The Loner

by Lindsay McKenna

  “He’s a SEAL whether he’s still in the navy or not. And everything he’d ever been taught was put into play to save my life.”

  “He was worried about his PTSD and living with you,” Cade said.

  Nodding, Shelby sobered and sat down in the chair in front of the desk. The morning sun was strong in the east office. “Dr. Jordana McPherson has him on an adaptogen to lower his cortisol levels. That’s part of what causes PTSD. She’s had success with other people who have had PTSD symptoms. I’m crossing my fingers it will help him.”

  Cade became grave. “Then Dakota can come and live among the rest of us and feel part of us, not alone any longer.”

  Shelby gave her boss a soft smile. “No one can live alone like he did. The first time I met him in at E.R., my heart just tore in two for him. Seeing the look in his eyes...”

  “You pulled him out of that darkness, Shelby. Maybe neither of you realized it for some time, but I saw it.”

  She nodded. “He’d talk to me about his demons from war. And I tried to understand and I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried.” She took in a deep breath and admitted, “Until I got my own demons from Welton. Then I understood.”

  Cade’s face grew sympathetic.

  “Trauma is highly underrated, but we know that, as law enforcement. Firefighters see it, too, and so do paramedics. With the right woman in his life, Dakota will make the transition from being a loner to part of a group that respects and admires him. And I know he’ll help you, too, Shelby. Sometimes two wounded people can be healers for each other.”

  Shelby folded her hands in her lap. Her voice trembled when she said, “Love heals us, Cade. But you know that from your own experience.” He’d lost his wife and child in an accident years earlier. And later, he met a woman and they fell deeply in love. Cade hadn’t believed he could love twice in his life, but he was proven wrong. Shelby saw his eyes warm.

  “Love can heal the deepest of wounds,” he agreed. “Changing topics, what’s Dakota going to do with his female wolf? I know Fish and Game isn’t going to like a gray wolf prowling around in the city limits of Jackson Hole.”

  “It got resolved by nature,” she told him wryly, smiling. “Three days ago when we were up at Dakota’s cabin, a beautiful black wolf, a male, was standing just inside the tree line. Dakota and I watched Storm trot over, tail wagging, to meet him. They took off and disappeared. Yesterday, when I was helping him pack his clothes, we saw Storm and her new boyfriend again. It’s as if she came back to tell us she was in love, too. Then they took off. Dakota thinks this young black wolf will start his own pack. Storm will be his alpha female.”

  “Two packs in the valley,” Cade murmured. “Well, why not? It’s a big valley. And we’ve wanted the wolf population to grow around here.”

  “Dakota talked to the guys over at Fish and Game yesterday and told them what had happened. They’re deliriously happy about it. The head guy, Frank, thinks they’ll mate. Storm is fully matured and Dakota’s hoping at some point to see her pups. Another happy ending.”

  Sitting up in his chair, he chuckled. “Good, because I was having nightmare visions of people calling the sheriff’s department, reporting a gray wolf trotting through their yard.”

  “It’s taken care of,” Shelby promised wryly, understanding his position.

  “I like happy endings.”

  “So do I. Did you know that one of Dakota’s SEAL buddies is going to visit today? This is an officer he worked with in his platoon. I haven’t seen Dakota this excited about anything.”

  “Except you,” Cade intoned with a grin.

  She felt heat sweep up her throat and into her face. “Well...” she said, avoiding his humored look, “yes, except me.” Dakota made her feel as if she were the only woman in the world. He loved her deeply and opened up like a book to her, sharing everything. Her heart swelled with a fierce love for the military veteran. Dakota had seen too much and survived when others did not. She became serious and held Cade’s gaze. “He’s had so much taken away from him. His sister...his family dying four years later. He had no one, Cade. His grandparents are gone, too. I think, in some ways, the SEALs are a brotherhood, another type of tight-knit family group that gave him the support and love he needed to survive all those other losses.”

  Grimly, Cade nodded. “I wouldn’t disagree. So, his friend? Who is he?”

  “Captain Jake Ramsey. He was AOIC, assistant officer in charge of Dakota’s squad. After I agreed to marry Dakota, he called Jake and told him. So Jake is coming here to check me out.” She grinned.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, I guess from what Dakota told me, in the SEAL community if a guy thinks he’s fallen in love and wants to get married, someone from the platoon has to come and make sure.”

  “Make sure of what?”

  Shelby chuckled. “Well, you have to hear the rest of this story. In the community they have a saying. If you haven’t dirt-dived the woman, then you shouldn’t be marrying her.”

  His brows rose. “Dirt-dived? What the hell does that mean?”

  “That’s what I asked Dakota because the slang brought up all kinds of weird pictures for me,” Shelby said, her smile increasing. “In SEAL training, you get sandy, wet and dirty. It means you’ve dived down, done the training, absorbed the learning and experience to know it inside out. Dirt-diving means knowing everything about your subject, or,” she said as she laughed, “in that case, Dakota learned the width, breadth and depth about me. He knows me as well as he knows himself, so that by getting married, there are no surprises, no hidden agendas. He said the SEAL community is very protective of their wives and children. Jake is coming to make sure Dakota has done his homework.” She continued, “And really, I think Jake is coming because he and Dakota are like brothers. They’ve never been out of contact since Dakota left the SEALs. And from what Dakota has said, Jake lost his wife and baby to a drunk driver a number of years earlier. I guess Jake wants to see Dakota happy because he once had a family himself.”

  “That’s a sad story,” Cade said, no doubt feeling a kinship since his wife and child had been torn from him. “Where’s he staying and how long is Jake visiting?”

  “We have a guest bedroom at my—our house. Jake has three days before he has to fly to Washington, D.C., to the Pentagon for a top secret assignment.”

  “I’m sure he and Dakota are going to have a good time sharing and catching up.”

  Shelby rose and grinned. “Yes, I’m sure they will. Me? I’ll just make Jake home-cooked meals while he’s here and he’ll be fat, dumb and happy about it.”

  Chuckling, Cade raised his hand. “Be safe out there, Shelby. You’re back on the roster and back on duty.”

  She opened the door. “It feels good, Cade. Maybe my life will settle down now.”

  Grinning, Cade said wryly, “I don’t know. Now you’re going to be dirt-dived by this SEAL friend of his.”

  “Oh,” she said and laughed, “all Jake is going to do is meet me and find out how much I love Dakota. I think they’ll spend some quality time together at the house while I’m out in my cruiser giving speeding tickets and handling calls of bears or moose in backyards.”

  Shaking his head, Cade matched her laugh. “I’m keeping you on day rotation for a month. I think you and Dakota can use that time wisely.”

  Would they ever! But Shelby said nothing and waved goodbye to her boss. Shutting the door to his office, she felt so happy she didn’t even feel her boots touching the floor. She glided out the rear of the building to get her cruiser. Pushing open the rear door, Shelby looked up. The summer sky was a light blue with long, graceful strands of high cirrus clouds moving across it. She knew how excited Dakota was to see his teammate. By the time she got off duty and drove home, she’d get to meet this man whom Dakota felt so close to.

  She chose a black Tahoe cruiser with Sheriff written in gold on both doors, opened it up and began to arrange the gear before she climbed in. Dakota would have all day
alone with Jake Ramsey. She was sure they’d have plenty to talk about. She’d already put in a huge beef roast into a Crock-Pot, replete with carrots, potatoes and celery. When she got home at five tonight, she’d have dinner ready, except for making the gravy. Dakota assured her Jake would die and go to heaven with that kind of delicious, home-cooked meal.

  Shelby smiled as she turned on the various radios situated below the dashboard. The familiarity of her job made her even happier. The worst was over. Her questioning whether she was the right woman for Dakota had been laid to rest. They’d had a long and deep emotional talk about their individual demons. And Dakota had finally realized that he could live with her, despite his PTSD. He was aggressively pursuing help from Dr. McPherson, which gave her relief. Plus, Shelby knew in her heart of hearts, their love for each other would build an unbreakable bridge between them. Love trumped all. She knew that. She was living it every day with Dakota.

  As she pulled out into traffic to begin her shift, Shelby sighed, happy. Being Dakota’s wife was an unexpected dream come true. She loved him with a fierceness that defied description. He loved her with an equal fierceness, her body still glowing after their lovemaking this morning. Yes, life was good. It didn’t get any better than this.

  * * *

  WHEN SHE ARRIVED HOME, Shelby heard the laughter of two men out back on the patio of the house. Dakota’s laughter was easy to recognize and she automatically smiled, dropping her keys in a bowl on the desk in the foyer. She knew Dakota would hear her come in to greet her. He was so damned alert and missed nothing.

  She was right. He met her in the kitchen, his gaze growing warm as she walked into his arms. His mouth touched hers lightly and he kept his hand around her waist.

  “How was your first day back at work?” he asked, grazing her blond hair that she’d released from its ponytail.

  “Great. It felt so good.” She grinned. “Jake arrived?”

  “Yeah, come on. I want to introduce you to my AOIC when I was a SEAL.”

  Shelby was more than a little curious about meeting this man who had been Dakota’s officer in charge. As she moved out the opened door, she saw a deeply tanned man with military-short black hair and piercing gray eyes that reminded her of an eagle watching his prey. He wore a collegiate type of short-sleeved light blue shirt and pressed tan chinos. Jake Ramsey had the same kind of explosive, tightly held energy she’d encountered around Dakota. He was ruggedly handsome with a square face and as he stood, he appeared to be at least six feet tall. He wasn’t muscle-bound, but clearly in top shape, not an ounce of fat anywhere on his body. Shelby saw a number of white scars on his leanly muscled arms.

  “Jake, meet Shelby,” Dakota said, releasing her waist so she could walk over and shake his hand.

  “Ma’am,” Ramsey said, nodding deferentially as he offered his hand to her. “It’s nice to meet my best friend’s lady.”

  Shelby looked down at his hand, feeling the thick calluses across his palm, many nicks and small white and more recent pink scars across his long, well-shaped fingers. Sliding her hand into his, she said, “Just call me Shelby. Welcome, Captain Ramsey. I’m glad you could visit Dakota. He really misses his SEAL family.”

  The man seemed to monitor the amount of strength in his grip and then released her hand. There was an aura of command around Ramsey, his shoulders thrown back, chin held level, his gaze moving across her face, as if memorizing it. If Shelby didn’t know Dakota, didn’t know that SEAL operators’ lives depended upon their alert intelligence, she’d have been unsettled by his swift, intense inspection.

  “Yes, ma’am, and we miss him equally as much.” Ramsey smiled a little, his gaze moving to Dakota, who stood behind her. “He’ll never tell you this, but he was our best operator in our platoon. As LPO, lead petty officer, he took care of the other seven shooters, as well as me and our OIC.”

  Part of his military lingo was lost on her. Shelby smiled and decided she’d ask Dakota for a translation later, when they were alone. She didn’t wish to embarrass Ramsey for his military-speak. “I believe it.” She turned and gazed warmly up at Dakota, who stood near her left shoulder. “I hope he told you he saved my sorry ass a couple of weeks ago?”

  A reluctant, thin smile crossed the officer’s serious features. “Yes, ma’am, he did. I’m not surprised. He saved all of us at one time or another Down Range.”

  Dakota snorted. “Hey, let’s get off the topic of me, okay?” He placed his hands across Shelby’s shoulders. She was still in uniform. “Want to get into civilian clothes and join us for some beer and chips before dinner?”

  “Sounds like a great way to end my day. I’ll see you two in a few,” she said.

  Dakota watched her leave, the sway of her hips making him want Shelby all over again. They had made love every night for the past two weeks, unable to get enough of each other. He turned and saw his AOIC staring at her with a frown.

  “Problem?” Dakota asked, sitting down at the table and spreading his legs out in front of him.

  Ramsey sat down. “I just find it hard to believe she’s an effective law enforcement officer.”

  “Oh, here we go again,” Dakota griped good-naturedly. He pulled the bag of opened potato chips over and poured more into a nearly empty bowl. “This is your women-are-weak bullshit rearing its ugly head again, Ramsey.”

  “You had to save her life. Isn’t that the point?”

  Dakota drilled a hard look into the SEAL officer’s eyes. “Don’t go there,” he growled. “You don’t know the full story. Shelby took out Hartley, who attacked her from behind, all by herself. You don’t give women enough credit, Jake. Don’t throw your bad experience with your sick mother on her. She’s a damn good sheriff’s deputy and she can have my back any day.”

  Jake chewed thoughtfully on the potato chip, hearing his LPO’s passionate warning. “Thank God women aren’t allowed in the SEALs. I’d have a real problem, then,” he muttered.

  Dakota knew when he said Shelby could have his back, that it was a SEAL operator’s highest compliment he could pay to his—or her—comrade in arms. And he could see the emotional reaction in Ramsey’s carefully arranged face. Normally, Jake was damned hard to read. He gave little away, if ever. As an operator, he was cool, calm and collected. The men were loyal to him and they trusted him out on an op. The only chink in his armor was women, one way or another. Ramsey had had a lousy childhood, a caretaker for a chronically ill mother. His father, a SEAL of great reputation in the ranks, was never home to care for her. Jake got saddled with caregiver duties for eighteen years of his life. He grew up fast and he matured quickly. Maybe, Dakota thought as he sat there in silence with his friend, that was the wound through which he saw all women.

  “She’s pretty.”

  “Yeah, I made the mistake of calling her a Barbie doll when I first met her. She shut me up real fast on that one.” Dakota grinned fondly in remembrance of their first meeting. Then he allowed emotion into his voice. “She’s got a good heart, is scary smart and has SEAL alertness,” he told Ramsey in a quiet tone.

  * * *

  SHELBY SNUGGLED AGAINST Dakota’s warm, strong body. It was nearly midnight, the house quiet once more. Moonlight filtered around the drapes, giving her just enough light to see his rugged profile. He lay on his back, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, bringing her solidly against his frame. “You’re worried?”

  Cutting a glance down at her, he pursed his lips. “I’m worried for Jake. He’s like a brother to me, Shel. Something’s eating away at him. It has been for years. It’s taking him down in a way I can’t reach, touch or change.”

  “You said he lost his wife and baby in an accident years ago?”

  He nodded. “Yeah.” His nostrils flared and he pushed his fingers through his short hair in frustration. “He’s never gotten into a relationship since his wife died. He avoids women like the plague.” And then Dakota scowled. “I should amend that. He had a woman in his past, Captain Morgan Boland. They had a
red-hot love affair the last two years they were at Annapolis together. She accidentally got pregnant, miscarried his child and he ran from her.”

  “Ouch. Not the right thing to do,” Shelby murmured, moving her hand across his chest, slowly sifting the thick, silky hairs through her fingers.

  “Yeah, it was bad. And that’s not like Jake. He’s as steady and solid an officer any SEAL could ask for. He never runs from a fight.”

  “Because he took care of his mother for eighteen years? He saw this as a similar trap, maybe?”

  Turning on his side, he studied Shelby’s shadowed green eyes. “They met again in Afghanistan two years ago. I was there. I saw it. They’ve always had this fatal attraction for each other since they were twenty. They’re twenty-nine now. And out of bed they fight like cats and dogs. It was Christmas and they spent it together. I was happy for Jake. I know Morgan has always held his heart, but I don’t think he’ll ever admit it or realize it.” Scowling, he said, “They had one hell of a fight the third morning when we were saddling up to leave. You could hear them screaming at each other clear across the village. Morgan can’t be tamed. She’s a strong, intelligent and resourceful woman like you. I just don’t think Jake can handle it or her. Not that you ‘handle’ a woman.”

  “Morgan sounds like my kind of gal. They’re out there, Dakota. I’m one of them. Is he blind?”

  “He’s got to be. Whatever is stuck in his craw about women being weak is his Achilles’ heel. Maybe that’s why he’s had no one in his life since that Christmas two years ago.”

  “What woman worth her salt would want to stay with a guy like that? There’s got to be respect between the two or it’s not going to work.”

  “You’re smart as a whip. You know that?” Dakota threaded his fingers through her hair, watching the pleasure dance across her face.

  “Don’t give me too much credit. In law enforcement, you learn a lot of psychology on the job regarding people’s actions, reactions and motives. You have to take them into consideration in order to work positively with them.”