BWWM: Bad Boy Billionaires Box Set (A Bad Boy BWWM Billionaire Collection)

by Jameson, Jasmine

  He skillfully unhooked my bra and massaged my breasts slowly and sensually as he thrust himself against me. I opened my legs and pushed against him in return. I moaned as he circled one of my nipples with his tongue, and his hands traveled to my ass. The rush of sensations was overwhelming. All of a sudden, I felt like I just fell off the edge of a cliff with no parachute. My heart sank in my chest. I was physically aroused beyond belief, but mentally I came to my senses. I was fooling around with the love of my life’s bandmate. The realization made me feel sick. I went numb as his mouth continued to explore my body.

  “Axel, we can’t do this.” I whispered. For some reason I couldn’t find my voice. I wriggled beneath him. I raised my voice. “Axel, stop.”

  He was in such a fit of passion he must not have heard me. He started to pull down my pants. He pressed his weight on top of me as I tried to wriggle way.

  “No—get off of me!” I screamed and pushed Axel with all of my strength. He lost his balance and fell off the couch.

  He glared up at me as he sat on the floor panting. I put my bra back on and adjusted my clothing as I tried to catch my breath.

  “What’s up? Why’d you stop?” Axel’s tone was tense.

  “That can’t be a real question.”

  “Do I look like I’m kidding?”

  “Axel, I’m in love with Christoff, and you’re his bandmate and one of his best friends. We can’t-”

  “We can’t what, Gia? We can’t give in to what I know we both want? Why not?”

  “Do you care about Christoff at all?”

  “Obviously, you don’t or else you wouldn’t have been all over me.”

  For a moment I was speechless. When I found my words, my voice came out in a roar.

  “Get the fuck out of my house, you asshole!”

  Axel sat in silence for a few moments before rising to his feet and straightening his clothes. “It’s not even your house, Gia. Don’t be delusional. If it wasn’t for Christoff, you would not be living in a beach-front mansion in Malibu. Don’t forget that. You should consider yourself one lucky groupie.”

  “I’m not a groupie. I’m his girlfriend!”

  “Are you now? I thought you said you two were on a break. Which is it, Gia? Are you together or are you not?”

  “That’s none of your business, Axel. Just go!”

  “Fine, have it your way. Go ahead and sit here alone in the dark and pray Christoff takes you back. I wouldn’t tell him about this if I were you.”

  “You better not speak a word of this to anyone.”

  “I won’t tell if you won’t tell.” Axel dramatically held his index finger to his lips. “Shhh…” He reached forward and caressed my cheek. I instantly jerked back. “Bye Gia. Don’t miss me too much.”

  I sat in silence as I watched Axel pack up his guitar, finish his whiskey, and walk toward the kitchen. I felt a lump grow in my throat and tears well in my eyes. I held my breath until I heard the kitchen door close. As soon as I knew Axel was out of ear shot, I let out a guttural scream and flung myself face down into the couch. I was so angry with myself. I was beyond upset, but I wouldn’t allow myself to cry because I knew this was a mess of my own making. I struggled for air, and I started to feel dizzy and nauseous. All of a sudden, I started dry heaving. I was having an epic panic attack. I stumbled over the amp as I bolted down the hall. The room started spinning, and I felt my face flush. I stumbled into the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and crumpled into a ball on the bathroom floor. I closed my eyes hoping that the nightmare that I created would somehow magically disappear if I lay there long enough.

  Chapter 7

  About a week and a half had passed since I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Although I felt like the most unworthy person on the planet, I had somehow been graced with the opportunity of a lifetime. I had been chosen to be an on-air correspondent for the live coverage of the annual Ultimate Rock Festival. I was so excited. It was a three day event at Malibu Bluffs Park. I was glad to have my own trailer in the middle of all of the action. I couldn’t believe all of the cool interviews I was going to get to do. This was a dream come true. If I nailed this, there was a good chance someone important could see it and I would land more gigs or, perhaps, my own show.

  I didn’t feel like going over to the makeup trailer, so I reapplied my own lipstick and powdered my face. I walked over to the crew and asked them for an update of what was going on. They told me I would be live on air with Crank when they finished their set in about ten minutes. I was crawling out of my skin with excitement. I had knocked the ball out of the park in all of my earlier interviews, and I was feeling pretty confident about this one. Crank was a super talented progressive rock band. They were gradually changing the face of the music scene. I really respected them, but I didn’t follow their music that closely. My mind started to race. I couldn’t even remember the name of their most recent album. I wish I had listened to their set instead of primping in my trailer. I knew the lead singer Daniel Meyers was engaged to Vanessa Robertson, a talented songwriter from the east coast. If I wasn’t mistaken, their wedding was next month. I couldn’t remember anything about the other guys. For some reason I was even drawing a blank on their names. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I knew everything about the music business, and I often annoyed people who weren’t in the industry with my endless trivia. Now, when it really counted, I was drawing a blank.

  I decided to run back to the trailer and Wikipedia Crank on my smart phone so I would at least have some idea of who I was talking to. I grabbed my phone out of my bag and saw there were two missed texts. I instinctively checked them. My stomach flipped when I saw they were from Axel. The first text said, “I’m sorry for some of the things I said last week. I was just frustrated because you got me all riled up and didn’t let me finish the deed. I really didn’t mean to offend you. I only wanted to help you feel better in Christoff’s absence. Will you forgive me?”

  All of my guilt and self-loathing came rushing back to me at the sight of Axel’s text. I clicked the other text it was Christoff. My stomach was in knots. “I’m back in the US visiting friends in New York. I’ll be back home in a few days. We need to talk. I have some things I want to say.”

  Ohmigawd! Does he know?! I was thrilled to hear from Christoff, but part of me was sick with grief. My mouth was dry, and my stomach felt queasy. Why did all of this have to happen now? I heard a violent rapping on the door of my trailer. I was so startled that I squealed out loud. I gingerly peeked out of the door.

  “You’re on!” It was one of the production assistants. He looked like he meant business.

  “Do I have time to grab a bottle of water?”

  “No, we’re live, and they are about to cut to you. The band is coming over now.”

  “Shit!”

  “Go…now!”

  “Okay, I’m moving.” I was so flustered, but I’ve always been a professional. Although I preferred studio recordings, live television gave me a rush that almost nothing else could compare to.

  Someone from makeup darted into my path as I walked toward the camera. She stopped me and made a veil over my eyes with her hand before assaulting me with half a can of hair spray and tossing my long sandy brown locks over my shoulders.

  “It isn’t perfect, but it will have to do.” She muttered under her breath. Great, I know nothing about the band and my hair is a mess. Perfect circumstances for my lucky break. I took a deep breath to try to center myself as I stopped on my mark in front of the camera guy. I made it there just in time. The band was coming up behind me. I turned over my shoulder and called out to them.

  “Crank! Crank! Giavanna Johnson reporting live from the Ultimate Rock Festival. How are you guys doing tonight?!”

  “Awesome!”

  “Killer!” The guys spoke over each other as they each high-fived me.

  “That was an awesome set you guys had there!” I gushed with showbiz enthusiasm.

  “N
o it wasn’t. We had sound issues for the majority of the set, and we got heckled by our so-called fans.” The drummer quipped. He seemed pretty bitter about it.

  My heart skipped a beat as I tried to think of a way to redeem myself. “Well, I still thought it was good. Does that make me your favorite fan?” I smiled. The drummer just folded his arms and didn’t give me anything I could work with but luckily the lead singer Daniel saved the day.

  “Don’t mind John. He always finds something to be pissed off about after every show.” Daniel cut John a snarky glare. John gave Daniel the middle finger, which I hoped production was able to blur out in time. “I’m glad you liked the show, Giavanna. What was your favorite song?”

  I took a deep breath as I felt myself starting to shake. “I can’t really choose just one. I actually like them all. What was your favorite song that you performed tonight? Which one gave you chills?”

  “I’d definitely say ‘Captivate.’ That song is always exciting to perform, but here in the outdoor arena, with the sun setting, and one of the biggest crowds ever, it was definitely a performance that I won’t forget.”

  “Awesome. You guys are such professionals, the way you pulled through even though there were tech issues and you still stayed in the moment, enjoyed your craft, and moved the crowd. That’s stellar.”

  “Thank you.” Daniel beamed and some of the other bandmates chimed in their gratitude for my kind words. John just grunted.

  “So, Daniel, you have a really big wedding coming up in a few weeks. Are you excited for the big day?”

  Daniel clinched his jaw and gritted his teeth and John and some of the other bandmates started laughing.

  “You’re kidding right?” Daniel seemed perturbed. I was certain that my confusion showed clearly on my face. “You call yourself a journalist, but somehow you didn’t hear about that no-good whore cheating on me with my former best friend and former band mate from my shitty indie rock group Dial up-Modem? We called off the wedding three days ago!”

  I was so wrapped up in my guilt from fooling around with Christoff’s bandmate that I had no idea what was going on with anyone else in the world. I felt like an idiot for bringing the issue up, and I took Daniel’s wrath personally, since I had practically done the same thing as his ex-fiancée. I would have given anything to be anywhere else but on live TV with the angry victim of a very public infidelity. But I had to be a professional. No matter what, the show had to go on. I put my own emotions aside and tapped into my compassion for Daniel’s situation.

  “That must have been devastating. Has performing helped you cope with the situation?”

  “No, but drinking and fucking other girls has.”

  “Oh ,so would you say your status as a rockstar has allowed you to heal more quickly?”

  “What the fuck is this, the Dr. Phil show? I don’t want to talk about this shit. We have an afterparty to get to anyway. I’m out.” Daniel started to walk away and the rest of the guys followed his lead. The guitarist grabbed my mic and quickly plugged their latest album.

  “Crank-Break Stuff in stores now! Make sure you get a copy.” He held up the peace sign before catching up to his bandmates.

  “And this is Giavanna Johnson wrapping it up with Crank. I’m about to go see who the last show of the night is on Stage E. Whooo! Until then, have a goodnight!” I did the best I could to save my epic fail of an interview. I waited until I saw the ‘cut’ signal before I passed off my microphone and stormed off to my trailer. Could this week get any worse?!

  I couldn’t wait to get back home. I really wanted to hide out from society. I needed to prepare for Christoff’s return. I hadn’t decided if I was going to tell him what happened with Axel. I knew I shouldn’t. No good could come of it, and we were on a break anyway. But I was sick with guilt. I wondered if revealing the secret would lighten the heavy load I was carrying. Even though I’d never been Catholic, I had the overwhelming urge to go to Confession. I decided not to respond to any of my text messages until I had a clear head. I knew the remainder of the festival coverage would be a challenge. The situation in my personal life was weighing on me so heavily that I couldn’t even enjoy one of the highlights of my career. I would give anything to undo that night with Axel and to repair what Christoff and I had. I felt like I was missing my other half. But I couldn’t focus on my home life. I’d been called upon to do a job this weekend, and I was determined to do it well. I was going to be the best Ultimate Rock Festival Correspondent if it was the last thing I did.

  I walked toward the mirror and looked at my reflection long and hard. It was the first time in a long time I was able to face myself without looking away. “Get your shit together, Giavanna. You’re better than this,” I whispered out loud.

  ***

  I somehow made it through the festival without any more snafus. I literally had to disassociate from the part of myself that was having personal issues in order to get through the weekend. I somehow accessed an invincible piece of myself that I sometimes forgot was there until I needed her. I powered through the event, and, according to my crew, I was funny, charismatic, and engaging on air. I was proud of myself for a job well done, but the high of broadcasting live quickly dissipated when I realized that Christoff would be home in less than twenty-four hours. I should have been excited but a visceral piece of me was dreading his return. We hadn’t talked much at all during the three weeks that he was gone, and, when we did talk, it was always a very brief and mechanical conversation. I felt so detached from him. I was hungry for the connection that we once had, but after everything that happened, I wasn’t sure if we could ever rekindle it. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I could even look him in the eye.

  I was relieved that today I was going to be able to spend some quality time with Amber. She always made life better. We had been friends through so many relationships. Actually she’s held my hand through countless breakups with several different men. When we were younger, her personal life was almost as rocky as mine, but her relationship with Peyton has been going pretty strong. They’d been dating for over three years, and she seemed pretty happy, but I was curious what was going on. When we talked on the phone yesterday, she said she wanted to pick my brain about relationship stuff. I wasn’t sure if I was qualified to give any relationship advice, but I wanted to be there for her the way she had been there for me all these years, through my laundry-list of break ups. I was so happy that Amber was finally back in the US after winding down her biggest world tour yet. She had a few days off before the final West Coast shows so she was back home. We agreed to meet for sushi at a place near her in Studio City.

  When I arrived, Amber was already there waiting for me. Her golden blond ringlets were pulled up into a high cascading ponytail. She was wearing a beautiful peach ruffled sundress. She always looked so beautiful and feminine. I only wished that I could look so charming. I had on red skinny jeans, black kitten heels, and a black scoop-neck shirt. I was glad that I had taken the time to put some curls in my layers before leaving the house. Everyone at the sushi bar looked almost as impeccable as Amber. Even though I was no stranger to L.A., at times I still found myself intimidated by the pressure to always look great. I thought that I would finally be accustomed to it by now. I wasn’t quite as insecure as when I first moved out there, but lately I was pretty self-conscious every time I went out. I felt like I should be wearing a scarlet letter. To make matters worse, Southern California, especially Studio City was a constant spectator show of who dressed the best, who was the most fit, and who was the most popular. Even though the atmosphere still made me uneasy at times, L.A. was still one of my favorite cities in the world.

  “Hey Gia! So good to see you live and in person. It’s been far too long.” Amber stood and pulled me into a warm embrace. I squeezed her back.

  “Yeah, I know… Miss World Tour! I’m so proud of you. You never cease to amaze me. How many shows have you done?”

  “Seventy-five shows down and twelve shows to go! Most
are sold out shows”

  “That’s stellar!”I raised my hand and gave Amber a high five.

  “How has life been for you?” Amber smiled. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to keep up with you lately. How’s Christoff?”

  “Ugh. You haven’t missed much.” I sighed. “Well, actually, you missed a lot, but it’s nothing that I’m excited to share.”

  “Oh, what’s up? Is everything okay?”

  “We’re on a break while he is working on the album. He has been away at his cabin in Germany writing. And I have been here in L.A. working. I was starting to get really jealous and possessive. I knew it would drive him away, but I just couldn’t control myself. I couldn’t handle the attention he was getting from all his fans and from other women in the industry, so I was constantly picking fights with him and clinging to him. Then he started to get more distant and put his work before me. Now I kind of feel like we’re strangers. I love him deeply and dearly, and I know he loves me, but things are not great right now. And I-I-” I almost wanted to tell Amber about my moment of weakness with Axel, but I couldn’t speak the words out loud. Even though I knew Amber had unconditional love for me, I really cared about her opinion of me, and I was afraid that if I told her what happened, she would think less of me. I definitely thought less of myself. In that moment, I decided to bury my secret and never speak of it or think of it again if I could help it.