Waiting On the Rain

by Caudia Connor

  “I wish I could see you,” she whispered into the dark. “Not to see what you look like, but I wish I could see your eyes looking at me.”

  “You see me, Ava. Maybe more than anyone else ever has.” Luke stroked her skin, shoulders to thighs. “This is me looking at you. You can feel that.”

  He lingered over every dip and curve, filled himself with her taste. Used his lips, his hands, driving her mad. Her breath hitched and her eyes closed when he tugged, then slid her underwear down and away.

  He was mad for her, for Ava, as he came over her, took her mouth in a long, greedy kiss. There was a shocking flash of heat as their bodies joined. Like a fiery arrow, it shot right through him. Her arms came around him and she arched up to meet him, locking their bodies even more tightly together, making them one. And then there was no slowing down.

  Slick with sweat, they moved, flesh slapping flesh until he felt her tighten around him. He filled his hands with her breast, moved his body in time with hers, fitting himself to her like a key in a lock. Yes, she saw him, he thought. And when he slid inside, when their bodies were joined, he saw himself too. He made love to her slowly then fast. Both were perfect. Both were more than he’d ever had before. More than he’d ever felt before.

  He hadn’t known, really known, what he’d been looking for when he came here. Peace maybe. Resolution with the family. But looking at Ava sleeping beside him he knew whatever it was he’d been looking for he’d found it in her. And more than anything, he wanted to be the man she needed.

  The flash of his own orgasm was so staggering he rode on the high thinking he might not survive it and in the moment didn’t care. It snagged the air right from his throat and he collapsed, unable to move, and lay with his face buried in Ava’s hair.

  30

  When they were finally breathing evenly, he took her into his side and held her against him. “We should get off the floor.”

  “We should. In a minute.”

  “Yeah. In a minute,” he said, happy where he was.

  She traced her finger over his shoulder, down his bicep. “Do you have any tattoos?”

  Luke rose up slightly and looked down at her. “What do you know about tattoos?”

  She smiled. “I’ve read about them. So do you?”

  He brought her hand to the inside of his arm, sliding it along length of his forearm. “I have one here.”

  “What is it?”

  “Just words. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.”

  She traced her finger along his skin as he read.

  “What about the rest? I will fear no evil?”

  “Would you believe they ran out of ink?”

  “Hmm.”

  She continued touching him, not challenging him on the ink, not pressing him on the why. She never looked at him like he was broken and he was coming to realize she wouldn’t think of him as broken or weak even if he did tell her. That he hadn’t wanted the rest of the verse because he had feared evil.

  “Are all the memories bad?”

  “No. Not all.” He took her hand and put it to his cheek so she would know it. Her thumb moved the slightest bit to brush over his bottom lip. And it seemed like Gary was right. Because here he was talking to Ava, saying things he’d never said to anyone and feeling lighter.

  He drew her hand higher, held one finger to a spot where his forehead met his hairline. “There’s the scar from that clothing rack I ran into. It’s just there, above my hairline.”

  Ava felt for it, found it and traced her finger over it. About an inch long, barely there. His skin was warm under her hand, warm and smooth and she moved her fingers over his face, felt the sandpaper of a day’s growth on his jaw and around his mouth. “Do you have any others?”

  “A few.” He guided her hand to his shoulder. “One there. A bullet. Just a graze. Another on my leg. Nothing too bad.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “I do trust you, Luke,” she said after a long moment. “In a way I never thought I would trust again. You’re good and honorable and kind. You are,” she said when he tried to interrupt.

  “You care about your family, you care enough to bury a kitten and search for the others. But…I was lost for a while. Really lost. I couldn’t find my footing, my happiness. I felt robbed somehow, and misled. He made me uncertain of myself, that was the worst part. But little by little, I got it back. I don’t want to lose it again.”

  She said the words so softly it nearly broke his heart. And at the same time he felt a strike of jealously that she’d felt so strongly for another man. “No. I wouldn’t want you to lose it. Wouldn’t want you to lose anything.” He pressed his lips to her shoulder, gathered her in.

  “I don’t want what happened before to happen again and at the same time I don’t want my past to dictate my future.”

  “Then don’t let it.”

  “It’s not that easy,” she said.

  He knew it wouldn’t help to make promises. To tell her he’d never hurt her. It actually shocked him that he was so sure he wouldn’t.

  Luke’s heart broke with the pain and anguish in her voice. He wanted to beat the man he knew had hurt her but at the same time knew if he hadn’t that she wouldn’t be here with him now.

  “I was with someone for five years and he walked away like I was nothing, like none of it meant anything. And you expect me to believe this is different in five weeks?”

  “I do. In five weeks. Five days. Five minutes. But I don’t think it would matter if it was five years or fifty if you’ve decided every man is just like him.”

  “I don’t think you’re like him. But I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll take the chance, that I’ll reach out and take hold and you’ll be there. And then one day, you’ll be there wanting to leave but not leaving exactly because of who you are. And I won’t even see it. I won’t even know. I’ll never know if I’d been able to see his face if I would have known he didn’t love me anymore.”

  “Would it have changed things if you’d seen it?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe it’s impossible to trust, to really know, if you can’t see a person’s eyes.”

  If someone had asked him a week ago, a month ago, if he wanted someone to trust him, to depend on him, he’d have said no. Hell, no. But now…

  “He actually said that,” she said. “That there was a different kind of connection looking into someone’s eyes and having them look back at you.”

  “And you believed him?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Well believe me, Ava, when I tell you he was wrong.” He moved over her, settled between her legs. “I’m looking at you, right at your eyes, and I’m feeling everything. All.”

  He kissed her, taking his time, loving her, wondering how he could make her believe he’d never hurt her? And more, how could he convince her she had more power to hurt him?

  Ava woke hours later to an empty bed and the steady sound of sand paper sliding over wood. She got up and made her way toward the sound— the bathroom. She stopped in the doorway. “Hey. I fell asleep.”

  The sanding stopped. “I noticed. Sorry, I didn’t think this would wake up.”

  “I don’t think it did. I just woke up. What are you working on?” She took a step to move farther in.

  “Hang on. I’ve got stuff everywhere.”

  She waited for him to move it then walked in and leaned back against the sink. “What are you working on?”

  “Ah. Sanding the baseboard trim before I put a final coat of clear coat on it.”

  “Such a perfectionist. Can I help?”

  “That’s very sexy night wear you have on.” Luke looked at the sleeves of his T-shirt hanging well below her elbows, the bottom edge to the middle of her thighs. The neck was so big and stretched out it hung off one shoulder.

  “Is it? It’s soft.” She pulled the V-neck up to her nose and sniffed. “It smells like you. Can I help or not?”

  He stood and moved to her. “I�
��m not really in the mood to work anymore.”

  “No?”

  “No.” He took her face in his. “You’re so beautiful.” When she said nothing, he ran his thumbs over her cheeks, slid his fingers in her hair. “You really have no idea, do you?”

  “No. And it wouldn’t mean much if I did since I have nothing to compare it to.”

  He continued stroking her. Her hair, her face. Down her arms. “Your eyebrows are like these delicate little feathers,” he said, coming back to her face. “Your eyes are so blue, the exact shade of a summer sky. Your cheeks are like cream then they get these splashes of pink when you get embarrassed.” He brushed his lips over her cheek. “When we make love.”

  He continued, tracing a finger lightly down her nose. “Cute little nose. Rosy lips that I can’t look at without wanting to kiss. They move a little when you’re counting steps. It drives me crazy.”

  “You’re very observant.”

  “Not much I haven’t noticed about you.” He leaned in, nuzzled her neck, then made a slow, lazy path to her breast. “But I’m up for more study.”

  With one of her hands still caught in his, he brushed a strand of hair back from her shoulder. The touch led to a kiss and the kiss to her leading him back to bed where they made slow love and after, he slept until morning.

  When he woke, Ava was beside him. Her hair lay wild, half off her pillow, over her shoulder. Something had happened to him the night before. Something much more than sex. He craved her like no other woman. He knew that with a certainty that shocked him. Something had clicked into place when he hadn’t been looking for it. Hadn’t even wanted it. But here she was and he wasn’t sure he could ever go back.

  Yet the look he’d seen on her face when they’d talked in the car, all that heartbreak and distress so plain to see in the slant of her brows and downturned lips, it made him wonder if he would have a choice.

  31

  Two days later, Luke picked Ava up for dinner at his sister’s and they decided to park at the cabin and walk the new path. It was really coming together. The gravel had been delivered and spread. Soft rope served as a guide with braille plaques every so often.

  Luke showed her the finished pathway with the rope and the braille. Still needed a few more. “Still needs some smoothing and maybe a warning edging of a different stone so you’d know if you were off track.”

  “You could, but I think with the rope it’s enough. It’s wonderful, Luke. I feel like I could run.”

  “Go ahead.” With the rope in her hand she walked faster, then picked up a light jog. When she went back to a walk and he caught up with her, she was breathing hard and wearing a bright, broad smile.

  “That was fun. I don’t feel comfortable going all out like I do in the pool but I could definitely get some exercise with something like that.”

  Something like that, but not that? Was it too much to hope that she could see herself here? “Glad you like it.”

  When Luke stepped into Hannah’s they were assaulted with sounds and smells and movement. Everyone seemed to be talking at once. The space felt large and open, the kitchen voices blended over other voices a little farther in front of her, along with the sound of a basketball game.

  Greeting them, Hannah touched her arm and took the pie from Luke.

  “You can loosen that grip you’ve got on her,” Stephen said, from across the room. “Unless you’re afraid she’ll get away.”

  “Maybe he is.”

  Nick, Ava was pretty sure.

  “Hey, Ava.” Hannah hugged her, then heard her kiss her brother’s cheek. “I love you, but get out. Boys and babies are in the other room.”

  “What? You think y’all are the only ones who can cook?”

  “No,” she said sweetly. “But we are the only ones who can cook without eating it all in the process. Now get out.”

  “We’ve already lodged a protest,” a male voice yelled from the adjoining room.

  “I’m good,” she said when Luke didn’t move. She gave his hand a squeeze. “Go.”

  Ava felt the loss of his big warm hand around hers but she smiled. It was nice to have the touch of a man that you missed when it was gone. More than nice.

  “Here. We can put you to work.” Hannah guided her to a bar stool at a waist high counter.

  She heard someone open and close a refrigerator to her left, felt the cool air just before someone set a dish on the counter near her left hand.

  “Here’s the salad. Just need to add the strawberries and the pecans.”

  “I can do the strawberries,” Ava said.

  “Thanks,” Hannah said.

  She heard clatter of a wooden cutting board being placed in front of her, then the slide of a plastic carton and the clunk of a knife. And she went to work.

  She enjoyed their company. All of them. And she’d often thought she could see herself becoming more than just friends with Hannah, but really good friends. If she was going to be here long term.

  * * *

  By the time they said the blessing and got all the kids served or tied down in high chairs, Luke was starving.

  He dug into the parmesan covered chicken. “Mmm. This tastes just like…”

  “Mom’s?” Hannah said. “I know. I got her recipe box. I made some copies for Nick and Zach.”

  “Lot of good that does us,” Mia said, grinning at her husband.

  “One day we won’t be outnumbered and we’ll both be cooking up a storm. Until then?” Nick scooped up a forkful of rice covered with the creamy cheese sauce and toasted his sister.

  “I can make some copies for you too if you want,” Hannah said to Luke.

  “Oh. Well, sure. I guess I could try.”

  “Whenever you want. No pressure.”

  Luke noticed the little look his sister shot Ava. Did she think he and Ava were going to be cooking their mom’s recipes together?

  It was a nice thought.

  Nora unbuckled Will from his highchair and handed him off to Zach. She must have said something only he heard because he laughed and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

  Luke smiled watching the two of them. Obviously in love and riding the high. Just five short weeks ago and he hadn’t been able to relate. Now, he looked at Ava and… She had him, he thought. She could wring every beat from his heart with nothing more than a look, a smile. And he didn’t even know how in the hell it had happened.

  He tried to picture her working in New York. Sliding her stick side to side, as she made her way along crowded sidewalks at a clipped pace. Busy like all the other people in the city with things to do and places to be. She probably wore a suit to work. Long slim pants with a tucked in blouse or a skirt that no doubt had men taking advantage of the fact she couldn’t see them staring. He sincerely hoped there was someone there at the UN ready and able to pop the lookers on the head.

  No, he’d rather be the one to do it. To walk her to work, not because she needed him to but just because he liked the feel of her hand on his arm. He’d listen to her voice rise and flow in a foreign language and it wouldn’t matter a damn that he had no idea what she was saying.

  She had a gracefulness that just screamed for a suit and heels and it all fit. Her job, her look, the city. But, he thought, watching her now, she also fit here. Wearing jeans, a casual shirt and boots. Riding horses, listening to the creek, helping a child like Kylie. Spending her nights in his bed. Waking up beside him.

  “Here. If you’re done eating, take him.” Before he could resist, Mia handed him his nine-month-old nephew who promptly stomped on his balls. “Dude, your shoes are too hard to be doing that.” He held the baby up, removing kicking feet from crotch range. “Is this the spitter?”

  “No, that was Sam,” Nick said. “Max has a tiny birthmark near his right eye.”

  “Huh.” Luke examined the kid he was holding then he stood to save the glass of water the baby was going for, and to save his balls.

  “I can help clean,” Ava said, standing.
/>   “Nope. You’re our guest. It’s not much. Stephen is the resident dishwasher loading expert.”

  “Because there’s a right way to load a dishwasher,” he said.

  Hannah waved her hand. “Have at it, expert.”

  Luke went to Ava’s side. “Come one, you can help me with this one.” She took his arm and he led her to the couch.

  Nora carried dishes to the kitchen while Zach wrangled Will into submission. Nick held two babies while Mia made bottles.

  Hannah rescued Mitchell from his highchair while Stephen tackled the kitchen.

  “Bottles coming,” Mia said over her shoulder.

  “Here,” Luke said as soon as Ava was seated beside him and passed her the baby.

  “Wait,” she said but already had her hands on the baby.

  “You don’t have the same parts as me and he’s intent on kicking my balls off.”

  “I don’t have much experience with babies.”

  “I guarantee you’ve got as much as me.” The baby started crying and Ava lifted him higher so that he stood on her lap.

  “Hi, baby,” she said, in that voice people used when they talked to babies. “Your dinner’s coming. Yes, it is. Luke, what’s he doing? Help me.”

  The crying had stopped and though he still didn’t look happy, he was watching Ava intently. “He’s just looking at you. That talking thing is working. I hope none of you is thinking of having any more,” Luke said as the chorus of crying from the others reached a peak.

  “We only have one,” Zach said in defense.

  “And we only have one,” Hannah added, walking out of the room with Mitch.

  Everyone looked at Nick.

  “What? So we did ours all in one bang. One day you guys will be jealous.”

  Mia handed Luke a bottle.

  “What do you want me to do with this?”