Faith (My Misery Muse)

by B. Betzold

  “Okay, so what do you need me to do to help with the transition at the label?”

  “There won’t be any management changes, we want to bring on two new A&R guys and it would be great if you could help with that,” said Sam.

  I nodded. “I know a couple guys who would work and I wouldn’t have to train them much.”

  “Take a vacation,” Seth said while picking up his own guitar and strumming along with me.

  “What?”

  “You heard him, take a vacation. You look like crap, and I know for a fact you’ve been working with no real time off for a year now,” replied Sam.

  “I don’t need a vacation,” I stated while Seth started to hum and Jaks tried to keep up with us.

  “Yes you do, bro. Shut up and take the time off, because once you start working as their manager you won’t get many chances to take this time off again.”

  “Fine,” I growled. “How long?”

  “Six weeks,” replied Seth.

  “What the fuck am I supposed to do for six weeks?”

  “Don’t care, just can’t go into the office or do anything else for six weeks. We’ve already informed everyone you're taking the time.”

  “Okay, mind if I join you guys for the next four weeks? I can’t sit at home staring at the walls, or I will be in a padded cell before the end of the first day.”

  “Yeah, you know you’re welcome,” replied Sam who grimaced when Devi hit a sensitive spot.

  I glanced over at Devi and she gave me a look that said she understood exactly what I was doing. “I need time to think, Devi.”

  She nodded. “Yeah okay, I get that; but you know how she is, and if you give her too much time it may blow up in your face.”

  “I know, but I think we both need to think.”

  “Okay, well we are leaving in tomorrow afternoon after Thanksgiving lunch; go spend the day with her then.”

  I nodded at my sister, put the guitar down and left to go find Mags.

  Chapter 11

  Mags

  I was changing Quinn when Drake came back to the room; he looked at me, shook his head and walked back in his room. What the hell was that about? I scooped her up and started rocking her, hoping she would take a nap. She was beginning to get fussy and I hoped I could get her to sleep before she started screaming again.

  Drake came back in the room. “So is there anywhere you would like to visit while we're here?”

  “Uhm, hadn’t really thought about it honestly.”

  He plopped down beside me and ran his finger along my arm. “Well think about it.”

  “Uhm, I guess, what’s the place right on the water?”

  “Pike Place?”

  “Yeah I guess that’s it, never been here before.”

  “Okay, well get her packed up and let’s go.”

  “Huh?”

  “Get her packed up and let’s go; I want to get out of this hotel room for a while.”

  “Uhm okay, I guess,” I said completely stunned by his sudden determination to get us away from here.

  I got Quinn packed up and Drake called a cab, then we were off exploring Seattle.

  “So anything in particular you wanted to see?” he asked.

  “The ocean, I’ve heard it's very different from California.”

  He nodded. “It is, in California it's blue, like really blue. here it’s more of a grey and just, well, different, it’s hard to explain without seeing it.”

  “I would also like to look around the craft shops and see if I can find something for Quinn for her first vacation memento.”

  He shook his head at this. “What is it with you women and commemorating everything?”

  “Dunno, just being able to show her things that have been collected throughout her life make sense to me; my mom never really did that with me.”

  “Okay, I can kinda get that, I guess.”

  I watched as he reached over and adjusted the blanket covering Quinn, and I had to hide a smile. Drake really was a great guy and would make someone a terrific partner and father. So why did the thought of some nameless, faceless woman in his life make me want to scratch her eyes out?

  When we got to Pike Place Market, Drake paid the cabbie then got out leaving me with getting Quinn and her car seat out. When I walked around the back of the cab Drake already had her stroller out and set up waiting her car seat. I don’t know how he did it that quickly, that thing always took me forever to figure out but he made it look simple.

  After he had her secured, and readjusted her blanket again, we were ready to explore. He started pushing Quinn’s stroller with one hand and held mine with the other, running his thumb over the back of my hand.

  “Have you eaten yet?” he asked.

  I shook my head no.

  “All right, let’s get some lunch then we can go from there.”

  “That works for me.”

  We found a small café that had outdoor seating and waited for the waitress to come take our orders. I took a deep breath of the salty sea air; I was beginning to truly relax for the first time in what like forever.

  “So we ever going to talk about what happened last night?”

  I jerked my head towards him. “Uhm, what happened last night was a mistake?” I made it sound more like a question than an actual answer.

  He shook his head. “Uhm, no baby, you kissed me, that’s not a mistake in my book.”

  “Lapse of judgment?”

  “Nope,” he said popping the p.

  I sighed. “A moment of weakness, Drake; nothing can happen between us.”

  He sighed. “Why not, Mags? We would be good together.”

  I shook my head. “We would be a disaster.”

  “How so?”

  “All we do is fight.”

  “Sexual tension, next.”

  “We don’t really know each other.”

  “I know your favorite color is pink, though you will never admit it and say green. I know your favorite band is Deathcab for Cutie; that you cry during the happy ending in movies; that you say you don’t believe in marriage but would have preferred having a kid after being married. I know that you had a fucked up childhood, would do anything for my sister, and that we would be great together, baby.”

  He finished then grabbed my hand and kissed the palm. This man would be the death of me.

  “That doesn’t mean anything, Drake.”

  “You are so damn stubborn.”

  “Am not.”

  “Oh and you have to get the final word in, and you think you are always right.”

  I shook my head and had to hide a smile. “Okay, so let’s say all that is true, why would you want someone with those issues.”

  “Cause, baby, we all have issues, some of us just hide them better.”

  “Not you, your life is perfect.”

  He scoffed. “Really, that’s how you see my life?”

  I nodded. “You have your dream job, money in the bank, a nice home, a great family. What else do you need?”

  “Someone to talk to at night, someone to hold and whose favorite color I know; a job where I am not gone half the year, and a babysitter the other half, a job where I like the people I work with.”

  “I thought you loved your job.”

  “I do, but I am ready for something different, something more.” he said giving me a look.

  The waitress came, and I was grateful not to have to answer that look, I didn’t know how.

  We chatted during breakfast but never got back on the topic we had before, which I was happy about. I couldn’t give Drake what he was wanting from me, and the sooner he realized that the better for both of us.

  After breakfast, he paid the bill and we went walking around looking at the different shops, some antiques, some craft stores, some unique little shops. Every time we saw a toy store, Drake would make us stop and go in, most of the time coming out with something for each of the kids. We both had to look at the record store, which sold actual record
s—just awesome. I found some gifts for Devi, Seth, and a few others in there.

  The entire time we were walking Drake held my hand, and it was different, not bad, just different. I wasn’t used to this, most of the time my relationships consisted of sex, not intimacy like this. We passed a small store that made bracelets with your name on them, and I decided Quinn and I needed one, so we went in.

  I ordered a cute bracelet for Quinn that had white flowers and pink beads, it was hand woven on black cord, and it was her perfect first vacation keepsake. I ordered myself a matching one but with green beads instead.

  Then Drake had one made for Jaks with the name Taz, one for Cait with Angel and one for Quinn that said Princess, it was the sweetest thing. Then he had a bracelet made for Devi with both the kids name on it, she was going to love it. She hadn’t gotten anything with both kids’ names on it yet.

  After they were done, I found a place to nurse Quinn, and we decided to head back to the hotel room.

  When we were back in a cab heading to the hotel, I looked over at Drake and found him playing with a sleeping Quinn’s foot.

  “I had a great day,” he said quietly.

  “I did too.”

  “You know we could have more like this.”

  “Drake—” I started but he cut me off.

  “Just think about it, okay, Mags?”

  I nodded, but I knew I could never let it happen.

  Drake

  I kissed Mags, just a light meeting of my lips against hers then went to Devi’s door instead of ours. I needed a few minutes, before I blurted out my revelation from last night. I knocked and Devi answered holding a fussy Cait.

  “Ah what’s the matter, Angel,” I said and she started looking for me. I smiled. “Come see your Uncle Drake, Angel.”

  I took the baby and gave Devi the bag with of stuff I had gotten for her and the kids while out today. She took the bag and shook her head. “Really bro, more stuff?”

  I shrugged. I liked buying them stuff. “There is something in there for you too.”

  She started rummaging through the bags until she found the bag with the bracelets. She pulled them each out and smiled, then she got to hers and she inhaled quickly. “Drake, it's perfect.”

  “I thought you would like it.”

  “I love it,” she said then hugged me causing Cait to fuss.

  “All right, don’t squish the kid.”

  She smiled and kissed me on the cheek then moved back to her side of the couch.

  “You have fun today?”

  I nodded watching Cait’s eyes droop. “Yeah we did.”

  “Good, you both needed it.”

  “Yeah we did, I just wish she would consider an us, you know?”

  “She will, just give her time. She doesn’t know what an us really is.”

  I sighed. “Yeah we’ll see,” I told her and handed her back a now sleeping Cait.

  “How do you do that, every time?”

  I stood and shrugged. “A gift?”

  “Yeah whatever,” she muttered taking Cait from me and cuddling her close to her chest, my sister really was a great mom.

  “All right, I am going to go to my room.”

  “All right, bye bro.”

  “Bye sis.”

  Chapter 12

  Mags

  I was sitting on the bed changing Quinn’s diaper when I saw something out of the corner of my eye and looked up and took a startled breath, Drake was standing there and I never heard him come back.

  “You okay, baby?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, just didn’t hear you.”

  “Sorry.”

  “So what did Devi say?”

  “She loved the bracelets.”

  I nodded. “I knew she would.”

  “So what do you want to do tonight?”

  “Uhm, I don’t really want to go back out.”

  “Okay, room service and a movie?”

  “Sounds perfect, actually I could use a drama free evening.”

  “Okay, I will get the menu and we can decide what we want to eat. Why don’t you get Princess and pick out a movie.”

  “Okay,” I said then he turned around and walked away, and I watched his ass the entire time, he really did have a great ass.

  “Quinn, Mama is in trouble,” I muttered, scooping her up and heading into the living room to pick out a movie to watch with a man who was really starting to mess with my libido.

  “I hope a comedy is okay?” I asked when he came in the room.

  “Sure, whatever you want to watch is fine with me.”

  “So what are our dinner options?”

  “Here ya go, pick something and I will order it.”

  I looked over the menu and finally decided on something, and after Drake ordered dinner he sat down on the couch bringing a throw blanket with him and tossing it over the back. “So do you want to start the movie now, or wait for dinner to get here?”

  “Let’s wait, that way we don’t have to get up during it to answer the door.”

  He nodded. “Sounds good to me.”

  “So you excited about the new job?”

  “Yeah, I get to work with my brothers, and I will be home more. Devi visits with the kids when she can, so I will see them more.”

  “Yeah.”

  “How is your work going, have you started back?”

  “I never really quit. I do my work at home, and since it’s my company I don’t make money unless I am working.”

  “Yeah, it’s got to both be great and suck to be your own boss.”

  “It has its perks and downfalls, but I love what I do so it makes it worth it.”

  “Anything interesting lately?”

  “I’ve started designing book covers, as well as websites, blogs and other stuff. When I can, I paint, and sketch but that’s not as lucrative. ”

  “Book covers?”

  “It’s more of a side business, but it’s fun and it helps moneywise and I get to be more creative with it than websites.”

  “Hmm never put much thought in a book cover, but I can see that being a more creative process.”

  There was a knock at the door and he got up to get our food, then came back and we dug into dinner, which was delicious. After dinner, we snuggled into the couch and started the movie. About an hour in, I nursed Quinn and she passed out, I hoped for a few hours.

  “I need to lay her down,” I whispered.

  He paused the movie. “Need help?”

  “No I got it, thanks though.”

  “Okay.”

  I went and laid Quinn down and when I came back in the living area he was watching me.

  “You’re a good mom,” he said out of the blue.

  “I’m learning, Devi’s helped me a lot.”

  “No you’re a good mom, she’s lucky to have you.”

  “Thanks,” I muttered feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.

  “Ready to finish this?”

  “Yeah.” I sat back down and Drake put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side and covered me up with the blanket. I stiffened at first but slowly melted into his warm body.

  I never had a chance of making it through the movie.

  Drake

  I watched her sleeping with the lights from the television lighting up various parts of her face. Damn, she was beautiful. She felt perfect all nestled into my side, her head on my shoulder, but I knew she couldn’t be comfortable in that position.

  I turned on the couch and scooted my arm under her legs and picked her up then stood from the couch. She kinda woke up. “What’s going on?” she mumbled against my shoulder.

  “You fell asleep baby, I was going to put you in your bed.”

  “I don’t want to go to bed,” she whispered.

  “Mags…”

  “I don’t want to go to bed, Drake,” she said more awake now.

  “Do you know what you’re saying, baby?”

  “I’m saying I want you, Drake.”

/>   “Honey, I don’t think this is such a good idea.”

  “You don’t want me?” she asked then started to wiggle like she wanted down so I pulled her closer.

  “Mags, it is never that.” She looked at me like she didn’t believe me, so I reached down and grazed my lips against hers then ran my tongue across her full bottom lip. “Honey, I always want you,” I purred against her lips.

  “Then why don’t you want to?” she asked her lips brushing mine as she spoke.

  “I don’t want to fuck things up with us with sex,” I said against her lips.

  “I can’t give you more than this, Drake.”

  I sighed. I didn’t know what do. My dick was saying are you stupid for even thinking of telling her no and my brain was saying walk away that sex now would ruin any progress we’ve made so far.

  “Please Drake,” she whispered. “It’s been a long time.”

  I groaned, damnit I couldn’t tell her no when she asked like that. I carried her to my room but left the door open so we could hear if Quinn woke up. I laid her on the bed and looked at her dark hair fanned out across the pillow and her blue eyes had darkened with lust. Damn, I was done for.

  She reached for her shirt to pull it off but I grabbed her hands and kissed the palm of each, then put them back beside her. “Nuh uh,” I said.

  “But I thought…”

  “Oh we will,” I reassured her, “but I want that privilege, honey.”

  She looked up at me confused, and I shook my head, had no one ever taken care of her like this before.

  I slowly dragged my hands down her arms and then down her ribs causing her to shiver. I smiled; I liked that response.

  “You okay, baby?” I whispered.

  “Yeah,” she said a little breathlessly, and I hadn’t even really started touching her yet.

  “Hmm, we’ll have to take care of that.”

  “What?”

  “You’re still able to answer questions,” I said with a smirk.

  She chuffed out a laugh, which caused me to smile. I liked the turned on version of Mags; she was sexy as hell.

  “So baby, what do you like?”