Messy Love

by Stephanie Witter

  I sidestepped him and began walking away when his voice stopped me.

  “There are things you don’t know about me, Marissa.’’

  I looked over my shoulder. “Do you believe you know everything about me? We all have our baggage, but we don’t all lash out at others because of them.’’ Then, I touched the small tats of birds behind my ear, memories coming back at me again and walked away without another look.

  ***

  WYATT

  I watched her leave and fought against myself when everything screamed at me to stop her, to make her listen, to say something so she would stop looking at me as if I was the scum of the earth.

  But what good would it do? I was a scumbag. I hurt people around me just so I stayed on top, just so I could ensure I was safe.

  “You alright, young man?’’ a voice said, quivering from age as I realized once my eyes landed on my right on a short lady with more wrinkles than seemed natural. Her curved back made her appear shorter than she was, which was saying something because she looked pretty short on her weak legs. Also, her thin body covered by a billowy purple dress with tiny pink and white flowers had me wondering for a brief moment if she wouldn’t just fall and break something if she stood outside on a windy day.

  “Yeah, yeah I'm all right,’’ I mumbled and stared back to where Marissa was walking. I saw her disappear inside InkSpired and she took with her my opportunity to make things right, or as right as possible.

  “You hurt that young lady?’’ she asked, apparently nosey.

  Glaring, I stared her down and pursed my lips. She didn’t bat an eyelid. In fact, she smiled wider at me, showing a rank of teeth, I bet weren’t natural. Her thin lips curled up so many wrinkles in her cheeks and around her eyes deepened until they carved lines I couldn’t imagine not there even when she was younger.

  “Ha! You can take back that nasty look, boy. I’m too old to be intimidated by a young man who got his behind handed back to him. Men never understand the true meaning of a gesture to get back in our good graces.’’ Then, she laughed and walked inside the liquor shop Marissa had walked us to. Her laughter cackled behind her to better get on my nerves until I was left there like a stupid fucker on the sidewalk with hands balled in my pockets and my heart hammering in my chest. Anger simmered inside me, anger at myself, at the whole damn world too.

  “A gesture my ass,’’ I grunted and raked a hand through my hair. I stared back at the shop the old woman walked in and found her eyes still on me between two ads tacked on the dirty window, her smile taunting me. I scowled harder at her and shook my head.

  I walked back from where I came and stopped in front of InkSpired for a minute before I kept on walking. It was useless to try and apologize again now. Marissa wouldn’t listen, and in her shoes, I’m pretty sure I’d have welcomed someone with a well-placed punch instead of leading them outside to humor them and exchange a few words.

  I would usually say fuck it and move on, but something held me back, and that was probably because of who her birth mother was and how I fucked up for my mom here. I had to put aside my egotistic ass and find a way to get that hurt look in Marissa’s eyes out of her face.

  For once, I had to figure out a way not to hurt someone and repair who I had broken. That was, to some extent, for me too.

  ***

  WYATT

  I stared down at my third tequila shot and ignored Ralph sitting next to me at the bar where I now knew Marissa, and the others from InkSpired hung out. I was reduced to being a damn stalker to find a way to get my apology out there and accepted, but after the third evening spent here without seeing anybody but that tattoo artist chick with some guy, there was no sign of Marissa. Even Ralph hadn’t been able to get a hold of her on her phone.

  “Stop fucking staring,’’ I blurted through clenched teeth. I grabbed the shot and threw the drink into my mouth, head thrown back. When the alcohol went down, it barely warmed me up from the inside. I was already burning up from the two beers and two previous tequila shots.

  “Not my damn fault. It’s like when there’s a wreck on the road. You can’t stop looking. I see the wreck coming, and I have a feeling it’s about to explode.’’

  “You have a feeling?’’ I snorted and signaled the bartender to get me another shot. He immediately poured me the tequila and served Ralph another beer, his second. For once, he was the sensible one. “Don’t tell me you’re palm reading or some shit too now.’’

  His answering laugh made me smirk at him right when I got ready to get my fourth shot. “Alright, Wyatt, slow down on the liquor. It doesn’t look like she’s—''

  When he didn’t finish his sentence, I looked up to find him grinning like a fool while his eyes fixed something. I followed his line of sight and my whole body locked down.

  There she was.

  Marissa wasn’t looking at us, but at Sophie, as she apparently talked her ears off. Both of them had big smiles, but I didn’t spend more than a quick look on Sophie before my full attention was on Marissa.

  I drank in the way her dark blue jeans hugged her curves, curves I had explored not so long ago. I took my time taking in the way her InkSpired black t-shirt left little to the imagination when it came to her breasts and how it uncovered a patch of skin above the waist of her pants. She was edible. She was forbidden. She was dangerous.

  I still hated her for what she represented, and I equally wanted her. I was torn up, so fucking lost the words I wanted to say flew away to leave me just the shell of the man I was.

  “You have maybe ten seconds to get your shit together before she spots us at the bar. Start counting,’’ Ralph said and patted my shoulder just as another laugh spilled from his mouth.

  One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. And I didn’t go any further because then Marissa’s incredible eyes landed on me.

  I expected her to turn around and leave the bar, but instead, she speed-walked straight to me and pointed at my face.

  “Don’t tell me you’re here because you want another little chat.’’

  My frown came back when her small finger didn’t leave my face. With a grunt, I snatched her wrist and pushed her hand down. She fought me, but I was stronger than her determination.

  “Get off me!’’ she ordained me, her voice low as not to catch other’s attention.

  “Don’t act like a fucking kid, then,’’ I mumbled and then released her wrist.

  “You—.''

  “Woah, Mar,’’ Sophie stepped in and stopped Marissa before she said something that would have pissed me off without a doubt. The angry light in her violet-blue eyes wasn’t subtle. It talked of murderous thoughts. “Calm down. Too many witnesses could testify against you.’’

  Ralph laughed again then, and he earned himself three frowns. He held up both hands in surrender and shook his head. His faux-hawk contrasted even more to my eyes now that everything started to get blurry. Alcohol hit me now, and it was right when she got here.

  “Sophie, right?’’ Ralph asked Marissa’s friend.

  “Yes, that’s me.’’

  “Alright, let’s leave these two to air things out.’’ He pointed at an empty table further back. “Let’s have a drink over there.’’

  Sophie from her five foot nothing glared at Ralph and then at me behind her thick-framed glasses. She straightened her cream button down that didn’t need any straightening unless my alcohol-fueled brain couldn’t see it. “I don’t see what he has to say to Marissa.’’

  Ralph’s eyebrows went up high on his forehead. Yeah, fucker. I told you that woman was feistier than she looked.

  “It’s okay, Soph. Let’s go. The liquor store is still open. We can always grab a bottle and go to my place,’’ Marissa said, ready to bolt with a last harsh look for me. But I wouldn’t let her go. I wouldn’t spend any more days acting like a fucking stalker so that I could say what I wanted to say.

  “Would it torture you to give me five fucking minutes without you trying to shut me up?’’ I
blurted loudly.

  “You’re shitting me,’’ Marissa said, her voice deadly calm while her eyes were a storm beaconing me. I was unable to look away even if I wanted to, and I didn’t want to. “I owe you nothing, Wyatt. Nothing.’’

  “Oh shit,’’ Ralph whispered next to me.

  Everything else, everybody disappeared. I focused only on Marissa, on the anger and hatred I read on her. The look on her face from that night haunted me.

  “I’ve been parking my ass here as soon as I was finished at work every fucking day, Marissa. I’m trying to apologize and—.''

  “And I don’t want to hear anything more. Can’t you understand that? Damn it! You wanted me out of your life, and you’ve got it. What more do you want?’’

  “I want you to stop looking at me like this!’’ I yelled and jumped to my feet. I was unsteady, but I held onto the bar and the stool I just vacated. I didn’t look away from Marissa and didn’t give a damn if I was giving the others a spectacle. For all I cared they could film this and post it on Facebook or Youtube or wherever the hell they wanted. I was past caring about anything. Even about what she thought. I was past everything. “I’ve never pretended to be a good guy or to be wholesome. I’m a damn mess, and I break people in my vicinity whenever I feel like they could threaten the life I have. You’ve been a fucking time bomb since you appeared on my mother’s doorsteps. I don’t trust you, Marissa and you should have never trusted me.’’

  “Is that your apology?’’ she asked, her voice trembling. It cleared the fog of my ill-placed anger, that thing that had been my companion for the better part of my life, an apparent consequence of my upbringing before I was welcomed to the Burton’s household. I couldn’t shake that thing off. “You’re a piece of work, Wyatt. Are we done now?’’

  I took a step toward her. When she didn’t move, I took another until I was standing so close to her I smelled her fruity perfume, felt the heat coming from her body. Her uneven breath hit my collarbone and chin as she tilted her head up to keep her eyes on mine. She didn’t back down, and I’d be damned if that didn’t do something to me, inside where I was the more twisted and fucked up.

  “I hate you, Marissa.’’

  “Back at you,’’ she said, eyes narrowed. The tiny muscle in her cheek jumped.

  “Good.’’ I nodded and took her small chin between my thumb and pointer finger. Her skin was hot and so smooth I craved kissing her skin, all over her body until she yelled my name without any anger lacing her voice. “You’ve fucked me up even more than I already am. Just one look in your violet-blue eyes. Just one word. And I’m more fucked up than I was before I met you. I’m unbalanced and very deep down I’m not a good man, but apparently, I’m also twisted because even if I want you out of my life,’’ I glanced down her cleavage and caught a hint of pale blue lace, “I want you in my bed even more.’’

  Her eyes widened and her mouth opened to let out a gasp that made my balls tighten.

  “Shut up,’’ she whispered and pulled her head back, severing the connection we had.

  I dropped my hand and closed my eyes, wishing I wasn’t drunk, that I hadn’t spilled all of this nonsense in front of an audience.

  “I don’t know what you want from me, Wyatt, but lose my number. I can’t do this.’’

  And when I opened my eyes, she was gone.

  MARISSA

  Once inside Sophie’s car, we exchanged incredulous stares. I bet Sophie’s heart wasn’t hammering in her chest so hard her whole ribcage vibrated. And she probably didn’t have her brain going berserk replaying every of Wyatt’s words over and over again.

  “That was epic,’’ she said after a full two minutes of silence. “No, really,’’ she went on at my WTF look. “I have no clue what happened back there, but it was epic. It was also strangely arousing with all that anger and tension coming off of you both.’’

  “Sophie!’’ I covered my mouth with a hand and shook my head before I gawked at my friend again.

  “I’m not the one who slept with him. Apparently, you made a lasting impression on him.’’ Her smile turned into a laugh then, but it didn’t trigger mine.

  “It’s not funny.“

  “For you, I know it’s not and believe me, I still want to kick him in the balls for what he’s done to you, but he doesn’t look like a happy guy right now. Maybe…’’ she trailed off and then cringed before her car came to life. “Let’s forget it.’’

  “Do you think I can forget this?’’

  “Well, no,’’ she amended with a quiet laugh. “And I’m pretty sure it’s not the last you’ll see of him either.’’ She pointed in her side view mirror. “In fact, he and the guy you tattooed just walked out.’’

  I turned around and bit my lower lip when Wyatt stumbled. Ralph caught him before he hit the pavement and supported him up to make sure he wouldn’t fall. Apparently, Wyatt didn’t like anybody’s help because he was trying to push his friend away, but whatever Ralph said shut him up.

  “Maybe we should offer them a ride,’’ Sophie said hesitantly.

  “It’s your car, but if you do, I’m out of here.’’

  She rolled her eyes and pushed her glasses up her nose. “Don’t act like a child. I know he’s hurt you, and I’m supportive, but you can ignore him.’’

  “Do whatever you want. I don’t care,’’ I said with a sigh and fixed the car parked in front of us as Sophie lowered the window on my side right when Ralph and Wyatt appeared.

  “Hey,’’ Sophie called, catching both men’s attention. Ralph’s smile widened. Wyatt’s eyes squinted at me. Two very different reactions from two very different men. “It looks like you’ve got a heavy bag. Want a ride?’’

  “I wouldn’t mind. We Ubered it here. Thanks,’’ Ralph said and twisted to open the back door. “Get in, you ass,’’ he said to Wyatt who cursed him back as he slowly made his way to the back seat, taking deep breaths.

  “I’m warning you. If you puke in my car I’m not just going to kick you in the balls for what you did to Marissa, I’d cut off your dick into pieces. Got it?’’

  Both men received Sophie's warning with a pained grimace. Wyatt’s quiet nod satisfied my friend, and she finally started driving.

  “So, where to, guys?’’

  “Wyatt’s place. I think we better call it a night,’’ Ralph answered and gave her directions to the place I had sworn to never even drive by after the other night. The only good thing out of tonight was the evening breathing coming from Wyatt after five minutes of awkward silence in the car.

  ***

  WYATT

  I was drunk, but I wasn’t so drunk that I could fall asleep after five minutes spent in a car. No, but I used my limited acting skills to make them believe it. Better that than doing something more fucked up. I did enough already.

  “You can park here,’’ Marissa’s voice broke the silence. I cracked my eyelids open and saw her pointing at my building.

  “He doesn’t live far from you,’’ Sophie whispered, but it sounded loud in the quiet car.

  “Oh yeah?’’ Ralph asked, leaning closer to the front seats. “Where do you live?’’

  Marissa shook her head and sighed. “You should get him out of the car, Ralph.’’

  “So mysterious, sweetheart,’’ he purred and then laughed to let her know he was merely joking, but I knew him, and if he had seen an opening, he would have plowed in. “Alright, thank you for the lift, Sophie, and I’ll see you both next week for my follow up appointment. The tat looks good.’’

  I quickly closed my eyes when Marissa turned around, but I saw her proud smile before darkness swallowed me up again. I didn’t listen to the three of them talking about the tat or whatever the hell they wanted to talk about. That smile, that breathtaking smile knotted my stomach.

  And now, the content of my stomach rolled.

  “Shit!’’ I sat up and blindly reached for the car door. When it opened, I stepped out, fell against the small town car and puked
all over the pavement.

  Three doors opened and closed, and I stood there with my hands on my thighs, puke at my feet, but thankfully I wasn’t too wasted that I couldn't avoid myself.

  “Gross,’’ Sophie muttered. “I better get in the car before I start redecorating the street too.’’

  “At least now I’m sure I won’t have to clean your bathroom,’’ Ralph noted and patted my back as I straightened up again and found Marissa’s eyes already on me from the other side of the car.

  “Fuck off,’’ I mumbled and covered my face. The scruff prickled my palms.

  “Such a grouch.’’ He then turned around and waved at Marissa. “Okay girlie, I think you’ve seen enough for one night, uh? ‘night.’’

  “Good night, Ralph,’’ she said quietly and opened the passenger car door, ready to climb in and leave. Again.

  “Wait,’’ I said before I could think of what to say. All I knew was that I needed to stop her before she left. Her eyes went back to me, closed off and distant. There wasn’t even anger there anymore. “I’m sorry. I’m just…sorry.’’

  This time, I turned around before she could leave and fished my keys from my pocket.

  MARISSA

  I cleaned the station and coughed when the chemical smell of the antibacterial product hit my nostrils. My eyes watered and I cursed myself for not breathing through my mouth. I was very sensitive to chemical smells and knew better than to go and take a good sniff of that product, but my mind was stuck on last night. More precisely, on Wyatt’s parting words.