Sad Love

by Mj Fields

  "See he hates me," she finally looked at him.

  He was smiling at her. He hugged her, and she didn’t return his hug.

  “Sorry, you look amazing, but you should probably be eating more,” he walked around her looking her up and down with concern in his eyes. “Are you alright?”

  “Yeah never better, Chewy get your sorry ass down here” she yelled, and he barked.

  “See he wants to be with you,” she said and stomped her foot and he smiled. “How’s your hand?”

  “Better, Tessa you can come in,” he walked inside.

  "No thank you," she scowled.

  “Nothing happened in our house, Tessa,” he said, “Come in please.”

  She stepped in and looked around, a pool table was now sitting where the piano was. She looked away.

  “About that… you should really get it checked out”

  “You want to check it out I mean you’re a professional now, and besides you broke it and you were the last person to play with it, so the way I see it it’s your responsibility,” his lip curled up slyly.

  “You want to play one game of pool if I win you get it checked out if you win I will in my best professional judgment access the situation,” she avoiding looking into his eyes.

  He smiled and racked the balls.

  “Ladies first. But only because Jose isn’t here… he’s such a girl,” Lucas laughed.

  She broke and sunk one of each color. She chose solids. She missed

  “Perfect. I’ve gotten really good at this game,” he said and smiled at her. “Even with one hand.”

  He hit three in, and she smiled at him.

  “I guess you have, I’ve gotten real good at being alone,” she smiled and winked, “It’s not all that bad.”

  He shot another in and lined up his next shot.

  “I’m so thankful that I have both hands you know especially since I have been all alone,” he looked up at her, and she smiled, “Two perfectly good hands,” she said and he missed his shot.

  “You’re not nice.” he handed her the cue his eyes gazing over her body.

  “Sure I am.”

  Tessa bent down stretching over the table she pulled her hair to the side and hit the ball in. And turned and winked.

  “Which one should I put in now?” she laughed and looked at him. “Hey… if I make three you have to take off your shirt.”

  “Fair is fair Tessa, if, no when, I make three yours comes off too.”

  “Deal,” she said and sunk three, “Lose the shirt Links.”

  "I don't think I can with only one hand," he looked at her.

  She walked over and pulled it off, “Better?”

  “Yeah,” he leaned in towards her and she moved away.

  She missed the next shot.

  “Distracted Tessa?”

  “Nope, just giving you a chance,” she smiled and bit her lip.

  “Not going to work,” he shook his head and smiled.

  He sunk two, “You’re not wearing a bra.”

  She bent over and whispered in his ear “Or panties”.

  He missed and laughed and looked at her.

  “The next one, you lose your pants,” she smiled.

  She missed, and he laughed.

  He sunk two, “The next one Tessa, and I get to see my girls.”

  “You want a sneak peak?” she said and slowly lifted her shirt.

  “Tessa,” he moaned and missed.

  She hit them all in, except the eight.

  “The black one you lose the briefs boy,” she said and handed him the cue.

  He blocked her out and finished the game, “Time to pay up Tessa.”

  He walked towards her, she grabbed his face and kissed him.

  “You taste so good,” she kissed him again.

  He lifted her shirt off, and she held her breath.

  “No touching Lucas ,” she kissed him.

  “Tessa you have got to see if you broke me?” he groaned into her mouth and wrapped her hair around his hand.

  She pushed him down and sat on his lap and kissed him harder.

  “I love you, God I have missed you,” he hissed and then he felt wet on his face and pulled back, “Baby don’t cry.”

  She wiggled her bottom against him and smiled, “All better Lucas .”

  She stood up and grabbed her shirt and put it on.

  Lucas sprung to his feet.

  “Don’t leave,” he said. “Please? I’ll cook dinner.”

  “Let me look at that hand. No more cast, you should be able to use it now,” she kissed his cheek. “Chewy-- come!”

  He walked down the stairs and walked to Lucas and sat at his feet.

  “He wants to stay Lucas. I’m afraid he’ll get hit.”

  “Take him with you Tessa,” he snapped, “When you stay, he can.”

  She looked at him and smiled sadly, “I still love you, Lucas .

  Tessa dragged Chewy out the door. Lucas stood scowling and watched her pull out the driveway.

  ~

  She came home and went to sleep. She wouldn’t go there again but was proud that she hadn’t given in.

  Her phone chimed:

  -You --Tessa are not a very nice girl…LL

  -Well I’m a good nurse I fixed you, and I’m a good girl..Tessa

  -No LT?...LL

  -Always in my heart trying to get you out of my head, baby steps..Tessa

  -Okay thank you…. anyways..LL

  -I can’t be like them…Tessa

  -You never were…LL

  ~

  Tessa woke up crying and felt for Chewy, he wasn’t there. She ran downstairs a called for him.

  Jake sat up on the couch, “I just let him out.”

  “Jake he can’t go out alone he runs to Lucas’s,” Tessa ran outside, and Kendall followed.

  “Kendall call Jose,” she yelled and ran up the road calling for him.

  She was in one of his tee shirts and a pair of shorts running as fast as she could calling for Chewy.

  She saw headlights on the side of the road, and she ran faster. Another car pulled over as she got closer she ran even harder..

  She heard Lucas scream “Fuck!”.

  He looked up and saw her coming he ran for her and grabbed her.

  “Let me go,” she said as he held her tightly.

  “Tessa no.”

  “Is it him?”

  “Yes,” he hugged her.

  “Let me go Lucas ,” she pulled away frantically.

  “I’ll go with you,” he said holding her as she tried to run.

  Chewy was panting slow shallow breaths.

  “Hey Chewy, you shouldn’t have run off,” she dropped to her knees and pet him.

  She say blood coming from his mouth.

  Tessa looked at Lucas , “Call Alex and ask him what to do.”

  The couple in the car stood silently.

  “It’s not your fault,” Tessa held his head on her lap, “He’s a stubborn boy.”

  They left and Tessa and Lucas lifted him on a blanket and loaded him in the back of the SUV. Alex was waiting outside when they pulled into the driveway of the farm house. Alex opened the hatch as soon as Lucas stopped. Tessa was holding Chewy. He was taking his last breaths, and Alex looked at Tessa.

  “Can you help him?” Tessa wiped her face.

  “Tessa, no one could right now,” Alex pet him behind the ear.

  Lucas walked back over, “I’m so sorry.”

  Chewy whimpered and tried to lift his head.

  “Get in here he wants you,” she said sternly.

  “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Pet him-- talk to him,” she said and scooted over, “Right here.”

  She took his hand and put it on Chewy.

  “Sorry Chewy, I should have listened to your Momma,” Lucas kissed his head.

  “And your Momma should not have let you out of her sight.”

  They sat next to each other and pet him, and within minutes he
was gone. They hugged, and Tessa cried. Alex helped Lucas carry him into the barn until they could bury him the next day. Tessa sat and pet him.

  “Can I stay?” Lucas asked.

  “Yeah,” Tessa wiped her face.

  He grabbed a sweatshirt and put it over her head, she remembered the first time he had done that. It still felt the same and smelled the same. He leaned on a bale of hay, and she fell asleep on his lap with her hand on Chewy. He watched her sleep feeling accountable.

  In the early morning, Lucas woke to Tessa crying

  He hugged her, as she wiped her face, “Good morning.”

  “Good morning, are you oaky?”

  “No, this kind of sucks and I feel like it’s my fault,” she took a deep breath.

  “How is this your fault?”

  “If I never went there, I would’ve never known,” she looked at him.

  “Tessa it wasn’t your fault,” Lucas looked at Tessa. “Why do you do that? I did this. I fucked up everything.”

  “I knew better from the start I needed you, I knew who you were, and I loved you, but more so, I needed you at that moment in my life. I’m just as guilty if not more so I needed you, no matter what happened I feel like I made sure you needed me to. I’m as fucked up and nasty as you ever thought of being.” Tessa laughed softly. “Lucas Links you’re off the hook now, that was total moment of self realization.”

  “No, not actually.”

  She laughed “Yes Lucas , don’t you see? When did you tell me you fell in love with me? Wasn’t it when you saw me with my family?”

  “No, Tessa I don’t think it was that it was ….” he started.

  “It was exactly that, and that was what you were missing, not a piece of ass. We are going to be fine” she hugged him. “You are going to kick ass in San Francisco, and I’m going to become a practitioner, did I tell you I started classes online through SU?”

  “You’re going a hundred miles an hour and I’m having a hard time keeping up.”

  “Shall I slow it down for you?” she laughed. “We were supposed to be in each other’s lives Lucas. We both desperately needed each other at the exact moment we met. But we should have stopped when it hurt, we could have been friends… we like each other. If I had let go you would have never been tricked by Sadi, you would have never had been in Syracuse and Tommy. You should hate me Lucas ”

  “I can’t believe what is coming out of your mouth right now.” Lucas ’s eyes showed confusion and hurt. “If none of that happened I would’ve never known real love. My Dad wouldn’t have been with Audrianna, I wouldn’t know my sister’s. My Mom would be a mess still. I wouldn’t have gotten this far in football. Ryan and Jade and all those kids wouldn’t have happened. Tessa… you need to stop. You’re scarring me.”

  “Lucas you're scared because you know I’m right, come here please and sit down.” He did.”We met for a reason and all the voids were filled. Things don’t happen by chance, there’s a verse on it. Psalms 139 :13-16”

  “Tessa that’s your thing… it means nothing to me it’s just words baby.”

  “Then I failed you again. Lucas I remember those verses those beautiful words are etched in my heart forever. I’m sorry Lucas” she hugged him.

  He pulled away and looked at her.

  “This was already written all of it. We just changed it, we screwed up. Don’t get me wrong it was a lot of fun, and I love you but we served each other’s purpose, and he has given us plenty of reason and warnings to stop this, look at our dog.” She laughed, “What more do we need?”

  “I’m going to get Alex, so we can bury our dog and maybe a freaking priest for your crazy ass head,” he messed up her hair.

  She sat back, and pet Chewy and cried. Lucas and Alex walked into the barn.

  “See she was laughing, and reciting verses a minute ago now she is crying, she needs some help.”

  He reached out his hand and pulled her up and looked at her like she was crazy. Alex drove up with the tractor, and they lifted Chewy in the bucket. Tessa sat with him and pet him and talked to him the whole time. Alex and Lucas sat in the tractor and Lucas just shook his head as he looked at her.

  The whole family came down, and Tessa started “Yay though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death.”

  They all joined in and Tessa looked at Lucas , and he rolled his eyes and she grabbed his hand and smiled. When they finished they left Lucas and Tessa alone down by the woods.

  “You look happy again.”

  “Oh that can switch in 2.2 seconds” she smiled. “But I know you are going to be okay, and I know I will be to.”

  “I wish I knew that, so if God was up there writing a book about my life, what happened did he wake up on the wrong side of the thrown or maybe have a bad beard day? I mean this is what he really wanted for me because if so I don’t want any part of him,” Lucas looked down at the ground and she knew he was searching.

  “Oh my beautiful boy” she hugged him, she put her forehead to his, “he gave us free will, we make the choices, and we screw it up. Life isn’t easy until we follow the path he has written” she said, and he kissed her lightly.

  “Did he know I was going to do that?”

  “Yep, and he knows you’re an athlete but more important than that your very smart and love to help people. If you continue using the gifts he gave you, you will be perfectly fine and happy.” She quickly kissed him back and let go of him.

  He grabbed her and pulled her against him, and she felt him against her belly and gasped. “He knows I am good at this too, it’s a gift right?”

  Tessa closed her eyes and pulled away.

  “Yes it certainly is,” she started to walk away. “Come on Lucas.”

  “So you’re going to let one of my God given talents go to waste?” he laughed and then froze when he looked at her, “Why are you crying?”

  “That was never for me, but if you try to listen to him and follow that path whoever you marry is going to have a very full happy life and I’m human and desperately want you and you’re not mine to have.”

  He smiled and hugged her, “Get through it whatever way you need to Tessa, it will be you when it’s the right time.”

  “Lucas I don’t think it is.”

  “Okay don’t cry please” he hugged her, “And don’t give up on me, or us please.”

  “Sorry.”

  “So I need to find Jesus,” the corner of his mouth curled up and they both laughed.

  “You need him to help you find you,” she grabbed his arms and put them around her and kissed his cheek. “You’ve got a good start, it shouldn’t be all that hard.”

  “There are certain words you should not say to me.”

  “What word?” she laughed and let go of him.

  “Hard,” she slugged him in the arm.

  They walked in the house hand in hand laughing. John looked sternly at him.

  “It’s not like that John, she’s going to make me find Jesus,” they both laughed.

  “Well Amen,” Maggie said.

  “Can I see you again before I leave?” he asked.

  “Maybe,” she hugged him.

  Lucas reluctantly let go when he felt John’s eyes boring into him, “Goodbye,” he smiled and walked out the door.

  “Lucas,” Maggie yelled out the window. “Tessa is working today and tonight, but if you’d like to come to dinner your more than welcome to.”

  “Thank you,” he said, “But I think I’m going to see my Mom tonight.”

  “Okay son, have a good time.”

  Chapter 27

  Lucas went to see his mother who he knew was worried. She saw him and smiled.

  “Mom I’m fine and Tessa is fine, we’re not fighting or have any need to try to hurt each other, we just need to find who we are before we work towards being whoever her God thinks we should be,” he laughed.

  “You’re going to church Lucas?” Kate smiled.

  “No mom I’m going to find Jesus,” he s
aid and laughed out loud.

  ~

  Tessa worked for nine days straight she was physically exhausted but needed be emotionally as well. She ran for five miles and was almost home when she heard a car slow behind her, she turned to look, and it was Lucas.

  “That ass is shrinking, too small girl,” Lucas pulled over and smiled at her.

  “Hi Lucas,” she said trying to calm her breathing.

  “You want a ride?”

  “No, I didn’t come out here to get picked up,” she laughed.

  “Can you come for dinner?”

  “Will it be just us?”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  She missed him, his smile, his voice, and the way his eyes sparkled, him making her forget the pain immediately with just his touch, and that couldn’t happen, not again.

  “What I want and what I need are two different things,” she looked away.

  “Okay so what about tonight?”

  “I’m going to help at the fair.”

  “Of course you are,” Lucas smiled softly at her.

  “You can come help.”

  “Maybe,” he looked annoyed causing Tessa to laugh, “What?”

  “Your bottom lip is going to hit your lap,” she smiled.

  “If only that where possible,” he took a deep breath.

  “And on that note I need to go, you first,” she motioned for him to pull away.

  “No, you go ahead,” Lucas winked.

  She scowled at him, “Fine.”

  Tessa started to run he passed her and pulled over about a hundred feet ahead of her.

  “Everything okay?” she stopped when she reached his SUV.

  “Yeah, read this,” he pointed to the mirror.

  “Objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are” she said, “Yep it’s on all of them”

  “And it’s very true” he said and smiled, “Watching you run Tessa is an experience all in its self.”

  She smacked him in the head.

  “Ouch,” he laughed.

  “Did you find Jesus yet, Lucas?” she ran ahead.

  “No, but I just saw two perfect reasons to believe,” he yelled out the window.

  Tessa flipped him off.

  “That’s not very Christian-like,” Lucas laughed out the window.

  “No, but I’m human!”

  ~

  Tessa and Kendall were having a great time at the fair. Phoebe, Jade, and Cassidy were there to. They took a break and danced. Tessa smiled and waved to Adam, and he smiled back. He point at her and the stage and she shook her head no, he smiled and shook his head yes.