Faith (My Misery Muse)

by B. Betzold

  “One day, Mags, you will marry me, until then we will deal,” I said. “Now I want to know what I missed.”

  She wouldn’t look at me. “Not much.”

  “You are lying, what did I miss?”

  “Let’s just worry about getting you better so you can leave here.”

  I shook my head. “Not going to work baby, now what happened?”

  She took a deep breath. “The lawyer had asshat served with papers for a DNA test as well as child support. He didn’t take it well and called my house a lot so I went and stayed with Devi and Seth. And someone broke into my house and trashed it. The police are looking into it, but nothing as of yet, so I am still staying with them.”

  I took a deep breath, it wouldn’t help to yell at her, and she was safe. She did the right thing going to Seth’s, only I haven’t been able to help her, and that hurt. “Come here, baby,” I said she gave me a worried look and walked towards me. “No, I mean come here, I need to hold you, touch you, something.” She finally got it and walked over to me and sat down beside me, I ran my hand up her arm. “You sure you and princess are okay?”

  She nodded her head. “We are fine, Seth and X have been there with us at all times I haven’t been here.”

  “Okay, just make sure you stay safe,” I said. “I can’t have something happen to you or Quinn while I am stuck here not able to get to you.”

  “Nothing is going to happen.”

  I nodded and kissed her on the temple. “I do love you, Mags.”

  Chapter 32

  Mags

  I sat in the chair next to Drake's bed holding Quinn while Jaks sat on his bed telling him about everything that had happened at his house and school for the past few days, and I do mean everything, down to X locking Cin in the closet. We sat around listening to him talk and Drake kept giving covert looks to Seth and X, I knew he wanted to question him about what was going on with me and the asshat situation; he would want another man’s point of view and reassurances.

  I got it; he was upset that he wasn’t able to protect Quinn, and me but I could protect myself if need be. Devi and I had both made sure we were able to protect ourselves at a young age when we met at art school. He glanced over at me and smiled; it was gorgeous. I had missed his smiles, his winks, his touches. I hadn’t even realized he did that often till they were gone, and I wasn’t willing to let them go again.

  “Let me hold my princess,” he said.

  “You sure?”

  He glared at me. “Give me my princess.”

  “Fine,” I huffed and put Quinn into the curve of his good arm. He was a natural with her, and she adored him.

  “Hey princess,” he murmured and kissed her soft head, “have you been good for Mommy?”

  She gurgled and smiled at him curling her small fingers around one of hers, and my heart melted. This is what she deserved, a man in her life that would love her unconditionally. I realized that Drake would, no matter what, he would be there for her. He would give her what I never had, a man, a dad in her life she could trust to be there for the moments in her life she needed and wanted him. I wiped away a stray tear and looked away, but Devi caught my eye and gave me a small smile. I returned it and looked back at the two people in my life that I would give everything up for.

  Devi and I were standing in the hall waiting to be let back into the room after Drake kicked us out with the kids. “He’s in there talking about me,” I told her.

  “Yep.”

  “He’s such an ass.”

  “Yep.”

  I sighed. “I love him.”

  She looked over at me and grinned. “Yep.”

  “I am in trouble.”

  She smiled wider. “Yep.”

  “Aunt Mags,” Jaks said, and I looked at him. “Are you going to marry Uncle Drake?”

  I sputtered, “Why would you think that Jaks?”

  “Cause Mama said she loved Daddy then they got married and we got Cait.”

  Devi laughed and I glared at her. “No Jaks, I am not marrying Uncle Drake.”

  “Why not?”

  Devi only laughed harder. “Uhm, because I don’t want to get married.”

  “Oh,” he said and looked at me then sighed.

  “What’s wrong, Jaks?”

  “Well, I was just thinking that would make Quinn and you part of our real family.”

  “Oh sweetie,” Devi said, “they already are.”

  “Okay then, you don’t have to marry him.” Then he went back to playing with the girls.

  “Thanks Jaks,” I muttered and turned to say something to Devi when we heard a crash from Drake's room, and we both grabbed a car seat and ran.

  When we got into the room and looked around the entire contents of his rolling table were now scattered around the room. What the hell?

  “Everyone out but Mags,” Drake growled.

  I looked at the guys and they looked at the ground, and walked out of the room. Devi looked at me and I handed over the car seat in my hand, not even sure who I was carrying at this point.

  “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me he was…” A look of pure frustration came over his face and he ran his hands through his hair and pulled. “Why didn’t you tell me that he was in town?” he finally got out.

  I took a deep breath. “Honestly?” He nodded, “I didn’t want to stress you anymore than you already were, it’s not a big deal, and I am never alone.”

  He shook his head. “You should have told me,” he gritted out. “Was he the one who was in your house?”

  I shrugged. “The police don’t know.”

  “What do you think?” he snarled.

  “I think he was.”

  “How and I suppose to to…” he trailed off again then screamed, “FUCK” and grabbed something else and threw it against the wall.

  I stared, I had never seen Drake like this before, and it scared me. I knew he was pissed at the situation, but it still scared me.

  “Drake, calm down.”

  “Don’t, don’t you fucking tell me to calm down, Mags!” he yelled. “Look at me, I can’t even get up to fucking piss, I can’t I can’t.” he stopped and his head fell back and he looked defeated. “I can’t get the words out, Mags.”

  I walked over to him and ran my hands through his hair. “We will work through this, Drake. We will deal with this; it will just take time.”

  He shook his head. “This will never go away, Mags; I will always be damaged.”

  I gripped his face in both hands and made him look at me. “Drake Matthew Porter, you are not fucking damaged, you are fucking perfect. We will get through this, now stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself and deal.”

  “Mags, go home,” he whispered. “Go home get some sleep, spend time with Quinn, just got for a while.”

  I nodded my head reluctantly and leaned down to kiss him. He kissed me back barely, then pushed me away with his good hand. “I love you, Drake,” I whispered and he nodded his head then turned to look the other direction.

  I sighed, of course this wouldn’t be easy, and when was anything with Drake and me easy.

  Drake

  I stared at the window but not really seeing anything. I couldn’t do this to her. The doctor told me the aphasia would never go away, it may get better with time, but it may not. My leg was another big question mark, with where and how it was broken even with physical therapy, he just didn’t know how much use I would get back. Could I really do that to Mags? I wasn’t the same as before, and all because some kid thought it would be okay to drive after a fucking frat party. He changed my life, he took something from me, and I didn’t know if I could get it back.

  He altered my life and I didn’t know to what extent yet, and it scared me not to know what my life would be like after this. I was scared I would never be whole again, and I didn’t know how to expect anyone else to accept that.

  “You wanna talk?”

  “Not really, Seth.”

  “You sure, cause the way
she just left here, I think you may need to.”

  I sighed. “I’m just…” Fuck, not again, it was right there I could see it, I just couldn’t get my mouth to form the word. Fuck, why couldn’t I get it out? I took a deep breath. “I’m damaged,” I managed.

  “Yep, you are but then again you were before the accident too.”

  I glared at him. “Fuck you.”

  He shrugged. “Anger is normal, Drake. Hell don’t you remember Xavier?”

  I nodded.

  “Yea so do I, and yea you have a few more issues than before, but Drake don’t let that take control.”

  “I don’t know how to do this.”

  “Oh, I am sure you don’t,” he quipped.

  “What that’s supposed to mean?”

  “You have always been in control, that’s how you deal. You are in control and you take care of people, now you have no control, and you can’t take care of her, so I am pretty sure you are fucking mad as hell. But man, you cannot take that out on her, she will take it for a little while, after a while though, she’s going either going to split or you will break her.”

  “How do you know this?”

  “Because I have a strong girl I almost broke, and I do not want to see you make the same stupid mistakes I did. Don’t push her away, you will end up regretting it.”

  I nodded.

  He nodded back then left.

  “I am a fucking idiot,” I groaned. I didn’t know what to do, I wanted Mags, I wanted Quinn, but I didn’t know if I could put them through what I was about to go through.

  Chapter 33

  Mags

  “Mags…” Devi started but I put my hand up and shook my head. I just needed a few minutes to myself, I knew was angry at the whole situation, that he wasn’t here to take care of everything like he preferred, but it still hurt. I snorted, well I guess I know how he felt when I kept running from him, but this time I wasn’t going to run.

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. No, I wasn’t going to run this time, and the sooner he realized that the better. I walked back into the living area, Quinn and Cait were playing with the baby gym so I plopped down beside Devi and watched them bat at the toys hanging above them.

  “I know Devi, okay, I know.”

  “Okay.”

  “So whatcha want to do?”

  “Watch a crappy movie and drink a bottle of wine.”

  “Sounds like a good idea to me.”

  So that’s how Seth and X found us, sitting on the couch, watching a crappy movie and polishing off a third bottle of wine, they took one look at us shook their heads.

  “Where are the kids?” asked Seth.

  “In bed.”

  “Okay then.”

  We went back to watching the movie and ignored them, they got the hint and found something else to do but bug us.

  “You going to let him push you away?”

  “Nope.”

  “Good girl.”

  “I am done running.”

  “Good, I am glad to hear it.”

  “Now we just have to get Drake to realize he can’t control everything.”

  She snorted, “Yea we can do that right after we stop X from being a whore.”

  I laughed, “Sounds about right.”

  “He will be okay, he just needs to adjust.”

  I nodded, “Yeah cause your brother is great at change.”

  “Yeah okay, well while we’re at it, let's work on X being a whore.”

  “I think we can accomplish that first.”

  “You are probably right.”

  “There is nothing wrong with being a whore,” was yelled from another room.

  For some reason we both found this hilarious.

  “Shit, they are drunk,” said Seth.

  “Yep.”

  “All right, I will get my wife; you get the other one and let’s get them in bed.”

  “Fine, but you owe me,” replied X.

  “Nope, I don’t.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “Because you told Drake you would take care of her.”

  “Damn.”

  I woke up the next morning in bed—I don’t remember how I got here, and my head hurt. Why did my head hurt?

  I looked around hoping to figure out what the hell happened last night, but the light coming in from the window made me wince and I huddled back under the blankets. What the hell did I do last night?

  “Rise 'n shine, sleeping beauty,” came a singsong voice from the door.

  “Go away, X,” I mumbled.

  “Okay, but I brought coffee and ibuprofen.”

  I groaned and moved the blanket off my head. “Gimme.”

  He chuckled and handed me the cup and pills. “What happened?” I asked.

  “You don’t remember?”

  “I remember watching a movie with Devi.”

  “You don’t remember the five bottles of wine you two polished off?”

  I groaned again. “I do now.”

  He laughed, “Get up, breakfast is almost ready.”

  “Don’t wanna.”

  “Too bad, Drake has already called twice looking for your ass.”

  “He has?”

  “Yep, now get your lazy ass out of bed before I let Jaks in here.”

  That did it, I was getting up, which caused him to laugh at me even more. “Ass,” I muttered.

  “Yep,” he said and walked out of the room.

  I finally sat up and swallowed the pills with a big gulp of the hot coffee. It took everything in me not to whimper after burning my mouth., Sigh—it was going to be a rough day. I climbed out of bed and headed downstairs to the smell of bacon, might as well get it over with.

  I walked in I found a bouncy, happy Devi. I fucking hated her sometimes; she was always like this the morning after drinking, where the rest of us just felt like ass.

  “You suck,” I muttered at her and headed towards a stool at the kitchen island.

  She stuck her tongue out at me, so I flipped her off.

  “What’s for breakfast?” I asked and snatched a piece of bacon off the plate and burnt my fingers, of course.

  “Bacon, eggs, fruit and biscuits.”

  “How long have you been up?”

  She shrugged. “Cait was up at six this morning and Drake started calling at seven.”

  “What time is it anyway?”

  “Ten, you lazy ass.”

  “Someone got me drunk last night.”

  “Yea, but I didn’t get any, so I’m out five bottles of wine and no rewards, what’s up with that?”

  “Seth didn’t help you out last night?”

  “Seth didn’t drink the five bottles of wine with me.”

  “My head hurts.”

  “Good.”

  “Bitch.”

  “Yep.”

  Just then X came in carrying Cait, he looked around and then smirked at me.

  “Dick.”

  “Slut.”

  “Man whore.”

  “Yep.”

  I shook my head at X. You can’t win with him because he takes being a man-whore as a badge of honor.

  He put Cait in her highchair and clicked her in, then glanced over at me. “I will be taking you and as Drake demanded 'his princess' to the hospital after breakfast.”

  “Where is Quinn?”

  “Ash was getting her and Jaks dressed, they’ll be down soon.”

  I had been spending so much time at the hospital, and trying to work that I hadn’t spent as much time with my baby girl as I would have liked. I would have to change that starting now.

  “Devi, how do you balance your time with everything you have going on?”

  “Something’s got to give, and it will not be my family, so I work less hours at the shop. Cris is bringing in another artist soon, which will also help. He’s also bringing in a body mod expert, which should help with business.”

  “Is business bad?” asked X.

  “No, but right now we
don’t do anything but tattooing, with the people he’s looking at bringing in it should help diversify our clientele some.”

  “Who’s he looking at?”

  “Uhm, not really sure X, just know they are supposed to be really talented.”

  “That would be good, I hate having to go to Addison to get piercings and stretched.”

  “What are you gauging now?” I asked.

  “My ears, I’m at a four right now, but I want to get to a zero then I’m done.”

  “Just don’t go too big.”

  He laughed. “I am stopping at a zero.”

  “Good.”

  “You going to add anything else, X?” Devi wondered.

  “I want viper bites.”

  “Me too,” she said.

  I sighed. “You and Seth are going to get stuck together soon by your piercings.”

  They both laughed at me. I loved my tattoos and I had one piercing my belly button but nothing compared to Seth, X and Devi.

  “What I don’t get is you are such a bitch when you get tattooed, X. Are you the same way when you get a new gauge or piercing?”

  “I am not a bitch, you’re just a fucking sadist,” he grouched at Devi.

  She giggled. “I warned you ribs hurt.”

  Luckily before that could go much further, Ash walked in with Quinn and Jaks behind her; I reached out for Quinn.

  “She hasn’t been fed yet,” Ash said, “thought you might want to handle that.”

  I nodded and went to work getting Quinn latched on, X staring at my boobs the entire time, I rolled my eyes at him and he shrugged.

  X plopped a plate in front of me and glared. “Eat,” he barked.

  I just looked at him. “Uhm, okay.”

  “I got yelled at yesterday by Drake because you’re losing weight, so eat.”

  “Okay.” I replied fighting the urge to laugh at him.

  Devi cleared her throat and I looked up. I didn’t like the look on her face, and I knew it whatever she was about to say was not going to be a good thing for me.

  “What?”

  “Well we’ve been talking, and we want you to tell Drake that when he gets out of the hospital he’s coming here for a little while.”

  I shook my head at her. “Nope, not doing it.”

  “But it has to be you,” she whined.

  “Why me?”

  “Cause you’re the one fucking him,” X retorted.