Beefcake & Retakes

by Fennell, Judi

  Technically, that was probably right—until the day Burt Chambers had had the means to force him to marry Juliet.

  “Mom said you’re in therapy.”

  His father nodded then took a sip of his coffee. “I needed help. I was so depressed over Burt having the mortgage and forcing you to marry Juliet that—”

  “You knew about that?”

  “Of course. Burt made sure I did.”

  “Why that son of a bitch—”

  “Calm down, Tanner.” His father held up his hand. “Burt had every right to be mad at me. I almost cost us the business. Or, at the very least, his reputation by putting it at risk. He told me that he’d bought the mortgage to salvage it, but he wasn’t doing it out of the goodness of his heart. Said some pretty on-point things about me that I didn’t want to acknowledge at the time. So then he threw in that he’d blackmailed you into marrying Juliet. But since I knew how you felt about that girl, I didn’t think it was a problem.”

  “Nice. Me not being able to decide the course of my own life isn’t a problem. Glad I’m so important to you.” Tanner wished he’d ordered coffee just so he’d have a mug to slam to the table because it hurt his palm.

  “You are important to me.” His father looked away and cleared his throat before looking back. “I know this is too little too late, but I want you to know I’m sorry. For putting all the pressure on you and for screwing up with the gambling. And for giving Burt the means to blackmail you. You didn’t have to do it, Tanner. I never expected you to. Made me feel both proud and ashamed, to tell you the truth. But I thought you loved Juliet so it wasn’t a problem.”

  Missy showed up with his sandwich then.

  “Thanks, hon.”

  “Sure thing, Mr. Wentworth. Tanner? You sure you don’t want something?”

  Her hip was cocked to the right and the look in her eyes…

  “Thanks, Miss, but I have what I need.”

  “Well, you know where to find me.” She shrugged with a half smile before walking away.

  “That girl wants you,” his father said. “Always has.”

  “Not interested.”

  “You never were.”

  “Can we get back to the matter at hand?”

  His father took a bite. “It’s kind of the same thing.”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Juliet. You. You two were always going to be together, so that’s why I didn’t think it was such a big deal that Burt forced the marriage. But when you stayed away and didn’t come back, well, reality set it. It opened my eyes. That’s why I got into therapy. You shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of what I did. So I had to do something about it.” He took another bite.

  “What. Did. You. Do?” Tanner was dreading the answer.

  “Nothing illegal.” His father set the sandwich down and wiped his fingers on the napkin. “I got a couple of Wagyu. Got into a breeding co-op and sold off enough to keep enlarging the stock. Two days ago, I had a buyer contact me for the whole lot.”

  Wagyu cattle weren’t cheap because their meat, the Kobe beef people were so hot for these days, garnered good prices.

  “How’d you afford the first pair?”

  His father grimaced. “I, uh, had a buddy who owed me a favor.”

  Of course he did. And Tanner knew just what kind of favor he was talking about. One that involved cards or sports or horses. “Hell of an expensive favor.”

  “I’m out of that way of life, Tanner. I knew I was getting out. He owed me some money that he didn’t have, so I took the stock instead. I had a plan that could get me out from under. Took me some time—not enough time to help you—but as of today, the mortgage is paid off.”

  “You paid off Burt?” Tanner sat back as the ramifications ran through his mind. Juliet couldn’t give him the mortgage back because it was a non-issue. He liked that; it wiped the slate clean between them.

  “I would have loved to, but the bastard refused to see me. Told me I had to take it up with Juliet. So I did. Went to her office and gave her the cash. She didn’t tell you?”

  And just like that, with a couple of sentences, Tanner’s happiness came crumbling down.

  She’d taken money from his father and hadn’t told him. Had let him think she still had a hold over him. She’d been manipulating him again to get what she wanted, and he’d walked into her shower and given it to her, no questions asked.

  God, he was such a fool. She hadn’t changed. She was still the same conniving spoiled liar she’d been eleven years ago.

  “I gotta go.” Tanner planted his palms on the table and shoved himself to his feet. “Can you get a ride back?”

  “Sure. You gonna go celebrate with your girl?”

  “Uh, yeah. Something like that.”

  Celebrate was not the word Tanner would have chosen. At least, not for this. He would, however, celebrate his freedom when he got back home. His home. Nine states away from Juliet.

  ***

  The divorce papers arrived three days later.

  Juliet had known they would. Tanner hadn’t even come back for his stuff after the conversation with his father.

  She’d spent a lousy weekend trying to talk to him, but, of course, her calls went to voicemail. She’d left messages, but by virtue of these papers, he obviously hadn’t listened to them.

  Or he hadn’t believed her.

  She spread the papers out on her kitchen table, blinking through the tears. Dissolution of marriage…

  The thought was just too painful.

  “Meow.” Houdini shuffled over the papers, little paw prints dotting them from where she’d stepped in a drop of Juliet’s coffee on the table.

  Juliet scratched her ears. “He made a quicker disappearing act than you did, Houdini.” As she’d known he would.

  She should have called him before she’d left the office. Should have told him the minute she’d seen him.

  Shoulda, woulda, coulda… But she hadn’t.

  Once again, she’d been so afraid of losing him that her actions—or, in this case, her non-action—had led to it happening.

  But Nana had forgiven her; why couldn’t Tanner? Especially since she was only guilty this time of not acting immediately. She’d been going to tell him.

  Juliet took another sip of her coffee, looking at the pages but not seeing any words other than Dissolution of marriage.

  She’d almost had it all. She’d come this close… All it would have taken were a few sentences and this wouldn’t be an issue.

  If that’s all it is, then why is it an issue? Tanner needs to hear the truth.

  Which was all fine and good, but he wasn’t returning her calls.

  So? You went to see him once? Why not go again? What do you have to lose?

  She sat back. Yeah, why not? What did she have to lose?

  Her heart was already broken.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  The following Saturday night

  “Shake it, Tanner!”

  The woman next to Juliet cupped her hands around her mouth and let out an ear-splitting whistle.

  Up on stage, Tanner smiled and bump-and-grinded some more.

  Juliet wanted to scratch the woman’s eyes out.

  Her husband—no judge had declared them divorced yet—worked his hips like he’d worked them in her shower.

  Those were her hips, her sexy moves. If she had the guts, she’d jump up on stage and rustle him out of here.

  She gulped some more of her soda—sans alcohol. If she were just a wee bit tipsy she actually might do that, but she’d wanted a clear head to talk to him after he was finished.

  God, it was going to kill her to get to the after part. This past week had practically killed her, but she hadn’t been able to leave the office, even staying late last night to finish some negotiations Jim had needed her to handle.

  She’d caught the first available flight this morning and gotten here as fast as she could.

  The show continued, the other
guys taking their turns center stage, but Juliet couldn’t stop watching Tanner gyrating in the background.

  Hadn’t taken him long to get back into the swing of things.

  She looked around the bar. How much swinging was he doing? Did he think they were divorced? Did the fact that he’d served her those papers mean he was a free man to him? Was he dating anyone? Sleeping with someone?

  God, it hurt to think about.

  Finally, it was over. The guys left the stage, and the house lights came up a bit. Juliet gulped the rest of her drink, then made her way through the crowd toward backstage.

  A good-looking guy in a cowboy hat—that ought to be Tanner’s costume but it wasn’t—was coming out of the back, his vest open across a broad set of shoulders and flat abdomen, none of which did a thing for Juliet.

  She grabbed his arm. “I’m looking for Tanner Wentworth.”

  The guy tipped his hat back and stared at her. “We have a no fraternization rule.”

  “I’m his wife.”

  She couldn’t tell if the guy’s shock was because she was here or because Tanner had a wife.

  Frankly, she didn’t care. She was still his wife and she wanted to see him. “Is it okay to go back there?”

  The guy scratched his eyebrow. “Uh, yeah. I guess. But if the door’s closed, knock. It’s a shared dressing room.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” She scooted around him—and could feel his eyes on her the entire way until she rounded the corner.

  The door was closed.

  Taking a deep breath, Juliet knocked.

  Another massive guy answered the door, the same one she’d seen the last time she’d been here.

  “Well hello, darling. Nice seeing you again. Please tell me you aren’t here for Wentworth this time.”

  She tried to see around him, but his chest and shoulders were almost as big as Tanner’s. “I am here for him.”

  “Damn.” The guy sighed and shook his head. “Yo, Tan. Babe here for you.”

  “Busy.”

  Her body trembled at the sound of Tanner’s voice.

  “I don’t think you’re gonna want to be.”

  The big guy didn’t take his eyes off her as he tossed the words over his shoulder.

  “Still busy, Markus.”

  Markus smiled and shrugged. “You heard the man. He’s busy. But me, I’m free.”

  She so wanted to shove him out of the way, but she had a feeling that for all his friendliness, he’d be on Tanner’s side.

  Until he heard who she was.

  “I’m his wife.”

  Yup, the look on his face said she could knock him over with a feather.

  He stepped aside.

  Juliet didn’t waste anytime getting past him. “Hello, Tanner.”

  Tanner’s gaze shot up. “Damn it, Markus, I told you I was busy.” He stood up and turned around, giving her a perfect shot of his jeans hugging his backside beneath his shirtless chest as he bent down to get something from his locker. “Go away, Juliet.”

  “No.”

  He straightened, but didn’t turn around. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “Too bad because I want to talk to you. You don’t get to run away again.”

  “Uh, Tan, I’ll catch you later.” Markus made a quick exit.

  Tanner exhaled and pulled a t-shirt over his head, then ran his hands through his hair before turning around. “I can do whatever the hell I want, Juliet, now that you don’t have the mortgage to hold over my head anymore.”

  “I know.”

  “Yeah, I know you know. My father told me all about it. Unlike you.”

  The look in his eyes…

  No. He didn’t get to think awful things about her this time. This time, she was only guilty of not saying something immediately. But she’d been planning to tell him. She’d just gotten… sidetracked. Which she could argue was his fault.

  “When was I supposed to, Tanner? The second you stepped into the shower? Excuse me if I wasn’t thinking about your father at that moment.”

  “Not funny.”

  “I’m not trying to be. Seriously, Tanner, when was I supposed to tell you? Between the times you put your tongue in my mouth? When you hiked me up against the wall? During your orgasm? You didn’t give me a chance.”

  “That’s easy to say now that you’ve been found out. Just like all the other times. Were you ever planning to tell me the truth about Keegan’s conception if everything had gone smoothly? Or why your father just happened to show up at just the right moment to catch us when he was supposed to be gone for the night? Or was that a lie, too? I can’t trust you, Juliet. Not this time. It was too convenient for it to all work out this way. I should have suspected you’d pull something like this when you lied to your own grandmother to get me there. God, I’m such an idiot.”

  “Stop it, Tanner!” Juliet put her hands up to her ears. “Just stop it, okay? I can’t take it anymore. Yes, I lied to you and manipulated you when we were in high school. Yes, I set it up so my dad would catch us in bed together after college. I knew exactly what I was doing both times and I have apologized to you more times than I can count for them. I was afraid of losing you. I’d already lost my mo—one person who’d said she loved me; I couldn’t lose you. It’s not an excuse but it was my reasoning. But trust me, losing you, our marriage, Keegan… they were enough. I learned my lesson. I even came clean to Nana about what I did to get you back home. I’m not that same person I used to be.”

  The tears started and there was nothing she could do to stop them. “How much more do I have to pay for those stupid mistakes? I never did them to hurt you; I did them because I loved you, and in my immaturity and insecurity, I thought it wouldn’t matter because we’d be together.

  I know now it was foolish and unfair to you, but I can’t go back and erase it.” She slid her arm under her nose to stop the sniffles. “And you know what? I don’t know that I’d want to. I know it was wrong, but something so right came out of that. Keegan. For all that I shouldn’t have done what I did, I did have Keegan. Even for that tiny amount of time, I had a son. Our son. Our child. I see him every day and I miss him every day. Just like I miss you. When you came back this time, I swore I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. I knew the minute your father gave me that money that I had to tell you. But you didn’t give me the chance.”

  She swiped the tears from eyes with the balls of her hands. “I wouldn’t have withheld that information from you. You deserve the truth. Just like you did back then. I’m sorry for what I did and how I did it, but the universe or karma or whatever you want to call it paid me back, didn’t it? I lost both of you. So you don’t have to keep punishing me, Tanner. I wake with that knowledge every single day. But I’d never do something like that to you again. You—”

  The tears and emotions were choking her so she couldn’t finish. But then, what more was there to say? Tanner would either forgive her or he wouldn’t. But at least he’d know the truth.

  Tanner didn’t think, he just went to her and wrapped his arms around her and held her. Dropped his chin onto her head while she sobbed against him; hearing her in such pain shredded his heart.

  And then he was crying.

  And not just a few tears, no. Big, aching shudders ripped through him, and he wrapped his arms around her and held on, needing her to hold him as much as he needed to hold her.

  They hadn’t cried together back then. No, he’d been numb and she’d been inconsolable and all he’d been able to do was hold her and try to breathe.

  He could barely breathe now. The pain… dear God, the pain.

  This wasn’t about the money. Not really. It was about them. Their past. Their pain.

  Their loss.

  They’d lost so much and he’d needed the time to deal with, well, everything.

  Juliet’s arms crept around his back and she bunched his shirt in her fists as she dragged him closer to her.

  He needed to sit. His legs wouldn’t hold him
, let alone both of them.

  He wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and sat on the bench, pulling her into his lap and burying his face in her hair.

  She brought her palm to his cheek and stroked it.

  Tanner took a huge shuddering breath trying to get his emotions under control.

  “Tan…” She whispered his name against his cheek, her skin so soft against his.

  God, he’d loved her once.

  He still loved her.

  “Tanner?”

  Her voice, so soft, slid beneath his pain and he wanted to reach out. To take the solace offered in that one word.

  He pulled back and blinked, the tears making her face fuzzy. Not that it mattered, he’d memorized every dimple and curve and twitch of her lips years ago.

  “I’m so sorry, Tanner. For everything. For the lies, for losing Keegan—”

  “Shhh.” He put his fingers to her lips without thinking it. For her to think she’d had to pay for Keegan’s death… He couldn’t bear for her to carry that. “You couldn’t have known, Jules, what would happen. It’s not your fault.”

  “But if I hadn’t gotten pregnant—”

  “That time. There’s no guarantee it wouldn’t have happened another time. Condoms aren’t a hundred percent effective. It could have happened without help from you.”

  She blinked at him, her beautiful eyes looking like the ocean at dusk. “Does that mean… Do you forgive me?”

  He stroked the hair off her face and cupped the back of her neck. He looked at those beautiful, tear-filled eyes. The quiver of her lips. The tracks of her tears down her cheeks. She was in so much pain. And for what purpose? It wouldn’t change things. It wouldn’t bring Keegan back and, honestly, losing Keegan wasn’t her fault. Juliet had loved being pregnant and had been so carful with what she ate and drank and made sure she’d exercised. She’d wanted their child, not because it was a means to keep him with her, but because Keegan was theirs. Made of the love they had for each other. She was suffering every bit as much as he was.