Waiting On the Rain

by Caudia Connor

  “Just hand it to him. He knows what to do.” Luke was skeptical as he held the bottle to the kid’s hands but sure enough, he took the bottle, plopped down in Ava’s lap, then kicked back like he was in a lazy boy.

  Mia handed out the other two bottles and in seconds there was silence.

  Talk turned to the new Star Wars movie releasing soon and that led to an old debate.

  “Of course Luke always insisted he got to be Luke,” Zach said, still holding a grudge.

  “Well, duh,” Luke said. “That’s my name. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be Han or Chewy and call you Luke. That doesn’t even make sense.”

  “It does make sense,” Zach argued, “because Dallas made a rotating schedule.”

  Mia rolled her eyes. “You know you guys sound like you’re ten.”

  “Thanks, babe.”

  When the babies were all asleep or nearly so, Hannah got a roaring fire going. The women got into a deep discussion about an HBO mini-series, and the men took the heat of the fire as long as they could before escaping outside to a comfortable sixty degrees.

  Luke stood at the wooden porch railing, trying to broach the topic of asking Stephen to do something with his money. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the guy. He did. But after punching him in the face, it was still hard to ask his brother-in-law for a favor.

  “So. McKinney,” he finally said.

  “Yeah?” Stephen turned his head.

  “I was thinking… I’ve got this money, just kind of sitting around and…”

  Zach snickered from his seat on the swing.

  “What?” He asked, tossing a look at his brother. Then he noticed Nick’s matching smirk. “What? Not like I can’t figure out something. Just thought I’d get some tips from the money guru. Forget it.”

  “Relax, bro. We’re not laughing at you,” Zach said. “We’re laughing with you.”

  Stephen smiled, hooked a thumb over his shoulder. “These two gave me their money a long time ago.”

  “Huh. Well. I’m not giving you my money. Just maybe some advice.”

  Stephen shrugged. “Whatever.”

  “Man knows what he’s doing,” Zach said. “Why make it harder than it has to be.”

  “It’s not like I can turn it into gold or anything,” Stephen said. “But I can give you some ideas, depending on what you want to do with it.”

  “Well, it’s not doing anything sitting in the bank, that’s for damn sure.”

  “What? You don’t have it buried in the yard?”

  “Bite me,” Luke said to Zach. “I was also thinking that maybe Hannah might need some help going forward. Even after the cabins are finished. By the time everything is finished, things are going to start needing repairs. Then there’s the horses. You’ve got your own stuff going on, plus a kid. I just figured maybe she could use someone for the heavy lifting full-time.”

  “Then you’re thinking you’re going to stay around here?”

  “Yeah. I guess I am. Definitely need to talk to Hannah about it. It’s not like I’m looking to move in on you guys. I’ll get a house, or apartment. Something. But there’s still ramps to be built everywhere. Basic upkeep. Just that windstorm we had last week brought down limbs and pinecones all over the area I started prepping for the wooded path.

  “I don’t know. Maybe there’s not enough stuff, but anyway that’s just what I was thinking.” He took a sip of his beer. Nobody said anything and he finally got so uncomfortable he looked back over his shoulder at the other men. “What? You want to say that’s a stupid idea? Go ahead.” He shrugged. “It’s not like I’m married to it I was just throwing it out there.”

  “Hannah’s been wanting to ask you for weeks,” Stephen said, slapping a hand down on Luke’s shoulder. “She was afraid to mention it. Said she didn’t want you to feel obligated.”

  “No, shit?”

  “And the animals. You know she was thinking about getting donkeys? Rescue donkeys?”

  “Rescue donkeys?” Zach said. “I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

  “I’ve heard about the donkeys,” Stephen said. “And the goats and the rabbits. Newest thing is chickens.”

  Nick lowered his beer. “Is she building a riding camp or a petting farm?”

  “Little of both, I think. She wants the kids to have a lot of experiences.”

  “Well, there’ll be upkeep for sure,” Stephen said. “And it’s a lot of land. Lots to do and plenty of room. From what Hannah said, you’ve pretty much paid for the cabin you’re in now. Plus the labor to build four more— and you know four is going to turn into eight.”

  Luke nearly groaned at the thought of building seven more cabins. He was going to have to bring in some help to get all that done. He knew some guys who didn’t mind physical labor. A few of them might even benefit from it as he had. That was an idea.

  “Ava’s always giving me these ideas, and they’re good ideas. Ways to make things more tactile, as she says.”

  And he was starting to see the world as Ava did. Thinking through things like people who had different needs than he did. He’d noticed the path debris walking here with Ava. Things he would have stepped over or around, or simply kicked out of his way, were a hazard. Stepping on a pinecone you didn’t expect was like stepping on a rolling log. Not to mention making it impossible for kids in wheelchairs.

  “I think it sounds like a solid plan,” Stephen said. “Talk to Hannah. She’s the boss.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Also sounds like Hannah might not be the only reason you’re thinking to stick around.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “He means a woman, dumbass,” Zach said. “The one in there right now who I guarantee is fielding questions from our wives about you.”

  An hour later, they said their goodbyes and started the walk back to the cabin.

  “Thanks for going,” Luke said, taking her hand as they walked back.

  “You’re welcome. It was fun.”

  “And now look at you. City girl walking in the woods.”

  “I’m getting used to the change of pace. Kind of liking it.”

  “You were good with them. The babies. Their faces lit up every time you held them. It’s the eyes. I’m telling you.”

  She smiled, tilted her head up to the sky as they walked. The smooth rope slid through her left hand and she was confident Luke wouldn’t let her fall. It was nice. So nice that she knew she needed to deal with these feelings she had for Luke instead of trying to ignore them. Especially since ignoring them wasn’t working.

  “I never did much babysitting, or any, obviously. But I used to think I might have children, then I was with Blake, but two blind parents…” She shrugged.

  “We decided that wouldn’t have been fair even if it had been feasible. Then when he got his sight back, I thought maybe, but… It wasn’t meant to be. He called me not long ago, to tell me he was getting married. To the woman he’d starting seeing while we were still together. Wanted me to hear it from him. And that she’s pregnant.”

  “Asshole.” Luke pictured how Ava had looked, stroking Sam’s head. Running her finger over his small hand, over each finger. It was a beautiful sight and at the same time he tensed with anger at a faceless man who’d dared to hurt her.

  She shrugged again and he was sure she didn’t know how much pain was written so clearly on her face.

  “I’m not bitter. Not anymore. He showed his true colors and I wouldn’t want to be with him, have children with him or anything else. What about you?”

  “I don’t know. Don’t know that I’ve ever thought about it, but…” He let out a short laugh. “It’s hard to be around them for more than five minutes and not think about it.”

  “Your family’s great, you know. Feeling better about coming back?”

  “Yeah. I am,” he said, letting her shift away from that topic. They walked on a bit farther along the wooded path under a canopy of new tree growth. “I’m starting to th
ink, to realize that all that friction when we were younger was more my fault than I ever admitted. And at the same time that they blamed me a lot less than I assumed they did. Hell, I’m not even sure they’ve been as concerned about me going over the edge as I thought they were.”

  “Maybe you were concerned about you going over the edge.”

  “Maybe so.”

  “I’ve been thinking also. That maybe my parents don’t worry about me so much because I’m blind, but just because they worry.”

  “Sounds like we’re making progress.”

  “It does.”

  “Maybe we should—” She froze. Cocked her head.

  “What?”

  “Shh. Listen. Do you hear that?”

  It was a high, pitiful, mewling. Ava was already moving toward it, off the path using her cane.

  “Wait.”

  The mewling got louder. Ava tripped but he was there to catch her. Then she was kneeling next to the cabin porch.

  Luke dragged out his phone from his pocket and hit the flashlight feature. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

  “Is it kittens?”

  “It is. Kittens and Mama Tom. She must have thought this would be a good safe place.” Luke reached in, pulled out one of the kittens. It squirmed and mewled. “This one seems strong. Here.” He held it out to her.

  Ava took the tiny body of fur, holding it close to her chest just under her chin. “She carried them all here? One by one? But it’s so far.” She continued to cuddle the baby while Luke reached in to check the others.

  “Here.” Ava held out the kitten. “Better put her back with mama. You think it’s too cold?”

  “It’s a little chilly, but no.” He reached in slowly, rubbed his hand over Tom’s head. “They feel toasty warm in here. I’ll bring out some blankets just in case.”

  It hit her. The mother cat who’d lost her babies and the little kittens violently killed in the chain of nature. And then for another reason she couldn’t name, maybe Luke. Maybe talk of babies, but she felt tears gathering, hot and stinging in her eyes. “How did she know this would be safer?”

  “I don’t know that she did,” Luke said. “But she took the chance.”

  Ava could tell by his voice, he was looking at her, not the kittens. “If I knew I could have something real, something really real, with you, of course it would be worth the risk, worth anything. But how would I ever know that?”

  “I don’t know, Ava. How do you ever really know?”

  I know, she thought, because I’ve been there. And I know even more because I never loved him like I love you.

  32

  Luke woke from a dream, a slight variation on the standard. This one morphed from running through smoke in Afghanistan to running toward his Hannah teetering on the edge of a building, to running toward his parents. He never made it to any of them in time.

  He looked at his watch. He’d only slept an hour. He reached for Ava but she wasn’t there. He found her standing outside on the porch. “Hey. You sleep about as well as I do.”

  “I get days and nights mixed up sometimes. It’s worse here, not being on a schedule. New York might be loud, but its night noise is different than its day noise. I thought I heard it raining.”

  Little droplets dripped off the roof. “Looks like you did.”

  “Yeah. I missed it.”

  “You know you could go stand in the bathroom shower.” He slipped his arms around her from behind, pulled her back against him and rested his chin on her shoulder. “I’ll even stand with you.”

  “That’s very generous of you. But it’s not the same.”

  “No. I guess not.” He’d spent plenty of days and nights in the rain. It didn’t appeal to him, but for her, he’d stand in a soaking shower.

  They stood together in a comfortable silence, listening to the light sounds of insects and intermittent dripping off the porch overhang. He ran his hands down her arms to her waist and around to hold her close from behind.

  Ava drew a finger in absent circles over his bare arm. “I checked my email while I was up.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t get the consulate job. They decided not to fill it.”

  “I’m sorry. I know you wanted it.” He was sorry, for her. But knowing she wouldn’t be so far away…

  “Thanks.”

  “You’ll go back to the UN?”

  “Yeah. That was in the email, too. A subtle nudge.”

  “To get your pretty ass back up there? Solve world peace?”

  “Not my boss’s exact words.”

  “Better not be.” And God he wanted to ask her to stay, was figuring out a way to do that without asking her to sacrifice her life. Maybe he should offer to go to New York. He was sure he could do it, but for her? He’d be a fool not to try. Maybe he’d be smart to think on that, on all his options, before he posed them to Ava. She was a smart woman, a woman with a career and plans and fears on top of that.

  And he didn’t just think he was falling in love with her, he was in love with her. And he knew without a doubt she wasn’t ready to hear it. A change of tactics was in order.

  He slid his hand up her thigh, under the edge of the shirt. “You have anything on under here?”

  Laughing, she batted his hand away. “Maybe.”

  He held her tight, finding what he was searching for and finding she did in fact have something on underneath. “A shame, but probably for the best.” He took her hand and stepped down two steps. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

  “What? Now?”

  “Yes, now.”

  “In the dark?”

  “It’s not any darker for you now than it is in the day, right?”

  “No, but you—”

  “Come on. I have excellent night vision.”

  She sighed. “Okay, but, wait. I need shoes.”

  “Don’t need ‘em.”

  “You might not, but I do.”

  “Nope. This is full service.” He turned his back to her, guided her hands to his shoulders. “Let’s go, Bennet. Hustle up.”

  * * *

  Ava hopped on his back, and held tight around his neck as he loped across the grass. It wasn’t more than a few minutes when he stopped.

  “Okay. Here you go.”

  Her feet landed in soft, cool, grass; little droplets clinging to her ankles.

  “Right around here. That’s it. And put your hands here.”

  Rope. She felt thick, rough rope in both hands as her fingers closed around it. “A swing. You made a swing?”

  “Yeah. Had some extra wood, some time. Thought the kids might like it.”

  She scooted back until she felt the solid line across the back of her upper thighs. “And you thought I might like it.” She rose up on her toes, scooted her bottom onto the smooth, wooden seat.

  Luke stood in front of her and covered both of her hands with his. “Do you?”

  “I do.”

  Luke leaned in until his forehead touched hers. Did he know what that made her feel? Then he was gone, backing up and pulling her feet with him.

  “Hold on.”

  She held tight as he drew her and the swing up and up then let her go flying back.

  When she swung back toward him, he pushed her feet to keep her going, making her go higher.

  “You know most people push a person on a swing from behind.”

  “Most people aren’t looking at you.”

  Her heart dipped into her stomach. It wasn’t just the swing, though there was a sweetness in that that struck her. It was more. It was the things he said, the way he said them. Blake had never said those things. Because he hadn’t been able to see her? Because he didn’t mean them? Did it even matter why? No, it didn’t. Not when she was with Luke. Not since the first time Luke’s lips had touched hers.

  Nothing else mattered when she was with him. Luke could see her and he wanted her. They both knew he could still have her in his bed without carrying her out for mi
dnight swing. But here he was. Here they were.

  Luke watched her tilt her head back, her hair float behind her. A soft smile rode her lips, as soft as the night air around them. The dream that had woken him slipped away under the night sky with Ava.

  “Can you really see out here?”

  “I can. The moon is out, bright enough to cast shadows on the ground.”

  “What’s it like? The moon? I’ve always tried to imagine it.”

  Luke caught her feet and brought her and the swing to a stop. Then it was just the sound of the night.

  “Hop up.” He smoothly switched their positions, then pulled her down in his lap. “Now. The moon. It’s a circle. Here, give me your hands. Put your thumbs together.” He moved her fingers until she was making a circle with her thumbs and forefingers. Then he held it up until the circle she’d made matched the moon in the sky.

  “It’s there. Yep. That’s it. Of course it’s bigger in person, or so I’ve been told. Haven’t actually been there. You can stare at the moon as long as you want and it doesn’t hurt your eyes. I’d call it a silvery light. It’s a fact it’s cold in space, and it looks kind of cold; it doesn’t blast heat like the sun. It’s not a yellow light. Did that do anything for you?”

  “Maybe.” She lowered her hands, rested them on his arms. She mostly just liked hearing him talk. The way it made her feel knowing he wanted to give her something.

  His legs were long enough he could hold onto her and still move them back and forth with his feet on the ground.

  “How would you describe yellow?”

  “Yellow. Hmm… Happy. Maybe because a lot of flowers are yellow. Lemons. Summer. Awake. And if it’s a bright yellow, then hot, because of the sun.”

  “Red?”

  “Ahh, red,” he said with a hint of wistfulness in his voice. “A woman in a tight dress or a fast car. A little dangerous.”

  She laughed. “Why dangerous?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Because dangerous women wear red? Long red nails that would cut a line down a man’s chest.”

  “Seriously?”

  She craned her neck back, shot him a grin over her shoulder, and damn it, he felt that clutch in the belly again.