, that no longer appeared lost, uncomfortable, or distant, but rather were warm, caring, and compassionate … eyes that were accompanied by a smile that had so much to say. Feeling more at ease by the end of the meal, she found herself stealing glances and smiling back.

  After desert, the men retreated to the basement, while the women finished cleaning up.

  “Go to him,” Tessa whispered, as they finished putting the last of the dishes away. “Trust me.”

  “I don’t know,” she responded. “Should I?”

  “Oh for Heaven’s sake,” Ava said, grabbing her hand. “Come on, already.” She pulled her out of the kitchen and into the living room, with Tessa at their heels.

  “Ava, slow down!” Holly demanded, pulling her hand back.

  They stopped just before they reached the basement steps.

  “Enough games, Holly. The two of you were making googly eyes all through dinner. We all saw it. There’s nothing holding either of you back anymore. I know it’s only been a few hours for you, but you’re a single woman now, Ms. Haines.”

  “Go get him, tiger,” Tessa added. Lifting her hands as if they were claws, she growled at her older sister.

  “O-kay,” Holly said, pushing her sister’s hands back down. “Let’s aim for some decorum here, shall we?”

  “Oh, come on, loosen up a little,” Tessa tousled Holly’s hair.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, smoothing it back down.

  “Messy is in. Shake those blonde tresses out, like this.” Her sister bent her head over and shook her long brown hair from side to side before whipping her head back.

  Holly laughed. “You look like something out of a horror movie.”

  Tessa checked the mirror above the fireplace and straightened her hair a bit. “Okay, maybe not quite that much, but you look so … I don’t know … school teacher-ish.”

  “I am a school teacher.”

  “Yeah during the day. But on your off hours, you need to get your sexy on.”

  “That’s okay, thanks. Oh shit, they’re coming up the stairs. Now what do I do?” Holly asked, hiding behind Ava.

  “Um, you’re going to talk to him,” she said, stepping to the side.

  Max came up the stairs first, carrying a sleepy Jenna, followed by Holly’s dad, and Ed. Ben closed out the line.

  “I think we need to put this little one to bed,” Ava said, following Max up the stairs toward the guest room.

  “Ed, how about that cigar I promised you?” Bob said as they all stood in the living room “Ben, are you interested?”

  “No, thank you, sir.”

  “Suit yourself. Come on, Ed. Grab your coat. We have to go sit on the patio. If Patricia catches me smoking these things in the house, she’ll kick me out for good.”

  “Okay … well, I think I’m going to head back into the kitchen,” Tessa said, scurrying off to leave Holly and Ben alone in the living room.

  “Wow,” Holly said, smiling at Ben. “I really know how to clear a room.”

  “I’m still here,” he said.

  “You are.” Staring into his eyes, Holly was at a loss for words. She’d wanted this moment to happen, and yet, she didn’t know what to do with it. She started to laugh quietly to herself.

  “Am I that funny to look at?” he asked.

  “No. I was thinking about how crazy this day wound up. I feel like I’m a completely different person than the one I was when I woke up this morning. Do you think it’s possible for someone to grow that much in one day—not on a physical level, I mean—” She laughed again. “I’m sorry, I’m not making any sense, I know. I feel like my wants and needs have changed so dramatically in just a few hours. Has that ever happened to you?”

  Taking her hands in his own, he gazed into her eyes. “Yes,” he said, curling his lips back into a wide grin. “It happened the day you came to talk to me at Ava’s wedding.”

  “There you are, Ben,” his mother said, as she came into the room.

  He let go of Holly’s hands and turned around to greet her.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” she stated, not seeming to notice anything more than two friends who were talking, “but I feel a migraine coming on. Can you go find your father, and tell him I think it’s time to go?”

  “Of course, Mom,” he said, helping her to a chair. “I’ll be right back.”

  He smiled at Holly as he walked out of the room.

  Chapter 28

  Holly spotted Ben as soon as she walked through the door of the restaurant. He rose to pull out her chair and took his own seat across from her.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t get together with you yesterday,” she said, “Ava and Max were only in town for a couple of days and my mom had a big Black Friday girls’ day planned. It’s hard having them so far away.”

  “You don’t need to apologize.” He gazed at her for a moment before continuing, “You look beautiful.”

  She smiled. “You k
now, you’re going to have to stop telling me that every time you see me … but, thank you.”

  “I speak only the truth,” he said, grinning, “I could sit like this staring at you all night.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t very good at talking with women? That sounded pretty smooth to me.”

  “I’m actually nervous as hell,” he admitted sheepishly. “I’m terrified I’m going to do or say something to mess this up. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this from the moment we had our first kiss when we were sixteen.”

  “I don’t think you have to worry. I kind of think you’re cute. I have ever since you sat next to me in Freeman’s history class. Do you remember?”

  “Of course I remember,” he said, with a twinkle in his eye. “I gave Bart Rivera an old Mickey Mantle baseball card that belonged to my father so I could have the seat next to you. I got in big trouble, but it was worth it.”

  “Really? I always wondered why he suddenly switched seats. I thought maybe I smelled or something.”

  “Nope. It was all my doing. Of course, after that I never said two words to you for the rest of the year, but still, I was just happy to be close to you. By the way, we don’t bring that story up when we’re around my dad, okay? Mantle’s card is going for big bucks now, I hear.” He cringed and shook his head.

  “Got it,” she said with a smile. “Wow, you’re full of mysteries and secrets. You’re like a box I can’t wait to unwrap.”

  “Oh really now,” he said, raising his eyebrows.

  Putting her hands to her cheeks, she tried to hide her growing embarrassment. “That’s not what I meant. Unravel is probably the better word.”

  “That works for me, too,” he said, teasing her.

  “Maybe we should change the subject—please? Is it time to order?” She checked around for the waiter. “I think I could use a glass of wine.”

  “I’m only playing—you don’t have to be embarrassed. Although, you’re really cute when you are. I have a weird sense of humor sometimes. Sorry.”