Incognito

by Siobhan Davis

  When I first discovered Cole and Mikayla were screwing, I was too numb to feel anything. But now? Now, Levi is helping to bring all my emotions to the surface, and I’m feeling all the things I should’ve felt at the time they betrayed me.

  “I’m sorry, Dakota. I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could turn back the clock and not go there. I love you, and I never meant to hurt you.”

  His Adam’s apple jumps in his throat, and his eyes radiate with pain. I hear the sincerity in his words but it’s too late. “It’s too late to make amends, Cole. You kicked me when I was already down, and that’s not something I can forget.”

  “I miss you, baby. I miss you so much. I made a mistake. We had three great years together, and I was a fool to throw it away, but I didn’t know how to help you.”

  “News flash!” My nostrils flare. “Fucking my best friend was not the way to help!” Hurt coasts over his face, but it’s difficult to find any sympathy. He deserves to hurt for what he did to me.

  “I know. I’m sorry I let you down, but I’ll make it up to you. I’ll get rid of her. Just say the word and she’s gone.”

  I snort, shoving him aside so I can get past. “You are unbelievable. If you really meant what you said, you would’ve come here already having broken up with her. But you’re hedging your bets. Not willing to let her go in case I say no. That tells me everything I need to know.”

  “Dakota, baby, wait.” He makes a grab for me again, but I duck out of his reach.

  “Don’t call me baby. And don’t come near me again. We’re done, Cole.”

  I race down the hall and fly into my room, slamming the door shut before he can sneak in.

  “What’s going on?” Daisy asks, stopping with a fork midway to her mouth.

  “My cheating slimeball of an ex is what’s going on,” I blurt before realizing she has a guest. “Sorry,” I say. “I didn’t realize you had company. I can go.”

  Daisy hops up. “Kota, don’t go. Come say hi to Jake.” Her cheeks turn fire-engine red. “He’s my uh, my boyfriend.”

  Smiling, I walk over to the good-looking guy with the cropped dark hair. “Hi, Jake. I’m Dakota. Daisy’s roomie. Nice to meet you.”

  “Likewise.” He stands and shakes my hand. “I’ve heard all about you from Daise.”

  “Hopefully not all bad,” I joke.

  “On the contrary. I think you and Daise hit the roommate jackpot.”

  “Funny, I thought the exact same thing.”

  Leaning in, he kisses her briefly on the lips, and her cheeks flare up again. “I’m going to leave you two to catch up. Text me later if you want to hang out.”

  She circles her arms around his neck, and a twinge of envy bites me. “Will do.” She kisses him quickly, and I look away, not wanting to intrude.

  After he’s gone, she smiles shyly at me.

  “You, my dear, better start talking!” I wag my finger in her face. “You’ve been holding out on me, missy.”

  “I could say the same thing,” she playfully retorts. “I’ve been wondering if I even have a roomie anymore considering you stay every night at Levi’s.” While she hasn’t yet met him, I have filled her in over the phone.

  “I’m strictly in the friend zone,” I reply. “Nothing to report there.” Much to my dismay. I’ve slept in Levi’s bed every night for two weeks, and while he holds me close, he hasn’t made any moves on me. If he was interested, he would’ve done so by now. “He doesn’t see me like that.”

  “And what do you want?” she asks, flopping down on the couch.

  I join her. “I want more.” It’s the first time I’ve been honest with myself.

  “Have you told him that?”

  “No. I don’t want to make a fool of myself when it’s obvious he doesn’t feel the same way.”

  She is quietly contemplative. “He knows about Layla and your mom. Isn’t it possible he’s holding back on purpose? Maybe he’s waiting for you to make the first move.”

  I ruminate over her words. “I guess it’s possible.”

  “So, what are you going to do about it?”

  I grin at her. “I like this sassy side of you.” She sticks her tongue out at me, and I laugh, realizing I’ve been doing that a lot more lately.

  “I think you should put the moves on him. I’m betting he won’t let you down.”

  “I’ll consider it.” I slap her knee. “But enough about me. Spill your guts, girlfriend. How did you meet Jake, and how long has it been going on?” She blushes again. “You’re so cute around him. And he’s gorgeous. Is he a good kisser?”

  “He is. Not that I’ve anything to compare him to, but he makes my toes tingle and my heart sing.”

  I rest my head on her shoulder. “Ah, Daise. That’s so good. I’m so happy you met him. I’m glad you haven’t been alone. I was feeling like the worst roomie for abandoning you.”

  “Don’t be silly, Kota. With our different schedules, we’re not here a lot at the same time anyway. And it works both ways. I know you’ve been through a tough time, and I’m glad you’re enjoying spending time with Levi.”

  I lift my head, pinning her with a naughty look. “So, have you done the deed yet?”

  Her cheeks turn bright red, and I bet I could warm my hands off them. “Jesus, no! I’ve only been with him two weeks, and it’ll take a while before I’m ready to give him my virginity.”

  She looks a little annoyed, and I worry I’ve offended her. Sometimes my mouth engages before my brain kicks in. “You know time really doesn’t mean anything. When you’re ready, you’re ready. Whether that’s two days, two weeks, two months, or two years. No judgment here.”

  “Sorry, it’s just I got teased a lot in high school over my virginity. It’s a bit of a touchy subject.”

  “I would never criticize you for that. Elsa is openly waiting for the right guy before she gives it up, and I respect her enormously. Each to their own. Speaking of, we’re all heading to a frat party tomorrow night. Please come. Bring Jake. We’ll have so much fun!”

  She considers it for a moment. “Okay. I’ll ask him.”

  I clap my hands like I’m five. “Yay.”

  She laughs before sobering up. “One thing though.”

  “Okay?”

  “Don’t mention my Shawn Lucas obsession.”

  My eyes pop wide. “Come again?”

  “I took my posters down, because it’s kinda silly at my age to be drooling over a popstar, and I don’t want Jake to think I’m some love-crazed groupie or too immature to be dating.”

  “Hey, no sweat. I won’t breathe a word, but, you know, you shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself around any guy. If he likes you, he’ll have no issue with your Shawn Lucas obsession.” My lips curve up at the ends as I add, “Lack of musical taste notwithstanding.” I can see the attraction with the guy because he’s seriously good-looking, but his musical talent leaves a lot to be desired.

  “You really think so?”

  I nod. “Hundo P. You shouldn’t hide who you are from the person you’re dating; otherwise, it’s not real.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ShawnLevi

  I drop my keys on the kitchen counter and open the refrigerator, smiling as my eyes roam over the evidence of Dakota’s influence. Grabbing a fruit bowl and a bottle of water, I close the door with my hip and lean against the island unit. I slowly savor the fruit as I scroll through emails on my phone, groaning when I spot the number of missed calls from my assistant. It’s easy to live in a bubble here. To pretend the real world in L.A. doesn’t exist.

  Tossing the empty container in the bin, I psych myself up before calling Calista. She answers almost immediately, as if her eyes have been glued to her cell, awaiting my call. “Hey, babe,” she purrs, and my heckles are instantly raised.

  “I am not your babe. I’m your boss,”
I snap. “But I won’t be for much longer if you keep this shit up.”

  She’s quiet for all of two seconds before giggling. “You’re too funny.”

  Da fuck? Closing my eyes, I pray for patience I know I don’t possess. “What’s so urgent you had to blow up my cell?”

  “The annual hospital charity visit is coming up, and the administrator is looking to confirm the details. I didn’t want to say anything until we’d spoken. Are you planning on going this year?”

  “Shit.” I drag a hand through my hair. “When is it?”

  “The tenth of next month.”

  Air whooshes out of my mouth. “I don’t know yet. I’ll have to think about it and get back to you.”

  “I’ll tell them we won’t know until a couple days beforehand, and hopefully they’ll still be okay with that.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t hang up!” she blurts. “There was one other thing I needed to speak to you about. My sister’s getting married in three weeks, and I was hoping you’d come as my plus one.”

  I sigh in exasperation. “We already talked about this.” Like, about a hundred times. “And I told you no. We’re not dating, and you’re my employee. My employee, Calista. I really need you to understand that.” I don’t know how I can be any blunter.

  “But we were so good together.”

  I roll my eyes. “Calista. It was a meaningless, drunken fuck. We both know that. You’ve got to get over it. If you can’t, we’ll seriously have to consider your position because I’m sick of you bringing up this shit. You’re a fantastic assistant, and I’d hate to lose you, but if you can’t accept that there’ll never be anything more than a professional relationship between us, then I’ll have to terminate your contract.” I’m tempted to tell her I’ve met someone, but that would not go down well, and I could do without the additional hassle.

  “I love my job and I don’t want to lose it,” she says quietly, and I hate that I’ve hurt her, but I don’t know how else to get through to her. “I understand.” She hangs up, and I groan.

  My cell pings and I’m almost afraid to look. Expecting a text from Calista, I’m pleasantly surprised, and my whole demeanor changes, when Dakota’s name pops up. I open her message, smiling like a goofball.

  I left you some dinner in the microwave.

  I open the microwave door, staring at the plate of lasagna covered in saran wrap like I must be imagining things.

  Another text comes through.

  And I made a salad bowl to go with. Check the refrigerator.

  My breath stutters in my chest, and I’m struggling to swallow over the lump in my throat. With the exception of my mom, no one has ever cared for me this much.

  Not unless they were paid to do it.

  No girl has ever cooked for me before or done anything so thoughtful without seeking anything in return.

  This girl slays me.

  In all the best ways.

  I text her back. Speaking honestly, although I know she’ll think I’m messing around.

  I think I’m in love.

  With my lasagna?

  With you. I think it but that’s not what I respond. I throw out the gauntlet instead.

  Of course, what else did you think I meant?

  The salad is jealous.

  I laugh, thinking of how long it’s been since I’ve felt this carefree. Dakota is a fragrance I want to bottle and keep with me forever. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold off on telling her how I feel. Every night, holding her in my arms is the sweetest form of torture. I love how naturally she fits against me, but not being able to kiss her, to touch her, is killing me. I want this girl in my bed, and in my life, permanently.

  At any other time, that thought would scare the fuck out of me.

  But I’m only scared of it not becoming reality.

  Scared she’ll say no once she realizes who I am and how difficult being with me is. Bringing any girl into my kind of lifestyle is challenging but especially one as untainted as Dakota.

  Still, those thoughts don’t stop me from pushing things further.

  Are you?

  I watch with my heart in my throat as the three little dots appear, indicating she’s typing her reply.

  That’s for me to know and you to find out.

  The little minx. If she only knew how much she has me wound around her finger. I’m smiling as I heat up my lasagna, my heart bursting with emotions I haven’t felt in forever.

  I have a couple hours to kill while I wait for Dakota to return, so I do something I’ve been putting off.

  I call Nick.

  He doesn’t answer, and I wonder if it’s wise to leave a message, but I do. He returns my call about an hour later.

  “Hey, man.”

  “Hey. I wasn’t sure if you’d call me back,” I respond truthfully.

  “You gave me the shock of my life. Didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again.”

  “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. There’s no excuse, except that I’ve been a shitty friend.”

  We’re both quiet for a bit. “We were just kids, man,” he says. “Kids who thought they could play in a man’s world, but we were no match for the suits.”

  “It doesn’t exonerate me. I didn’t fight for you guys, and that’s my biggest regret, alongside cutting you off, but I was embarrassed and too caught up in my own shit to do anything about it. For what it’s worth, I’m really fucking sorry, dude. More than you could know.”

  Silence fills the airwaves once again. Clearing his throat, he says, “I forgive you, Shawn. And if you’re beating yourself up over the past, you shouldn’t. It’s over and done with, and I don’t have any regrets, because that’s like saying I regret the path my life has taken, and I don’t. I love my son, and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  A layer of stress lifts off me, and I lie back on the couch, crossing my ankles. “I only just found out you had a kid. Congrats. What’s his name and how old is he?”

  “Reece just turned four.”

  “Shit, man. That must’ve been difficult. You were so young.”

  “Cheyenne told me she was pregnant three weeks after I came back from L.A., so, yeah, the timing wasn’t great.”

  “I was wondering who the baby mama was. How is she?” I ask, purely because it’s the polite, adult thing to do, but the honest truth is, I never liked her. She and Nick got together when they were fourteen, about the same time we started the band, and I was always suspicious. Nick had been chasing her for the best part of a year, and she showed no interest until suddenly she did.

  “She took off eighteen months ago. We haven’t seen her since.”

  I sit up, resting my back against the arm of the chair. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not.” His sigh is laced with resignation. “She didn’t take to motherhood, and she had no patience with our son. I hate to say it, but we’re both better off without her.”

  “If you need anything, anything at all, let me know.” Devin said Nick is broke, and I know he probably won’t react well to this, but I’m going to offer. “I have more cash than I know what to do with, so if you need me to wire you some—”

  “I don’t want your fucking money, Shawn! I can take care of my son myself.”

  “I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t. Just that I’m here, if you ever need anything.”

  “You don’t owe me anything, dude.” His voice is calmer.

  “That’s not how Matt sees it.”

  “I’m not Matt, and it’s the reason we aren’t in touch anymore. He’s so bitter and twisted, and I don’t want that negativity in my life. I know you didn’t set out to screw us, Shawn. It’s not your fault they wanted you and not us. If I was in your shoes, I would’ve done the same thing.”

  I hear the door
click open and shut, and my smile is instant. “Thanks, buddy. I’m not sure I deserve it, but I’m grateful. I’d love to meet up again. Love to meet Reece.”

  “I’d like that too. It’s been too long. You still in L.A.?”

  “Not at the moment.” I wave at Dakota as she enters the living space, gesturing at my phone.

  “Where you at? Maybe we could come visit if you’re not too far away.”

  “I’m kinda tied up at the moment, and I’ve got to go. A very pretty lady has just stepped through my door demanding my attention.”

  Dakota raises her brows, planting her hands on her hips as she pins me with a smoldering look.

  He chuckles. “I hear you, dude. Let’s catch up soon, yeah?”

  “Definitely. Later, man.”

  Tossing the cell on the couch, I get up and stride toward Dakota, grabbing her into my arms without hesitation. “I missed you,” I murmur into her hair.

  Sliding her arms around my waist, she rests her head on my chest. “That’s a tad melodramatic. I was only gone a few hours.”

  “Felt like eternity.”

  She snorts. “Are you turning all mushy on me, Levi?”

  “Might be. They do say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and you leaving dinner for me is the nicest thing anyone’s done for me in ages.”

  She looks up at me, and I want to kiss her so badly. “Well, that’s really sad if it’s true.”

  My eyes lock on her lips before I force them back up. “Thank you. It was really thoughtful.”

  “You’re welcome, and it’s not a big deal.” I’m not sure she realizes her hand is trailing up my chest, but I’m not about to point that out because her touch feels too good.

  “It is to me.” My gaze latches onto her lips again, and my chest visibly heaves. Electricity crackles in the air, and when her eyes darken and her tongue darts out to wet her lips, I almost forget how to breathe.