Faith (My Misery Muse)

by B. Betzold

  I had already packed her bag and had frozen breast milk in a thermal bag thing, so she was set to go. I just didn’t want to actually let her go.

  “Hey Ash.”

  “We’ll be fine, Mags,” was her response.

  “Am I that transparent?”

  “No, you’re a mom leaving her baby for the first time,” she said kindly.

  Ash was a little younger than us; she was one of Devi’s favorite teachers at his old daycare. When they decided to pull him out and hire a nanny for his security, she immediately offered the position to Ashlen. Ash immediately said yes and then moved into their new house in the garage apartment later that week; she had been with them since Jaks was three and had become an instant part of the group.

  “It’s too bad you can’t join us,” said Drake.

  She shrugged. “It's okay, not really my thing. I am going to get the kids in bed then curl up with a book.”

  “What are you reading?” I asked. She and I read a lot of the same books.

  “The Edge of Never—I know it’s going to end up making me cry, but it’s been amazing so far.”

  “I’ve been wanting to read that, haven’t had time to yet.”

  Drake was looking at us like we were crazy; men they just didn’t get it.

  “You going to hand her over?” Ash asked.

  “Do I have to?”

  “She’ll be fine, Mags. Go out enjoy yourself, because when we get back home you won’t get many breaks.”

  “I know you're right, but it’s hard.”

  “We’ll be fine, I will call you if there is any reason, but there won’t be. We are all going to curl up on the couch and watch a movie, then go to bed, right, Quinn?”

  I nodded and kissed my daughter on her fuzzy little hair. “Night baby” and I handed her over to Ash for the night and tried not to cry.

  I looked over to where her stuff was only to find it gone. “Uhm, where’s her stuff?”

  “I already brought it over.” said Drake.

  I nodded. “Thanks,” still fighting tears.

  “See you later, Mags,” said Ash walking out the door with Quinn.

  I took a deep breath and wiped away the stray tear I couldn’t hold back. Drake walked over and gave me a hug.

  “She’ll be fine, baby,” he whispered in my hair.

  “I know, I’ve just never left her for any real time.”

  “I know, but you could use some fun, and she will be fine.”

  I nodded. “Okay, let me go finish getting ready, we will be leaving soon.”

  Drake let me go and I didn’t like that, it felt like he took something more than his body heat from me.

  Drake

  I sighed and watched Mags leave the room, I knew she would be okay; Devi had a rough time leaving both her kids the first time. We needed to talk, without yelling, soon, but it would have to wait since Devi decided we needed to celebrate my becoming the manager of the band. She was more excited about this than I was.

  A few minutes later she came back up, her eyes were a little red and I knew she had been crying but I also knew she wouldn’t let me comfort her. Mags and Devi were both too damn independent for their own good at times.

  We walked into the lobby to meet with everyone else and the first thing I saw was Seth with his tongue shoved down Devi’s throat—I groaned, a brother really doesn’t want to see that shit. I cleared my throat but they ignored me, as usual, as far as I was concerned both my niece and nephew were conceived by Immaculate Conception, no matter how often those two tried to prove differently with their PDA.

  “So Devi said something about celebrating, what are we celebrating?” asked Mags also watching the debacle in front of us.

  I cleared my throat louder and threw in a cough as well hoping to get them to stop before they put on more of a show. Mags laughed at my once again failed attempt.

  X walked up beside us. “Think it will turn into real life porn this time?” he asked.

  I sighed, I was becoming more and more fearful that one day it would in fact become just that.

  “Damn, I don’t want to see that shit,” said Eli after he came out of the elevator.

  “Still claiming Immaculate Conception, Drake?” asked X.

  Both Eli and I nodded our heads and answered yes.

  “So where is Cin?” asked X.

  “Not here,” replied Eli rather curtly.

  I looked over at my cousin and smirked; I knew that Eli had tried to forbid Cin from being around X, though I knew it was a wasted attempt. Not that X and Cin had much going on, from what I had heard they used each other when they were together but nothing more to it than that.

  I heard a sigh from behind me and looked over to see Sam shaking his head. “We really need to invest in shock collars for them,” he quipped.

  “Shut up,” replied Seth who was still manhandling my sister.

  “Well, I am going to get dinner; you guys can come if you want, but I am hungry.” replied Sam then walked off. We followed leaving Seth and Devi to untangle themselves.

  We walked to the restaurant and were seated quickly, the guys were noticed, of course, and the hostess just about fell over when they walked in. It always made me laugh at people’s reactions to them, if they only knew what they were really like they would probably get a completely different reaction out of people.

  “So what are we celebrating?” Mags asked again.

  I glanced over at her and grinned. “You really have no idea and it's bugging the crap out of you, isn’t it?”

  She stuck her tongue out at me which caused me to laugh. I had missed this carefree side of Mags; she’s been under too much stress lately.

  “Well, Drake has accepted our job offer,” Sam said.

  She looked at me curiously. “Job offer?”

  “Drake is going to be joining us, as our new manager,” Seth said.

  “That’s terrific, Drake!” Mags squealed.

  Chapter 9

  Mags

  “So when did this happen?” I asked.

  “I was asked this morning and decided earlier,” Drake answered with a shrug.

  “We knew he couldn’t turn us down,” replied X.

  “Really and why's that?” asked Devi.

  “More chances to get laid, of course,” X scoffed followed by a thump and an ouch.

  “Seth, she’s abusing me again,” he whined.

  “Stop being a prick, and man up, by the way,” Devi responded before Seth could. Seth just shrugged while everyone else laughed at them.

  “I didn’t know you were a masochist, man,” X said in mock horror.

  Seth shrugged. “Whatever floats your boat.”

  Devi and I groaned, we knew what was coming next.

  “Whatever sinks your ship,” quipped Eli.

  “Whatever tickles your pickle,” came from Drake.

  “Whatever increases your trickle,” from Sam, which got some looks.

  “Whatever trips your trigger,” from Devi, I looked at her and lifted an eyebrow, she gave a look that pretty much said might as well join.

  I sighed. “Whatever turns your crank.”

  We all looked at X, scared of what would come from his mouth, but we didn’t have to wait long.

  “Whatever pets your monkey.” That caused us all to groan.

  We all sat back and enjoyed our time together; we really didn’t get enough time together like this.

  We had decided to walk instead of get a car for our evening out, which meant the guys had a lot of people looking at them. When we walked into the club, X immediately had girls circling him, which he loved. Seth and Devi ducked out to who knows where to do who knows what. Eli and Sam skirted around X leaving him to pull as much attention as possible from them. Drake and I followed them to the VIP section we would be hanging out in.

  Our waitress came by quickly and got our drink orders. X came up a few minutes later followed by, I counted then recounted and shook my head, five women.


  “Thought we could use some company.” He winked then sat down and the women started volleying for his lap and positions around him. That is until a few realized who else was in the booth with them, and they started batting their eyes at Sam, Eli, and one girl at Drake. I couldn’t blame them; all four were eye candy.

  Seth and Devi showed up at our table and sat down with us, then went to ignoring us having their own conversation. I looked over and Drake was talking to one of the girls X had shown up with and I felt a spurt of jealousy, but tried to tell myself I had nothing to get jealous over, he wasn’t mine.

  Drake

  I sat there pretending to listen to this girl prattle on about something, while trying to keep an inconspicuous eye on Mags. She was standing at the bar in the VIP section talking to some guy and I didn’t like it; he stood too close to her. When he reached out and dragged a finger down her arm, I started seeing red and had to clench and unclench my fingers together to keep from standing up and ripping his hand from his arm.

  I glanced over and saw Devi giving me a look, and I didn’t like what that look was saying, but then Devi always saw too much when it came to me. I attempted a smile for her, but knew it fell short; I didn’t know what to do about Mags anymore.

  “You okay, bro?” she mouthed and I shrugged in response.

  No, I really wasn’t okay, and I didn’t want to be here anymore pretending to listen to this girl I had no interest in, while the woman I loved was standing at a bar getting hit on. With that thought, I stopped pretending to listen. No, I didn’t love Mags. I mean, sure the sexual tension between us was astronomical, and yeah, we fought a lot but I had always thought that was more of an outlet for the tension than anything else. I couldn’t love Mags; neither of us did love. I didn’t have time, and Mags was always the more love 'em and leave 'em type, not wanting to settle down.

  I realized I was well and truly fucked; I am in love with Mags.

  Chapter 10

  Mags

  I couldn’t get away from this guy; I just wanted a bottle of water, not to have some guy trying to impress me with who he was, how much money he had, and I definitely didn’t want this guy touching me.

  “Well, it was nice talk to you, uhm, yeah, I need to get back to my friends.” I tried again to leave without being a total bitch.

  “Your friends?”

  “Yeah and I need to get back,” I said for what felt like the hundredth time since the guy had started talking to me.

  “Oh, I’m sure they’re fine without you.” He continued on about himself, and I rolled my eyes. Geesh, he didn’t get it.

  I looked over towards Devi trying to signal her for help but she was busy with Seth. Sigh, guess I will have to be a bitch and I really didn’t want to be this time; he didn’t seem like a bad guy just not my type.

  “Hey baby, get your water?” a voice I would know anywhere came from behind me. Then arms encircled my waist and lips nuzzled my neck. I melted back into that strong chest; I couldn’t resist, not that I wanted to.

  I nodded. “Yeah honey I did, and I was just talking to, uhm what’s your name again?” I asked, happy for the save.

  “Scott,” came the disgruntled response of the boring guy.

  Drake nodded. “Yeah, whatever, baby, have you been bugging the babysitter about our princess all night?” he asked.

  I spluttered, “no, of course not.” But we both knew I had been.

  He chuckled. “Then why did I get a text from her about me taking your phone away so you couldn’t keep bugging her?”

  “Babysitter?” the guy sputtered.

  Drake looked up. “Oh you're still here?” He went back to nuzzling behind my ear making me shiver.

  The guy walked off while muttering to himself and I laughed. “Thanks for saving me,” I told Drake.

  “Oh I wasn’t saving you; I was saving him from getting his hand ripped off,” he stated this like it was natural for him to threaten men with bodily harm over me.

  “WH…what?” I stuttered out.

  “He was touching you; I didn’t like him touching you.” He sounded like a petulant child when he admitted this, as if it caused him actual pain.

  “That’s not really your choice, Drake.”

  “Isn’t it? How long are we going to play this game, Mags?”

  “What happened to that bimbo hanging on you?”

  He shrugged. “Jealous?”

  “Of course not,” I responded weakly; we both knew the truth.

  “Come on darling, let’s go back to the hotel. I’m tired of this loud crappy music,” he said grabbing my hand tangling his fingers with mine.

  I sighed. “Only because I want to check on Quinn.”

  I felt him laughing behind me, and realized I was still leaning against him, I straightened myself out and went to tell Devi bye, my hand still locked firmly in his.

  A few minutes later we were walking back to the hotel, I was lost in my thoughts not really paying attention to where we were, when Drake nudged me.

  “You know we would be great together, right?”

  I looked at him. “What are you talking about?”

  “You and me, Mags.”

  I shook my head. What was with him lately and talking about us like there was an us?

  “Drake, that’s not a good idea.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m a single mom, who’s trying to take care of my kid, why would you want someone with that kind of baggage?”

  He sighed and ran his hands through his hair pulling at the ends. “I don’t see Quinn as baggage, and why would I care about you being a single mom? Do you really know me that little? We’ve know each other what almost eight years now, why don’t you have any trust in me?”

  “Why would I think you care about me being a single mom? Uhm because she’s not your kid, she’s not your responsibility, because I am used, because no one wanted my mom after she had me!” I was yelling at the end and had to calm myself down before I continued. “Because you deserve better than me, because I can’t give you what you need.”

  “You’re not your mother, Mags, and you are not used. No, Quinn isn’t my biological child, but that doesn’t really matter, biology does not mean anything, if that was the case Devi and I would be completely different people than who we are. And I deserve far less than you, I mean, come on, I am a prick, right, so how could I deserve a woman who is a smart, sarcastic, sexy, jaded, bitchy, and a terrific mother?”

  I reached up and grabbed a handful of his T-shirt and yanked him down, I pressed my lips against his and bit his bottom lip. With a groan, he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me closer, his tongue thrusting into my mouth dueling with my own tongue. He licked and sucked and nipped my entire mouth, I don’t think he left anything unexplored. We broke the kiss panting but leaving our lips touching; I couldn’t break the connection I felt with him.

  “So I’m bitchy?” I murmured against his lips.

  He chuckled. “Out of all that all you heard was me calling you bitchy?” he murmured back. He grabbed my hand and started walking back towards the hotel. “Come on, let’s go get the princess.”

  Drake

  The next morning I went across the hall to talk to Seth about when the band would want me to take over the manager duties, and what they wanted from a manger. I knew Sam and Seth were both active in what happened with the band both musically as well as on the business aspect but I wasn’t sure how involved they really were on the business side of things.

  I waited for someone to open the door while thinking back to last night with Mags. I was still surprised that she had kissed me. I didn’t want to push her too far or too fast, this was Mags after all, and I knew she would bolt at any point this became serious. I understood where she was coming from. I knew she was raised by a single mom that was always on the lookout for the one, and I knew Mags didn’t believe in the one. Not that I put much stock into that nonsense either, but if I were to think of one person I would be able to live with
and deal with on a daily basis it would be Mags.

  Eli opened the door to Seth’s room and waved me in, he was on the phone and it sounded like he was arguing with whoever it was on the other end.

  “I don’t give a fuck, Cin,” Eli yelled then hung up.

  I laughed, Cin was a handful and Eli was always trying to pick up the pieces of her messes and I really couldn’t blame him for not wanting her to get involved with one of his band mates.

  Eli sighed and ran his hands across his face. “She’s mad at me.”

  I nodded.

  “She found out Mags came with Devi, and now she’s pissed because I wouldn’t let her come out too.”

  I nodded again.

  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea for her and X to get into something, ya know, cause when one of them ends up screwing over the other, I am in the middle no matter what.”

  I nodded.

  “You just going to bob your head up and down?”

  I nodded, I was so not getting into the middle of that potential drama.

  When I walked into the living area, I found Seth teaching Jaks to play the guitar. We’ve all been teaching him when we had time, he was taking to it quickly though, and would need a steady teacher soon. Sam was on Devi’s table getting a similar tattoo to Seth’s and X’s only his was on his forearm. Devi glanced over at me, looking me over like she was searching for something, nodded her head and went back to work—hmm strange.

  “So I was wondering if you wanted to discuss this new job of mine.”

  “I will be working with one of our current label guys for the rest of the tour, so you won’t have to worry about taking anything over until after we finish and get back to Dallas for a break,” said Sam.

  “Okay, how long you guys got left?”

  “Four weeks after here, then a two week break for Christmas then another six weeks and were done with this go around.”

  “How long a break are you taking?”

  “Not sure yet,” replied Sam quietly.

  I glanced up and he looked away; I shot a look at Seth and he just shrugged his shoulders he didn’t know either. I reached over and grabbed another acoustic guitar sitting on the side of the couch and started strumming, while talking with the guys.