Before We Fractured: Books 1-3

by Bradon Nave

  Sliding her hand in the pocket of my sweatpants, she rubbed over me as the cool air blew over the top of us—heaven.

  “Ha…looks like you’ve missed it too.”

  “Um…yeah, little bit I guess.” Smiling, I nearly lost my breath when her ice-cold hand left my pocket and ventured down the front of my sweats. “Holy shit, Lils. You been giving Frosty a hand job?”

  “Ha. Cold?”

  “Understatement of the year. Pretty sure my boys are chillin’ next to my kidneys right now.” “Nope…both accounted for.” Playfully squeezing me, she kissed my neck once more.

  “I’m pretty sure that dude said he didn’t wanna see us on the other side of his desk again…public indecency would more than likely get us there, Lily.”

  “It’s dark, D. This offer has a half-life of two seconds.”

  “Obviously, I don’t oppose.”

  Within seconds our pants were off and we were intertwined like ratchet hooligans without bedrooms and doors with locks.

  Neither of us was typically quiet when it came time to get down, but the last thing I wanted was to draw attention to my white ass in the air if someone happened to be walking by. Maybe it was the fact that we were out in the open—something totally new. Maybe it was because it had been so long, who knows, but the entire ordeal had a certain new excitement to it.

  A while later, catching my breath on my back, I looked to see an audience of fat, white ducks watching us happily from about twenty feet away.

  “We gave them quite a show, D.”

  “I’ve always wanted one…”

  “Wanted one what?”

  “A duck. Like, a baby duck that follows me around and shit. I’ve wanted one all my life.” “Why not a dog?”

  “A dog wouldn’t be as much fun to take a bath with.”

  “Really, Duke?”

  “I’m totally serious. If I could choose one pet right now it would be a baby duck.”

  “Um…okay. Well I’m hungry for something sweet…you?”

  “Yep. Ice cream?”

  “Hell yeah…as long as you put your pants on first.”

  ***

  Soft-serve in a cone wouldn’t do. Nah, Lily wanted the works. In the grocery store, we’d somehow become separated somewhere between the dog food aisle and the frozen food. Regardless, the two gallons of ice cream I was toting were basically freezing my hands, so I was waiting in line to check out while she looked for literally every condiment a girl could possibly need for an after-romp ice cream sundae.

  Standing in line, I found I’d caught the eye of an attractive thirty-something woman standing behind me. Continuously, the woman seemed to be glancing at me from behind. Squats—this chick had to have known she could bounce quarters off this ass and right now was probably beating herself up for checking out a high school dude…but honestly, how could she resist?

  Shooting her a cocky smile, I felt kind of bad for her when she returned an awkward—almost deer in the headlights, hesitant smile back. It was as if she wanted to talk to me, but wouldn’t. Either way, I was glad she didn’t—that’d just be awkward. Even if she were my age I’d rather avoid those situations entirely rather than potentially irritate Lily.

  Moving forward in line, I glanced past the woman to see Lily looking directly at me, her eyes wide as if something was wrong. Looking around the woman, Lily instantly turned her back to me, as if she were attempting to act like she didn’t know me or something.

  Bags in hand, I waited outside the store for Lily. As soon as the sliding glass doors opened I found her shaking her head.

  “What?”

  “Oh my god, Duke…turn around.”

  Turning from her, I felt her gently touch my left shoulder. Turning back to her, I nearly gasped as she held up a lime-green, semitransparent condom—complete with a little bit of Duke juice.

  “What the…the whole time! That’s been on my back the whole time?”

  “I guess. I…I don’t know, D.”

  “You took it off of me. I thought you threw it away.”

  “I thought I tossed it in the Walmart bag…I’m sorry. It was dark.”

  Covering her mouth, Lily turned from me as she began laughing hysterically.

  “Lily…I went up and down like four freaking aisles.”

  Completely humiliated, I wanted to fall off the earth when the hot thirty year old walked by, completely avoiding eye contact with me all together.

  “I’m sorry, D. I really am. But it’s fantastic…outstanding.”

  “Outstanding?” The humor of the situation had my lips curling as Lily threw the evidence of our lovemaking in the actual trashcan.

  “I’m sorry. Seeing you standing there…” Lily was laughing so hard she couldn’t make out the words as she walked to me, setting her bags down and wrapping her arms around me.

  “Laugh it up, chuckles…just remember you’re my girlfriend…that says something of you too.”

  “Yes…it does…it says I have a responsible boyfriend that takes additional precautions to be safe. I can live with that.”

  Shaking my head as I began laughing, I imagined all the people I’d encountered in the store.

  “You’re on birth control…why do you still make me wrap up Duke Junior?”

  “Birth control…not clap control.”

  “Mean.”

  “Practical. Bring me a clean bill of wiener health and he can take his coat off and chill a while.”

  “Wiener health? Really, Lily? You’re the one with issues.”

  “Me? I’m not the one sporting used contraceptive products like a Superman cape.”

  “Stop…how many people do you think saw?”

  “How many people didn’t see, D? That thing was like a beacon—clinging to your shoulder like a baby spider monkey.”

  “Ew. How the hell did it not fall off?”

  “I dunno, D. Your boys have got the strong arm I guess. It was kinda tucked up into your hood.”

  “I’m seriously considering celibacy. I can’t deal with this stress in my life.”

  “The hell you are. We’ll get through this”

  “Eh…you’re lucky I love you, Lils.”

  “Love you, too…Trojan man.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Walking up the steps to the Kasper house felt odd yet comforting. Knowing Jess was finally home and just inside made the short walk from my home pretty uplifting. The morning was brisk, the birds acting like they’d downed a pot of coffee each—all flying around and squawking all crazy.

  Knocking, I was nearly instantly met by Joe, smiling and ushering me in.

  “Duke, come in here, bud.”

  “Morning, Joe.”

  “Morning.”

  “What time did you guys get in?”

  “Oh, it was about one. He’s awake though.”

  Nearly beaming, Joe had a certain light back to him. Nodding my head to him, I turned to the staircase. Almost instantly I felt his hand on my bicep. Turning me to him, Joe hugged me. “Thank you, D. I can’t…I can’t put into words…thank you.”

  Hugging him back, I could literally feel his genuine appreciation within his grasp. “Don’t mention it, Joe…family.”

  “Damn right.”

  Releasing me, I smiled and turned and began up the stairs. Cory, Jess, and I used to race up these damn stairs like madmen when we were kiddos. Over and over again, up and down—his mom would constantly be getting on to us to slow down before we fell and broke something. Now it seemed to be taking me forever to reach the top.

  Walking past shadows, dark wood and family portraits I finally made it to Jessie’s bedroom door. Poking my head around the door, I eyed my friend—on his back on top of his bed.

  “Jess.”

  “D!”

  Springing from his bed, Jess happily shook my hand and pulled me in for a hug.

  “Damn, Jess. We’re gonna have to get you some protein, dude. Skinny shit.”

  Making our way back to his bed,
I felt the millions of questions I had in my head simmer to allow one to be verbalized. “You okay, Jess?”

  Sitting on the bed, he offered a long pause and a sleepy smile. “Nah, Duke. I’m not. I’m…I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay for a while but I think you already know that.”

  Sitting next to him, I couldn’t help but be thankful for the opportunity to be having this conversation with him.

  “It was all so…just…messed up anyways, and then this happened. All of this happened. I’m not okay, Duke”

  “Jessie—”

  “And that’s okay. It’s okay that I’m not okay. It doesn’t mean that I won’t be.” Looking to my friend, I found myself staring—and speechless.

  “I mean…how could I be okay? How could any of us be okay at this point? That’s basically impossible, Duke.”

  “What…what happened out there, Jess?”

  Shaking his head slowly, he turned to his window. “I don’t even know how to describe it, Duke. We did what we did, and that was bad enough…but that was nothing…that wasn’t anything in comparison to what happened.”

  His eyes almost contradicted his tone. He seemed distraught and hopeful in the same sentence—in the same breath.

  “None of it has really sunk in yet, man. It’s like it’s just sitting on top, waiting to absorb.”

  “Tell me about it. I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna bounce back from this.”

  “Is Kacey okay?”

  “Nope. We should have never left, D. We made the biggest mistake of our lives by leaving.”

  “You couldn’t have known, Jess.” Placing my hand on his shoulder, I watched his lips curl into a curious smile.

  “Nah, we couldn’t have. I don’t get it. There was so much already, ya know? I have so much I need to work through, and Kacey was in the process of being victimized, and then we literally threw ourselves into some twisted…some twisted situation that makes no sense. How am I supposed to ever make sense of it, Duke? I can’t…I can’t make sense of it so I’m not going to beat myself up trying.”

  “You’re here now, Jess. You’re here now and that’s all that matters. Everything else will eventually work its way out.”

  “D…I don’t know how to say—”

  Charging through the door, Joe sported a smile as he looked to Jessie. “That was that D.A. on the phone! They think that Avery bastard is going to plead guilty!”

  Practically jumping off the bed, Jess looked to Joe with anticipation in his eyes. “What does that mean, Dad?”

  “If he pleads guilty, you won’t have to be there for any part of that trial. It’ll be done and over with.”

  “Are you sure? Kacey won’t either?”

  “Neither of you kids will.”

  Placing his hands behind his head, Jessie began breathing heavily as if he were completely relieved by his father’s proclamation.

  “Holy shi…you mean…you mean…”

  Walking to his son, Joe hugged him, ruffling his hair. “It’s gonna get better boy. It’s gotta get better from here on out.”

  I didn’t mean to lurk, but the interaction blocked my escape through the door.

  “I know that, Dad…but this is huge. This is awesome.”

  Pulling away from Jess, Joe slapped him on the shoulder. “Yes, it is. Now let’s get going.”

  ***

  I’d seen it hundreds of times. I’d stared at it for what seemed like hours just trying to make sense of it. It ended up like pudding in my head rather than making sense—if that makes any sense. Their names in stone. Each time I went to the cemetery to visit them I found myself all jumbled up inside. It wasn’t therapeutic at all. For whatever reason, it made me feel guilty inside. How is it that I get to breathe and eat new things and have this open book of a future…and they were gone, dead and buried and relevant only to those that chose to remember them? I saw on some insurance document, “Natural Causes,” listed as Cory’s cause of death. Natural…natural, my ass. Natural is the sweet ninety year old, surrounded by family and friends in a warm, comfortable bed with big fat pillows. How many ninety year old’s cry for entire nights at a time because they’re horrified of what’s growing in them—because they’re horrified of dying from it? There was nothing natural about it.

  Sitting in a three-person crescent in front of the graves—both side by side—Joe, Jess, and I had remained silent for nearly twenty minutes, just existing in the cool air. Finally, Jess decided he’d break the ice by attempting to embarrass me…he forgets I don’t embarrass easily…unless I’m dealing with a used condom plastered to my back in a supermarket.

  “Hey, Dad, did you know that Duke thought girls peed out of their butt clear up until we were in fifth grade? It wasn’t until Cory explained that vaginas weren’t right below the belly button and urethras were responsible for urinating that he finally got it.” Chuckling, Joe patted me on the shoulder.

  “Yeah, Jess, tell your dad how Cory had to explain to you that you don’t unroll the rubber before you put it on…you’d think that’d be self-explanatory.”

  “You douche, I didn’t know.”

  Joe continued smiling, staring at the headstones.

  “Remember that time we skipped the last half of the day and you had Cory call and pretend to be your dad so you could get your absence excused.”

  Joe immediately perked up. “What? I didn’t know you little shits did that.”

  “Sorry, Dad.”

  “Get this, Joe. Cory tells the secretary that Jessie had to leave last hour because of uncontrollable and explosive diarrhea. It was the best thing ever.”

  “The best thing ever? She had him on speakerphone and Harper Johnson and Taylor Meeks were in her office. I got hell for that the rest of the year.”

  Laughing, Joe shook his head. “Oh, the stories you kids could tell me.”

  “Tell us one, Joe.”

  “What?”

  “Tell us one about her.”

  Picking a short, brown blade of grass, Joe placed it in his teeth and looked beyond the headstones. “It was probably three in the morning…maybe four. I awoke to the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard in my life coming from down the stairs. I…I knew she could sing, but I had no idea she had the voice of an angel. I sat on the top of the stairs, trying my damnedest to be quiet so I could just listen to her sing. She was rocking Cory by the window…the only light in the living room was her candle. I remember thinking, God, my life is just perfect…what the hell did I do to deserve such a beautiful woman and a healthy, beautiful baby boy. Her voice…that song had me all but hypnotized…and then ole Cory went to just screaming again. I made my way down the stairs and saw she’d been crying…she had tears in her eyes.”

  Joe’s voice strained as he told the story, but the picture he painted was clear—I could see his words in my head.

  “I asked her what was wrong, and she handed him off to me like he was the plague. The little shit shut up as soon as I took him. I sat down on the couch…there was something off. Cory’s crying never upset her like that. She looked right at me, patted her belly, and told me to get ready for round two. Those words were gold in my ears. She’d been so afraid I’d be upset with having another one. Once she saw my smile, she couldn’t stop smiling even if she tried. Seriously…one of the best nights of my life and I was in pajamas.”

  We were completely silent for over a minute—maybe more. Finally, Jess broke the silence.

  “Sometimes…sometimes I wonder if it had been me, ya’ know? Like, maybe if it had been me rather than him. Cory was stronger than me. Cory wouldn’t be struggling the way I am right now.”

  Looking to Joe, the man looked as though he’d been punched in the stomach. “Jessie, please, don’t ever talk like that again.”

  “Yes sir.” Jessie instantly turned his head from his father.

  “Look at me, Son.”

  Turning his head to Joe, Jessie gave the man an awkward half smile—his face flushed red.

  “J
essie we’re sitting in front of your mom and brother’s headstones. I think you’ve been strong enough, boy.”

  “But…but look at all the trouble I caused, Dad. My heads screwed, Kacey’s head’s screwed, Coach Danes is in jail, the whole town knows all my damn business and…and I just want to…” His lip quivering and his voice shaking, Jess turned his head from his father.

  “Come here, bud.” Pulling his son nearly completely in his lap, Joe hugged Jess as Jessie’s face rested against his chest. He began crying—what appeared to be uncontrollably. “Let it out, Jessie. It’s okay.” Joe’s soft words had Jessie’s tears pouring—silently, but ferociously.

  Slowly, I arose from the grass to give them their space. Jess needed this. He needed to let everything out—just cry it out. Patting Joe on the shoulder, I began heading back to the car. Looking over my shoulder I smiled to witness the support and love that Jess and Joe shared. Like a little kid, Jess had all but crawled in his dad’s lap as he wept in front of his mom and bother’s graves. I felt my soul mending as I walked away from my extended family. Two of them were resting in peace, and the other two were picking up the pieces.

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-ONE

  “You’ve got an arm on you, Lily-goat.”

  “Goat? That’s a new one.”

  Catching the football in my backyard, Lily sent it my direction beautifully. Her fluorescent green running shorts were so short that my hoodie completely covered them. It looked like she had nothing on but my worn-out hoodie, shoes, and a smile—beautiful. Without a doubt, I was dating one of the most majestic creatures God had put on earth…like a unicorn except not horse like or with a horn—just a really, really pretty girl.

  “So, what else did she say, Lily?”

  “She just kept going on and on about how thankful she was for you me and what we did for her and Jessie.”

  “And she’s going to homeschool?”

  “Nah…it’s a virtual high school.”

  “Aw. At least she’s staying here for a while.”

  “I dunno. Her mom is on the fence about staying here. Kacey said that Andrea is going to find a place here if her mom decides to stay. Either way, Kacey plans on going to college here next year.”