by Lisa Smartt
“You haven’t told your parents?”
“There’s still time. I’m not even twelve weeks yet. I’ll probably wait a few more months.” Tears started flowing again. “This’ll kill ‘em, Carlie. Seriously. This is not the way they live. And with Blake’s attitude, that’ll make it all that much worse.”
“They love you, friend. They do.”
“Yeah, I know. I just wish…well, I wish it had all been different, y’know? All in the right order.”
“And with the right guy?”
“For sure.”
“Why don’t you try to get some rest? We’ll go through a drive-thru in a few hours for some supper.”
She put her hand on my arm. “I couldn’t have done that today without you. Thank you.”
“Hey! I totally expect to get a free chicken sandwich out of the deal…and some nuggets for little dude.”
“Your drive-thru fine dining experience is on me. I may even splurge and buy you an apple pie!”
Within minutes, Ashley was asleep and James was singing Itsy Bitsy Spider alone. I think he was hoping to rouse his singing partner to life. But she never moved a muscle. James had no idea Aunt Ashley was tired, discouraged…and expecting her own little singing baby.
Chapter 26 CARLIE: Pass the Pork Rinds
I managed to keep Ashley’s secret. But it was anything but easy. When Aunt Charlotte wanted Ashley to eat salsa mixed with Cheez Whiz, her face went white, and I just said, “Salsa doesn’t agree with her.” When Chester passed out pork rinds at the Sharon Corn and Music Festival, I said, “Ashley’s trying to avoid fried foods.” But the hardest part by far was explaining to Dave her sudden coolness toward him.
When he came by to pick up Collin Tuesday afternoon, Ashley and I were at the kitchen table drinking coffee and looking over decorating magazines. She quickly excused herself saying she had to make some calls in her room. Dave and I sat on the front porch and drank tea while the boys played on the swing set out front.
“Won’t you and Collin stay for dinner? Doug’s bringing home barbecue.”
“I think we better get on home.”
“Why?”
“Because she doesn’t want me here.” He stood and straightened the cushions on the porch swing. “That’s pretty obvious.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. She’s just tired, that’s all.”
He turned to face me. “I know you guys went to Missouri yesterday. I heard Doug talking to you on the phone about the bridge at Cairo. I figure she went to see Blake Blanton but you didn’t want to tell me because, well, you know, ‘poor Dave has been through so much…and now this.’”
“Ashley has no interest in Blake Blanton. At all. I promise.”
He picked up Collin’s bag and walked down the porch steps. He glanced back and said quietly, “And she has no interest in me either. So we both struck out, huh? At least I’m in good company.”
Doug pulled in the driveway and rolled down the window, “Hey man, I’ve got barbecue. There’s plenty. You and Collin should stay.”
“Not tonight. Need to get the yard mowed. Thanks.”
Collin often cried at being separated from James. But today he screamed. I felt so sorry for Dave. All alone with a screaming three-year-old who’d peed on the floor twice today. Ignored by the movie star who once took a shine to him. He finally got Collin loaded. With a wave of his hand, he yelled out the open car window, “Tomorrow’s a new day, right?” When the little white Toyota wouldn’t start…he put his head on the steering wheel and just sat there. Doug was sitting with me on the porch swing by now and said in a whisper, “I’ll get the jumper cables.”
Dave got Collin out of the car and said calmly, “I think I changed my mind about that barbecue.”
I laughed, “Looks like your mind was changed for you, but that’s fine. We’re not picky. We’ll take you back into the fold.”
Doug was already getting cables out of the truck, when I yelled, “Honey, let’s just wait till after supper now. Dave’s seen the handwriting on the wall. He has a date with barbecue. It can’t be denied.”
Doug shouted, “I never stand between a man and his barbecue!”
Dave yelled, “What’s some tall grass anyway? I mean, look around. It’s not like I’ve got neighbors with high standards.”
I knocked gently on the guest room door. “Ashley, we’re getting ready to eat.”
“I’m not feeling well. You guys just go on without me.”
Dave wasn’t buying the “not feeling well” excuse. And truthfully, neither was I. I also didn’t like the fact that Ashley seemed to be eating less and less. When I tried to mention it, she was defensive. I feared Hollywood had gotten the best of her, had robbed her of something that would be hard to get back.
We held hands around the table and despite the background babble of Collin and James, Doug prayed for Dave’s car and Ashley’s health. He expressed gratefulness for the food and two healthy noisy boys. Just as he said the “Amen,” Ashley’s face peered through the half-open door. She was wearing a look of horror. “Carlie, can I see you?”
When I entered her room, I noticed she was no longer wearing the gray sweat pants. She’d changed into black jeans. She quickly grabbed her purse and said nervously, “I need to go to the hospital. I’m bleeding. A lot.”
“I’ll drive you. You need to take some extra clothes, just in case.”
I ran to the kitchen table. “Ashley’s real sick and I need to take her to the hospital.” I reached out to kiss Doug on the cheek, “I’ll call you when we know anything.”
Doug looked up with concern and followed me to the bedroom where I gathered my purse and keys. He quickly closed the door behind us. “What happened?”
“She’s bleeding. A lot. I’ll call you when we know something.”
“Okay.”
Chapter 27 CARLIE: Barbecue Can’t Fix a Broken Heart
The ER was crowded and Ashley’s cramping seemed to get worse with each passing moment. Within three hours, our fears were confirmed. She lost the baby. The doctor felt she was both anemic and in need of rest. They sent her home with the clear instructions to eat, drink, take vitamins, and rest as much as possible.
By the time we pulled into the driveway, she was crying softly and blaming herself for the miscarriage. Of course, it wasn’t Ashley’s fault. I tried to explain that to no avail. Dave’s car was still parked in the grass. We sat there until she stopped crying.
Ashley sighed. “I just can’t face the guys right now.”
“Well, I’m not about to squeeze you through the bedroom window.” I wanted her to laugh and she did.
“I figured as much. What kind of friend are you anyway? Not even willing to squeeze my big butt through a window.”
“Sad to tell you this, friend, but you don’t even have a butt anymore.”
“Are you kidding? I’m huge.”
Disturbed, I changed the subject, “Why don’t we go in so you can lie down?”
“I guess.”
Doug and Dave were in the living room watching the news, but when they heard the door open, they both jumped up and walked briskly into the kitchen. Dave’s face was still white. Doug spoke calmly, “Everything okay?”
I assumed Ashley would say she was run down or that she needed rest. I thought she’d say the doctor declared her anemic and in need of vitamins. All of those things were true. But no. She went a completely different direction.
She wiped her face with a dirty Kleenex as she grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. “It’s not okay, really. I lost the baby.” She turned to face Doug and Dave. Her voice cracked but her words were clear. “Doctor said it’s common, y’know, miscarriage within the first twelve weeks.” Tears trickled down her face as she leaned forward and put both hands on the counter, “But still. It hurts.”
Dave stood in stunned silence. It’s like he was at his best friend’s funeral.
Doug walked forward and hugged Ashley, �
��I’m so sorry, Ashley. That can’t be easy, no matter the circumstances.”
Ashley leaned her head into his shoulder. “Thanks.”
I put my arm around her. “Doctor says this gal needs to eat, drink, and rest. Why don’t I make you a barbecue sandwich? That should get your iron level up.”
Ashley agreed but I had a sneaking suspicion she wouldn’t eat it. She just knew she needed to agree to eat it, that somehow she’d get points for that. Dave still stood in his original place by the dining room table, unsure of what to say or do. He put both hands in his pockets and looked out the window for a moment.
I threw a sandwich together and put it on a paper plate. Doug returned to the living room to untangle the boys from an impromptu squabble. That’s when Dave walked forward. It had just taken him a minute to process, to plan a response, to make a decision.
Ashley was still standing at the bar when her eyes met his. Just looking at him made her break down in loud sobs. And when she did, he reached out and completely enveloped her in his arms. It was nothing like Doug’s hug. Nothing like a friend hug. He held her close and touched her head. “I’m so sorry, Ashley. I had no idea. So very sorry.”
She didn’t say a word. She just cried harder. He pulled some Kleenex from the box on the bar and handed them to her. When he did, he saw the pain. The pain of choices. Choices with very real consequences.
Dave grabbed a blanket from a nearby chair. “Why don’t we sit on the porch a while?”
“I need to take a shower and get some rest. Could we talk tomorrow maybe?”
“Yeah, of course you need to rest. Absolutely.”
I had to interject, “Why don’t you eat a little first?”
“No, I’m good. Really. Still feeling a little nauseous. I’ve got my water and that should do.”
But of course, that wouldn’t do. People don’t live on water. Doug jumped Dave’s car with the jumper cables and he and Collin went home. Ashley went to bed. That night my prayer was simple, “Help Dave not to drink. Remind Ashley to eat.” What a crazy world we live in. A crazy crazy world.
Chapter 28 CARLIE: The Mighty Have Fallen (And Maybe That’s a Good Thing)
Ashley woke up before 7:00 am saying she had rested well and was feeling much improved. As we finished our second cup of coffee, Jerry Conner knocked on the door explaining he had been commissioned to deliver important papers to Miss Harrison. We thanked him and invited him in for coffee. He drank three cups and ate three Pillsbury orange rolls before he finally said, “Are you going to open the papers, Miss Harrison? It might be official business I need to help you with.”
Ashley responded with an air of maturity and calm, “Oh, I’m sure it’s not, Jerry.” She stood and approached the kitchen door. “But thanks anyway. I guess you need to be getting back on patrol. I mean, a law man is always in great demand, right?”
“Yes, ma’am, Miss Harrison. Yes, ma’am.”
When Jerry pulled out of the drive, Ashley pulled out a large stack of papers from the law offices of Catherine Blanton. Blake saying he wanted a paternity test. Stupid horrible Blake Blanton. I helped Ashley craft a short telegram that was to be delivered to his home by an expensive courier. “Stop contacting me. Sadly, I miscarried yesterday.”
Doug called at 10:00, asking if we had seen Dave. It wasn’t like him to not show up at work. Doug thought maybe he had come to be with Ashley.
“No. He’s not here. Collin always goes to daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays. So I haven’t heard from him. Yeah, she’s doing well. Looks good this morning. She seems to feel a little better too.”
When I hung up the phone, I asked Ashley to stay with James. I needed to run a quick errand.
It’s weird how I knew what I’d find at Dave’s house. I can’t explain it. I just knew.
When no one responded to my knocking, I used the spare key which was always under the flower pot. “Dave? Dave?”
That’s when I heard Collin crying from the living room. I walked in to find Collin eating M&M’s from a bowl on the coffee table. I could smell poop and whiskey. Sorrow. Dave was lying on the floor face down. A tipped-over bottle near his head.
I quickly knelt beside him and shook his arm. “Dave? Dave, wake up!”
He moved slightly. I called Doug. “Dave’s passed out. He’s been drinking. A lot. Can you come over?”
Doug was at the house within ten minutes. It was like Dave was still in a deep sleep on the floor. I changed Collin into a diaper and cleaned up the M&M’s. No one was worried about potty training anymore.
I got a pillow off the couch and put it under his head. He moved slightly but was still out.
Doug looked at me somberly. “He needs help. I thought he was done with it. He seemed to be doing well.” He bowed his head slightly and put his arm around me. “Actually, not really. I should have told you. I meant to tell you. Twice last week, I knew he had a hangover at work. You could just see it. His eyes. He dimmed the lights in his office. Said he had a migraine.”
“And you did nothing?”
“Look, I told you I should have done something. What was I supposed to do?” His voice grew louder, “He’s not a child. I’m not his mother, Carlie!”
“Well, neither am I! But I came in this morning to find an unsupervised three-year-old running loose in this house. This is a legal matter now. A safety issue. We’re probably even supposed to report him, Doug.”
“I know.”
“What about that treatment center in Nashville? The one your cousin went to. Would they have room?”
“I can call. We can just tell him he can go or we’ll have to report him. That’s fair, don’t ya think?”
“Yeah. If he didn’t have Collin, maybe we could go another route. But there’s no other choice, right? You go on back to work. I’ll tell Ashley I need her to stay with James. He’ll wake up sometime, right?”
“Yeah. If he’s not up pretty soon, call me.”
“I’ll try to clean up around here. If you can call the treatment center? I think he needs to go tonight, if possible.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
I’m not a good house cleaner so I just tried to put things in piles and sweep the biggest graham cracker crumbs off the kitchen floor. I called Ashley and she knew without me saying anything. I just asked if she could hang out with James a while longer. She said, “Because Dave has been drinking.”
“Yes. But we’re getting help for him.”
“Forced help?”
“Encouraged help. I called Maxine and she’s gonna pick up Collin and come back to our house. She’ll take care of both of ‘em but it’s gonna be more than an hour from now.”
“No problem.”
“He’s gonna get help, y’know. He is.”
“I know.”
“And when he comes out the other side, well…”
“I’ll be back home in California, moving on with my life, my career.”
I paused, “I guess. Anyway, thanks for watching James. I should be home by afternoon.”
“See you then. Bye.”
Nothing was working out the way I had hoped. Blake Blanton wasn’t the sweet small town boy he seemed to be at first meeting. Ashley wasn’t eating. She was becoming jaded by fame, but still hell bent on pursuing it. And Dave? The Dave who was on top of the world a few years ago, the Dave who counseled us, inspired us, the Dave who changed the lives of so many, that Dave was passed out on the floor in a drunken stupor. We all needed a do-over. Desperately in need of a do-over.
Chapter 29 CARLIE: I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up
Doug called, saying the treatment center had an opening and would be looking for him this evening. We both agreed Dusty should take him, if he was available. Dusty knew what life from the bottom looked like. He’d been there. He’d had a drug problem in his early twenties and had spent almost three years in prison for car thieving. And when he finally saw the light, he married a wonderful young woman and they had a beautiful baby girl.
Everything was looking up, until his wife and baby were killed in a tornado. Yes. If anyone understood what the bottom of the barrel looked like, it was Dusty.
I called the shop and prayed he wasn’t out on a wrecker run.
“Dusty’s Shop. Dusty speakin’.”
“Hey, Dusty. I’m glad I caught ya in the shop. Do you have a minute?”
“I always have a minute for my favorite author friend…well, my only author friend.”
“We’re in a bit of a crisis. And we need your help. Dave is gonna have to go to a treatment center in Nashville. Probably thirty days. When I came to the house this morning, he was passed out on the floor.”
“Oh man, I’m sorry. Not good.”
“Anyway, well, Doug and I think maybe you’d be the right person to take him, for a lot of reasons. He needs to go tonight. Is there any way?”
“Is there a certain time he has to be there? I couldn’t leave ‘till 6:30 probably.”
“That’s fine. They just said to have him there before 10:00.”
“Then yeah. I’d be glad to take him. Just tell him I’ll be at his house at 6:30. I’ll run it by Clara, and if there’s a problem, I’ll call ya back.”
“Thanks, Dusty. Really. Thank you.”
“No worries. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Dave woke up around 11:30. When he came to himself, he started crying and saying he meant to just have one drink. But his insomnia was getting worse and he couldn’t get to sleep.
When he stood, I wrapped my arms around him. “You need help.”
He responded with silence.
“Look, Dave, this might make you mad, and if it does, that’s fine. It is. You can hate me, hate Doug. We don’t care. There’s an opening at a treatment center in Nashville and they’re expecting you. Tonight.”
He lay on the couch and put his hands over his face like he was trying to block the light. “Look, I get that I have a problem. But I need to work. I can go to meetings around here and still work.”
“Right. You can go to meetings when you get back from the treatment center.”
“Or I could go to meetings instead of going to the treatment center.”
I stood over the couch and realized I probably reminded him of his least favorite teacher right now. “Look, I didn’t want to bring this up, but you’re not exactly in a position to decide. When I came in this morning, Collin was alone. He’s three. So yeah, I’ll help you pack your bags.”